Show me a NYU student who doesn’t know who Cake is and I will show your a heterosexual Lady Gaga fan. Cake is a college targeted band that is highly heterosexuality motivated and cover rainbow kissed sound waves throughout the American campuses. First invading colleges, high schools and middle schools, within their hometown of “Sac” a “man “toe in the early 90’s, Cake has become one of the biggest underground, unknown named bands among the 11 to 25 age range or also known as the “Mtv” demographic. Also we must remind you that the average age of the band members is 43. This band is full of no name, talentless musicians that try to copy The Phish sound but also incorporate Mexican trumpet loops over dubstep techno beats.
After their popular post punk pop song “Short Skirt Long Jack”, the band has been laughing their gay bump rumps off all the way to the bank. Since then, they have been caking their crumbs of sinful copulation with song titles like, “Shadow Stabbing”, “Racecar Ya-Yas” and “Mr. Mastodon Farm”, which are all songs which promote a tingling techno invasion of homo erotic lyrics and Satanic sassafras.
So who leads this band of disgruntled middle aged Mariachi funksters? Well, if hipsters had a homosexual idol it would be the band’s leader singer, John McCrea, who can be seen dressed as a butt bucking cowboy or dirty bathroom romping ass bandit trucker. He almost looks like a white version of Fidel Castro.
You can’t spell the band’s name without the phrase “homosexual delicacies”. The band is actually two acronyms of terror and trash. There acronyms are “Catering Anal Karate Enticements” and to their underground fan club, they are known as “Cannibals, Atheists & Klan, Excitements”.
The name pretty much means they want you children to take a bit out of a sweet and fluffy piece of homosexual cake and to fill their veins with sugary gayness.
Does Their Music Have a Homosexual Agenda?
To start off and prove our claims on homosexual brain washing, we need to look no further than their song “Stickshifts and Safety-belts”, which is a song about wanting men to go the distance with dangerous homosexual analingus play.
Let us do a play by play on some of their albums. I was going to give an analysis on each one, but the context is so grim and full of profanity, that I worry our site would be shut down for vulgar language.
A fashion nugget is the gay underground term for what is called “fisting”. “Fisting” is when one male takes his whole hand and reverse defecates it up another man’s sewer hole. This act creates a “milked orgasmic” effect onto the brutally assaulted homosexual.
Prolonging the Magic
“Prolonging the Magic” is another term the gays use in reference to their Satanic sex doors. Just like the ravers, Cake fans enjoy a long night of ecstasy tripping and from previous reports, we all know that ravers and gays take drugs anally. It has been said that by shoving a pill of happy candy up the sin chute, that not only does the drug “kick” in faster, but it also “prolongs the magic” or in civil society terms, “makes the drug last longer.”
We all know devil DNA is created when a male performs a self sexing act or when homosexuals have sex or even when a hetero couple has sex before they are married. We know that the devil juice explodes from the tip of the twiddle rompus once the proper amount of pressure has been reached to cause demonic climax. Well in the gay porn world, there is a job position called the “pressure chief” and their job is to demon whack the gay adult stars sin muscle to keep them fully aroused before ever scene. This “chief” makes sure the stars are at any given time full of pressure and ready to hurl gay diseased goo, when the director yells “action!”
All in all, Christians go to Heaven and Cake will dive head first into hell with their goatee male taint tickle facial hair lead singer. We tried to find something that would prove us wrong, but everything we searched Bing or Hotbot, it was never there. All we could find was more and more proof that the rectal muscle cavern adventurers love to push a gay agenda onto our children.