Category Archives: Christwire Buzz

My Little Pony Releases New Fake Sin Slit Sexy Toys

Bronies across the world have tried to attack me and say they are not part of a global perversion network that is hell bent on turning our children into homogays, vaginal seeking sex hounds and fill their minds with thoughts of musky scented gay man sacs or eager sex thoughts of diving into a unmarried woman’s moist camel hump. If this were not true, then why have they released their own line of sexual sin slit toys to trick children into forceful producing devil DNA, by having fake sex with rainbow colored fish caves?

The Homosexual Test

Have you ever wondered if a friend, neighbor, co-worker, family member, spouse or child might be a fecal fisting ass bandit? Well now with our easy to use and patented Homosexual Test, you can have that suspected person hope online and answer a few simple questions.

Now sit yourself or the person in question down in front of this most important test and let us see what type of gayness might be floating around your family. Remember these results are 100% accurate and results may cause you to lose respect for a loved one.

results may vary. if you fail and test positive for gayness, please stop visiting our site.

[mtouchquiz 1]

Star Wars The Old Republic (SWTOR) is Breeding Future Gay Penile Handlers

Have you heard your son walking around the house yelling vulgarities like “I use to be a moisture farmer, but I took a lightsaber to the penis”, or “All your force belongs now to us”? If you are the parental victim of such demon babble, your son has fell into the hands of a game that promotes alien gay relationships, 1020p bestiality cut scenes and phallic sex battles in deep space settings.

Let it be known that even before your son gets to hunt down Jango The Hutt or fight Wompa Bats on Hoth, they are asked to pick which “side” they want to play on. In the gay community they also make you pick a side and these sides are called “bottom” or “top”. “Bottoms” are the flaming homosexuals who prefer to have their taint hole violated by trains of bare chested men with leather chaps and “tops” or “plunders” are the ones who dip their sin snake into the fecal holes of the weaker and willing “bottoms”. In the game, the “bottoms” are the Jedi and the “tops” are what they call Sith lords. Each name has its own meaning and below we have created a visual graphic for you to print out and carry with you to show your other friends who have children.

How Does SWTOR Turn My Son Gay?

If you want your son bombarded with rainbow sprinkled sin, by all means allow them to log onto this game and let them to soak up the gay juices that will be smeared into their minds. Let your child be brainwashed into having fecal fantasies and thoughts of performing mouth sex acts on guys named Trystyn and Levi. If you want to save your sons’ soul from anal interactions, please take our warnings serious and use your parental authority by banning this game from your son’s grasps. If need be, destroy his computer so they can not Kazaa game files from neighborhood kids.

Saber Designing (Penile Decorating)
Gays do many things to their puking flesh weasels and it should come to no surprise that they like to Bedazzle their sin shafts with glittery decor and French inspirited tattoos. One thing that we found in SWTOR, is that the game lets the player design their own “lightsaber”, which looks like a cyborg’s penis, with bolts, knobs, spikes, adjust the length, color and other alterations. This is obviously teaching kids the gay technique of penile styling and you can even see in the photo we provided that they all look like some kind of gay anal torture device that some taint terrorist would use to shove up their boyfriend’s mud goblet while they marinate in fecal mucus.

Force Pushing
Force pushing is an ability the players get at level 23 which allows them to use the force to ram their opponent into submission. You want to know who else uses ramming force moves to submit their opponent’s quivering mud daisy? Yes, the gays and they are teaching this ability to your son via the left click button of their computer mouse. One day your son is force pushing a Sith off a cliff and the next day he is force pushing his man candy into the neighbors red headed gay son.

Penile Fights
At any given time, thousands of SWTOR players are dueling to the death with their glowing meat bananas and bashing each other in a sadomasochistic way. In game this might look like a light show battle of warriors, but how would you like it if your son was in the back yard with his twiddle rompus in hand trying to slay his friend by slapping him with his Satan scepter violently? Yes, it isn’t so cute now is it. Well these are the types of behaviors these lightsaber battles are instilling into the minds of their young players. They see that they are able to vanquish the bad guy with their glowing love lure and they start to think it might be fun to fecal joust Billy’s bum with demonic thrusts.

Bestiality Love Triangles
Did you know your son can have a gay fling with their intergalactic buddy? Just how gays have international love rendezvous, this game is teaching your son how they to can be an international gay sexer. The game slowly brainwashes your son into having feelings for their male pet and soon enough they ask your son if they want to become “involved” with their companion. So far 89% of the players have chosen to take the dark path down bestiality road and it is only a matter of time before we see kids taking their dog or cat to their proms.


Christwire Handbook Has Been Released

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5 Christmas Things Gays Have Ruined

Many American traditions and values are being attacked by fecal smear homogay campaigns that try to turn happy values into sin ridden festivals of sexual orgy pleasure fiascos and deep penile penetration parties. The latest tradtion under attack is Christmas or as the would want us to spell it, XMas, the X meaning “XPLICT MASS”, which in gay talk means a massive celebration of explicit acts of gayness and interracial homo erotic daddly dipping. Below are a few examples of how at the feces flavored hands of homosexuals, our holidays are turning into homodays.

Caroling use to be fun event that friendly American loving neighbors use to do to spread Christmas cheer to one’s town. Now caroling has been turned into a door to door shopping extravaganza for gays to be able to peek into your homes and count how many untouched children live inside their neighbor’s homes. Homos will now insert themselves into the local caroling squads and take notes of the child’s eye color, hair color and cut, height, smell and if they have a soft or rough skin tone.

Ah, the fat old man who brings lovely gifts to non sinning children is now being turned into a hunk of fire burning homogayness who is now decking the halls with bounds of sugar plummed anal sin and jolly homo ecstasy laced candy canes. The gays are slowly trying to convert the image of Santa from a happy Grandpa, to a sin cave docking jellybean so your children will be more comfortable when a strange man with iron pecks and chiseled jaw lines comes up to them and asks if they want to come the workshop and play with the North Pole. The gays are hoping this new marketing strategy will increase the child to man love success rate in suburban America.

Stocking Stuffing
This use to be my favorite part of Christmas morning. Before mom would allow us to open presents, we got to see what kind of nick nacks and goody treats laid waiting for us in our stockings that hung above the fireplace. Now the gays have turned this term of “stocking stuffing” into their own form of holiday sex games. Now on Christmas mornings, gays decorate their anal caverns with glittery decor and insert toys up their sewer holes. Once packed with sinful joyness, they invite their friends to insert their hands into their sparkly designed turd tunnel and grab for a gift.

credit: "Mistletoe Madness" by Paul Richmond

credit: "Mistletoe Madness" by Paul Richmond

Gays will find any excuse to lick the musky candy sac of another man, so now the gays are openly walking around with mistletoe strategically placed above their holly jollies in hopes that trains of suckling street homos will line up to give their package a peck under their zipper’s mistletoe.

Another Christmas favorite of mine that is now being turned into a bottom burrower sex game. Now the gays have turned eggnog into what is called a “Swap and drink” party game. The gays will invite a group of mumble anus’ over for what they call a “eggnog party” and they all demon whack each other until they each product devil DNA. They fill up glasses with each person’s devil juice (gay eggnog) and pass the cups around and they try and guess which gay nectar belongs to who. The loser ends up having to be the power bottom for the night.

What Pubic Hair Says About a Woman

The sexual area of a female is an area of musky clotting and secreting mystery, but did you know you can tell a lot about a female just by doing a quick inspection of her public lawn care? No, not the kind of lawn care that Juan and his three sons do on your two acre yard, but the type of care the modern women feels forced to do to keep up the false American beauty that liberal Hollywood rapingly injects into their feeble woman minds. Below is a list of the most common pubic hair practices that females do today. Each one can tell you if you have a whoring woman, a late night lesbian whorelet or a “clean cut” Christian crusader.

The triangle is the international symbol for a fish cave worshiping whorelet who likes to perform licking mouth sex acts on another clam dabbling musky crack hunter. If you notice that your girlfriend or wife has started to trim this geometrical shape above her puff pillow, be sure that she is out late at night diving tongue first into a linguistic lust orgy with other women at some kind of leather BBW back ally pink party.

The strip or also known as a “landing strip” is exactly to mean what it is called. It is a runway for massive amounts of penile planes to come land inside the runway or moist and whorish sin. This symbol of open leggedness is becoming more and more common in college life and is highly promoted on internet torrent adult video sites. It is told that 7 out of 10 college females walk freely with their canker blossom decorated with a strip that beckons the friendship of multiple sin staffs.

When these women see the follicles of womanhood start growing, they rush to the bathroom to Venus razor shave them away. This hair style is purely to get rid of some type of lice or crustacean virus they contracted during a night of Satan nectar and copious amounts of devil DNA injection. These type of women are also to be said to flick their blood bulge 89% more often than regular masturbating female sinners. If your GF or wife has this mark they have a pubic sickness and have been throwing their neighbor of anus around frat parties like it is some kind of fleshy party favor. It has also been proven that women who go bald also partake in tainting their turd tunnels.

Women who cut initials into their downstairs hair are showing a sign of ownership of the person whose name starts with the letter carved into their blood sewer’s toupee. This is a act against God, as he is the only owner of the female’s baby hole. The female’s insides are for one thing and one thing only; to create life from God’s touch. It is not to be L.A. gangbanger styled tagged with a man or women’s ownership.

Full Eve
This is how women are suppose to be groomed, fully covered by God’s intended design. The design that Eve sported during her times in the Garden of Eden and even after she caused the world be sent into a whirlwind of sin, death, war, high taxes and liberalism. A man’s duty is to protect the woman’s mind, body and soul. This includes her pubic area. It is a man’s role to make sure his wife, girlfriend or sweetheart has the proper presentation of her body and that means while clothed and unclothed. Just like how you wouldn’t want your woman walking out of the house with he sin treats hanging out to temp other men with thoughts of demon whacking, you shouldn’t allow your woman to molest her sin cave with razors and tweezers like it is some kind of home and garden project or TLC.

Christwire's 2011 Person of the Year – Andrew Wilkow

What right does a liberal, anti-American magazine have to tell us who the person of the year is? Who are they to say that lazy, left wing, nobodies are more important than us? Who are they to spread the vile disease called homosexuality and liberalism? They are no one and that is why we are naming the TRUE person of the year!

Name: Andrew Wilkow
Why they are person of the year: Freedom fighter, constitution smith, liberal dominator and Jesus’ favorite radio host.

Past Christwire articles on Andrew:

51 Christian Friendly Words for Testicles

  1. Taint’s hanging chin
  2. The itchy turkey neck
  3. Pubic pouch
  4. Lazy pilgrims
  5. Penis brain
  6. DNA capsules
  7. Fleshy elf bags
  8. Droopy lemon tarts
  9. Sin snake venom sacs
  10. Sperm boiled eggs
  11. Shaft tonsils
  12. English tea bags
  13. Bald chicken
  14. Pudding package
  15. Florida hairy speed bags
  16. Devil plums
  17. Sweaty toad bellies
  18. Penile baggage
  19. Bearded baby balloons
  20. Spermy mini cannonballs
  21. Life rocks
  22. Sagging sludge bunker
  23. Ejaculate storage
  24. God’s nectar cellar
  25. Ivory mucus pocket
  26. Muck marbles
  27. Pasty scum vault
  28. One eyed hiker’s backpack
  29. Frosting bag
  30. Beef cherries
  31. Squirt muscle
  32. Farmer’s potato sac
  33. Musky candy bags
  34. Satan scepter undercarriage
  35. Oval slop canisters
  36. Vein pillows
  37. Swollen mud tanks
  38. Jars of man milk
  39. Sex mustard chamber
  40. Pale butter vats
  41. Seed purse
  42. Duffel bag of toothpaste
  43. Cream satchel
  44. Genetic swimming hole
  45. Baby gravy boat
  46. Organic mayo sacs
  47. Chowder tote
  48. Richard’s carry-on
  49. Man’s tackle box
  50. Dangling pumpkins
  51. Mischief bulge

Also view:
51 Christian Friendly Words for vagina
51 Christian Friendly Words for penis
51 Christian Friendly Words for sexual intercourse
51 Christian Friendly Words for Homosexuals
51 Christian Friendly Words for Anal Sex
51 Christian Friendly Words for Breasts
51 Christian Friendly Words for Male Masturbation
51 Christian Friendly Words for butthole
51 Christian Friendly Words for Female Masturbation

Battlefield 3 – Teaching Kids True American Patriotism!

What is Battlefield 3?
Nothing says “I love Jesus“, like killing terrorists and taking down glitter lipped homosexual sleeper cells that are trying to smear musky death and destruction across American’s virgin loins. “BF3″ even gives you even get the chance to take down some no good Canadian ice Mexicans, who are trying to smuggle their countries low moral standards over our boarders and infect our children with their gayness and weak will. In the game Battlefield 3, the player is submerged into a world of true American grit and tightly wraps the player with manly imagery of patriotism, anti-homosexuality and Christian-American values.

What is also great about this game, is that it takes those evil Japanese consoles and turns them into a learning hub for glorious American traditions and a center piece for family fun. Dad and son can co-op play missions and frag some nasty drug dealers in Mexico City, or you can blanket a homosexual training facility with mom’s air strike she just won for painting multiple head shots on the foreheads of international criminals. Brother and sister can team up and stab evil in the back with an assortment of Made in the USA blades. A family that protects America together, stays together.

Unlike the homo gay supporting company Blizzard, D.I.C.E. (Destroy Idiot Communists and Europeans), has built a franchise of games that fight that damage that homosexuals and liberals have digitally fornicated into the minds of our children. D.I.C.E. has made it their mission to develop games the strike fear into the hearts of non-American loving sinners and train our children with vital moral nutrition and teach them how to stand up to the world’s evils without fear. Yes, D.I.C.E. may have the most advanced graphics in their video games and the bloodshed is quite realistic, but remember it is the blood of America’s enemies and children need to see that they do bleed when they’ve had a their bodies pumped with a full magazine clip from a Mp5 at close range. Unlike games like Modern Warfare 3, BF3 doesn’t rely on “tea bagging” gay antics to sell copies, it uses American pride to push it’s sells.


Michele Bachmann Caught Smoking Black Drug Dust – Proof

A tweetpic of Presidential female hopeful Michele Bachmann has been leaked out to the public of her partaking in a black drug “toking” session. It seems that Michele is dealing with her husband’s Cuban boy homosexual fantasies in the non-Christian way and turning to black drug dealers to help her escape her cold reality.

Yet, we can’t blame Michele for making a poor decision, as she is a female and we all know females can’t make proper decisions. Because of her vaginal powered brain, he ability to become president is a thing of fantasy, like the ones her husband has, minus the 6 packed and musky Mexican lawn man.

Tucker Max is a Closeted Mumble Anus

What do you get when you mix a college drop out and a pile of homosexuality, you get a flamboyant and closeted homo gay by the name of Tucker Max.

Tucker Max is your typical “bro” who masquerades in the diseases infested shadows of homosexuality. While setting up college campus tours, he is at the same time setting up fraternity gay orgies that allow him to partake in plundering the colon caverns of copious amounts of college man anus. This type of college like rape game is called “bromoing” and Tucker is the ring master when it comes to pumping for Satan oil from the drugged out bodies of rush week hopefuls.

You might know Tucker for his poorly written fiction novels, that tell a story of a boy who has sinful adventures with bi-sexual midgets and drunk Wall Street workers. Each book is filled with vulgarity and sexual content that even a admin would ban from their forum if it was posted on their website. These books are purely a way for Tucker to cover up his homosexual urges and make it seem like he has a new woman on his DNA rifle every night. If you read in between the lines, you will see that these books scream “I like musky man candy rub across my forehead after a full round of power bottoming” and his West Hollywood hair cut even tops off our suspicions. Why do you think his book was called “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”? It is because he knows God sends gays to hell and he knows his soul is going there for punishment for his mud goblin hunting sins.

His books spew more leaky fecal slug than his overly abused sewer hole, which says a lot, since his weak anal muscles are unable to hold any bowel movements from all the penile assassinations it is has been a part of. His winking eye is like a Piñata at a Mexican Fiesta de Quinceañera, but instead of Mexicans, it is long lines of prison like black men and HSSS.TV fans; buff, angry and looking to vigorously devour some taint eye.

Tucker, you do know we now live in a world that allows gays to roam freely without being stoned or burnt at the stake. Why don’t you come out of the closet and start writing books about homo sex and interior design tips. I think you and that frolicking homo gay ass ninja, Tosh.homo, would make a great couple.

Is Really a Underground Homo Gay Hangout Where Gays Share Penile Pleasure Tricks?

What is

In a nutshell, is a poorly programmer forum, using outdated HTML and is a direct blend between Grindr and Myspace; a place boasting with homosexual foreigners and shirtless photos of bare chested men, showing off their “results”. This forum is the worst, thickly speared with more gay infused testosterone than any other Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu website. I would even say that the gay orgy section on Craigslist has less anal tingle torturer content than this oozing pile of fecal spatter.

Masquerading as a place to read articles on nutrition and fitness, this website’s main goal is to feed the desire of America’s sugar plummed anal fairies to mud hump as many fecal flesh doughnut holes as possible. This site allows the taint terrorist to gather as an underground community and feed of each other like feces vampires and trick new members into their sick club by offering great squatting techniques and fat busting diets.

In the forum, users are known as “brahs” or “pumper”. This terminology has been used since Schwarzenegger’s golden days of hooker and cracked coked caned filled nights at the gym, but has been modified to be more of a homosexual based slang.

What Do They Talk About


My very first avi pic had a small amount of pubes showing with just the very base of my c*** visible if you squinted (wanted to show my adonis belt)

Besides all the whispering talk about phallic worship that is ejaculated across each thread, you will see men constantly talking about their favorite protein . When you see a post using the code word “protein” one might think the users are discussing the amigo acids needed to build strong and healthy muscles, but that is all a way to make you not realize they are talking about consuming copious amounts of sinfully produced male DNA milk. That is why you have products like “Muscle Milk”, that trick the average passerby into thinking it is for people who workout, when it is really 12oz of fully loaded globs of white man salsa.

When you break down that total amount of content posted on, 69% of it is gay romance novel cover style photos of juiced up shirtless pecks and flexed abs. You will even notice that most images the men are wearing tight shorts so they can show off the outlines of their puking flesh weasel, smashed in a way that the bulge looks larger than life. Who knows how many countless hours men self milk their sin snakes to these images of half naked reverse poo pushers. The more images they post, the more “rep points” they gain and also allows people to easily see who the biggest pervert is on each thread.

This is the most popular protein shake on the market. Rumor has it that this shake is made up of 90% Cuban boy semen, 5% citrus and 5% ecstasy dust. These are the top 3 things that homosexuals love to pump their bodies full of, when they aren’t the ones being pumped. Shakology is promoted in all workout videos and even has an additive to make non-homo gays addicted to the taste of male white oil. This drink serves as a way to not only bulk up their gay drinkers with frothy DNA drops, but also slowly turn new members into gays who crave and linger to fill their stomachs up with 80 grams of Cuban candy.

Insanity and P90X
I have already exposed the gay dangers of home workout programs like P90X, yet that is only one of hundreds of body toning and gay brainwashing videos out on the market and torrent download websites. These two programs are the most famous workout programs in the body building world and you can’t find one thread that doesn’t pay homage to how Tony Horton or the third person speaking Shaun T, have helped them come out of the closet and be full blown musky taint cuddling homo gay power bottoms. Terms

Stands for “Penile choking fornication”. Users will post this tag onto their photos letting other “brahs” know it is ok for them to self rape their fleshy Roman spear, while gawking at the pictorial gallery they just uploaded.

After burn
This refers to how many calories one has burnt during gay sex of during a session of them playing with their finger puppet.

Forum users with label their profiles as a “spotter”, letting the other users know they are a bottom sex player or it also means they are more of the submissive type sinner. The word spotter refers to their brown spot and that they want penile fecal insertion into their sewer muscle.

I’m Maxing Out!
Means that one has maxed out on their gay sex quota for the week and they are not looking to make anymore “hook ups”.

This is a secret code one posts to let others know that they are a “Homosexual Interested in Insertion Tickling”.

Another secret code letting users know they want “Bondage and Male Insertion”.

How to spot a forum user: