Christwire Free Halloween Cards

As I was walking though the local Wal-Greens today, I couldn’t find any Holy Halloween cards to send out to the flock this year. I went and tried KMart, Wal-Mart, Target, Costco and every other store in my area and couldn’t find one Holy Spirit influenced card. I’m sure I’m one of millions of Christians looking for a joyous card to send during the dark pagan month to send Holy happiness via a 25 cent card, so I had our graphics department make some free Halloween cards for our religious readers.

free Halloween card

37 thoughts on “Christwire Free Halloween Cards

  1. Albert Toppers

    The 4th one is strongly worded, but definitely needed in these depraved times. I’ll print off a few of these and save them for those with the most wicked, homogay costumes. However, I’m currently printing several hundred of the 3rd one – a treat indeed! Kudos to your graphic arts team! Bless you!

          1. August Weisz

            Sister Susan supplements her income by allowing stock photography to be used. You can contact Getty images at 646 613 4000 for verification. In the future, please limit your comments to ones that are productive.

    1. The atheist one

      “Every single time you beat an evangelical christian in a fight, logic smiles” ” And the last one is quite stupid

      1. TheWretched

        I know.

        I got one better.

        “Christwire, your late for your reward from the Dar Overlord. Come to the sacrificial slab, the Dark Overlord was to give you the reward personally.”

  2. TheWretched

    Boys and girls of every age,
    Would you like to see something strange,
    Come with us and you will see,
    This our town of Halloween.

    1. NellieBVB

      This is Halloween, this is Halloween
      Pumpkins scream in the dead of night

      This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
      Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
      It’s our town, everybody scream
      In this town of Halloween

      I am the one hiding under your bed
      Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red

      I am the one hiding under yours stairs
      Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair

      This is Halloween, this is Halloween

      Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
      In this town we call home
      Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

      In this town, don’t we love it now
      Everybody’s waiting for the next surprise

      Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can
      Something’s waiting no to pounce, and how you’ll scream!

      Scream! This is Halloween
      Red ‘n’ black, slimy green

      Aren’t you scared
      Well, that’s just fine

      Say it once, say it twice
      Take a chance and roll the dice
      Ride with the moon in the dead of night

      Everybody scream, everybody scream

      In our town of Halloween

      I am the clown with the tear-away face
      Here in a flash and gone without a trace

      I am the who when you call, Who’s there?
      I am the wind blowing through your hair

      I am the shadow on the moon at night
      Filling your dreams to the brim with fright

      This is Halloween, this is Halloween
      Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
      Halloween! Halloween!

      Tender lumplings everywhere
      Life’s no fun without a good scare

      That’s our job, but we’re not mean
      In our town of Halloween

      In this town
      Don’t we love it now

      Everybody’s waiting for the next surprise
      Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back
      And scream like a banshee
      Make you jump out of your skin
      This is Halloween, everybody scream
      Wont’ ya please make way for a very special guy

      Our man jack is King of the Pumpkin patch
      Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King, now!

      This is Halloween, this is Halloween
      Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

      In this town we call home
      Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

      La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween!

  3. NellieBVB

    You’re supposedly a good person, but you advocate that it’s okay to kill people, be racist, sexist, judgmental, and hateful. I’m a bad person for being Mexican and different from what you consider normal. Damien’s a bad person for being Jewish. Claire’s a bad person for liking cats, and L.N.’s a bad person for defending his beliefs. I’m sorry but this doesn’t make any sense.
    But then again, the world is run on fear. Everything around us tells us what to think and what to fear. If you have acne, the girls won’t like you. If you don’t go to college you’ll be a failure. If your breath smells bad, no one will talk to you. Follow the crowd. or you’ll be a loner. If you don’t understand something, you should fear it or reject it.
    It’s kind of like the Marilyn Manson/Columbine incident. People didn’t understand him, so they blamed him. They looked for something they didn’t understand to blame. They found Marilyn Manson, and blamed him. The weird thing is that on that day the President dropped more bombs on other countries than on any other day. Who’s a bigger influence the president or Marilyn Manson. The president is.

      1. Lazlo Toth

        Well, as a rule of thumb they have less chromosome damage than southern conservatives, so strictly speaking they’re much closer to human than most of this site’s denizens. After all, gathering around a religious monolith, hooting, hollering, clubbing innocents to death with bones… that sounds an awful lot more like primate behavior, if Stanley Kubrick was to be believed. (Of course, we all know he was a godless science-believing communist, so of course he is NOT to be believed.)

  4. Idiots

    Halloween, or “all hallows eve” is a Pagan holiday….and if you don’t understand….to you ignorant Christians, Pagan = Satanist (not really at all but there’s no difference to you idiots).


Leave a Reply