Dangers of PRIDE Week

hipstergays-300x199PRIDE Week; for those who don’t follow homosexual propaganda and are not viewers of MSNBC, is a week long celebration of confused American’s choice of submitting themselves to the tragic and lonely lifestyle of that of a homosexual. The lifestyle itself has 51 shades of sickness in its complexity and why people choose to walk down this path of darkness, narcissism and self hatred is beyond me. Just like any fad, the homosexual life style is at its peak, but will soon burst its rainbow colored assortment of frail balloons and float slowly to the streets where it will be swept away into the gutters of America.

For a whole week, the government and American’s pretend to accept millions of drug induced Cher fans, who rather spend their days day-dreaming about copious amounts of unprotected sex, glamorous interracial lifestyles and frantically watch their DVR’d BRAVO shows while sipping cosmos or some kind of low calorie non-American made beer. To expose what really goes on at a PRIDE Week celebration for those unaware of its dangers, I have listed three underground gay phenomenons that fuel the week of gay infused festivities.

Gaytheists and Twinksters
These are two sub genres of gayness that have recently oozed from the dark musky cracks of the homosexual community and have been making quite a stir in social circles around the world. A Gaytheist is a bottom burrower who believes Jesus Christ was a homosexual and they group up in protest packs and try to force their asinine belief onto young children, just like how they forcefully and uncomfortably push their lifestyle choice onto America. They have even tried to petition The Vatican to agree that Jesus himself partook in gay orgy like activities with his disciples in the desert.

A Twinksters is a homosexual hipster and you can see handfuls of these stuck in the 80′s limp wristers trying to preach their liberal art degree’d minds amongst the straight attendees at PRIDE Week. Quoting movies to validate their ridiculous arguments is the typical modus operandi for these trucker cap wearing mumble anus’.

Borderline Overdoses of Rectal Drug Intake
You can’t spell PRIDE Week without the words “Drugs” and “Rectal Insertion” and be sure the drugs are delivered by the bus full directly from Mexico. It has been said that over 80,000 drugs are taken per day at PRIDE Week and 96% of those drugs are taken rectally. This is because the gay’s anal cavity has the ability to ingest large pill form objects fast than their mouth, but the speed of this process depends on whether they are a power bottom, bottom, top or verse.

Kid Photo Swapping Games
Just like Pokemon, gays need to collect as many young children as possible, but since that is illegal, they do it in a form of a card game. The game is just like the popular Majik game; players bring their deck of cards and battle each other to win new cards from their opponents. Instead of attack cards with vampires or some squirrel with lightning powers, these cards are images of children they find on the internet, print them out onto card stock and they mark the cards with what are called urge points. The urge points signify how “hot” or “how much one wants to poke the child” and each rating is verified and approved by their friends over at NAMBLA. The game is easy, players drop down their cards and the one with the highest urge points wins the hand. After winning the hand, the winner can go and pick one card that tickles their musky taint area the most out of the winning pile and add it to their deck.

38 thoughts on “Dangers of PRIDE Week

  1. Matt Kansas

    LMAO! This is the biggest crock of horseshit. At first I was like wow this guy is a real fuck head. Then I realized you are just writing this crazy shit to get a rise outta people.

    Reply
  2. Max Kompton

    You are an evil and vile man Tyson Bowers. I have never been so indirectly insulted in my life. I have looked through your website and read some of your posts and I cannot believe what I have seen here. First let me say that I am gay and I am damn happy about it. Let me also say that I am Christian and I am damn happy about it. Let me tell you what us “Gay men” actually like and what we don’t like. What we like is what everyone else likes, a person that can love us wholly and to have a partner that makes us happy. Next, we love other people and we want to just be a part of society like everyone else with bigots like you discriminating against us. We DO NOT like the following:

    Little boys: How disgusting can you be to think that just because I am gay, I am bound to want to destroy such an innocent human being. I would never in all of my life even consider the idea of having sex with a child. I would never even consider sex with a person who doesn’t want it with me.
    Animals: This makes no sense in any circumstance.

    I hope and pray that your website will someday be forever shut down and people like are overthrown by the millions of people who do support me and my life style. I’m sorry that I didn’t have a choice in being gay. I’m sorry that you refuse to give us a chance and I’m sorry that you think that we are the worst “things” on the planet. Actually, I’m not sorry about any of that. I’m very happy with my life and I plan to live it exactly as I have been.

    Reply
      1. John

        Tyson Bowers is a bigoted man! (bigoted – having or revealing an obstinate belief in the superiority of one’s own opinions and a prejudiced intolerance of the opinions of others).
        We will pray for you and your soul.

        Reply
    1. Vinnie

      I agree that Tyson is a cruel man who thinks way too highly of himself, as if he was God, but if what you tell him is true, that you are gay AND a Christian, I must inform you of what God told Moses to tell the Israelites in Leviticus 18: “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion. (Leviticus 18:23 NIV) You see, one can not birth accept the Word of God and yet turn against it. I pray that you reevaluate your lifestyle and ask yourself what makes you an exception to His ruling. I wish you the best, and pray that my brother in Christ truly takes this verse in to consideration. I’d love a follow up to this, if you do ever see it.
      God bless,
      Vinnie V.

      Reply
    2. Vinnie

      Sorry wrong verse: “ ‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable. (Leviticus 18:22 NIV) that’s what I meant sorry!

      Reply
      1. Anon

        Um…you do realize, you bible-thumping idgit, that AIDS is also spread through HETEROsexual contact? Learn some science and medical history and maybe, just maybe you might make a little bit of sense. Also, another fun medical and scientific fact–it’s not just a gay person’s anus that can absorb medication. EVERY human’s anus can (however, I’m not sure yours could, considering how much bullshit and how many of your “followers” tongues are stuck up there, there might not be enough room for you to try), and the reason why is that the tissue that makes up the anus is made a certain way that makes things easier to be absorbed. However, if I go by your logic, does that mean that every person who has to use a suppository drug for a medical purpose is gay? Hmm… so I guess that means most of the senior citizens–who, by the way, probably have grand-children and great-grandchildren, are actually batting for the same team! Wow! <— READ THIS AS SARCASM (thought I'd spell it out for you because of your poor English reading habits)

        Also, just a tip…if you're going to bash something, try having some basic concept of the English language. Because I got a headache from reading your bad grammar–of course, it also could have been because it's all just filth and lies coming from a man who probably wishes he was gay just so he could finally stop lying about something in this life. But I think I'll go with the bad grammar on this one.

        Speaking of the English language, where in Max's entire post did you see where he was "giving up with gay pipe"? What the hell does that even mean?!

        Max Kompton: I'm not sure if you can get this reply but I just want to say that I'm very glad to hear that you're happy to be who you are. No one should feel ashamed or offended just because they were born the way they were. I support you and everyone like you because you are all people, too. And you all deserve to have the same rights as the rest of us. I hope your life continues to be happy and healthy!

        Now, back to you big preacher man. I hope your Hell is filled with the worst kind of sexual and physical torture that any demon can think of–because for people like you, that's all you deserve.

        Reply
        1. Anon

          I can name myself Anon too. And I can sit here and type a paragraph explaining to someone who hates Christian, why he’s a piece of Christian trash.

          You’re an idiot. If you don’t understand that he’s writing this to piss people off and to laugh at them, then you need to learn how to read better.

          Reply
          1. B. Skip

            I think the problem with the satire is, it’s not completely out of the question that this could be a real fundamentalist christian who is off on a psychotic jag about gays. That’s how out there the real ones are that when someone looks at this page it seems completely reasonable that this might be real.

      2. Learn Your Facts.

        I am not going to comment on anything else you said in this article because anyone with at least entry level college courses would know it’s not only laughable but simply not true.

        However, I did want to correct you. Currently, African American heterosexual females are the fastest rising population being infected by HIV and AIDS and heterosexual African American males per percentage of the population are more affected than homosexual males.

        There is more information here on the CDC so you can actually be educated on a topic before you post about it.

        http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/

        Reply
  3. Itchy Nuts

    This dude sounds like an angry gay guy venting about his failed attempts at hooking up lol… No “GODLY” “HETEROSEXUAL” “MAN” goes around talking like that haha

    Reply
  4. Bentley

    This is totally idiotic. You’re entire life is a joke and you have dedicated it to spreading false propaganda. There is a set of barbed chains in hell with Tyson Bowers III written on them, right next to Lucifer’s. God Bless.

    Reply
  5. Canadian

    hmmm, rectal drug intake.. i guess my dad was gay… he had a spinal injury from a farming accident, and couldnt have consistent bowel movements, so took suppositories……

    Reply
  6. Not a sheep

    The replies to this article is exactly what this website is trying to prove. You’re all sheep and believe everything you hear and read.

    Reply
  7. Dtms

    I would really like to understand why you think it’s ok to be nasty. With the views and clear lack if knowledge you display, the thought of your being a ‘youth leader’ makes be genuinely concerned. Let people be. And grow up. And get laid. It sounds like you have too much pent up frustration.

    Reply
  8. Alison

    Judging by the amount of detail you went into about those Cosmo-drinking, Bravo-watching Cher fans – I think somebody has some underlying desires going on there… 😉 oi oi!

    Reply
  9. Inu Snowpaw

    wow your funny. people like you make me wanna have a book burning for the bible. I bet that would be a hit! Infact i think it should be a mandatory holiday lol right infront of the churches. It’s people like YOU who deter the glorious scientific evolution that we need to survive… We are not in the dark ages. I mean the bible was written by drunk fisherman who wanted to write a story while they were out on the sea.. why should we follow a book thats not even real.

    well Who’s with me is wanting to make a bible book burning jamboree lol

    Reply
  10. clay

    hahahahaha I have officially found someone more stupid than Pat Robertson. do you even believe your own bull shit? if so maybe you could pull your head out of your ass. i thought getting things shoved up your ass was “evil”? so then why is your head so far up your ass?

    Reply
  11. Dan

    Deacon Bowers,

    I am the President of the Gay Straight Alliance at my college. I am a 20 year old, straight male and I am for Gay Rights. I am also an Atheist. So, before you try to comment back with something about Jesus or God, or anything like that, check yourself. Stop yourself from quoting the bible, it will be a waste of your time. I will admit, your post was hilarious. Your statistics about the amount of drugs used during Pride Week, is ridiculous. How could you possibly attain that statistic? That does NOT make sense.
    Next, your inability to tolerate a person because of their sexuality, is truly sad. How can homosexuality possibly be a fad? The Gay Rights Movement has been going on for over 40 years but it’s a fad?
    Throughout your entire post, you continued to lie and make up information to back up your ridiculous claims.
    NAMBLA has nothing to do with homosexuality. Equating a monster like that to a homosexual, is 100% wrong. If you want to go down that road, why don’t you also include the amount of Preists, Deacons, Ministers and other religious figures, that are involved in child sex scandals. That number should frighten you.
    As a Deacon, didn’t your vows include to except all people?…or did it specifically say “except for the gays”?
    Your facts are flawed and your opinions are disgusting. You are a terrible symbol of the church and I hope that people see you for what you really are, a sick human being.

    Reply
  12. Helena

    You are the first person in the word I have ever used the word c*** to describe. I like girls and I’m GODDAMN PROUD OF IT.

    Reply
  13. Ferals Shiny Cat

    While some of the articles make me wince because the satirical nature of the site is not as apparent as that of others, I am truly amazed at the fact that people will comment on how “horribly wrong and intolerant you are” in a comment thread where you’ve already pointed out that it’s satire! Reading comprehension and the ability to *read to the end before fully forming a response* were skills that my grade school drilled into me throughout my education! (Before anyone assumes this was some fancy education, this was a public school education in semi-rural Georgia!) Pay attention, do not make assumptions, and you are far less prone to making a fool of yourself online or in the real world.

    Reply
  14. bumblefck

    it’s a sad world we live in when so many people can’t detect a little satire. this is hilarious. almost worth it just for the comments.

    i have a theory that sometimes people just want to be offended… so they don’t bother to consider it could be a joke and skip straight to the self-righteous wall-o-text instead.

    Reply
  15. bumblefck

    i mean comon…

    “You can’t spell PRIDE Week without the words ‘Drugs’ and ‘Rectal Insertion'” (LMFAO)

    how daft do you have to be to not get that it’s a joke.

    Reply
  16. Justyen

    Your an absolute demon, to think that love is wrong… What you see is wrong, you need serious help… I’m happy with my boyfriend, I am nice, kind, don’t hate, don’t hurt anyone, and you think I’m corrupt? Seriously? Your kind causes pain, confusion, death and hate, you need some serious mental help, I am HUMAN, with LOVE and just happen to love a male, and I’ve done nothing to harm anyone, your the one who is harming and wrong, asshole..

    Reply
  17. Matt

    We reviewed your website for a college course recently and it was so hilarious how angry some people got. These same people are the angry, joyless wanks who can’t take a joke to save their lives. Since I was able to see people in person, I can only imagine all the other angry, joyless wanks who comment on here are similar in nature. Absolutely hilarious. Keep up the good satire, guys.

    Reply
  18. Ashford

    By the sounds of things, the biggest pedo about is you, you are obsessed with them! How about instead of talking a load of shit, you provide actual evidence with all the ‘points’ you try to make.
    I mean, not that it would make much difference, because anyone who still believes in the magical sky monster are unequivocally stupid!

    Reply

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