Does Your Daughter Listen to “A New Found Glory”?

Just when you thought Shakira was the most dangerous threat to your daughter, we found a “Emo-Trip-Pop-Punk” band called New Found Glory, or as their numb minded female followers call them, “NFG” (which also stands for “Never Follow God”), New Found Glory was just their “parent friendly” name.

Now remember that emo stands for “enter my orifice” and this band’s pure agenda is to enter their crave rockets into as many moist camel hump orifices as possible.

The band makes sure to dress like semi respectful boys, just so parents can’t see past their true intentions of impregnating young females with their demonic sperm seeds.

What Does Their Music Do To Our Daughter’s Minds?

To put it in a non vulgar description would be impossible. The music they play tricks girls into thinking that they understand how girls want to be loved and treated. They make females think that being in a relationship with them will get them boxes of milk chocolate candies, moonlite walks on a sandy beach, flowers delivered to their office and passionate tongue kisses.

This is all a ploy to get your daughters to their concerts, so they can brainwash them and make their bodies start boiling with sex tensions and tantalizing sinful moisture in their private area.

Just like the Siren sea creature, Leader singer Jordan Pundik (who we feel is a closeted bi-sexual), uses his high pitched car crash voice to brainwash girls with these thoughts of false dreams of passion and love.

WARNING
There is also a small chance that your daughter maybe “M-ing” herself at night with a house hold item while listening to this black magic sex music. Your daughter is also at a higher risk of performing a anal sex sin docking act

Where Did They Come From?

This band comes from Florida and just so you know, Florida is full of liquid steroid juice heads looking to use their Schwarzenegger brute force to pin down overly tanned females and make them engage in unwanted sex sessions.

New Found Glory started the emo punk movement in 1997 along with “Getting it up Kids” and “Reggie’s Fully Erect”.

These bands traveled the world spreading their mascara eyed sexual music and influenced the increase in teen sex acts and female runaways in the late 90’s and early 2000’s. Each city they would hit, they would sing their lyrics of anal sex, drugs, orgies and other necromatic deviancies.

What Goes on at Their Concerts?

Each song they play at their concerts are enticing your daughter’s baby holes with tingly feelings of sexual sin and fleshy sex poles of pre-martial penetration. Their shows are full of large milk sac chested harlots ready to be chloroformed and gang banged backstage by the band members and their roadies. Not to mention their signature “New Found Glory” Holes that they have around the stage. Each glory hole has a different “racial” sin snake poking out and is in plain sight for your daughters to see.

377 thoughts on “Does Your Daughter Listen to “A New Found Glory”?

  1. Alisonmanson

    Hmmmmm, Well well, looks like all music is evil so looks like we’re all going to hell, oh well. looks like u guys should just shut this whole place down and well get ready for hell.

    Reply
    1. Susan B. Xenu

      Excuse me? I wrote an article describing how Avenged Seven Fold is a good christian band and you attacked me for it! The truth is you hate GOD and CHristwire so much you will disagree with everything we say!

      Reply
        1. Alisonmanson

          dude we know ur a high school girl looking for attention ok look u can ask any one they have GOD HATING SONGS u little fuck face tramp! they have a fucking song called “GOD HATES US” and u say thier the best “JESUS BAND?” look they have 2 openly satanic members and the have an album called city of evil and they are one of the best damn bands around, and the fucking hate god,OK! But hey! go ahead keep going and lie so ur kids listen to it and they will hate “god” as well.

          Now i thought that u Christians didn’t like math and numbers and science! you post so much shit on this site that u go against each other! so what is it? Ur completely full of shit and u don’t know what ur talking about, or that ur still full of bull shit and u just like spiting in the faces of real Christians!

          Reply
          1. didi

            You don’t have to be ashamed that your favorite band, “Revenged Sevenfold”, is a Christian Rock band. Just continue to enjoy their tunes in your own way!

            –didi

          2. atheadam

            You’re obviously missing the point.

            Way to make Atheists look retarded.

            If you can’t tell this entire site is satire, you’re as fucking retarded as the people who believe The Onion.

        2. Susan B. Xenu

          You poor pathetic dumb deranged whore, I told you earlier:

          “The song is written from the view point of a god hater and atheist and tells you why they are wrong, for instance:

          “Nothing to heal
          no one to break
          Pills had a role now there’s nothing to take
          Nothing to trust
          No one to fake!
          You’ll find out sooner that it’s best if we just know our place!”

          The PLACE is at GODs hand doing his bidding.

          Not everything is literal. If maybe you had finished high school before getting a job as a clerk at the Sam Goodie in the mall you would know that.

          Reply
          1. Alisonmanson

            go ahead fix what u want we all know that ur lying and that avenge 7 fold is a satanic band so show ur kids and show them Marilyn Manson and blood on the dance floor

          2. anon

            Did you seriously just call her a whore? thats christian of you… using the word “whore” makes baby jesus cry. and doesn’t the bible clearly state that judgement is a sin? oh and just because i care, i am going to break it to you that “emo” doesnt stand for “enter my orifice”. i would also like to know what is “evil” about being atheist or of a different religion. do you preach that Mahatma Gandhi is currently burning in hell? There is nothing evil or satanic about being atheist or of a different religion. I’ve never heard of the band that you mentioned, but I have decided to look at their songs. It’s pretty tame compared to Blood on the Dance Floor or Slipknot. I also see that (below mine and others’ comments) you have victimized a girl named Claire for asking for proof. You have clearly made up the data, or you would gladly show it to her.This is called lying. Lying is a sin.

          3. Nicole

            Susan…you’re no true Christian if you go around calling people a “whore” just because they don’t agree with your beliefs…
            You better go ask God for forgiveness….

          4. Chad

            Fuck god, if god were to exist may he smite me now! um im still alive, anyone who has any intellect knows that there isnt a god and christians muslims and other terrorists are waisting their fucking time. Fuck god, Jesus is a cunt, Mohammed is a turban wearing dick muncher. Christianity is a cult, its a fucking lie past on from generation to generation. Did i mention Jesus is a cunt? well he is.

            NFG stands for New Found Glory, i wish it stood for Never Follow god. The world needs to move on from religion its holding us back. And those who follow are fucking stupid and ignorant.

          5. The Atheist

            The lead-singer of said band also said this in a song.

            “Some feel that life’s a favour,
            While some don’t have the time.
            Wash up and kiss the alter,
            All hail the mighty father,
            but love will keep you blind.”

            Would a Christian Band tell you that religion blinds you?

      1. Ha...

        God doesn’t exist lady… Since you’re so scientific with the graph above, you should know this.

        Reply
      2. Stan

        God doesn’t exist lady… you should know this considering your scietific graphs prove that NFG… sorry New Found Glory is considered “black magic music”.

        Reply
    2. From Florida

      THIS is BY FAR the funniest thing I think that I have ever read in my entire 30+ year life…. Wow… That’s all I have to say. This entire thing made me laugh hysterically…

      Reply
    3. Autumn

      you are a joke I happen to know for a fact every word you say in this is false and I hope you get sued for declamation of character by the band i happen to know these all personally and they are very sweet caring loving respectful men who are in way anything like you claim here I’m offended by you’re lies and I i hope everyone knows you are full of lies you sir need mental help also if you’re going to try and target a band at least get the name right it’s New Found Glory no a in it at all and NFG stands for just that New Found Glory nothing else so take you’re lies and go away

      Reply
      1. marygoround

        If you know the band personally then you would have know that that the name of the band was originally “A New Found Glory”. The album “Nothing Gold Can Stay” was released under “A New Found Glory”.

        Reply
    4. Eric

      After going to about 5 or 6 NFG shows I must have missed the orgies and glory holes? But then again I may have been distracted by what the music was actually about…..

      Reply
    5. dan_pandalion

      This Article is 100% accurate! i was hired by NFG to operate one of their New Found Glory Holes (before i was a born again christian) i personally “Dicked Down” many if not ALL of your daughters. NFG is the devil re-encarnated! Michael row your boat ashore! HALLELUJAH!!

      Reply
      1. John Smith

        Susan,

        You frighten me. You are so quick to condemn everyone, maybe you should look in the mirror.

        It’s funny that you sit here and say someone else is blinded with things that can be factually proven. someone simply asking for proof that you didn’t pull those numbers and graphs out of your ass and you attack them for being blinded.

        If Claire is blinded, what are you? Do you hide behind your bible because you are afraid of original thought, or does science scare you?

        Sorry to say this, bitch. But your time is over. It’s only a matter of time before you are gone and the rest of us that use logic and reasoning can run this world.

        Now please, tell me I’m going to hell, and I’ll see you there!

        Reply
      1. Sam "god hater" Hayes

        If anything, that’s why she is a great student. Asking for why things happen is the way to learn more. Religion is the result of people neglecting to really ask themselves this very question.

        Reply
          1. Sam "god hater" Hayes

            well in that case I’d like to know the raw data. And before you comment on my education I’m a 2nd year Physics student at QUT

          2. Claire

            Actually I go to college, not trade school. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, Mr. Boners. You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, and your writing proves it:

            “this band’s pure agenda is to enter their crave rockets into as many moist camel hump orifices as possible.”

            “make their bodies start boiling with sex tensions and tantalizing sinful moisture in their private area.”

            “impregnating young females with their demonic sperm seeds.”

            “enticing your daughter’s baby holes with tingly feelings of sexual sin and fleshy sex poles of pre-martial penetration. Their shows are full of large milk sac chested harlots”

            You are a fucking moron with no grasp on the English language, proper terminology, biology, or anatomy.

          3. August Weisz

            After reading the expose in the magazine at the barbershop today about your school, I imagine your final exams to be similar to a ‘see and say’.

          4. Claire

            They have barbers in Idaho? Were you getting your Dracula-do trimmed down a bit?

            And there is no such expose on my school. I searched all over the internet using all combinations of words in the search engine and I came up with nothing. I searched USA Today’s own website and came up empty-handed. So send me a link.

          5. August Weisz

            I never said it was in a USA today, it was in a magazine.

            Funny thing is if someone told me my college (University of Washington) was rated the worst in the nation I wouldn’t even need to look to dismiss it. There is obviously something to the story if you felt the need to investigate.

          6. Brian

            I thought Christianity was about love and not hatred or judgment. I guess I was wrong…

            By the way, this is libel in my opinion. Don’t be surprised when someone takes you to court.

          7. Eric

            @tyson Nice grammar “not much brains needed” I’m sure you have your degree from Ignorance U???? I’m also impressed that you can judge someone so outright, Jesus was all about that right?? Practice what you teach my friend…btw my priest thinks this is hilarious……..Finally NFG is coming to cleveland in the fall, point out the orgies to me and you can have my car

      2. TimBeam

        That actually doesn’t happen ever because everyone cites their data. This looks like it was made randomly in Microsoft Word

        Reply
      3. James Yalden

        Is it so bad to question things?
        I mean if everyone would believe everything anyone ever said to them we would only have brainwashed retards who would believe that knowledge is a bad thing.Ever watched Fahrenheit 451?

        Just go ahead and stop questioning things,
        you could call everyone names until they start thinking that the earth is flat.
        I belive in god,but i don’t believe that the church is the right place to praise him since it’s full of retards like you.

        How about you kill yourself and ask him if the shitty boring way you live is the right one.
        oh right you can’t because that’S a sin!

        wake up man it’s 2011..

        Reply
  2. Sam "god hater" Hayes

    I like on your bar graph how 85 + 1 = 100%
    Does that mean math is a sin aswell?
    Unless of course your a retard who doesn’t know to put all variables in.

    Reply
    1. Blanche Beecham

      Excuse me Sam, but the remaining 14% were either too drunk or on methyline crack to answer. I think for Mr. Bowers to keep the subject matter tight and to the talking points, the percentages are well presented.

      I always appreciate reading new comments, but if you are here just to show how much you hate Jesus, maybe you can find another site.

      Reply
      1. Sam "god hater" Hayes

        lol im pretty sure this whole site is for trolls. dont get to uptight about it. thet’re all just really good programmers wanting a laugh haha

        Reply
    2. Tyson Bowers III

      Guess you don’t know how to read. 85% of girls who LISTEN to this bad perform anal sex.

      Reply
          1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            She’s my cyber sister, Ken, and she freaking rules. Oh, and Alison, I still want that gummy bear! :-*

          1. penetrationche

            [Groupie] yééé, Trimtab for ever! (isn’t this site even greater than “les Intolérants?”. [/Groupie]

        1. anon

          Hahahaha! You just criticized two people for going to “trade colleges”. You made a spelling erros. “College” does not contain the letter “a”.

          Reply
          1. Claire

            That is NOT raw data. Raw data is every single note that was jotted down during the research process that allows one to formulate a conclusion.

          2. L.N

            So all anyone has to do to be a credible source of information, August, is put a up chart? Doesn’t even matter what the fuck the chart is about, doesn’t matter where the numbers come from, doesn’t matter that there’s no way to tell if it’s in percentages or whatever, all that matters is you have some kind of chart.

          3. Timmay

            Sorry Claire, it looks like the chart has already been removed. I really wanted to see it…

      1. L.N

        Hey Tyson, can you not do math? 85 + 1 = 86, NOT 100. You’re using percentages, and you’re using a yes/no type of scenario, there’s no middle ground when it comes to ‘did you or didn’t you’ type of questions, so you can’t even say that “14% choose to answer differently”. And you want to tell others that their education blows.

        Reply
        1. Tyson Bowers III

          You must goto a trade school as well.

          85% of females who LISTEN to NFG partake in anal sex. Is that so hard to understand?

          Reply
          1. L.N

            That I get. I also get that only 1% do that, according to your chart. Care to explain what happened to the other 14%?

          2. L.N

            That I get. I also get that only 1% don’t do that, according to your chart. Care to explain what happened to the other 14%? I mean, like I said, you’re using percentages, you didn’t say that 86 women answered a question, you’re saying that there’s 85% of women who listen to NFG that partake in anal sex while only 1% that don’t, yet because the scenario doesn’t allow for a middle ground (either they did or they didn’t), you’re missing 14%. You DO realize that percentages work with 100 being all, right? What do the other 14% of women who listen to NFG do? Do they have anal sex as well or not? Why isn’t the information put up in the chart? Do you not know how to add?

          3. Cool Tom Kimbo

            Are you really that bad at math, LN? They are two separate statistics. 85% of NFG fans do anal sex, 15% do not. 1% of non-NFG fans do anal sex, 99% do not.

            I suppose it’s not surprising that many of you can’t figure out the truth about pi when you can’t even read a graph.

          4. L.N

            Ok, I see the issue. While it’s clearer to see it now, the fact is that Tyson is still lying out of his ass. Where did he get the information from? How many girls listen to NFG? How many girls did he ask to obtain this information? Even if the numbers make sense (even if that’s not how you’re supposed to assemble a graph in the first damn place), there’s still too many issues that prevent Tyson from getting any credit.

          5. Kable

            Why are religious people so ignorant. Music does not cause a person to engage in a certain type of sexual activity. I did many christian girls in the ass, and they did not listen to Emo music. They listened to DC Talk, Five Iron Frenzy, Micheal W. Smith, Supertones, etc. Wait those are all christian bands. SHIT!!! So I guess God’s music made them like it in the pooper. Music doesn’t cause a sexual act.
            Smooth guy + dumb christian whore = butt sex.
            This has got to be one of the most unfounded articles I have ever read.

            Oh and Claire. Christians never give proof. They base everything on their own opinion. Hell, Christians condemned people to death for saying the earth revolved the sun.

          6. penetrationche

            I have a question, wich one is worse, slavery or anal sex?
            And another question, wich one does the bible condemn and wich one does it allow?
            Why would God give a damn either I have anal sex or not? That’s not really his business and that’s acting kinda pervert.

        1. penetrationche

          Well, they probably went to a concert and asked every girl they saw if they practiced butt sex.

          Or maybe they just made this up.

          Reply
      2. Tiffany

        how do you know? is your daughter an anal whore? is she running around sleeping with the neighborhood boys and you want to blame it on someone else besides her?

        Reply
  3. Cool Tom Kimbo

    It is horrifying how these punked poppers force young women to moisture themselves. If I ever have a daughter I am never going to let anyone moisture her.

    Reply
        1. Alisonmanson

          failing? how so i mean look at gaga, Katy perry, Marilyn Manson, LMFAO, and of course one u all probably like gorge straight, although im sure he’s gay! i am not failing in fuck thriving and loving it! SUCK IT BITCH! Maybe u can get a little bit of money like that, kinda like ur wife does!

          Reply
          1. Tyson Bowers III

            All record labels are failing. People don’t care to listen to your music. Just by your photo you can see you also fail at life. Look at what you have to do to yourself to get any kind of attention.

          2. Alisonmanson

            lol u still think that’s me? lol wow what a fuck nut! well whatever u ass faced freak! im go and drive around in my limo and throw tons of cash out my window! lol see i care, more than u u douche fucking bag!

          3. Susan B. Xenu

            “Get back to work at the failing record company you intern for.”

            And by that he means the record store you work in at the mall.

            “im go and drive around in my limo and throw tons of cash out my window! lol see i care, more than u ”

            I think people with limos know how to spell and use YOU instead of U.

          4. Tyson Bowers III

            It is you, you don’t need to lie. Your record companies stock (where you intern at) has also dropped $20 in the past 30 days. Very successful. Also it has been taken from a safe buy stock to a wary status. Also, your inability to form any type of defense besides bragging about things you don’t have, shows your age.

          5. Alisonmanson

            in that case pardon me Lauren, forgive me. but my record companies are not failing they boom with power and my grammar is due to my excessive texting! so suck it bitches except u Lauren please forgive me.

          6. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            It’s okay alison. Most people automatically say that cowboys are gay, especially after brokeback mountain…

  4. Jordan

    Do you understand how retarded this article is?
    Everything I ever see on Christwire is a joke, you’re all misinformed sheep being led by hatemongers who don’t even understand what they hate.

    I really mean it in the nicest way possible, but you are all fools. You’re blind, and this website is leading you astray.

    Reply
    1. Timmay

      Are you actually from Jordan, land of musulman terrorists? Clearly you are showing your Christ hating colors.

      Reply
  5. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

    “Now remember that emo stands for “enter my orifice””

    I thought emo meant emosexual! O.o
    It means emotional, genius.

    “There is also a small chance that your daughter maybe “M-ing” herself at night with a house hold item while listening to this black magic sex music.”

    Your daughter may also be masturbating with a household object while listening to gospel music because the thought of a guy being nailed to a cross turns her on… or maybe zombies turn her on….

    “Each song they play at their concerts are enticing your daughter’s baby holes with tingly feelings of sexual sin and fleshy sex poles of pre-martial penetration.”

    Did you know a random hottie on the street can evoke the same emotions?

    Now, Susan. Explain to me how A7x is a christian band? “Dragged you down below/ Down to the devil’s show/ To be his guest forever” – Nightmare. And then there is Little piece of heaven. So necrophilia is acceptable in the Christian religion?

    Reply
    1. Businessman Hank

      Liberals certainly have vivid imaginations. This is some truly disturbing stuff. What possessed to post this vividly imagined sexual filth? The devil?

      Reply
  6. Susan B. Xenu

    I wrote an article on a good band and you guys still fussed about it. You liberals always fuss and point fingers. well here is your chance to be useful. What is a good music act? Tell me and I will research them. If you can point out a music act that is worth listening to, good and not horribly sinful I will write an article about them.

    Reply
    1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

      I never pointed fingers or fussed about your A7x article. I merely said they weren’t christian. Any band I point out would be considered sinful, but I would say TobyMac or Paramour or Asking Alexandria or Newsong

      Reply
        1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

          TobyMac is a real christian rock artist, Xenu. Paramour is not a band of witches. And do a little research into Asking A. They rule!

          FUCK THIS!
          Cross my heart I hope you die
          Left by the roadside
          Karma’s a bitch, Right?

          Reply
          1. Timmay

            More witchcraft spell casting, eh? Well, I am sure Susan and I both have our crosses held high!

          2. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Where is there witchcraft? Those lyrics are from Alerion. Here are the lyrics from TobyMac:

            If you gotta start somewhere why not here
            If you gotta start sometime why not now
            If we gotta start somewhere I say here
            If we gotta start sometime I say now
            Through the fog there is hope in the distance
            From cathedrals to third world missions
            Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

            Tonight’s the night
            For the sinners and the saints
            Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
            It’s all love tonight
            When we step across the line
            We can sail across the sea
            To a city with one king
            A city on our knees
            A city on our knees
            Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

            If you gotta start somewhere why not here
            If you gotta start sometime why not now
            If we gotta start somewhere I say here
            If we gotta start sometime I say now
            Through the fog there is hope in the distance
            From cathedrals to third world missions
            Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

            Tonight’s the night
            For the sinners and the saints
            [ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/tobymac-lyrics/city-on-our-knees-lyrics.html ]
            Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
            It’s all love tonight
            When we step across the line
            We can sail across the sea
            To a city with one king
            A city on our knees
            A city on our knees
            Oh-oh-oh

            Tonight could last forever
            We are one choice from together
            Tonight could last forever
            Ooh
            Tonight could last forever
            We are one choice from together
            As family
            We’re family
            Oh Tonight could last forever
            We are one choice from together
            You and me
            Ya, you and me
            Tonight’s the night
            For the sinners and the saints
            Two worlds collide
            In a glorious display
            ‘Cause its all love tonight
            When we step across the line
            We can sail across the sea
            To a city with one king
            A city on our knees
            A city on our knees
            Oh oh oh
            A city on our knees
            A city on our knees
            Oh oh oh
            If we gotta start somewhere why not here
            If we gotta start sometime why not now

        2. Tiffany

          paramore is how you spell it and shes not a witch and there is only ONE girl in the band. get your facts straight. I HOPE these bands you are talking about sue you guys for defamation of charactor. i know i would.

          Reply
    2. LickMyBalls

      Look up Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Ronnie James Dio, Motley Crue, Guns’N’Roses, Red Hot Chili Pepper, N.W.A., blink-182, Green Day, Taking Back Sunday, The Get Up Kids, The Wonder Years

      Reply
  7. Really?

    ..Really? You have the right to like and dislike any music you wish, but please do research and really try to make an argument. New Found Glory may not be the best band, but Never Follow God? Seriously? Enter My Orifice?

    “Emo” is a style of music, an overall sound, not necessarily about pre-marital banging and not going to church! Good job being judgmental and ignorant. Just google “Emo christian bands”, and voila! But no.

    Oh! I know Avenged Sevenfold may have biblical references and such, but because God used to be pretty tough in the Old Testament, and guys with tattoos who write metal usually appreciate it more for being badass and hardcore than leading to salvation. Check out the lyrics for this Avenged Sevenfold song! http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/avenged_sevenfold/scream.html

    Reply
  8. Captain Obvious

    Hey guys. Just wanted to post this.

    See that guy? That’s a guy trying to be one of the people who write articles for Christwire. He’s failing, because Christwire is Christwire and nobody out-trolls them. Let that be a warning, and make sure to thumb-down that video! Even leave a comment if you want!

    Reply
  9. Mandokasa

    Is this site for real? Come on, this HAS to be a troll website. Nobody could be this stupid and bigoted.

    Reply
  10. Mastachio

    Seriously, is this article a joke. Id imagine it is but i just realised im on a site calle ‘christwire’ and now im not so sure…

    Reply
  11. Nik

    NFG also stands for ‘No Fuking Good’… the same 3 letters we write on broken computers at the shop.

    Reply
      1. Businessman Hank

        It’s not really hate. I just look out for my own interests. I have noticed that non-Christians frequently do the devil’s work. Most notably, trying to tax my business to the point where I can no longer feed my children and keep my customers happy. Liberals.

        Reply
        1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

          I am a non-christian, but I don’t hate christians. I feel sorry for them, but i don’t hate them. And it is hate. Look at these articles! Look at the comments made by the good christians of christwire!

          Reply
          1. Erik

            Susan B. Xenu:

            How can you hate what does not exist (God, Jesus or what ever you call your imaginary friend)?

            If one person beleives in invisible fairytale-like things – he’s comitted to the mentalinstitution. If many people beleive in the same thing – it’s called religion!

          2. Lauren

            Yeah. I didn’t get cut any slack when I told my shrink about the man telling me what to do. But, oh, no! If a lot of people say that a man who is supposed to have died over a thousand years ago is telling them what to do, they get a pat on the back and called devout.

    1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

      You are an idiot. There is no doubt any longer. Avril is a woman. Watch her video “What the Hell” and tell me she’s a man.

      Reply
      1. Timmay

        I am clearly confused now. Sum 4 1 is equal to 5. And Avril is male. I’m not sure where you got your misinformation.

        Reply
        1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

          Yes! Avril Lavigne is a guy. That is we she has BOOBS. How could you say that this disgusting man is a woman?
          [img]http://files.myopera.com/shamim12323/albums/1942871/avril_lavigne_maxim_hd-normal.jpg[/img]

          (Please note the sarcasm ;))

          Reply
          1. Timmay

            Yes, I’ve seen plenty of men in drag in my crusades through the streets of greater Los Angeles. I’ve even managed to save a few! But I am afraid Avril (who’s real name I’ve been told is Gary) may be too far round the bend for salvation.

          2. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Hmm, no. Avril is a very beautiful woman. I’m sure I could do some searches and find a few pictures that prove it. Please, Timmay. I am asking nicely, why do you think Avril is a guy? Give me a source (Not Christwire, please) where that has been proven.

            Thank you,
            And, by the way, me cago en Cristo.

          3. Timmay

            I grew up in So Cal. Everyone here knows a little bit of Spanish at the least. It’s not very Christian to shit on anybody, and downright sinful to do it to His Almightiness.

          4. Timmay

            I thought we concluded that yesterday, after you taught me the proper spelling of “interwebz” (which I thank you for dearly — I feel foolish having misspelled it in front of my more technicillogically oriented peers for so long).

          5. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Dude! I was making fun of how inexprienced you are! You are such an idiot! I told you that! But go ahead and use it up. Don’t blame me when you sound stupid, bastardo.

          6. Timmay

            That may be true. I don’t even own a Facebook, only a bible. But that is all the knowledge one needs!

          7. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Yeah, okay. Tell that to the ACT, SAT, GEE, etc. Study only the bible and see your score. Try to beat my 30 on the ACT

          8. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Simply said what the fuck ever. I did not belittle you, nor did I attempt to link the truth of a claim to a negative characteristic or belief of you. I simply said, What the Fuck Ever.

          9. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Avril’s message to all of you haters

            [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iEYcMJgiGOA/TVYO8ApdyJI/AAAAAAAAADk/YTHKLRgeO68/s1600/avril-lavigne-101-n21396.jpg[/img]

          1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Okay? And? I call alot of people bitch. Did you know that you can actually consider it a complement? A bitch is a registered female dog of high quality.

          2. Timmay

            Yes, yes, I am confident that is precisely how you meant it too. No matter. This banter must now cease for the time being. I must depart for church. Yesterday’s Christ-B-que was fun and all, but today is the more serious prayer session! I shall be praying especially hard for you this afternoon.

    2. Erik

      Well, either you are sarcastic or stupid…
      Sum 41 is a band, New Found Glory is another band. And Avril Lavigne is a female artist. She used to be married to the singer in Sum 41…

      Reply
  12. Jessica

    hahahahah this is the funniest thing i’ve ever read, new found glory are effing awesome, and this article is stupidest shit i’ve ever read. I feel sorry for who ever wrote this.

    Reply
  13. nicole

    I think it is hilarious/sad that the majority of the people commenting on this have can not identify sarcasm when they read it. Satire apparently is part of the olden days. LAWLZ.

    AND NFG ROOLZ!!!!!!!

    Reply
  14. Nathan

    The writers of these articles are the most disgustingly sexually fixated people on the planet. Not only do you call the whole state of florida (a conservative state largely populating by God fearing elderly) a bunch of steroid infused rapists. You pull sickening definitions out of simple abbreviations (emo-emotion-emotional) and incorrectly and disgustingly makes phallic names out of band names due to his own ignorance (Reggie and the Full Effect).

    You talk about the hate other spread, when all you do is make up random lies about something you haven’t even bothered to attempt to understand, and whole states, just to prove some hateful point? Why not do the job religion is supposed to do and make people feel good? Why waste time focusing on something negative, enemies which you invent, rather than write articles on something positive?

    Reply
      1. penetrationche

        No thank you, I do not need God, or his son.

        But I still appreciate that he died so we can sin, that was very nice of him.

        Reply
    1. penetrationche

      No thank you, I do not need God, or his son.

      But I still appreciate that he died so we can sin, that was very nice of him. =)

      Reply
  15. Infamous

    EMO does not stand for enter my orfice..it stands for EMOtional. dumb ass. what a stupid site this is, its ignorance like this that makes the world as judgemental as it is.

    Reply
  16. Crystal

    Whoever wrote this article is in serious need of the facts! I have been listening to NFG ever since I was 15 years old ( I am now almost 27). I have every single one of their cd’s and dvd’s. I have been to 2 of their concerts and have met them personally. I can tell you for a fact that NOT ONE SINGLE THING in your pie chart above happened at either show I attended. These are just a bunch of fun-loving guys who love music that makes people feel good..which is what it does..makes me feel good. Most of the men in the band have wives and children. And one or two are completely straight edge..so how are they a bad influence? Also, they were called “A New Found Glory” back in their early days but then changed it to “New Found Glory”..the fans started the “NFG” thing and it has no relation to satan.

    On a side note..if your daughter is having anal sex or masturbating, she is going to do it no matter what is blasting on her radio..

    –NFG fan for life.–

    Reply
  17. Jeni

    This is the most absurd thing I have ever read! I am a proud Catholic and am a Straightedge; something the “punk scene” started that introduces good morals of “no alcohol, no smoking, no doing drugs, and no premarital sex.” Yet I listen to this band, I have seen them in concert. NONE OF WHAT YOU SAID, HAPPENS! It’s people like you all who give us Christians a bad name. You should be ashamed of this trash you post.

    Reply
  18. 09876543

    You’re all retarded and poorly educated.

    It’s proven the more educated you are, the less likely you are to be religious…

    Have fun burning in Hell where you all belong.

    Reply
    1. Crystal

      So a college graduate is automatically atheist? And a person who flunked out of 8th grade automatically loves Christ. On the contrary-I graduated college & high school with honors. I strongly believe in God. I just don’t believe in New Found Glory being a bad influence. Most of the idiots against that type of music have never even taken the time to listen to it. Just because you hear loud drums and guitars doesn’t mean they are summoning satan to come up..

      Reply
      1. Aaron

        lets face it… MOST christians are only christian because their parents are, and they are too closed minded or havent even considered the possibility there is no god or even other religious views.

        Reply
  19. nfgforever

    I love New Found Glory and in no way do their songs promote sexual acts, drugs, or anything of that nature. Most of their songs are about love. Emo doesn’t stand for “enter my orifice,” it’s an abbreviation for emotional. And who are you people to pass your judgement on people you don’t even know? God is the only one who has the right to judge. The world all around you is full of sin, so you might as well get used to living in it. And girls have anal sex all the time, not because they listen to this kind of music. Masturbation is a normal thing among teens and young adults. And NFG stands for New Found Glory, not Never Follow God, if they wanted the initials to mean that, they would have called the band that. And who cares if they’re gay or bi-sexual? Everyone has the right to love. New Found Glory is better than any of you pieces of shit who bash everything because it’s not your cup of tea. And I love it when NFG gets me wet. 😉

    Reply
  20. Awesome

    This is the best thing I’ve ever read. And the fact that everyone is getting so uppity makes it that much more hilarious. People really need a lesson in sarcasm. This is pure gold hahaha

    NFG FTW!!!!

    Reply
  21. HA

    and so everyone knows, it’s called satire. might as well rename this site “The Christian Onion”

    Reply
  22. Tina

    This is the dumbest article i’ve read all week. Are you kidding me?! This is the definition of closed-minded, biased, bible thumping protestants. You are what gives Christians a bad name. Listen to the ‘vile’ words used in the article. No self-respecting person would talk like that while they are criticizing someone else! Talk about hipocrites, shit if i had parents like you, i’d want to ‘be a groupie’ too! Start focusing on love and acceptance rather than judging obscure/not-so-popular bands.

    Reply
  23. Seriously?

    Is this serious? I know NFG and listen to thier music. You have lost your mind if you believe that anything in this piece is true. I cant help but to think this whole website is a joke.

    Reply
  24. Best Article Ever

    Been to plenty concerts to see New Found Glory and plenty of Christian church concerts as well.

    Here is the raw data:
    NFG= New Found Glory. It was pulled from another song by The Get Up Kids http://i49.tinypic.com/2vlnqs4.jpg “No Fucking God” is an assumption. The Get Up Kids (not the “Getting It Up Kids”) are a band whose lyrics typically center around lost love and the hopefulness of finding your perfect match. I don’t really understand why you had to make a sexual reference here.

    Emo music is short for “Emotional Music.” The genre began in the 1980s . The term stems from it’s often personal, emotional lyrics accompanied by melodic music. Since it began, the term has been watered down to describe any melodic rock or mis-appropriated to bands who use mascara (or perhaps 15 years since this band began this is NOW what emo means). Please refer to your photos to see that these bands do not fit this category. In this case, NFG is more similar to the Christian bands Relient K, MxPx and Slick Shoes.

    Sex Ploy for Daughters. The band does not use terms as vulgar as this article. “Tantalizing moisture in their private area” is more sexually arousing than this band’s lyrics. As for the concerts, the band does not ask nor imply that the girls should do anything this negative or extreme. You can say that these kinds of girls find these guys attractive, but your assumptions truly stem from your hate of non-gospel related rock in general.

    Anal Sin Docking Graph. This was an attempt at being witty over actual fact. I understand it was to prove your point, but it’s sad to see that some people believe this graph to be accurate.

    What Goes On At A NFG Concert Graph. Once again, an attempt at wit over actual fact. You will not see any of these things at an NFG concert. And even if anyone did want to ruin the concert by doing this in the crows, they would be IMMEDIATELY ejected from the premises. Concerts aren’t a cult meeting.

    Reply
  25. art velo

    nothing like promoting your religion of “acceptance, love and truth” with complete lies. seems a bit hypocritical..

    Reply
  26. Bryan o

    This is the most rediculous closeminded rant from a bunch of physcotic christian fucks that have no clue what their talking about. Fuck yourselfs and get a life.

    Reply
  27. Nfgvickee

    Wow…I didnt know Jesus hated us all so much. Im 100% brainwashed by new found glory so I guess that means Jesus hates me and Im going to hell…I guess I better stop going to church now before I burst into flames!!!!

    Reply
  28. Adam

    WoW. I’d just like to cover a few things in this interesting article I’ve come across.

    Can I start by saying (NFG) stands for NewFound Glory. (Let’s just pretend its completely obvious.
    Next. (emo) stands for the genre of music. (Shortended from the original word emotional. (Again let’s pretend like its obvious)
    More so your statistics are completely wrong and I don’t even think your graphs equal 100% hahaha.

    And on to the real kicker. If you call yourself a good christian organiztion. Why would you be so hateful, judgemental, and all around bad. In the bible (which yes I have read) it says to love thy neighbor, and also to forgive for sins and wrong doings and love everyone like your own family. Not to hold grudges. And I’m pretty sure all of these “assumptions” are all slander. (For those of you who do not know this is a sin)

    Reply
    1. Adam

      PS. Your grammar is kinda bad too in this article. For future information. If you a word starts with a vowel you cannot use “a” before it. It becomes “an”.

      Example. Please hand me A spoon.
      Please hand hand AN ice cream cone

      Reply
  29. Samantha

    I have in fact met all of NFG and none of them tried to get into my holes this is pathetic take the bible and shove it up your asses. It’s a ashame that this is what religion has come to. First you freaks blame certain artist for the reasons fucked up little kids commit school shootings now NFG are seducing girls with their music. This is unbelievable.

    Reply
  30. Nfgvickee

    Is it just me or does it seem as if the author is battling his own homosexuality?!? Its ok to come out already…I promise Jesus doesn’t really hate the gays. Like Lady GaGa says, “Baby you were born this way!”

    Reply
  31. Robert hylton

    HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!!! I’m gonna go smoke some devil lettuce and beat it to New Found Glory!

    Reply
  32. AvidListenerOfRealMusic

    I suppose, according to the pie chart about what happens at the concerts, that the only listeners are females and the “forced female moist” is forced upon these young females whose bodies are not normal and react normally as any other body that may sweat in tight areas such as crowds? Also, I am to believe that these band members impregnate all of their female listeners?

    I just find this article especially entertaining because of all bands to pick on, you have picked on NFG, not that I listen to them or think that they are a great band.. hahahah

    This has got to be the funniest shit I’ve read all week lololololol.

    Reply
  33. kissmyfears

    I don’t know guys, I frequently moist myself to new found glory. Especially at their shows. I’m literally in awe of ignorance right now. SERIOUSLY.

    Reply
  34. Becca

    Excuse me, I’d like to clarify a few things to the the author.
    A, NFG stands for nothing else than New Found Glory. Any other abbreviations are not associated with the band in any way shape or form. As a journalist myself, and also an Aunt who takes care of her nephew, I watch for these kind of things. This is just not true, and I have done extensive research.
    Also, EMO doesn’t stand for “enter my orifice.” I have NEVER heard of this before reading this article, and I have a younger sister who listens to “emo” music. Emo is short for emotional, as in emotional alternative rock. It is just another way to express feelings. I honestly don’t believe that this type of music is having a negative effect on youth. My sister is a straight-A student, college bound, holds a steady job, and volunteers through our church every weekend.
    And, having chaperoned several NFG concerts with her i have NEVER ONCE saw/heard of/ even had an inkling of ANY of the things in that pie chart. This is just made-up lies. Now obviously you’re thinking–they’re not going to do that stuff in front of you, but as you so aptly put, the glory holes are in “plain sight.”
    It shames me that a site claiming to be spreading the word of Christ could break a fundamental lesson taught to us: Thou shalt not lie. I believe that is still one of the commandments, no? Well this article is a STRAIGHT UP LIE. Shame on you, Tyson Bowers III, and shame on you, ChristWire.

    Reply
  35. Jen

    This is one of the funniest “articles” I have ever read…thanks for the all the laughs! I will be laughing about what EMO means for a while!

    Reply
  36. Me

    I’ve been to a NFG gig. It’s all true… (obvious sarcasm that cannot be portrayed through the internet)

    Reply
  37. Alex Alva

    As believer in God I don’t think he would approve any of the name calling and hatred going on here. I know the guys of New Found Glory and they are good guys. If you really think though they are god haters and what not don’t try to do Gods work and punish them just leave them be and let God take care of it. I don’t think we are here on Earth to do God’s work and punish evil. We should embrace his work and just love eachother and those who refuse to love will be handled by God. But stop making fools of ourselves and God by being mean to one another.

    Reply
  38. Meagan

    You people are all out of your minds, seriously. You’re brainwashed and extremists. I’ve been to three NFG shows and and I’m not a devil worshipper or a whore. Hahaha. I can’t even handle the amount of ridiculousness this “article” contains. You’re making all other Christians look bad by writing things like this.

    Reply
  39. Licia

    Let me start by saying that I have Jesus in my heart. I have been listening to new Found Glory since I was 9, and never once did I “moisture” myself from their music, nor have I ever seen an orgy at one of their concerts backstage. I have no idea where you even got any of this from. The guitarists girlfriend is the singer of Paramore, a known Christian-influenced band.

    “I’ve been stuck in this whirlwind
    My life’s been spinning round my head
    Long distance conversations
    Make up for me not being there

    And now I’m coming home
    I’m coming home to you again
    I hope you feel the same
    Now I’m coming home
    I’m coming home to you again
    I hope things haven’t changed

    Singin’
    I’ve been locked inside this freight train
    Unaware of the normal life I had
    Frustration building a foundation
    I wrote this song to let you know that I’ll be back

    Do those sound like the lyrics of a satanic, God-hating sex pervert? No, no they don’t.

    It makes me sick to know that you have a venue thatould be used for spreading Christs love, and instead you’re attacking an entire band for no reason. Are they perfect humans who have never sinned? No. But they ARE NOT evil, and they don’t want anything from your daughters. Music isn’t some big evil machine designed to destroy Christ.

    ps. the band Hawk Nelson sounds JUST LIKE New Found Glory, but they’re on a Christian label. What’s the difference?

    pss. Emo is short for Emotive Hardcore, a genre of music popularized in the late 1980s through various bands in the DC area. Some of the most notable emo bands, eg Mineral and Sunny Day Real Estate, are Christian-influenced, and openly talk about their relationships with the Lord.

    psss. These guys are all in their 30s. They want nothing to do with young girls. Most of their fans are guys anyway.

    Stop lying in the name of God. He has a place for people who lie and manipulate people, and it’s not a very fun one.,

    Reply
  40. Aleph

    Is this site for real? Is the guy that wrote this article legit and serious? REALLY? I work in the same music industry as NFG and its not this bad at ALL, your chart is one of the most humorous things Ive ever seen.

    wow, If you people are trying to “save the world” with your “conservative values” you should think again because your so called values are completely ridiculous and are one of the main reasons religion and christianity is looked down upon. Oh and I can spell christianity with out a capital C because “Christ” is actually a state of being, its not Jesus’ last name. Look it up. I’m a firm believer in God, I am very spiritual person and in tune, AND I MUST SAY, OMGOODNESS, You all need to save yourselves from the upbringing you experienced because this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen… Ever…. Ever. Wow. PLEASE STEP OUTSIDE OF THE “CHRISTIAN BOX” THAT YOU LIVE IN. OR DONT AND KEEP HUMORING US ALL.

    Reply
  41. Bahahahaha

    bahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaha
    This is the kind of thing that makes me embarrassed to be a christian. Am I ashamed of my beliefs ….no I’m ashamed of the people who think they are “christians” and have the right to “damn” everything they do not otherwise understand. I’ve been on tour with these guys and have friends that have been as well. Do you really think if you listen to their cds that its going to have underlying butt fucking and ash to mouth how tos or point to Anal sex. “NFG” and “EMO”. Really???? Yea this is not worth the time I have already put into it.

    Reply
  42. what a joke

    I’m surprised this didn’t mention how Casey Anthony listens to NFG! I mean, seeing as they are from the same state and all! All the Prosecutors had to do was mention this to the jurors and she would have been found guilty in a heartbeat it appears! OH GOSH! What is this world coming to!! NFG FUCKING RULES! and they would punch you in the face for calling them emo by the way!

    Reply
  43. RainOnRahoon

    May I just say that you are mistaken in your interpretation of the slang term “emo”. “Emo” is short for “emotional”, and is used to describe those (generally teenagers) who have emotional problems, including depression. It has become a main-stream fad, and it is now seen as “cool” to be emo.

    Also, “Never Follow God”? No, when the band is referred to as NFG it still stands for New Found Glory. What you claimed is pretty much the same as saying that as soon as your name in shortened to it’s initials, it gains a new meaning.

    “this band’s pure agenda is to enter their crave rockets into as many moist camel hump orifices as possible.” I am sorry, but what are you even trying to say here? If you are trying to say “the band’s agenda is to have sex with women”, then please just say it instead of bastardizing the English language and using words improperly. You have done this many times throughout this article. Please, just say what you mean.

    As for the band “[tricking] girls into thinking that they understand how girls want to be loved and treated”, I think you completely misunderstand that. Females (especially young girls) like to listen to music about love, and the perfect-romanticized views on love. I do not see how writing songs about treating women right is wrong. Would you rather them listen to rap where they hear women being referred to as “whores” and “sluts”? I sure would not.

    Also, for the graphs and such, I would very much like it if you were to put more research into your articles before coming up with numbers that fit your specific beliefs and are not correct.

    As for their concerts being “a ploy to get your daughters to their concerts, so they can brainwash them and make their bodies start boiling with sex tensions and tantalizing sinful moisture in their private area”… Really? I mean, this is just throwing out random accusations. If a female is attracted to a male, she may feel some “tensions”, but going to a concert does not make girls want to have sex with everyone. It is just not how it works.

    Please be less opinionated and more factual in your future articles. Thank you.

    And I know that I am going to get some replies to this telling me that I am a sinner and a liar, and all of that nonsense. I will have you know now that I am a devoted Christian and follower of God. I simply do not appreciate when rash accusations are thrown out because of a twisted idea. Please get your facts straight.

    Reply
  44. Miz

    You guys give religion a bad name. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t men that it’s a sin. If that was the case then the fact that you’re an ignorant piece of shit old man would be a sin too. Also the fact that you didn’t even get the names of New Found Glory or The Get Up Kids right shows that you have no idea what you’re talking about. New Found Glory is the name of the band, not A New Found Glory, and deffinately not Never Follow God. Since you seem to be a christian who is hellbent on censoring everything evolved in pop culture. At some point you should take time out of you busy hate-filled schedule to do a little bit of research on the stuff you’re trying to play god with. You can’t decide what is and what isn’t a sin. you’re pathetic

    Reply
  45. Mikey

    This is a joke website right? You morons don’t ACTUALLY exist do you?!

    Wow. This Susan lady is THE reason people get cancer.

    Reply
  46. Jam

    This has to be a joke right?
    this is ridiculous
    jesh I swear people will do what ever it takes to smash the true meaning of Christians….
    These people writing these things go make every other christian look like an idiot because of this.
    Wow thanks alot….

    Reply
  47. me

    First of all thats not what new found glory stands for..secondly its “the get up kids” not “getting up kids.” Learn your fact before running your mouth. And third, most important, gossiping and talking about people like this (especially when its false” is a sin..if you actually pick up the bible and read it you will find it in there. Im not even religious and i know that. Hope you ask for forgiveness!

    Reply
  48. me

    Also THE GET UP KIDS probably have more talent than you could ever dream of..not to mention they’re real people..not jesus freak robots like you.

    Reply
  49. NFGfaglover

    God is dead

    get over yourselves

    NFG is just like any other emo pop-punk band

    stupid pussy christian bitches

    Reply
  50. Anon

    This is so stupid. People don’t hate God, they hate the people that follow them because they’re so rude! Just calm down and cite your sources and there wouldn’t be a problem.

    Reply
  51. Catholic

    If I may say this is the stupidest article not only is it downgrading people and judging them it is also leading to conclusion that are not completely correct. I am a proud Catholic and none of their music has made me commit an act of sort. I completely disagree and I am sure God wouldn’t like you judging people for expression themselves.

    Reply
  52. Jess

    uhhhh…. you guys do know that New Found Glory started out as A New Found Glory, and was originally a christian pop punk band, right? Check your facts before you make yourself sound like anymore of an idiot.

    Reply
    1. Ryan

      I hate to break it to you, but half the band is Jewish…
      But I agree with everything else you said!

      They originally started out as a cover band.

      Reply
  53. Berae

    Is this website for real? Is this column for real? Someone actually thinks New Found Glory is out trying to anal rape all the women at their concerts? I’ve been to quite a few of their shows and I can truthfully say that I have not once been raped or chloroformed.

    I guess it takes all kinds.

    Reply
      1. Businessman Hank

        Truly. If you’re going to immerse yourself in sinlust and attempt to seduce the pornographers that pose as musicians on stage, you should at least make an effort and wear some makeup. You don’t get anywhere in life without putting something into it.

        Reply
  54. Roxy

    This is the most ridiculous site I’ve seen on the Internet. I’m a christian teen girl and I listen to New Found Glory. The chart is a total lie. NONE OF THAT HAPPENS AT THEIR CONCERTS. They don’t even talk about sex in their songs! You should be ashamed of publicly such lies on this so called “christian page.”

    Reply
  55. wow

    I REALLY HOPE THIS IS A JOKE, IF NOT, WHOEVER WROTE THIS….HOPEFULLY GETS HIT BY A BUS FOR BEING SO FUCKING STUPID. THAT IS ALL.

    WOO ANAL SEX!

    Reply
  56. Tom CRONE

    This is the most i have ever laughed at any stupidity on the internet ever.
    god is dead. HAIL SATAN
    666

    Reply
  57. Ellie

    This actually made me laugh out loud for quite some time. I have been to numerous NFG concerts and not one of those things mentioned in the graphs has ever happened. This is bullshit.

    Reply
  58. Lexie

    Hmm, I don’t agree with what your saying here. I hate when people takes a simple band and make them sound disgusting, and since when was anal sex was a sin? Besides, if your daughter is performing the things you think she is, than you should blame yourself. Because clearly you didn’t raise her well enough to know right from wrong. I think you just don’t like the band, but it’s my onion. And your review on AX7 was great but isn’t calling them a christian band wrong? They never did state that they were, and isn’t saying that their a christian band a sin because using god name as a marketing price
    (something like that)wrong? But AX7 did come from the exile of Cain. But whatever you really should write a review on is Flyleaf. I really want to hear your opinion on them!

    Reply
  59. Dave

    Religion is a lie. Stop wasting your life. I pity people who have a faith. It’s sickening, go get fucked.

    Reply
  60. AGayRaisedCathloc

    This is GREAT! Especially since all the members of NFG are christian…THE NAME EVEN SPELLS IT OUT FOR YOU. Oh, and get it right, EMO is not an acronym, emo people are people who cut themselves for pleasure. If your going to insult a social group of fellow human beings, then at least insult them for what they actually do, there is no need to make things up for that one.

    Reply
    1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

      Not all of us do it for pleasure. That’s just kinda disturbing. It’s not a turn on for me, it’s how I express the pain I don’t want to show.

      Reply
  61. NotEven-a-NFG-fan

    As hilarious as this is, I feel sorry for any “Christians” that actually believe this hateful slander. I could care less about the crappy band, I could care less that you completely slander anyone who’s homosexual, but good God. How can you claim to be Christian and have a twisted mind-frame like this?
    Pointless religion aside. Emo, has nothing at all to do with any orfice of anyone’s body. Emo is short for Emotional. In other words, give your damn children attention! They surely won’t be gangbanged and raped just for listening to a musician (other than Michael Jackson…)
    If anyone actually believes this fucktard or anything “blogged” on this site, you’re a pitiful, gullable, well… retard. Who the hell cares what this douchebags views are anyways? He’s not God. He’s not Jesus. He’s just some bum who gets off on slandering entire races, religions, and even musicians.
    Either he was touched a little too much by his preist or his shitty parents didn’t show him enough attention.

    Reply
  62. Aaron

    if all this god and Christianity bullshit somehow does turn out to be real, I guess I’m going to hell along with just about every other person on this planet… rockin out with satan himself 😀

    Reply
    1. Businessman Hank

      Just a hint, young man. Satan doesn’t like you, no matter how hard you try to gain his favor. If you were trying to prepare for Hell by having anal sex, let me tell you, Hell is a lot worse than that.

      Reply
  63. Ryan

    If the author did his/her homework instead of studying a book of fake made up bullshit, they’d see their original name was “A” New Found Glory, making their acronym ANFG. Oh, and more than half the band is Jewish. This article is null and void. END THREAD.

    Reply
    1. Harold Camping

      Young lady,

      You do have it at least half right.

      We do know who murdered Jesus, so the bands’ demographic makes sense.

      I’ve long suspected that many Hebrew entertainers are trying to atone for Jesus’ anguish in Gethsemane – that was so deep that “his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.”

      Reply
      1. penetrationche

        Well Harold, I’ve seen your “Family Radio” and I have two words for you :

        COMIC SAAAAAAAAAAANS!!!!

        Reply
  64. LOLOLOL

    LMAO!!! This made me crack up! Please write a review on a band called ‘Trigger the Bloodshed’

    Reply
  65. Lee Hutchison

    This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read in my entire life. It is things like this that make people hate and attack Christianity. It is hard for me to believe that such attacks would be bestowed onto New Found Glory. I am a 19 year old Christian myself, and with New Found Glory being my favorite band I can assure anyone that Jordan, Chad, Steve, Ian and Cyrus do not have intentions of sleeping with girls at random. Obviously the writer or this article did absolutely NO research on the band or the members. There are so many places I could start… First off, New Found Glory is not a “parental” disguise for a different name such as “Never Follow God”. In fact, the lead guitarist, Chad Gilbert is an outspoken Christian. In any of the “Thank You” sections of any of New Found Glory’s albums, his first thank you is always his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Cyrus Bolooki, the drummer of New Found Glory also claims to be a Christian. There are many other simple flaws with this article. It literally gave me a sick feeling reading this and knowing that it was absolutely untrue. People need to give up their narrow minded ways and look closer at something before they try to make a judgement that only God should be able to make.

    Reply
    1. penetrationche

      Well, even if this doesn’t mean Never Follow God, this kinda makes sense.
      You should never follow random bearded old guys, they might be rapists.

      Reply
    2. Businessman Hank

      You would do well to know that one of Satan’s favorite tricks is deception. They may CLAIM to be Christian, but if their actions speak wholly to the contrary, we can only assume the opposite. They’re deceiving you to get in your daughter’s pants (and not even the right part, either! Yuck)!

      Reply
      1. GODHATESYOU

        It’s close minded fucks like you that I can’t wait to die and leave this world behind. You don’t know shit about this band or the music, so what gives you a right to talk about it? Go back to your precious Mercedes, get a gun, blow your brains out. KTHNXBYE

        Reply
  66. Tiffany

    emo doesnt stand for “enter my orphise” it stands for EMOTIONAL. All you “christians” are so judgemental towards everyone besides the people who are in your CULT you weirdos. When judgement day comes you might be the ones to go to hell from taking over a job that only can is suppose to do. New found glory doesnt make children wet you CRAZY WEIRDOS! If your daughter went to the concert and got wet, then maybe she is just feeling something natural that every girl is suppose to feel…havent you ever felt those feelings? Lay off and quit ramming your beliefs down peoples throats.

    Reply
  67. Tiffany

    ps. I hope new found glory finds out about your accusations and sues the holy hell out of you for defamation of charactor.

    Reply
  68. Shayna

    AHAHA They get that many girls to “M theirself.” HOW FUCKING AWESOME. Swag.

    P.S This makes Christianity look like a joke. And thank you, you reminded me to listen to NFG today. Haven’t in awhile :)

    Reply
  69. NewFoundMitch

    Whoever wrote this is an idiot. NFG simply stands for New Found Glory. And if you actually listened to them some of their lyrics mention God. You Christians are impossible. I hope on your deathbed you realize that there is no God, that there is no life after death. Then you will realize that you have wasted your whole life on your knees for nothing. When I first read this I thought it was some kind of joke. New Found Glory is simply an amazing band. I hope Jordan, the vocalists, reads this ignorant post. You guys are no better than Westburo Babtist.

    Reply
  70. KingCharlesCavalier

    So how does everyone feel about Marilyn Manson? I feel that he embraces the Christian Spirit the most out of all the musical acts these days!

    Reply
  71. anonymous

    This is ridiculous. All of you god-lovers are out of control. There is nothing wrong with New Found Glory. Don’t you have better things to do than attempt to make things appear anti-religion, when in reality they are not at all? Wake up, it’s 2011.

    Reply
  72. Fro

    first of all, way to criticize floridians. cause were not all like that. secondly, every member of new found glory is straight edge. and they are also all in a straight edge band called The International Superheroes Of Hardcore. Have you ever actually listened to NFG? So I dont know where you pull all your info from.

    Reply
    1. Lurlene Tyranna Shores

      You can’t bamboozle us. We are all aware what straight edge stands for, they have steves running up their arms signaling their willingness to engage in abominal satanic sex practices that might not even be legal in their jurisdiction.

      Reply
  73. Streifen

    Thank you for the entertaining banter everyone. It is amazing to me that number of comments that must go “tl;dr” and proceed to defend NFG, or non-christianity and liberal sexy time without noticing the multiple posts that clearly mention how this site is satirical.

    To all the children and man-children and she-babies who cannot identify satire if it introduced itself, made you sign a waiver to prove that you understand that it is satire, and then slapped you across the face with it’s labial commissure, just to make sure you understood that this site and all the articles herein are satire… wait, I lost my train of thought. Good thing no one actually reads this before posting.

    Satirical = Satanical. Coincidence? I think not. And since Christwire is the interweb embodiment of Christ & thinly spooled metals, there is no way that it could be satanical, and therefore cannot be Satirical. Case closed. This site is mad legit Christian values.

    Reply
  74. steve rogers

    Ok so everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I for one am a huge fan of Never Follow God, or more commonly known as New Found Glory, and honestly say I’ve only partook in anal sin docking with a female once! Nonetheless you have your beliefs about this band and that’s fine, but if you’re going to publicly post something about it please make sure you use correct grammar and syntax. For the of your lord use the gift of knowledge bestowed upon you and pay attention in English class.

    Reply
    1. haircut74

      “…or more commonly known as…”
      “…I’ve only partook…”
      but then
      “…please make sure you use correct grammar and syntax.”

      [img]http://lolwut.com/layout/lolwut.jpg[/img]

      Reply
  75. Kelly

    This is by far THE MOST RIDICULOUS thing I’ve ever read on the Internet. Congratulations morons, you’ve single handedly made the Christian religion a joke to everyone who has been exposed to your idiotic little website. I really hope this is a joke.

    Reply
  76. Elizabeth

    This was possibly the best laugh I’ve had this week. Forced female moisture, for real? Lawl.

    Reply
  77. haircut74

    [img]http://static.tumblr.com/noiu98j/gUplb4j88/trollface.jpg[/img]mfw idiots actually take this seriously and rage about it.

    Reply
  78. KK

    Wow. I’m 23 and a Christian who also loves NFG. The author of this article is bias, a judgemental person who should know that when writing they should know their audience. I would love to know where they got these ideas, because no normal person with fully functioning brains could produce such crap.

    Reply
  79. Jesus

    This IS a joke, right? I mean, this whole site has to be a joke cause it’s just far too absurd. I was raised a Christian, went through 12 years of Catholic schooling, and have listened to New Found Glory for over 10 years now. I even somehow have managed to remain a heterosexual while listening to pop-punk for 14 years now. It’s people like you who give Christianity a bad name. Do you think you’re the solution? You’re driving more people away from Christ. You’re the problem! I stumbled up this site by mistake and believe me, it’ll be the last time I ever visit it again. Next time you want to post another ignorant rant, think about the people you’re turning away from God.

    Reply
  80. aylene

    Wow this is all messed up. Reading it just made me cringe and I can’t believe people actually think like this. I listen to new found glory and I don’t believe I am being brainwashed to do anything and I don’t have any so called “tingly” feelings when I listen to them (that’s just gross, why would anyone write that?). seriously, I don’t know if this is a joke but it sure sounds like one. Orgies?? I think that if anyone is brainwashing anyone it’s this website, making others believe all of this without knowing anything. Music is as simple as this– It comes from within and it goes out to those with understanding ears and hearts. There’s no devil controlled person seeking to destroy the souls of anyone. WE ARE ALL PEOPLE!!! Let’s all grow up and try to be aware that we all like what we like and think how we think and so on. If you believe in GOD then believe that he placed us here to respect each other and everything else. Own an open mind.

    Reply
    1. Kaz

      Aylene:

      Hear hear!

      I don’t care who you are or what you believe; if you take the heart out of music, there’s not much point. Listen to what moves you and enjoy the feeling that comes with human existence.

      Rock on, babe. :-)

      Reply
  81. Taylor

    Just curious, but since when did religion simply become a game of who yells the loudest at the other religions? People like everyone shouting on this thread are a reason why I have no religion. Because you all act like abused children hiding in a corner and yelling at anyone who contradicts your thoughts. They are yours and yours alone, don’t pollute the thoughts of others – let them go out and find there own. Jesus taught peace and love, and he himself was Jewish not Christian. And before the Jewish existed they were Islamic. All religion comes from the same beginning, the same start, it’s just differing explanations for the same act. Why can’t the adults of this world accept that and work together for once instead of claiming Satan in everything they dislike? Oh, and Satan was once an angel, do you forget that? If you believe in god, you must believe in him and he must exist in order for there to be some balance and challenge in the world. This is all simple logic. Perhaps if more extremists used logic the world wouldn’t be so full of hate.

    Reply
  82. Michael

    I love god the all mighty. I attended one of nfg shows and I bent over to tie my shoe and a large white guy pulled out his black magic stick and tried to anal dock me. I said holy shit and left. There is nothing but lezbos and gays that attended there shows. Also at there show they had the audacity to deface the mighty jesus christ and said ” nw fuck god” aka nfg.

    Reply
    1. Michael

      Oh I also wanted to say the worst antichrist band is that blink 182 who is friends with nfg. I also was violated when a young whore teen pulled out her milk jug and waved them around like you don’t care cause this chad beast said to. That young girls mom should be ashamed of her self. But I will say I did meet these two wonderful christian lezbos named vicky and johana very nice ladies.

      Reply
      1. y

        Hey there mike, its vicky…just wanted to say hi and ask how was your time with tom at the never pants ranch.ps. can’t wait to give your daughter that NFG tattoo.

        Reply
          1. vickee

            I can’t wait either leann!!! Well have matching nfg tattoos ….nfg buddies for life! Lol

  83. Nicole

    First of all ANYONE who says or believes any of this garbage either gets butt raped by a priest or gets off on a bible…..WTF is this garbage and wrinkled old bat calling young girls whores COME ON PEOPLE for freaks sake…I have been to a lot of NEW FOUND GLORY shows with my daughter and we have never seen a “glory hole” or “milk sac contests”or “anal docking” nor have we ever gotten “moist” have you ever even listened to an NFG song? they dont even curse. MAAAAAAAAAAAAN i am so glad i am a fucked up catholic and not a freaky Christian….BUTT RAPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Michael needs to stop talking shit about bands…just so everyone knows HE’S GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  84. Rusty Shakleford

    Lol You christians are all so dumb. Stop hating on other religions. You guys can’t even be the better man and let others do what they want? You all are pathetic whores that need some rotted cucumbers jammed in your orifices. Oh and I am catholic. good day.

    Reply
  85. Jamie

    Best laugh i’ve had for a while :’) ” Now remember that emo stands for “enter my orifice” and this band’s pure agenda is to enter their crave rockets into as many moist camel hump orifices as possible.” I personally thought it was just short for emotional. I still like them, and i’ve never heard of anyone performing anal sex over them :’), I would also personally like to know what a “M-ing” circle is.

    Reply
  86. Emily

    I don’t know about anyone else, but I am more disturbed by how Mr. Bowers goes in depth about arousing teenage girls. This article is straight up foolish, and reminds me about how crazy people were about Elvis and his music. It scares me that people follow and listen to leaders like this without seecking their own truth.
    Also, being lumped in the same “Christian” catagory as the author of this article sucks.

    Reply
  87. lauren jane

    this is bullshit. i actually can’t stop laughing. people like this are an absolute insult to christianity and give the religion a bad name. how the hell are new found glory a god hating, somewhat perverted (judging by this article), hell inducing band? there’s no solid evidence to prove it. this article is complete and utter lies and it’s pretty funny actually. hey, to the guy who wrote this, are you considering stand up? because the shit you write is pretty damn inaccurate and funny. i kinda feel sorry for the person who wrote this, actually – that they’re so brainwashed by an offset cult state of mind that makes them believe that almost everything around them is a threat to their beliefs. if god says we should all love one another, then clearly, you’re doing it all wrong.

    Reply
  88. Juli0666

    This has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever read in my life.You people will find anything and everything to judge.Get a fucking life and quit trying to tell people how to run theirs.What a joke.Oh,and N.F.G is straight fucking POP PUNK! not “emo” or whatever else you idiots label them.

    Reply
  89. nita

    Lol. New Found Glory is not satanic or minipulative in any way. And the terms you use to describe the human body are outrageous, not to mention stupid. Leave the music industry alone. The only people who know the real truth are the band members. I think you need counceling…….

    Reply
  90. Pingback: Christwire claims New Found Glory exist to “impregnate young females” | Under The Gun Review

  91. fred

    as a teen girl who has been to a new found glory concert and is a big fan of theirs i find this absolutely hilarious!!!!!!

    Reply
  92. Kyle

    Emo = enter my orifice
    The get up kids = Getting it up Kids
    Reggie & the full effect = Reggie’s Fully Erect
    Breasts = large milk sacks

    Get your mind out of the gutter and you’re fucking weird.

    Reply
  93. Michael J. Caldwell

    This is satire, right? There’s no way something this hysterical could have been written without at least a giggle from the author. You guys are masquerading; this has to be a branch of the Onion.

    Next you’re going to tell me that God hates fags. On that note, what business is it of yours or anyone else’s whether Jordan is gay, straight, bi or otherwise? Absolutely brilliant, folks. Just a bang-up job of over-analyzing something that needn’t be put under the microscope in the first place.

    Reply
    1. Michael J. Caldwell

      Whew, just got some confirmation- this is indeed satirical. My underage girl-raping forehead was sweating there for a minute.

      Reply
  94. erin

    I listen to NFG and don’t partake in anal sex. I also happen to have met them on several occasions and they are upstanding gentleman, everything in this article is completely based on wild opinions and not fact. I am a college educated, married woman with a strong moral compass, so my opinion is just as valuable. I think God would want everyone to respect each other and their decisions, even if you thought it might potentially send them to hell.

    Reply
  95. VinnieNFG

    This has made my day, i’m a christian and i love New Found Glory. so for some fellow christian to write this absolute load of bollocks as if it is the truth, is just funny. All you are doing is preaching Hate about something you have no idea about. if ANYONE is going to end up in HELL it will be you (the writer) and the people involved for posting this garbage.

    Reply
  96. TomTom

    Iv been to 6 new found glory shows. They put on a good energetic show but i alwase make sure to go to the glory hole with the black guy for some good anal fun before i go home.

    Reply
  97. Jay

    you people are freaks!! haha wow, actually you sound like a bunch of pedophiles who get off on talking about this crazy nonsense! doesn’t sound very Christian to me!!

    Reply
  98. Jersey

    Wow! At first I thought that this just HAD to be a joke, no way people could actually think like this. Then as I went down the line of comments, the first couple dozen proved me dead wrong. That the lowest form of thinking was actually MAINSTREAM! But thankfully haircut72 and down seemed to have gotten the idea that this was a satirical post and quelled my trigger finger, because from my last tour to Afghanistan I definately know what religious extremism is and ya’ll are no different. Extremists, no matter if they are Christian, Jewish, Islamic are all the same. As proven by the history of the last couple thousand years. Do you own thing and if it moves people they will come. Enjoy YOUR religion… if i wonder by and think its a good idea maybe i’ll attend. But if someone is constantly preaching to me and trying to convert me I’m going to weapon so far up their *** they’ll smell the smoking barrel. Tis all.

    Reply
  99. Sarah

    Really? Seriously? This band is the LEAST of ANYONE’S worries. They sing about music, friends, and falling in love. They are veterans of a very respectable and honorable music scene. Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean you have the right to damn it. Know who this article describes? Bands like BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR and BROKENCYDE. Not New Found Glory.

    Reply
  100. Tavis

    I once listened to emo music like NFG, and all it did to me was really make me cry a lot and miss my girlfriends a lot and thinking bad thoughts about them, like how much I wanted them to be moist, ya know??? Then I met an amazing Christian girl and she showed me how great some of the christian music is and how I can feel spiritual. Now we never have sex and like is better than ever,.

    Reply
  101. N.Bee

    I’m just wondering where you got your information, Mr. Bowers.

    New Found Glory’s name was never and never intended to mean “Never Follow God.” Members of the band explained how their name was inspired by a song title of the band the Get Up Kids in an article published in leading American music publication Alternative Press. A scan of the interview can be seen here: http://i49.tinypic.com/2vlnqs4.jpg

    “Emo” does not stand for “enter my orifice.” It is a abbreviated word meaning anything overly “emotional,” usually in the sense that people and things associated with “emo” culture feel jaded or angsty. Several explanations of the term and how to use the word can be found at the addresses below:
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=emo%20kids
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=emo
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo
    http://onlineslangdictionary.com/meaning-of/emo

    I’m positive I could spend another hour and a half correcting grammatical, syntax and factual errors in this opinion piece, but to be completely honest I couldn’t bring myself to read past the first paragraph. It’s boards like these that lead society to believe the stigma that all Christians are closed-minded and quick to judge, which I don’t appreciate.

    So, Mr. Bowers, if you wouldn’t mind running simple fact checks before you write any extremely biased music reviews in the future, that could be an extremely productive exercise for you, or if you ceased your position as a citizen-journalist all together, I think that would be better for everyone.

    Reply
  102. Kiki

    Is anyone really taking this seriously? I laughed the entire time I was reading this.
    I suggest you all try listening to the band and form your own opinion, since we have that privilege in this country.

    Reply
  103. Pingback: Celebrity Prostitution Ring Recruits Mila Kunis | ChristWire

  104. fuckchristwire

    I know there is o point in even remotely trying to be reasonable with you fucking bullshit christian biggots so ill excercise my right to free speech. I have never wanted to burn a church down more than when i read this load of shit. I find it hard to believe that people.are actually as clueless and insane as yo u all are it boggles me every time. I hope one of you visits my house so every homosexual friend i have can kick you square in the fucking jaw whilst screaming hail satan at the top of their lungs

    Reply
  105. Lurlene Tyranna Shores

    Thank you for this warning to the flock, Brother Tyson.

    It is clear from the first picture, something their innocuous clothes cannot obscure, it is in their eyes: they have devil sex and corruption of the innocent, and very likely orgies in which they sacrifies the unborn on the mind.

    I pray the Lord in His wisdom strikes them down with lightning fire.

    Reply
  106. Jimmy

    New Found Glory is not an emo band, they are Pop Punk or Punk Rock. Get your facts straight.

    Failure’s Not Flattering

    Reply
  107. Nichole

    I, first off, would like to say that this article must be a joke. However, if it is not, then I would really like to say how ignorant and foolish of a person you are for actually believing in that opinion of New Found Glory. I’m sorry, but you are truly a fool.
    You obviously cannot deal with the fact that your own daughter likes the band, and is also into such sexual acts on her OWN ACCOUNT. If you are going to blame anything on her own desires, it’s yourself.
    It’s plain to see that you are a bible-thumper, and you probably shoved it down your daughters throat so she rebelled.
    This artical is probably the most outragious, horrifyingly mind-numbingly stupid, and entirely false. Oh yeah, and one more thing, Thou shall not judge, right? Is it not GOD’S job to judge? Religion is in your heart, your soul, not in your foolish little church, or what those fools tell you to believe.

    And if this is a joke, it is probably the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Thanks for the good laugh.

    Reply
  108. Religionismindcontrol

    So is the like article a troll or what? Because they didn’t even get the genre right.

    Reply
  109. You guys are idiots

    This is a satirical site. Anyone who takes this seriously has not been on the internet before.

    Reply
  110. freerider

    also ive lived in florida my entire life i have never sone anything that you would call sinfuland dude all the girls ive known and i still talk to them occasionally are not over tanned

    Reply
  111. GODHATESYOU

    Hail Satan! Hopefully the guy above is right and this is a satirical site. Report on bands that love the Dark Lord as much as I do, like, Mayhem, Marduk, Belphegor, etc. And then after that, kill yourself. KTHNXBYE

    Reply
  112. A walker of life

    Awww….funny Stuff
    If u wanna listen to the good stuff just hit up thy art is murder or annotations of an autopsy…lol jk….they’re pretty brutal…
    I listen to a wide variety of music from hymns to rap to metal…love em all…god gave the ability to create music in all forms….any genre is good…it’s just what the words and meanings are about….
    I’m not a fan of conservative “christians”…they tend to push the “lost” and “fallen” away…
    But if u want real Christian metal hit up For Today…they’re the bomb….the song Devastator owns….check it ut and hit me up….wtdafxup@gmail.com
    I’m Adventist…but I have mad respect for anyone who chooses other forms of religions…even the ‘evil’ satanics…we can choose and so can anyone else…..so don’t hate…we are all brothers and sisters in the world we live in…coexist…
    Dont hate others choices…respect them and admire their choices…
    I’ll chill with an Adventist, Buddhist, Satanist, fornicator, virgin, straight, gay, bi, white, Latino, African, or whoever…..we are one..
    Peace brothers and sisters

    Reply
  113. A walker of life

    Awww….funny Stuff
    If u wanna listen to the good stuff just hit up thy art is murder or annotations of an autopsy…lol jk….they’re pretty brutal…
    I listen to a wide variety of music from hymns to rap to metal…love em all…god gave the ability to create music in all forms….any genre is good…it’s just what the words and meanings are about….
    I’m not a fan of conservative “christians”…they tend to push the “lost” and “fallen” away…
    But if u want real Christian metal hit up For Today…they’re the bomb….the song Devastator owns….check it ut and hit me up….wtdafxup@gmail.com
    I’m Adventist…but I have mad respect for anyone who chooses other forms of religions…even the ‘evil’ satanics…we can choose and so can anyone else…..so don’t hate…we are all brothers and sisters in the world we live in…coexist…
    Dont hate others choices…respect them and admire their choices…
    I’ll chill with an Adventist, Buddhist, Satanist, fornicator, virgin, straight, gay, bi, white, Latino, African, or whoever…..we are one..
    Peace brothers and sisters

    Word…email me if u wanna talk…for sure..anyone…wtdafxup@gmail.com

    Reply
  114. Areyouserious?

    This is why everyone’s ashamed to admit their christianity. Nutcases.

    Thankfully I believe in science 😉

    Get a better hobby, It’s just a band.

    Reply
  115. Rose

    Are you kidding me?! This is one of the most ridiculous pieces of ignorant garbage I’ve ever read. New found glory does not stand for Never follow god. You know what is hilarious they started off doing a lot of christian shows. I think there’s enough non christian slut christian girls do all the shit you think of. However it is statistically proven that girls with a christian up bringing are more likely to sleep around because they feel suffocated by their up bringing. I still stand to my earlier thought; YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT. I mean I’m probably the bread of Satan in your eyes because I have tattoos and what not but it’s hilarious to me that the people who are so worried about being judged so hard are the hypocrites that make up all this ignorant crap. They say us Catholics are the worst I truely think it’s you nutty Christians. I have New Found Glory lyrics tattooed on the back of my leg, because they helped me get through a rough death. If you can’t see all the amazing things different bands do like this one you’re still A FUCKING IDIOT

    Reply
  116. LEANNNEE!

    ohkay ! sooo first oh i dont know who the fuck you think you are talking shit about my favorite band, doo you know this is 100% true? show me the prooff you ass holes. your low life losers with no life to be talking shit. i have my own believes on god. and NFG does not stand for your bull shit… its stands for NEW FOUND GLORY! i listen to them . they dont use “sex poles” ive been to there concerts about 300 times. that shit doesnt happen. you guys are all about god and stuff ? and yet your talking shit. you guyss are all losers.

    Reply
  117. EnterMyOrifice

    What’s wrong with anal sin docking? I was actually at a Family Force Five show a couple weeks ago. I was drugged by one of the band members and gang banged backstage by the entire band and road crew. You call that Christian?? Nadaddy did things to me I can’t even talk about without crying. Do you know why they call the guitarist Chap Stique?? Because he fucked me with one! In Satan’s pleasure hole none the less. I’m guessing you haven’t been to a new found glory show but I quite enjoyed the devil whorshiping and female m-ing circles. When I was “anal sin docking” with Jordan Pundik, the siren sea creature he totally didn’t seem bisexual, where did you get that? God’s a fucking queer fuck you.

    Reply
  118. Really?

    If any of this were true, I would be horribly sad. Too bad whoever wrote this didn’t do any research because all of the acronyms used are severely incorrect. Emo = emotional, you really think a bunch of teenie boppers are into the “enter my orifice” scene? Sounds like this person is upset that their newly teenage daughter no longer likes the Christian rock you have been force feeding them all their lives. Music is music, period. It does not influence you to have anal sex or play with yourself at night. This article is nothing but a giant fear-mongering tactic to try to influence the weak religious minds into thinking yet another band is just out to get your daughters pregnant. It’s people like this that make others not only turn away from religion and religious people, but actually want to retaliate and bash religion and the sheep that follow. I hope that everyone here that agrees with this author eventually figures out that they are being blinded by the veil that their own leaders tell them is protecting them.

    By the way, how was the research conducted for finding out that 85% of girls that perform “anal sin docking” (just call it anal sex, be real) and how do you know you were told the truth in the first place? Best part is I can make one that looks the same and replace the band name with Tenth Avenue North or Casting Crowns and say that 85% of males who listen to them also perform this act.

    Fear-mongering is exactly what this article is and by lying blatantly to fellow Christians, you have some sins to confess next time you are in church.

    (former Mormon of 18 years)

    Reply
  119. WHATTHEEFF

    dude all this arguing is confusing. lets leave it at this: anyone aruging is a MOTHERFUCKING RETARDED BUTT PIRATE WHO NEEDS TO GO DIE IN A PISS HOLE.

    Reply
  120. Ted Tyler

    This is silly, No need to argue. Anyone who has ever been to a concert knows there are no Glory Holes, lol. But putting that into this story gave me a good laugh. As far as “Forced female moisture” the room gets hot and people sweat, lol. as far as wet panties go, no one is responsible for that other than the wet-pantied individual. And back stage orgys? The venue owner would never allow any crude sexual acts on their property, the would get closed down. I think the best part of this article was -Now remember that emo stands for “enter my orifice- HA HA HA HA HA HA! This article is hilariously awesome! <3

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  121. Marco

    This is funny as all fuck. The comments almost outshine the article.

    That this site is satire is obvious. So here’s who we laugh at:
    -general people that don’t realise it’s satire (sigh, so dumb)
    -NFG fans who all personally know the band members (if you can’t laugh at yourself…)
    -atheists/God haters who attack this site purely because they think it’s a Christian site (atheism is obv the new black)
    -Christians who are embarrased by this site (we get it, NFG and Christ go hand in hand)
    -anyone who spent time writing more than a few paragraphs coming up with a valid and fact based argument to debate this article but couldn’t take less than half the time reading the comments section and realise it’s a satire site (big sigh)
    -anyone who got winded up by the comments of the website’s administrators (yoi don’t realise how stupid they made you look through irony?)

    Pure gold.
    Xox

    Reply
  122. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Hahaha this is so funny I can’t stand it.

    I’m someones daughter and my parents have seen NEW FOUND GLORY with me multiple times. You’re a moron and should not be writing about music.

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  123. Riotgirl

    Wow. You need to do some research next time before you make a fool of yourself on the internet. New Found Glory (which is what NFG stands for by the way) is not considered an “emo” band, they are considered punk rock.

    Back stage orgies are great. Tons of unprotected pre-marital sex.

    Pft. It’s a GOOD THING god accepts us for who we are and forgives our sins, other wise half of the world would be FUCKED!

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  124. jacob

    …wow. I thought people still had integrity and plain crmmon sense. Look, I’m a christian who loves new found. I’ve been to eight of their shows. Gloryholes? Are you fucking.kidding me? Your daughters are better off at a nfg show than your crowded narrow minded brainwashing homes. I bet your one of those past generated old grumpy fire and bremstone old testament men, who think ratios are some weird tribute to satan you stupid fucks. Making me ashamed of.people in my faith. Taking the Bible and chopping and screwing your favorite parts to make your own perfect little idea of god. The ignorance and stupidity of this website and page..christ. are you people serious? I mean, fuck. I hope god punishes you ignorant evil men for your crooked beliefs. Its a bunch.of now 35 year old men with families playing music they enjoy. Go get bent. Your the ones who need prayer.

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  125. Somebody

    Okay, seriously ? I think this is a little bit rediculous. There just a freakin band, that had dreams at once and made it big. I doubt there soul purpose in like is to get everone pregnant and bring the devil up from hell and burn everyone to death or something. There’s some things people blow way to out of proportion.

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  126. Yered

    Websites like this just prove how little humans know about the TRUE face of the God of light. One day he is going to send choir after choir of angels down and people who write articles like this are going to be the first ones destroyed. What they don’t realize is they’ll never see the realm of light they call “heaven”. They are unworthy. People like the boys of New Found Glory have good hearts and are way more worthy of such. I’ve seen people like this for far too long trying to speak for my God. People like you have tarnished his holy name by making claims like this article. You have nothing but hate inside your hearts. You claim to be so afraid of this music, but your true fears should be God and the wrath he will rain down upon you for using HIS name to make your stupid political and “moral” arguments. Make no doubt about it, you are an ENEMY of the angels christwire, and you WILL be judged and punished for it.

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  127. Coty Thomas Ellis

    Please tell me this is a fake article. You people are like the people in the church from the Silent Hill movie. Apparently this is fake but still there are Christians out there like that.

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  128. Lita

    Oh I thought this was all a joke… bahaha. Is it actually meant to be taken seriously? I’ve found some AMAZING new insults and describing words in this article ahahaha. Oh lordy what will those crazy Christians come up with next.

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  129. growupchristwire

    Hi, I registered for the site to tell you people you’re all insane. I came across this article and I have never read such agenda driven, blatant lies in my entire life.

    First off, “NFG” stands for…wait for it….NEW FOUND GLORY, not “never follow God” Emo is an abbreviation for “emotional” because the bands that play such music talk about the real everyday emotions people go through. The other bands you mentioned and mis-represented), REGGIE AND THE FULL EFFECT (not as you say “Reggie’s fully erect”) and THE GET UP KIDS (or as you blatantly lie to call them “the getting it up kids”) should sue for slander.

    None of these bands mentions one word about any of the supposed evil things you mention in this article, and don’t encourage any wrong doing.

    I love how you mention that they’re from Florida, where as you so elegantly put it: “Florida is full of liquid steroid juice heads looking to use their Schwarzenegger brute force to pin down overly tanned females and make them engage in unwanted sex sessions.”

    Are you saying that all your readers from Florida fall under this categorization as well??? They must if they’re from Florida….

    How can a site claiming to be motivated by Christianity, write such an article encouraging hatred, lying in every word of the article???

    Christianity is supposed to teach right from wrong, and teaching hate and lying is completely the opposite,

    I’m sure you’re all a bunch of RIGHT WING BIBLE CLUTCHING NUT-JOBS that have nothing better to do than proclaim the entire world outside of your little fantasy world is evil.

    That’s my rant, you’re all out of your fucking minds!!!

    Goodbye!

    Reply
  130. Chaos

    I laughed my way through this mess. But the truth it is incredibly sad. I hate to think that the author has influence over any lives. Every word is hate mongering and ignorant. The statistic charts are ridiculous. If this man hasn’t been sued for slander in the past it won’t be long now.

    Reply
  131. Tim

    I usually don’t leave comments but I must say something since this is the worst article I’ve ever read. Perhaps I may be a little bias since new found glory has been my favorite band since I was 14. But after reading this I don’t understand your point at all. You provided no examples or evidence to support any of your claims. New found glory sings about life experiences and relationships honestly if it wasn’t for their music I wouldn’t have such a positive attitude on life. So get your facts straight before writing these paragraphs of garbage. If anyone agrees with me follow me on twitter @tgould725 #shamelessselfpromotion

    Reply
  132. Lucy

    Whut? Are you for real?! Hahahaaa. This is hilarious.
    [img]http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/original/000/131/351/eb6.jpg?1307463786[/img]
    This is the most ridiculous article I have ever seen. My friend showed it to me because he ALSO thought this was stupid. In fact. This article is all over social networking sites and I’m yet to find someone who agrees with this.

    Reply

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