Eddie Vedder – The Man Who Tainted The Baby Holes of Women in the 90’s

Before the hipsters thought that heroin-chic and female singers with penises were retro, there was a young long hair hippie post punk man by the name of Eddie Vedder. Eddie Vedder was the front man for a popular band in the late 90’s called “Pearl Jam”, which alone is a vile and satanic masturbatory name in its own.

From the beginning, Mr. Vedder had fantasies of forcefully dipping he grunge skin tube deep within high school female fish valleys. Knowing he could brainwash and exploit women via devil music, Eddie took up piano and singing classes at a young age.

Using his musical background, Eddie knew that if he could start a cool grunge pop band, he could get closer to half conscious females, which would make it easier to convince them to partake in a game of sex stick cave exploration.

Eddie was correct. It only took a few years of hole in the wall bar gigs before getting his band on Mtv, where he was able to tantalize the women parts of American’s young daughters. He was now able to use his school boy looks and romance novel locks on television to turn your daughters into abiding musical concubines.

With the band now being the number one grunge pop group in the world, Pearl Jam was able to tour not only every major city in the world, but to also tour the secreting love slits of a wide variety of boozed up women. With Eddie being the front man, he was able to pick and choose his dinner plates of moist undergarments and spread his oozing seeds of unholiness among the world’s finest whore groupies. It is almost like a man walking into a whore house and being able to pick his poison of female flesh. The band was also pro-choice and Vedder was known for paying for abortions to any girls he had impregnated.

The band’s name referred to the their favorite backstage game, in which they would fill up jars of “male pearl juice” (seamen) and try to sell it off as “love jam” to their female concert goers. Not only did the name have sexual meanings, they also released tracks with hardcore porn like titles.

“Sticking it in the black circle”
A song about having anal sin docking sex with black women.

Dirty Frank
This song is about a “sex maneuver” which requires on to smear fecal onto another person’s forehead.

Master/Slave
This song tells the story about a S&M couple having interracial sex parties, while their children lie asleep in their rooms.

Deep
Referring to Eddie’s many of nights of deep sexual penetration.

The band was able to cause havoc all through the 90’s and into the early 2000’s, until Vedder decided he wanted to become a hipster and act like “success” was “not cool”. Even though they were obsessed with still selling albums and concert tickets, the band fell off the radar and so did Eddie’s ability to lure girls into his dressing room.

Due to his penile masquerading, God has punished Eddie, by removing his looks, his hair and his labito.

61 thoughts on “Eddie Vedder – The Man Who Tainted The Baby Holes of Women in the 90’s

  1. Claire

    And you have a problem with this…why? Last time I checked, you thought that getting pregnant and having babies were the only reasons for females being on this planet.

    Reply
      1. Claire

        I’m sure that if they actually birthed said babies you would be bitching about bastard children, unwed mothers, and welfare. Which would you prefer?

        Reply
        1. Tyson Bowers III

          I prefer people to take responsibility for their sexual actions. Why is that so hard to ask for?

          Reply
          1. Claire

            So is your idea of taking responsibility for ones sexual actions not having sex? Or is it having the resulting child and raising it? The former is simply unrealistic; people are going to have sex. Yes, it’s stupid and as someone who’s never had sex, it’s often hard to understand how people can lack the common sense to simply say no, but millions of years of biological instinct isn’t just going to stop. As for the latter, like I said before, you guys are always bitching about single mothers.

          2. August Weisz

            If someone is going to have premarital sex, they should be prepared to pay the consequences for it. They should either have to prove financial responsibility through perpetuity or be forced to give it up for adoption.

            If you can’t control some “urges” you shouldn’t be a parent.

      2. Tylerpandabubble

        So if i was edie vedder would you like me any better?-Local H.
        And you suck tysin you speak slander non-stop.

        Reply
      3. KrautMcfriend

        Is this a real article, or is this just a joke? This doesn’t make any sense if you know the history of this man or Pearl Jam – I don’t understand it, so that’s why I’m thinking this is a joke or something?

        “…which alone is a vile and satanic masturbatory name in its own.”

        – This isn’t true, the name, “Pearl Jam” derives from a Neil Young reference. This was based on when the band used to discuss watching his music live…

        Dirty Frank

        “This song is about a “sex maneuver” which requires on to smear fecal onto another person’s forehead.”

        – This isn’t true either. Dirty Frank was the nickname of their bus driver during a tour with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He always was acting crazy and nuts while driving their tour bus, so they would always talk about “Dirty Frank” during meals together and how he they needed to look for a new bus driver…

        I am assuming this article is a joke, or the author is betting on people just believing anything he says? This is weird – I am going to print this out and hopefully get this on my local rock station here in Kansas City …

        I am a Christian myself, and somehow stumbled upon this site when I typed in “Pearl Jam/Christian” in Google, because I was bored ….this is really funny though if it is real. I have listened to PJ since I as 16, I’m not 30.

        The best one in this article is this one:

        Sticking it in the black circle

        “…A song about having anal sin docking sex with black women.”

        – Again this not only wrong, but now the author has changed the name of the song. There has NEVER been a song by this name…it’s “Spin the Black Circle.” The song is about Eddie Vedder’s love of vinyl records. It’s literally a song about playing a record…Here are some of the lyrics…

        ” See that needle, lay it down…drop-drop, dropping it down, oh so gently…”

        Anyway, this article has to be a joke, or the author is sadly saying some VERY, VERY weird things to prove a point, and I have no idea why? I literally would think someone like that has some MAJOR “issues.”

        Anway, have a beautiful day!

        Reply
  2. Cool Tom Kimbo

    I have only heard this band once. The song was called “Even Flow” and it was about celebrating a woman’s red period river nasties.

    The lyrics were so sinful that I immediately had to pull my car off to the side of the road and pray.

    Reply
  3. L.N

    More music you hate Tyson? You’ve become a bit too predictable now! It’s not fun anymore! Try harder!

    Reply
    1. Tyson Bowers III

      Music needs to be reported on. It is like saying we report to much on possible terrorist attacks against the USA.

      Reply
      1. REALIST

        No, that was Dave Grohl who started Foo Fighters, not FOOD (insert rolling eyes)
        He was in the band “Nirvana” with Curt Cobain.
        WOW, even Tyson’s groupies are clueless….

        Reply
  4. Chud

    Yo… Tyson.. u r whack… y r u hatin’ on pearl jam and sayin that he be jammin’ for the ham (vagina) man… he does it 4 da love of da music.. and u r kinda lyin’ thru ur teeth about da meanin of da songs juss sayin

    Reply
  5. Neoconstipated

    When I was courting my wife, she dragged me to a Pearl Jam “concert” and it was a horrible experience for a godly man such as me. First of all, we were so far back that the band sounded like they were playing kazoos and the singer’s unintelligible shrieks were like dogs fighting in the distance. Judging by the blank expressions on the audience’s faces, they were drugged and being primed for all manner of half-awake fornication. It was sickening to see in the parking lot all the young people lined up in front of blue masturbation stations and hearing the squeaking of shock absorbers meeting the pumping thrusts of carpeted romper rooms in the various tree-hugger bumper-stickered vans parked crookedly due to excessive alcohol consumption.
    The police did nothing to control these kids.
    I certainly had misgivings about marrying my fiancé at that time but she pleaded with me not to abandon her and promised to mend her sinful ways by attending church services and seeking counseling.

    Reply
  6. DS119

    Are you some sort of sick fxck or what? First of all, if you’re going to quote an artist’s song titles please get them right at the very least. Second of all, you have no evidence of these statements you’re making which is pure slander. You sir are the one your dad should have flushed down the toilet. [img]http://darkandtwisted.com/dolphin-humping.gif[/img]

    Reply
  7. Jim Christiano

    This is funny. Are you people serious? I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. I got here via a link from PJ’s website. “GOD PEOPLE”, HAHAHAH you guys are too much

    Reply
  8. jill

    clearly no one fact checked this ridiculous article. are you kidding me with some of this crap? i love pearl jam so i guess i’ll just be happy with being a sinner. you people all need to get a real life and come live in the real world. there is nothing ‘real’ in this article.

    Reply
  9. REALIST

    Is you serious? You can’t even get the name of the song right let alone the meaning of them. Pearl Jam are still touring the world and selling out venues, so your wrong. The name Pearl Jam comes form Eddies grandmother, named Pearl, who used to make jam, simple enough & your once again wrong. The song is called “Spin The Black Circle” and is about playing vinyl records. You are so far off base, it’s commical. Where do your evil/hateful thoughts come from? Do you just make this stuff up as you go? You should be ashamed of yourself for breaking one of the ten commandments, THOU SHALT NOT LIE!!! You have NO CLUE of what your talking about. The ones who follow your words are the ones who are brainwashed. This article seems to be more about how many different names you can come with for vagina.

    Reply
  10. Li'l Babeee Jezus

    You right wing conservatiove tea-bagging nut-jobs are too damn funny. Thanks for making my day with this.

    Reply
  11. Franziskaner

    Fucking Christian Taliban with your bullshit propaganda, spewing bullshit lies about Eddie Vedder/Pearl Jam. How do you come up with this bullshit? Tyson Bowers III your a fucking pathetic moron.

    Reply
  12. Jasmine

    Wow! Are you people for real??? Not only was this article filled with lies, slander, and even more lies, I felt like I was reading porn! Pretty funny if this is fake, and extremely disturbing if you guys really believe anything that is on this site!

    Reply
  13. Alexander

    Jealous? The words in this article are horrific, smutty, and dirtier than anything Eddie Vedder has ever written. I need to go take a shower, Tyson Bowers III has an unbelievably creative and sick mind.

    Reply
    1. christian hypocrits can kiss my ass

      Right on!!! BTW Ed Vedder has NOT lost his looks. He makes many a woman (and I dare say man judging by your closet homosexual admiration of him) HORNY AS HELL

      Reply
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    Reply
  15. Apple

    How anybody could possibly take you seriously, I have no idea. “Fish valleys,” really?

    Go fellate yourself, you untalented, disgusting jealous old man.

    “Due to his penile masquerading, God has punished Eddie, by removing his looks, his hair and his labito. ”

    Did he do this to you, too? Hm.

    Reply
  16. christian hypocrits can kiss my ass

    Where do you get your info? NOTHING you have said is even remotely true. If you are going to spout your christian hypocritical “values” atleast get your facts straight. BTW KURT COBAIN maried courtney love. he was in a band called NIRVANA with DAVE GROHL who started FOO FIGHTERS. Pearl Jam are still one of the most popular rock bands of today and sell out gigs within minutes, something they have done for TWENTY years. They are not only musical geniuses but have made considerable charitable contributions to the world. They promote Peace and Love and you the so called christian sit her and spread Hate and Lies like a filthy disease. Maybe you should actually pay attention to the morals of the members of Pearl Jam…YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING

    Reply
  17. KrautMcfriend

    Is this a real article, or is this just a joke? This doesn’t make any sense if you know the history of this man or Pearl Jam – I don’t understand it, so that’s why I’m thinking this is a joke or something?

    “…which alone is a vile and satanic masturbatory name in its own.”

    – This isn’t true, the name, “Pearl Jam” derives from a Neil Young reference. This was based on when the band used to discuss watching his music live…

    Dirty Frank

    “This song is about a “sex maneuver” which requires on to smear fecal onto another person’s forehead.”

    – This isn’t true either. Dirty Frank was the nickname of their bus driver during a tour with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He always was acting crazy and nuts while driving their tour bus, so they would always talk about “Dirty Frank” during meals together and how he they needed to look for a new bus driver…

    I am assuming this article is a joke, or the author is betting on people just believing anything he says? This is weird – I am going to print this out and hopefully get this on my local rock station here in Kansas City …

    I am a Christian myself, and somehow stumbled upon this site when I typed in “Pearl Jam/Christian” in Google, because I was bored ….this is really funny though if it is real. I have listened to PJ since I as 16, I’m not 30.

    The best one in this article is this one:

    Sticking it in the black circle

    “…A song about having anal sin docking sex with black women.”

    – Again this not only wrong, but now the author has changed the name of the song. There has NEVER been a song by this name…it’s “Spin the Black Circle.” The song is about Eddie Vedder’s love of vinyl records. It’s literally a song about playing a record…Here are some of the lyrics…

    ” See that needle, lay it down…drop-drop, dropping it down, oh so gently…”

    Anyway, this article has to be a joke, or the author is sadly saying some VERY, VERY weird things to prove a point, and I have no idea why? I literally would think someone like that has some MAJOR “issues.”

    Anway, have a beautiful day!

    Reply
  18. Bec

    This is freakin HILARIOUS! To the person who wrote this… you’re an absolute kook. Cray cray. PJ rock… Eddie V does more good in this world than the writer of this “article” (now I’m being really generous there) does in a day. As pointed out my many other commenters, PJ lyrics or their name are not satanic, or pornographic.. you are spreading propaganda! BTW: I’d screw Eddie V any day.. and there’s nothing anti religious about that. Eddie Vedder … quite possibly the hottest and most talented man on earth!!

    Reply
  19. Jimmy

    you’re completely in-fucking-sane, right? you holier than thou jesus freak lunatics need to get a new hobby. you can’t interpret the bible correctly and when all else fails and you aren’t getting the attention, like what a 3 year old wants as attention, you pander your bullshit any way you can. do some fucking research before you try to speak ill of ANYONE. FFS if you’d stop fantasizing upon all these screwy tales inserting names of who the fuck ever you feel, and quit being the sick fuck of a pervert you are. maybe, just, but maybe your life will have meaning.

    Reply
  20. PhilCollins

    elderly woman behind a counter in a small town, is about banging the crap out of some old lady behind the counter in her roadside hardware shop and using gas powered dildos on her ass.

    Reply
  21. DirtyFrank

    Your a misinformed donkey with no idea of what your talking and then you’ll probably post about the band Alice in chains and claim the band kept a young female chained to a bed as a sex slave. Go EDUCATE YOURSELF MORON

    Reply

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