Gays Create New iGay Sex Toy

We have already warned you about how apple wants to turn your college kids gay and how their Homoligists want to develop the iGay gene, but now apple has developed a new homogay sex toy to promote nose to sin hole sex. Now instead of gays getting their kicks from fingering each other in the brown socket (now know as analog finger play), they are able to strap on a plastic torpedo nose sex toy and shove it up their buddies doo doo and then make it vibrate by using their iPhones. It even displays the distance to a the man’s prostate and will “blip” faster and faster as it gets closer.

This new age of digital gaydom has gone too far. Their receiving partner has the ability to control the vibrating speed, heat and moisture by using a apple app and can update his status to Twitter at the same time, listing what the toys settings are at. This will let all his other twink twitter buddies know what is going on and how hard he is getting sin pounded. Isn’t it great to know kids will now be exposed to such twits like “115 degrees, ultra vib, speed +11 – about to blow, LOL #lovebeingsinrammed”.

Brown dabbling in another man’s waste cave is one thing, but why are we promoting such evil technologies. By marketing such toys, we will further entice our young muscular, college boys to partake in Satan’s late night fecal frenzy festival, while listening to Lady Gaga or Adam Lambert and encourage them to strap on and digi-dingle their frat brothers.

The toy is being sold at stores like Best Buy and Circuit City and being branded as a iPhone accessory. It should be called a asscessory if you ask me.

Thank God the good people at The Android have been stirring clear of queer.

34 thoughts on “Gays Create New iGay Sex Toy

  1. Blanche Beecham

    This nose to sin hole sex seems to be like drinking espresso, one has to have special expensive equipment to enjoy it at home. I think that this means we must direct our suspicion on wealthy and affluent gays that may be lurking in our best gated communities.

    I am concerned about the germ and bacterial threat of these devices if I am invited to a home where closeted gay-nasers are preparing foods and have wireless for transmitting over the interwebs.

    I think I shall declining invitations to spring garden parties soon, except for the most trusted of hosts.

    Praise be for the thoughtful warning, Tyson.
    BB

    Reply
    1. Tyson Bowers III

      Make sure to talk to your women friends and have them talk to their college boys about this.

      Reply
  2. Mike

    HAHA, too bad that “toy” you’re speaking of was created by a straight male as a joke you effing morons. Stupid Christians ruining this world……

    Reply
  3. Brother Bear

    Just goes to show that anyone who buys things from a company who’s CEO has “Jobs” for a last name is going to burn in HELL!

    Good thing the Rapture is soon, I’ve got Momma some new teeth to see JESUS!

    Praise his holy name!

    Reply
  4. Angel Gabriel

    Tyson Bowers III – you knowledge is too extensive. I can see the gay look in your eye. You seem like a self-hating closeted homosexual who trolls the public bathrooms and steam baths because you are too afraid to come out of the closet.

    Reply
  5. Angel Gabriel

    Tyson Bowers III – your knowledge is too extensive. I can see the gay look in your eye. You seem like a self-hating closeted homosexual who trolls the public bathrooms and steam baths because you are too afraid to come out of the closet.

    Reply
  6. cleavon

    sup? why can’t they make a brown one with bigger nostrils for stronger inhalation and better skin match for the bro’s? why does everything have to be so goddamn white? besides, it shows the evidence too much upon extraction.

    Reply
  7. Joe L. Slaughter

    I would like to thank you Mr Bowers, for this important peice of information about just how far the homosexual AGENDA will go. I get emails about it and i tell you It makes me sick to my Stomach! I will email this to my friends and concerned friends, because the homsexual agenda will stop at NOTHING until the whole country is athiest, liberal, homosexual, socialist and GONE!

    Reply
  8. Chad

    I have read several of your articles Mr. Bowers. It seems that while granting you the authority to pass judgment on everyone god must have overlooked giving you the power of literacy. There are grammar and punctuation errors throughout all of your writings. Ask god to restart the “no child left behind” program or send you a new editor. Also, when you describe any men as “young, muscular college boys” it makes your sound pretty gay yourself.

    May god have mercy on YOUR soul sir. I hope someone kills you.

    Reply
    1. Ice Van Winkle

      Chad, as a frat boy you may feel that focusing on grammar instead of content makes you a ‘critical thinker’, but that is the liberal fallacy. When the effete liberal is backed into a corner by logic, they resort to grammar attacks. And when that fails, homoerotic threats of violence.

      Do you have anything intelligent to say? If not, go back to the party porch and setup the kegger.

      Reply
  9. Ricky Lopez

    I think it’s so fucking funny that Christians seem to find gay sex so attractive. This guy may try and use ‘gross’ terminology, but the truth is gay, straight, or bisexual : ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE LOVE ANAL. PERIOD. I know more straight couples that do it in the ass than I do gay couples.

    Secondly, words like “ENTICE” seem to show the author has a latent gay side. You only REALLY care about these issues if you have a love/hate relationship with gay sex (and your own sexuality). If you THINK it’s ‘so easy to fall into the gay lifestyle’ then that IS ON YOU. Most REAL Straight people don’t just magically become gay overnight or think to themselves ‘wow, I think I’m going to try being gay because it looks cool or hip!’. If it’s that easy for you to ‘become gay’, then it’s obvious you have the SAME FEELINGS (ie: you’re attempting to ‘fight off your inner gay feelings), because again, REAL STRAIGHT PEOPLE would not find ‘becoming gay’ to be possible. No one ‘becomes’ gay- they are gay and just choose to repress it. YOU obviously are repressing your latent homosexuality and blaring it loud and clear to the world with these articles. I bet you sit in bed at night and just worry about ‘becoming a homosexual’ and how people so easily become homosexual, then you obviously are already.

    Reply
  10. J P

    So I was just on apples website and I couldn’t find it for sale. Circuit city closed 2 years ago…… you said I could buy one at best buy? Oh praise the lord for good people like you to show me the light as to where I can buy such pleasurable items.

    Reply
  11. randum

    42% of people using a mac in 2005 were gay

    the numbers have gotten much bigger with lady gay gay and glee influence

    nowadays about 75% of people using a jobs apple mac computer is a homogay who loves iGay items

    so sad ..

    Reply
  12. Peter Stiles

    Why can’t straight people get past the notion that gay men stick their fingers in “brown holes” . Most gay guys I know keep themselves very clean and stay far away from anything brown, Anal canals well-maintained are by and large, much cleaner during sex and most other times than their larger mucous and blood filled female unit- which is also a waste sac, thank you very much.

    Reply
  13. ButtSex

    Nice fake report! And fake nose attachment thing. Its so real it even has the apple logo on it, wait? No is doesn’t? And it even looks like it is made out of paper mache? And if its real then why cannot I see it in the apple store? I want one! :( You don’t even put links up to places it is being sold or talked about? As if its not real?…wait? ITS NOT REAL? damnit there is nothing better then jamming out to my Lady Ga Ga in my poop shoot!

    Reply
  14. Satins spawn

    i would recommend the But Plug for Blanche Beecham and Tyson Bowers III oh wait there is already something in there .. let us see what it is .. ah i see you have a big Black dildo up there now sell your computer and you will rid your self of this blasphemy this site is so fucked beyond humanity your logic is so close minded with “YOUR OWN” opinion may satin but rape you when god does come.. your facts and proof oh wait there is none.. maybe your mums raped you or let you fall on your heads all of you call your self Christians more like idiots no will no brain for that fact for the love of Humanity i hope you all don’t have kids or reproduce we don’t need any more idiots out there this article like all the others are just shit you pulled out of your asses bunch of red neck Americans.

    Reply

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