Gays Using Candyland To Turn Your Kids Into Frolicking Fecal Bandits

Leave it to the Homogay Agenda to turn a childhood game into gay erotic propaganda. Candyland for many of years has been a boardgame that teaches children their colors and also how to count, but did you know the gays are now using the branding of this game to trick kids into fecal fantasy love labyrinth or sinful lullabies?

The liberals and gays use the color scheme of the game and the name itself and post gay club flyers across towns for children’s eyes to gaze upon. Each flyer usually has a low t-cell count gay model on it along with colorful graphics and the Candyland logo above. Also notice that the flyers use lollipops and other candies. Candy as we know is the pedophiles favor weapon to trick kids into ass play victimization. The gays know if a child sees these flyers they will automatically assume it is apart of the game itself. What child wouldn’t want to visit a real life Candyland adventure? What child wouldn’t want to trek down the path of primary colored bricks and meet fantasy play mates? The thing is, there is no sugar plum fields or gold, just sugar plummed fairies ready to dabble their dip stick into a pre-mature chocolate flesh star.

The gays are very smart with their tactics and they know with this new form of branding will increase their weekly child rape quota to at least 15%. This increase will also cause the increase in gay bar income and with higher income comes higher gay tax breaks. So not only will gays become richer with money, but also richer with child flesh sword play.

Each gay party is filled with ecstasy flavored electronic music, which puts the gays into a fecal frenzy like trance just waiting to be fed pre-pubic growing victims. The club is also filled with “Sweet and Horny Go-Go Boys” which act as a type of “fluffer” which helps keep the gays at full mast while they wait for their child meals.

Once they children are brought in, the games began. From the reports we have gotten their are games caller “rainbow row”, where each child is painted a different color from the Candyland game and the gays roll a colored dice. Whatever color is lands one, the gays gets to pick a child that matches that rolled color.

Another game is called “paint a rainbow kid”. This is where the gays get into groups of 5 and each dip their sin snakes into a bucket of different colored paint. Each group has 3 mins to get their kid’s body covered with all different colors. They slap their Satan scepters against the children until their look like a multi colored Van Gogh painting. The group with the most “rainbow colorer” kid wins.

So why is congress us forcing America to accept the gay chosen lifestyle, our children are being used as real life gay party favors. They don’t like it when cigarette companies use bright colors and cartoons in their advertising, so why is it ok for gays to? We all know gays kill more than smoking does each year. Write your congressman and et them know that you do not approve of this on going child abuse by these electronic cigarette cracked smokers and tell them instead of trying to rape the Catholic church with false accusations, they should be focusing on the ones who are raping our children’s dreams and replacing them with rainbow nightmares.

51 thoughts on “Gays Using Candyland To Turn Your Kids Into Frolicking Fecal Bandits

  1. L.N

    Dear lord, do you people honestly think that homosexuals are like the legion of doom or something, where they have some evil base that they go to and come up with ‘evil’ plans? I’m willing to bet that the pictures you put up were from a porno your boyfriend rented and showed off to you, and you were horrified at seeing half naked men attached to a game kids once played, except instead of thinking how weird people can be with their sexual fantasies, you think it’s some conspiracy to help gay people rape kids.

    Which is another thing, you always claim that gays rape children, and in some cases, even rape WOMEN (while making sure that you are indeed talking about homosexual MEN), yet you NEVER want to show this. Not only that, but any time you get pestered for sources, you just say ‘it’s out there, now leave me alone’ and be done with it. That’s not how the world works, if you can’t prove through reliable sources that you’re correct, then why should I believe a word you say? If I’m the one who has to hunt down this information, then why do I even need to hear a single word from your mouth or read a single word you typed? Your ‘job’ as a ‘journalist’ is to cut out the middle man (the middle man in this case being the act of researching) and provide ‘proof’ that shows that you are ‘right’. Your failure to do so just undermines every single effort you put into your ‘articles’ or ‘responses’. Not everyone runs on blind-faith, and if you’re trying to ‘convert’ people into your line of thinking, you have to show them that what you say is the truth and not a pack of lies, and making religion an even bigger mockery. Yet whenever YOU ask for sources, you get snotty and ignore the proof of what’s put in front of you or say that it’s not true. Well, gee, who’s the one that has actual credibility? The guy who spouts off random bullshit without backing it up, or the guy who counters that bullshit with proof as to why they’re wrong? In the face of evidence you rely on blind faith to carry you through, somehow thinking that the truth is a tool of the devil and thus something to be avoided.

    I get it, you’re an old man who hates himself for being gay because you were raised to hate gay people, and think that they’re the cause of all the problems in the world. You know what, fuck it, I’ll run with it, because you’re the one who has to live with his self-hatred for the rest of your life, but at the very least, give us SOME legitimate claim, one that ISN’T twisted and turned upside-down in some vain attempt to make the other side look bad. And start recognizing that Christians are NOT perfect, and that if someone falters from your line of thinking, realize that they ARE still Christians, instead of abandoning them.

    1. Cody Wing

      Lots of words to tell us you like a dude to shove a corn cob where the sun don’t shine.

      Cody Wing, Cowboy for Christ[img][/img]

    2. Brian Fellow

      Easy now LN… Methinks thou dost protest too much. That is a clear sign of a guilty conciseness.

      I would strongly suggest seeing the guidance of a good Christian counselor.

      And prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.

      1. Rocky

        This whole website is a huge protest!!! YOUR RELIGION IS A PROTEST ON HUMAN RIGHTS AND THOUGHT PROCESS! fuck you and you good for nothing religion, I can’t wait till you “Authors” of these ridiculous rantings take your last breathe and realize that there is no afterlife and feel that surge of regret knowing you spent your whole life striking fear into the hearts of the ignorant instead of actually living.

      2. Rocky

        Has anyone actually realized the only people that really agree with these bullshit ramblings are the other authors of the site? These people are terribly sad.

  2. Reverend S. Mutt

    I hope to see your companion piece on homoqueer “chutes” and “ladders” in the near future!

  3. August Weisz

    I played this game with my kids along with chutes and ladders. I played it with my parents. I still have it in a cupboard so that when I have grandkids I can play with them too. But now it’s just ruined for me. Do the liberals ruin everything on purpose?

  4. Popanator

    Mmmm… Poop turds make the best candy! If I take my poopies and mix a cup of shugar per poo loaf then it is very sweet like fudge. If I take my vag juice and dry it out in the sun coated with sugar its like taffy!

  5. Alex Keating

    I heard some Republicans on the Hill are trying to get a ban passed for these things. As always, however, the Democrats have taken the side of the homogay and rumor is it has very little chance of passing.

        1. Brian Fellow

          Yea, well, books are filled with facts but you don’t see any of us go reading them, do you?

          Also, Bart Simpson is gay.

  6. Ice Van Winkle

    These gays are dropping like flies from AID’s, and the only way to increase their numbers is to rape our innocent children. This is absolute proof of their sick agenda to corrupt the American youth.

    We must fight gays becoming teachers and we must keep them from taking over the laws of our country. First they took God out of school, next they will bring in forced gay orgies into our children’s PE classes.

    This is a dangerous bunch, I assure you.

    Great job exposing this sick plot, TB3.

  7. Jim

    I have figured out as much as that this here is actually a parody of real homophobic/racist-religion-sites and I am sure the author spends alot of time with the finding of new items to make fun of. Still I think childrape is actually not one of the funniest jokes around and you should consider having gone through that experience before making fun of it so much because you might just really hurt someone who does not understand it is meant as a joke…


    Eventually the homogay species will die out. They cannot reproduce to make homogay babies. We just need to wait it out and pray that it happens quickly. God Bless.

    1. LH

      Homosexuality has been around since the beginning of the evolution of man. Scientist have even found fossil remains of two Neanderthal men buried together spooning. Homosexuality isn’t created by other gay men, but comes from a normal heterosexual relationship. Genetics and environment both play a part. And hey since we were all made in Gods image, it probably comes alittle bit from God as well. After all God is love and what’s more loving than tolerance.

      1. August Weisz

        “Homosexuality has been around since the beginning of the evolution of man.”


        “Scientist have even found fossil remains of two Neanderthal men buried together spooning.”

        Fraternal prank.

        “Homosexuality isn’t created by other gay men, but comes from a normal heterosexual relationship”

        now you are being silly.

  9. Poon Hater

    I am a young guy 25 here.I am actually not keen on guys younger than 35. So, while all you Christians are worried about me feisting on your children I am actually making love to your father.

    1. Kyle

      Question, as a younger man who chases older men, what do you think of the author? U think someone would want to fuck him? I think he wouldn’t be writing such shit if he got it out of his system with a handsome young man.

  10. Monique

    CHRIST ON A CROSS…Are you kidding me ?

    I will pray for you and all of you condeming Christians. Who are you to pass judgement, who are you to say such hateful and decietful things? LIke Jesus, God, Mary and all the Angels in heaven think and feel this way. You are sadly mistaken. This is whats wrong with COnservative America, you just judge and persicute and act as if you yourself are good and pure. – Such crap!

    Its people like you who deserve to have their rights taken away from the,m, so the rest of the internet world wouldnt have to read such vile and disgusting things that you write. I will be praying for you !!

  11. J. Homer

    Is this why you put a Christina Cross in your “ChristWire” logo? To lure Christians into reading your stories of hate? You… are a Heretic.

  12. Alexander

    You all are a bunch of crazy people….Live your lives and let others live theirs….Who the hell are you to judge anyone! And you speak of all these republicans doing good….GIVE ME A BREAK! You people are the reason why this world is so screwed up….Trying to dictate the way other people should live their lives….

  13. AJ

    I agree that the ads are inappropriate for children. The question is where did you see these “flyers”. Was it dropped in your kids lunch, or on the bulletin board of your church? If you saw it, you probably were somewhere you shouldn’t be. But if your kids saw it in an issue of Highlights, then I support your right to protest.

      1. JaySin

        Yes August, they are pop-up ads. when you enter particular sites they pop-up to entice you to look more. What are you doing looking at sweet child porn on the internet you SICKO!!

  14. NS

    I think that for children are inappropriate the stupidity of many parents I am reading there the comment.It is just a poster and for a child there is nothing wrong with a naked body.Are repressed Gay or just stupid people to try to avoid that vision.We are in the 2011 not in the 1800 anymore.

  15. Aaron

    I don’t even know where to start. I guess I will begin with prayer for you Mr. Bowers and anyone else who believes this ridiculous rhetoric. As a gay christian male, let me be the first to assure you those posters were not designed for children. They look like the flyers promoting parties passed out to adults when leaving nightclubs. Besides that all of the homosexuals I know are completely against child abuse and molestation. Monsters come in all forms; male,female, heterosexual, homosexual, black, white, yellow, or red. To claim that the agenda of the gay subculture is simple to target and destroy children is irresponsible and your journalistic voice should be silenced.

  16. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

    All you straight guys and girls have nothing to worry about. Gays only like gays (although they may find a straight guy hot, my friend once told me that if i decided to dump my boyfriend (who is bi) he would try to find out if he was interested). Plus this is a parody site, although the author of this site needs to be very careful with what topics he brings up, because rape is not in any way funny.

    P.S. Homogay isn’t a word.

    You didn’t mention the song by Blood on the Dance Floor called Candyland 😉 “I will be your backdoor man, welcome to my Candyland” :)

    Lauren, best female christian screamer in Louisiana :)
    SGTC till the very death of me

    1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

      No longer Christian. So BEST FEMALE SCREAMER IN LOUISIANA! Booya bitches. I will worship my God, who is very different from yours, in my own way.

  17. A Mobile Disco

    Welllpppp, looks like you got us gays. You’re right, we do want your kids to turn out more like us, generally college educated and keeping to ourselves, than like you. Bigots. Good luck and we will see your kids at pride.

  18. Dave

    OMFG! Are you all really this stupid? Yes I’m talking about all the fucking commenters!!!!!! This is a fuckin’ satirical site! The authors are making fun of you idiots who think this is real!!!!!

    Jesus Fucking Christ you people are stupid!!!!

  19. perry

    i wonder how many “family value” republican be there. with church leader hangin in the vip room. getting extra extra hahahahahahaha

  20. Lizzie brown

    Yes, that does happen, all the time doesnt it?
    even if it did happen, how would YOU know about it?
    your justb a pathetic, homophobic cunt.
    from, the atheist, lesbian, black veil brides fan.

  21. Terry

    First of all, to think that these kinds of ads would be in a neighborhood filled with children is laughable. More than likely any ads like this would be in the CLUB district or in other clubs. Next, using candy land to rape children? I played it with a few kids and there were no naked models. My niece was among them–I am gay, and I didn’t use it to RAPE the boys. I saw it in my sister’s house and we played it, counting and putting our game piece on the color…

    For a website dedicated to ‘truth’ you sure tell a pack of lies

    1. Bruce Danus

      But you were thinking about raping the boys obviously from your comment. I guess it was lucky for them that your niece was with them.

      You gays are deplorable.

  22. Lindsaaaay

    If you spend that much time bashing gays then u are screwed up one, not them! You assholes are just using “christianity” as a way to post hate about perfectly good people. I have gay friends and they are the opposite of demon spawn. Open your damn eyes! You are the reason Christianity is loosing members


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