Hipsters Now Making Star Wars a Slut Culture.

Before we start this journey, let us not forget how the Jedi Master, Darth Skywalker fell to the dark side. Once apart of the great Mandalorian Republic, Darth was tempted by sex and greed, which lead him down the path to the dark side of the force.

His temptation drew from the college princess, Padamead Orgama, who used her sin treats and hooker plumped lips to make Darth stray away from his religious duties and be enticed with wet dreams of sexual fantasies and Satanic pleasure.

Just like today’s college girls, Padamead was a rebellious brat, who only cared about her looks, dressing like a $3 Bothan slut and obsessed with gaining control of the Terran out rim planets.

Also, let us not forget how just like today’s college hooker faces, Padamead forced Darth into pre-martial sex and became pregnant. She used her pregnancy to keep Darth from being able to leave her and made him use his Republic salary to pay for medical bills. The college girls of today are no better than a Mos Eisley Tuskin invader, whose main goal in life is to be a savage beast that prays on the wallets and minds of young men.

The college female, also known as a “Femster” is using the same methods as the kinky street walker, Padamead and using her techniques from the movie to tempt young boys into pre-martial sex, masturbation and leading them down the path of the the dark side. These college temptresses are using Sith mind tricks and Borg style tactics to take naught space Vader photos and posting them onto their Friendster, Facebook and iPad profiles. These images get dirtier and dirtier as the fad has grown into Death Star Moon size, using its death ray to vanquish the morals of young men.

Each image below, brings your son closer to “Hand Soloing” himself into Trekkie sin oblivion or as the colleges girls call it, “Spocking”. This is were a man slips his hands into a “V” shape and places his fleshy light saber in between the V slot and self “m”s himself, until they release white midichlorian sauce. These images are more controversial than Lando shooting first at Han, so set your ion cannons to stun as we jump to warp speed into Hipster hookerdom.


Let us create a blockade to stop this Imperial invasion of sassy sin siths, before our men and even young future home makers turn over to the Jubba the Hunn.

50 thoughts on “Hipsters Now Making Star Wars a Slut Culture.

    1. Mark

      Rule 34 states: If it exists then there is porn of it.

      Know the rules of the internet before you do anything. Just like your precious 10 commandmants.

      Reply
  1. Stephenson Billings

    How can anyone find this sort of thing enticing? “Hand soloing” indeed! Why is sexual promiscuity today so based on costumes and cartoon figures? I feel sorry for children growing up surrounded by these mixed messages.

    Honestly, I’ve never heard of “Padamead” and only saw one of these movies years and years ago. It seemed like just another occult fairy tale and it’s surprising our culture hasn’t move on. I guess it just goes to show you the immaturity of people today. I hope this is not the sort of thing college girls are bringing home from school as the summer vacation starts up. Well, thank you Tyson for this fascinating piece. I hope parents stay vigilant.

    Reply
    1. Tyson Bowers III

      I hate a feeling these are old fat ugly girls. They did some cardio, but still need to hide their faces.

      Reply
  2. Blanche Beecham

    Good Gravy, people are sick.

    These are not the George Lucas licensed photos you are looking for.

    Reply
  3. Ed U. Cated

    Susan: how does a “muffin top” define a person in terms of their morality? Not to mention the inappropriate name-calling.

    I think the greatest difficulty with this article, aside from the general hatred, bias, and stupidity, is that I don’t know where to begin with all of the misinformed mistakes the author has made.

    “Darth Skywalker”… Sorry, incorrect. Anakin Skywalker fell to evil and corruption and was renamed Darth Vader (“Darth” being a title, such as “doctor” or “senator”), due to the influence and machinations of Senator Palpatine (a Sith Lord also named Darth Sidious), not due to any influence of any woman.

    The Republic was a conglomeration of beings, much like the United Nations. The Mandalorians were not a part of it, nor did they lend their name to the Republic.

    Skywalker’s temptation drew not from a woman (Padme Amidala, to be correct), but from a government leader, a chancellor who increased his own political power until he decreed himself Emperor. Skywalker’s fall from grace had nothing to do with his wife, whom by the way he married years before their pregnancy. Padme was not a college girl, she was a former senator and ambassador within the Republic.
    Anakin was not seduced with wet dreams or satanic pleasures, nor were his duties religious. He was a member of a peace-keeping force who studied and practiced an ancient mysticism (which I’m surprised that you are not condemning as mocking Christianity). He was tormented and troubled over the death of his mother, which left him unstable and easily influenced.

    Padme was not a rebellious brat, as the author erroneously states. She was the queen of her people, then a senator, and later an ambassador.
    Her character cared a great deal for her people, for undoing their suffering and oppression, not as the author states, her looks.
    Bothans, by the way, produced some of the galaxy’s greatest spies. The furry, dog-like Bothans are not known for prostitution.

    Skywalker was not forced into premarital sex. As stated above, Anakin and Padme were married before any sex or pregnancy occurred. She never used it as leverage against him, nor was there any mention of a salary or medical bills. As a member of a royal family, one can presume her medical care was not an issue.

    The Tusken Raiders, not “invaders”, had no association with Mos Eisley, which was a spaceport. The Tuskens were nomadic, not pilots.

    Just how many college females have you actually spoken with, and gotten hard concrete facts that they are indeed utilizing their costly tuition dollars to allegedly lure young men into premarital sex and masturbation? Judging by the content of this article, I would imagine not many, if any at all.

    There are no real Sith mind tricks.
    The Borg are from Star Trek, not Star Wars.
    Friendster is for kids.
    An iPad is not a social site, it is a portable personal computer device.
    And no one forces or coerces anybody into posting photos.
    There is no death ray destroying the morals of young men, be it the size of a Death Star, or a moon.
    “Trekkie sin oblivion” would be alluding again to Star Trek, not Star Wars. Neither of which, to the best of my knowledge, lead to any sort of oblivion.
    There is also no such fad or trend known as “Spocking”.
    And if the images presented are so evil as to lure a child into such horrible actions, why then have you posted them? Isn’t that akin to stating that a handgun will kill you, and then presenting a loaded weapon to a child?
    I must say your detailed euphemisms for masturbation were rather lurid and descriptive. Perhaps this is a topic of which you have more knowledge than Star Wars?
    It is extremely obvious that you have no knowledge of anything else you address in your article.
    I have read the entire piece, and as God is my witness, not one single word in it is true. In fact, the author shows a blatant disregard for the very subject matter he is condemning! As a journalist, or at least someone writing to inform the masses, there is a certain duty to actually know what it is you are attempting to to talk about. Clearly this is not the case here. A writer has a responsibility to present facts, not merely fabricated opinions based on personal opinions, twisting all subject matter completely out of context or any semblance of knowledge.
    Congratulations on demonstrating to all readers your complete and utter disregard for anything resembling a fact in any way. You have proven yourself, by your own words, to be a pompous, arrogant, opinionated, uninformed jackass of epic proportions.
    It is people like you who make the thought of continuing to call myself Christian quite literally nauseating.
    In simpler terms: you make me sick.

    Reply
    1. Blanche Beecham

      You’re in full Princess Leia on a Saturday night. Does one:

      1.) Pray to be cured of the sluts.
      2.) Respond with a lengthy post that reveals how sad and lonely you are.

      Reply
      1. Ed U. Cated

        Lonely? No, actually quite far from it.
        Sad? Yes, I’m sad for people like yourselves, who find their only joy in life by tearing down and nitpicking the lives of those who are not like you. That is something truly sad.

        Reply
    2. Stephenson Billings

      Don’t you have anything better to do with your life than be obsessed with some fantasy video? Imagine if you had put that brain power to doing good deeds, like helping the homeless, feeding the poor, volunteering at your church. It’s sad to see such intellectual potential wasted on this make believe nonsense. You don’t sound like you’re a teen, either, which makes this situation much worse. How can an adult honestly confess that this is a healthy way to approach one’s ethical and social responsibilities? Aren’t your parents worried about you? Don’t you want a job and a family some day? Sorry to sound harsh, but I honestly think you need a little reality in your life. It’s important that you wake up and hopefully some day you will be led to the light of Jesus Christ. He died for YOUR sins. God bless my friend.

      Reply
    3. Sci Fi Geek

      Wait. I thought this website was a joke. Are these people serious? No one can really be this stupid. REALLY?
      Did you watch ANY of the movies?

      You guys could write for SNL. Way funnier than the church lady!

      Reply
  4. August Weisz

    All of these girls are above the weight needed to honor a good Christian man. I believe these girls have accepted that fact and have moved on to trying to lure the less discriminatory nerd man.

    As far as these star wars movies go. It’s well known that I don’t like the terrorist incest message. But all the other ungodly things like warp speed and Lando Coruscant just confuse today’s kids. Other things like Ton-ZTon the hut only teach that those who lead gluttonous lifestyles can achieve success.

    Reply
    1. Ed U. Cated

      There is a specific body weight requirement to be a Christian spouse? I must’ve missed that verse in the Bible. Was that Old Testament or New Testament? Or perhaps the testament of the hypocrite, most likely.
      Perhaps even it may have gotten lost along with the imagined “terrorist incest message”.
      Kids today are not confused by Star Wars. If you were to go and actually speak to some of today’s kids, you might find that out, rather than presuming of your own ill-informed accord.
      As I stated, a journalist (even those who are self-proclaimed) has a duty and a responsibility to report facts, not half-formed unresearched opinions.

      Reply
    2. james brown

      ok how exactly is Lando or Corusant any where near “ungodly”. is that because Lando is a human being or does this have to do with something racial. As for Corusant is that an “ungodly” city or is it just because they have technology which the church has been repressing for hundreds of years. I agree with Ed U. Cated if you are going to report on something as a journalist you should definitely be correctly informed on the opinions of the part of the population that you are reporting on.

      Reply
  5. Ed U. Cated

    How pathetic a minority it is that must seek out joy in life by taking what other people enjoy and twisting it around to sound like something evil and immoral, to make themselves feel superior by trying to make others feel inferior.
    How truly pathetic that some feel a need to hide behind and twist the Word of God around to suit their own bigoted and ignorant opinions of anyone who does not believe the same rigid dogma that they do.
    How can anyone truly call themselves chosen by God while taking Christ’s teachings of love and perverting them into spewing messages of hatred?
    This is a website for Christian values? Sadly this is not what is demonstrated here.
    All that I’ve seen here is frothing messages of hate, twisted into messages of disgust by misinformation and even outright lies and fabrications by the small-minded and ignorant. Prejudicial hate-mongers hiding behind the banner of “decency” and “morality”, betraying their own ignorance by clearly demonstrating a lack of any sort of research on that which they seek to condemn outright.

    By your own standards, you are all blasphemers and sinners. It is a shame that you yourselves cannot be bothered to count how many of the Ten Commandments (or even the select few that Jesus Himself deemed most important of the Ten) that you are breaking.

    Reply
    1. Brian Fellow

      Dear Mister Smarty Pants,
      I’m pretty sure the Good and Holy Bible clearly states that doing anything that you enjoy is sinful. Especially fantasy games involving breasteses and powers that are not either Gods, Jesuseses, or the Holy Moseses.

      I apoloigze if I’m spelling things wrong, its just that my fingers are shaking just looking at those slutty flesh bots and I don’t know whatever to do.

      If only there was a good, warm, dark, private confessional where a wise and hairy priest could relieve me of my sins.

      Yours in Christ,
      Brian Fellow

      Reply
  6. bdd458

    You guys don’t know shit about Star Wars. Listen to Ed U, who is right. If anyone is a lonely slut, it’s the authors of this blog.

    Reply
  7. NewYorker21

    You guys gotta remember the people who write these articles have the head so far up their asses that is amusing beyond belief.

    Ok and Mr. Bowers we all know you are stupid so lets begin the abuse shall we?

    You know what no abusing you is to easy and you will just find a comment you can flip to your use or only answer something so vaguely or not at all. But really if your going to write an article use facts not random words you pull out of your gay lovers ass

    Reply
    1. Abigail Von Goat

      This comment makes no sense. From your poor use of English and disregard of the Lord’s teachings, I can only assume you are a foreigner. You and your compadres are stealing American jobs and living off my tax dollars. Go back to Canadia.

      Reply
      1. Mainiac58

        “I can only assume you are a foreigner. You and your compadres are stealing American jobs and living off my tax dollars. Go back to Canadia.”

        Nope. Nothing bigoted about THAT. 😉

        (bigot)

        Reply
        1. Abigail Von Goat

          Typical liberal smokescreen. Instead of dealing with the topic at hand, you cowards cry “MEANIE!” It’s time that you grow up, sonny.

          Your stunted maturity is evidenced by the fact that you apparently idealize cartoons and children’s programming. Come back when you’re old enough to pay your own taxes. Then we’ll talk.

          Reply
          1. Mat of China

            Your maturity is evidenced by believing that the world revolves around America.

            Thats the problem with American Christians, they’re over political and they don’t know persecution so they persecute themselves.

            At the end of the day, Jesus didn’t care about politics, politics cared about Jesus.

            When China or North Korea is the new superpower, it’ll make or break for you “Christians” and because it’ll be out of your control, you’ll get violent.

            “Anybody who lives by the Sword, dies by the sword.”

            Did you not know that the only way into the kingdom of God is by humbling yourself as a child? Childlike christians, spread the word. Not “adult-lobbyers”.

      2. james brown

        ok Abigail just so you know and we are on the same page EVERYONE that is in America other then the Native cultures that are now living on reservations due to the white man, and I myself am white so its not bigotry, are all descendants from foreigners. So your hatred for foreigners is sadly misplaced if you think that you are above any other person that is from another country because from seeing the picture next to your name i guarantee that your ancestors were from most likely Europe. So unless I am wrong and you a Native American then you and your family were once foreigners yourselves. So get off you high horse and learn that the world need all kinds of people to work and even if someone isn’t great with the english language for all you know i person could have a mental disorder that GOD gave them as a person test to fight thru but you are just labling them as a foreigner because it makes you feel better about yourself when something goes wrong and its outside of your control to blame someone else because its the easy thing to do instead of sitting back and asking who is this person? why is their english bad? why do they do the things they do? but no you don’t do this because you are disregarding the teachings of Christ yourself by not “loving thy neighbor” and “loving thy fellow man”

        Reply
    2. Brian Fellow

      My trailer park bible study group will now be praying for your soul. Good be with you and protect you in that modern day Soddom (by the by, can you score me some Mets tickets?).

      Reply
  8. james brown

    by the way did anyone think to ask the young ladies in the pictures posted in this article if they could use pictures of them because if not then this website and the author could be slapped with a gorgeous lawsuit just sayin

    Reply
  9. (Literal) Holy Crap

    It terrifies me that there are actually people in the world that write these things. The fact that they write these stories and are so uninformed and have no real idea what they are talking about is scary, but what is worse is that people believe it. If I was Anakin Skywalker I would have had premarital sex with Padme Amidala too. Who wouldn’t have premarital sex with a someone who was democratically elected as queen at age 14?

    Reply
  10. Shelby Heitkamp

    UUUHHH arent they just further exploiting this bullshit, girls can turn anything into a slutty outfit. im sure they didnt ask to have these photos put on here. oh btw, its darth VADER idiot who wrote this

    Reply
  11. Antonio Cruz

    This guy just said “Friendster, Facebook, and iPad profiles” Is he serious ? You’ve never heard of an iPad. You obviously shouldn’t be writing articles if you don’t even know what an iPad is. Also, its Darth Vader, for future references, and for this old racist bitch Abigail, I didn’t know there was a country called Canadia. It’s Canada, get off the computer and knit me a sweater, hoe.

    Reply
  12. Joey F.

    The author of this article has no knowledge of Star Wars at all. While I don’t know alot about Christain movies or books I would do the research before sharing my views or opinions on them.

    Reply
  13. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

    “Jedi Master, Darth Skywalker fell to the dark side. Once apart of the great Mandalorian Republic, Darth was tempted by sex and greed, which lead him down the path to the dark side of the force.”

    “His temptation drew from the college princess, Padamead Orgama, who used her sin treats and hooker plumped lips to make Darth stray away from his religious duties and be enticed with wet dreams of sexual fantasies and Satanic pleasure.”

    Her name was Padme, and after his mother died he got obsessed with the thought of his one true love Padme dying so when Darth sidious (His master and the Dark Lord of the sith) said he knew of a power to keep Padme alive forever thats when Anakin gave himself up to the Darkside for the sake of saving his love (who died anyway)

    “Also, let us not forget how just like today’s college hooker faces, Padamead forced Darth into pre-martial sex and became pregnant. She used her pregnancy to keep Darth from being able to leave her and made him use his Republic salary to pay for medical bills.”

    She died in childbirth, so how could she make her HUSBAND (Anakin) pay her nonexistant medical bills with his nonexistant Republic salary when she was DEAD?!

    ” tempt young boys into pre-martial sex, masturbation and leading them down the path of the the dark side.”

    Guys will jackoff anyways.

    ” Jubba the Hunn”

    Do you mean Jabba the Hutt? The big fat ugly worm thing that wanted to keep Leia as his slave?

    Reply
  14. Rarface

    Oh, this article was serious? I thought someone was just taking the micky. Haha, what a joke.

    Firstly; get your references right before posting this garbage.

    Secondly; I think girls dressed in revealing Star Wars costumes is the least of your concerns when your pastors are asking for “donations” every Sunday to “expand God’s kingdom of Earth” and then two weeks later they’re arriving in brand new sports cars and hosting functions in there 2-million dollar homes.

    Reply
  15. SiliconNooB

    These StarWar picture shows rob coin from the collection plate, and backsides from our pews!

    Instead of thanking their maker for the blessing of life (as is only proper on the Sabbath), our children are instead being lured away to these darkened picture theaters, where they engage in perverse StarWar masturbation and group rape!

    How are our children supposed to hold godly reverence in their hearts when their noodle is being fiddled by a homosex Negro in a Luke Vader mask?

    Reply
    1. Agnostic

      Your mustache is full of sin. Shave it. Shave it now and Satan won’t shove his unlubricated tridant up your “oh so holy fuck hole”…ass.

      Reply
  16. anonymous

    This website cannot be real. It’s a joke, right? Shock factor humor, am i wrong? This has to be sarcasm. i cannot wrap my mind around this reasoning being true. What freaks me out are the people who comment I’m the articles in all seriousness. No freaking way.

    Reply
  17. M

    Whomever wrote the article needs to get their information correct. It’s Padme Admidala who was Darth Vader’s mother. You’re obviously not a fan of Star Wars if you don’t know this. Also it’s Jabba the Hutt. Besides the inconsistencies Star Wars has a religious undertone. Immaculate conception, temptation to evil, Good vs evil, The Force etc. Anything can be turned into sex. You people want to condemn this. This is why religions are having so much trouble. You look like idiots for even drawing this kind of attention.

    Reply
  18. Tonestar

    OMG…I never thought I’d be jerking it to this site…the weirdest part is that the girls are all wearing Vader masks…God? What does this mean?

    Reply

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