How to Properly Tip a Waiter

Money is the root of all evil and this darkness is very prevalent in the food industry. Food servers who are too lazy to make something of themselves expect you to give them money after you just spent your own hardworking dollar on a nice dinner for yourself. This is almost a form of begging, minus the tarnished hands and dark colored skin. So, instead of giving into the liberal suggestion of tipping a minimum wager 15% of your meal’s total cost, we have created something more valuable than the all mighty American dollar….a prayer for salvation.

In the image below you can see that we leave our money grubber a “$10 tip”. When they see it they will most likely start thinking about all the pots they can buy after work or maybe think that they can start saving up for some kind of demonic violent game like Assassin’s Creed or even Portal 2 for their XStations. When the dead beat quickly grabs for the money, he will notice that it isn’t cash and will start to inspect it. Once flipped over, they will notice that what they are holding in their hand is worth more than all the gold in Fort Knox. Here, we have given this waiter a pathway to Jesus’ heart and into the lead them down the trail of eternal salvation.

15 thoughts on “How to Properly Tip a Waiter

  1. Stephenson Billings

    People have to realize that tipping is a choice, not an obligation. Many of us do not believe in tipping. It is expensive and can be disrespectful towards our relationship with God. The Bible asks us to tithe only 10%, yet waiters want 20%? I find that insulting.

    Reply
    1. L.N

      That’s because bastards like you don’t tip them so they have to ask for more in order to make due. Not everyone can live the golden life, and tip jobs have a lower minimum wage requirement than other jobs because the idea of getting a tip means that it ends up balancing out in the end, with the potential for more money if you’re tipped well. God doesn’t pay the bills in order to have a roof over one’s head.

      Reply
        1. L.N

          And how the fuck are you getting paid from a non-profit organization? And why are you acting all high and mighty about not tipping then? Not only that, but you’re still acting like an ass about tipping them period, thinking that they’re lower than you.

          Reply
  2. Millennium

    money = capitalism

    and I cite you “Money is the root of all evil ”

    Therefore capitalism is the root of all evil

    and normally you supposed to tip 15% not 20 and sometimes is lower I always give more than the 15%, most of them are student who need money for their school education and are not a Bunch of asshole uneducated prick Like the christian here

    Reply
  3. Christopher Christenson

    Tyson, you are a genius. With all of the waiters who are homosexuals, illegal immigrants, occupy wall street protesters, harlots and atheists, this is absolutely perfect. I will be using this on all my waiters from now on. :)

    Reply
  4. nick

    what most of you fail to realize is that 75% of servers are college students like myself trying to get thru school, to become something of themselves. if you dont like tipping go to taco bell or mcdonalds and dont shove religion down my throat. i grew up in the church and still attend so i dont need you trying to make me feel like a heathen because im a server while in school. you are close minded garbage

    Reply
        1. Businessman Hank

          Freeloaders. I’ve never tipped anybody in my life, I find the idea fundamentally anti-American. I’m surprised they even require me to pay for the food.

          Reply
  5. Kate

    Personally as someone who serves, I feel that I should be satisfied with providing service and should strive to be more humble every day. I am thinking about flailing myself with a metal spiked scourge, but only during lunch as the dinner crowd is mostly Jewish.

    Reply
  6. London

    Servers don’t make minimum wage to begin with because they survive on tips. Their goal is to provide the best customer service possible. As previously stated, You could go to a grocery store and prepare most meals for far less that restaurants charge. Any tip to a waiter or waitress is better then nothing. But hey, as Christopher Christenson pointed out I’m just a lesbian, liberal, occupy wall street protester and completely accepting of all religious believes. Clearly I’m doing something wrong.

    Reply

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