Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform "Rim Jobs" and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?

What is Skyrim?
If you are a responsible parent, then the world of MMORPG first person shooters should be something of a foreign language to you. In games like Skyrim, players are teleported to far away lands that are cream filled with demonic spell crafting, violent shirtless blood shed and exposed not only Satanic critters, but bombarded with gay under tones of fecal fornication.

In the land of Skyrim, the player starts off as a captured terrorist, who has been caught plotting to destroy the golden empire by using dragons. Before the player gets to take control of his avatar, they are asked to create a character, which is purely the liberal’s way of teaching out kids that modifying and gender changing one’s self is fun and normal. Once the player has decided if they want to be a female wood fairy or an black ogre from Stormwind, they get to take control of their hell spawned fictitious demon.

Right off the bat, the gay supporting software company Blizzard, shows the player images of decapitations and after the third of forth head chopping, a necromatic dragon appears and sets the player free from righteous punishment. Now that the player is free, they will spend the next 400 hours robbing people, killing villagers, crafting sexual items, fornicate with elves and other Harry Potter style animals and also learn how to conjure up black magic.

Throughout the game, the player is exposed to full frontal violence and replay style death killing finish moves. The graphics of this game are way too realistic for the type of blood shed they ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor.

The spells the player are taught are directly out of The Book of Wiccan and are far more dangerous than anything your child is watching on that Wizards at Waverly Place and Sabrina The Teenage Witch. When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.

Once they player has finish killing all the people in Skyrim, his final battle is to have a mass dragon orgy with his fellow homosexual warriors he meets on his way and all take turns impregnating the dragon with homosexual dragon eggs. Once the dragon has been backdoor feasted, the player must kill it. The dragon needs to be killed, so the spirit of death and gayness can enter the new eggs and reek havoc onto the rest of the world. This new destruction will be playable in the next Skyrim saga.

SKYRIM LINGO: DOVAHKIIN – Is the supposed citizens of Skyrim, but is a code word that means:
D – Dirty
O – Orifice
V – Violation
A – Always
H – Hurts
K – Keep
I – Injecting
I – It
N – Naiant

How Would My Child Get Access to Skyrim?

If your child doesn’t have the money to buy this game, be sure they are spending countless hours watching their bitttorrents download massive amounts of band widths to illegal obtain this demonic grail of violent dragon porn. Be sure to inspect all of their friend’s houses. Anyone of the evil axis of consoles; PlayStation 1,2 or 3, Gamecube or XBox 360 Live Kentic, could be lurking in one of their households.

If you do learn that one of your children’s friends doesn’t have proper parents and allows them to play on such vile machines, make sure your child knows that by playing with this friend will go against God and would send his soul to the fire pits of Hell.

What Gay Thing is This Gaming Teaching Kids

Skyrim Jobs – Skyrimming is a street term the gays use when talking about applying their tongues to the outer rim part of another man’s sewer spout, while that man is being hung upside down. See the gays have weird fetishes and are close to Satan. Satan speaks to them and tells them news ways on how to experience demonic orgasmic sin. Satan has recently taught our fecal fisting bandits that if you hang each other upside down and let the blood rush to the head, the anal dumpster becomes more sensitive to touch and we all know gays wake up and fall asleep just day dreaming about sticking something up their own or someone else’s sewer hole.

If you notice your son has become more light headed around the house, this is a definite warning that he has been Skyrim jobbing.

Dragon Fisting – Dragon fisting is a new way the gays enter each other’s mud goblets with both of their hands. The difference with dragon fisting, is they make sure to grow their nails very long and once inserted into their low t-cell counted friend, they make a tickling movement with their fingers and sends their mud monkey buddy into a demon infused enticement of gay rage.

Make sure to inspect the length and smell of your children’s finger nails on a daily basis.

Icy Spear – The Icy Spear is the name of an actual weapon in the game of Skyrim, but on the gay streets, it is where a gay freezes their meat banana with ice cubes and than forcefully injects their partner’s demon tunnel with their icy flesh spear.

If you notice that you never have ice cubes in your freeze, be sure that your son is freezing the anal caverns of other men in the neighborhood.

Stats

Christian Rating

481 thoughts on “Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform "Rim Jobs" and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?

          1. Giygas

            Don’t be stupid that only applies to raids. Even if this guy doesn’t seem to have any sense of humor.

    1. Tom

      I’d just like to point out that I didn’t know what SkyRim was, or that it even existed, before this website pointed it out. This website also explaind Vajazzling to me. Congratulations Christwire, you introduced me to two sins I would never have known about, or even considered engaging in without you.

      LOSERS!

      Reply
  1. lol

    “If you notice that you never have ice cubes in your freeze, be* sure that your son is freezing the anal caverns of other men in the neighborhood.”

    ill make sure my son is freezing the anal caverns of other men. You guys are always giving out quality advice

    Reply
  2. Dave

    This is one of the best games around right now. I’m neither Gay nor a Satan worshiper either. This Game and all fantasy novels and games are all based off of Norse Mythology, which has been around long before the Bible had even been written. You people make me sick, your just a bunch of extremists who deserve not to be by the side of God, but getting Raped by Big Black Men in a jail far away from people.

    Reply
    1. HELLBOY

      I just wanted to say that this is some common sense for once.Guys like the one who wrote this article make me ashamed of being baptized.
      Norse mythology was there BEFORE the men with the crosses came to kill in the name of god.For what its worth: Thou shalt not kill….anyone, huh?
      Christianism has long passed the pinnacle of decadence and while gay men may like to fist each other, at least they do not feel the need to ravage children!

      “Some wise men told me they eat their god…drink his blood…eat his flesh…abominable..”
      “We have many gods…they just have the one.”

      (Both quotes from VALHALLA RISING)

      Reply
      1. HELLBOY

        How long did the author “research” to write this article?
        I mean, what race are you playing, what level are you;)
        Slaying demons and monsters in a game has to be more acceptable than demonizing people in real life, at least by my standards.
        It is a game, for an adult audience, granted, but still just a game.
        Plus the gay jabs are getting old.
        i just wanted a Skyrim review and got this.
        And the game is great btw for those who actually wanted some info on it.
        Peace out.

        Reply
          1. HELLBOY

            See, and it was not that bad was it.
            Your still alive and hopefully do not want to shove things where they have no business being.
            There are far more real threats out there, you know it.

          2. Nicholas Tadmor

            Mr. Bowers left unscathed because he as a very high Constitution and Willpower. He was able to dodge and parry the devil’s satanic evil projectiles.

          3. I, ExMachina, rise again on Hallows Day

            Doesn’t matter, out-sold Call of Duty! But come on you don’t go after saints row for the penetrator? You don’t go after a game with a huge dildo sword that you beat other men with… Just sayin. Werewolves are the shit!

          4. Bruce Danus

            Ex-Machina, I have a Saint’s Row 3 review coming soon, so finish playing with your gay friends on this Skyrim job and in a week or two, you can read about the newest evil called “Saint’s Row 3″. Remember that God tells us what we should write about.

          5. realistic_catholic

            That’s where u went wrong. If you would have leveled up ice magic, you would have had a more positve experience.

          6. fill

            Guys, it’s clear that playing skyrim turned Tyson gay. Nobody who isn’t gay would write the things he wrote. I guess he’s right. Playing skyrim will make you gay. LOL

          7. Andrea

            So if you actually played and you’re not lying through your teeth (beware! It’s a sin!!) then you must know what the fuck A DOVAHKIIN REALLY IS. DRA-GON-BORN.

            And using the common sense you lack, it’s clear that you didn’t play because IF you played, then you would have advanced quite a lot to get a lot of points in your fire pentagram. Which, by the way, it’s not a pentagram. IT’S A CONSTELLATION. THEY’RE STARS. You can’t even identify shapes, can you?

            Ah, something else, I’m a Christian and a Lesbian. I have a Nord character who is married with her housecarl. Yes, HER. HER. BOTH ARE WOMEN. And you know what? I’VE GOT THE BLESSING OF GOD, AND A PERSON THAT LOVES ME, WHO, YES, IS A WO-MAN.

            So, if you didn’t understand: I’m a woman, my life partner is a woman. Suck it up.

            And yes, you are CLEARLY obsessed with rim jobs. Seems odd to me.

          8. Austin

            There is no spell called “pentegram” and if you are referring to the perk trees, those are called stars. Even the magi studied the stars, which is how they found Jesus.

          1. xXx

            Or they just may be very serious about it.It is one of those cases where you can and should not be too sure if you ask me.
            A lot of al this sounds very fanatic and shut off from reality to me.
            Too much time on the internet i guess, and too much talking to God.
            For all the religious ones in here, it is not God i am afraid of or anything, but those who claim to speak with him.
            Those easily dismissing this site as a parody though also take a too easy way in my opinion.
            Take sth too serious, you make a fool of yourself, take sth too lightly, you do even more so.
            And some comments here sound even very white supremacist and ultra-nationalist(also judging from other articles).
            This tells me that some people on here appear to be fairly dangerous, posing a greater threat to society and even their own familes than Skyrim or any other RPG for that matter.

        1. Ladeloran

          After applying a mental filter for the anti-homosexual and clearly homophobic slanderous remarks, this post made me want to play the game more than ever!

          Reply
      2. Kat

        Oh my god. This “review” had me laughing so hard the “graphs” really hit it home for me. I’ve never actually played before , but I feel like I have to now. Also, I’m so glad I stopped believing in religion. And what is so wrong with being gay? Gay people are just the same as straight people. You give religion, especially Christianity, a bad name. It is as simple as that. And why would you waste your time on writing this- do you not have anything better to do-like a job perhaps?

        Reply
      3. GodDOESNTexist

        Are you stupid? You know that this is a FANTASY game right? None of it is real. You’re just spewing out your own homosexual fantasies, you dipshit. Plus, there is nothing wrong with being gay. You’re so ignorant and senile. You have completely lost touch with reality and you need to be “Smited” by “God.” Who ever that is.

        Speaking of smiting, if God smites and we should all strive to be like him, does that mean it’s ok to go around killing people?

        Reply
      4. moderate

        dude, it would appear that you spent more time making your gay jokes than either playing the game, or proofreading. “make sure your child knows that by playing with this friend will go against God and would send his soul to the fire pits of Hell”
        so is this like, in the book? is this expressed or implied? and you certainly didn’t have a proper group take tie “gay after skyrim poll” 99% yeah, right, and I’m a sentient mushroom. this is just retarded….

        Reply
      5. Fucking christians how do they work

        Tyson Bowers
        T-This
        Y-yanker
        S-sucks
        O- old
        N-niggers

        B-balls
        O-or
        W-white
        E-elderly
        R-russian
        S-skanks

        Reply
      6. Not Tyson Bowers III

        I think that the author of this poor article has still not realized that he, himself, is extremely attracted by homosexuality and needs to maybe spend some quality time with himself, while NOT writing this kind of crap.

        Reply
        1. girl gamer

          Dude, Hitler was from Austria, get your fact straight… And Norse religion was around a lot longer than that rat bastard who descreated (sp)…

          Long live the freedom to game!

          Reply
          1. Satan_Lover_Sixx_Sixx_Sixx

            coming from a clown I don’t really feel that has any power other than making me chuckle…

          2. Ad Hominem

            Alright clown, fine, you just HAD to beg for it, so you may now be on the hit list. You may know what I’m talking about, you may not. The point is, I have laid down some rules, so find the rules and make a plan. Time is ticking.

            (He is number 4 on the list. SO HAPPY!)

      7. Bert

        You’re retarded mate, I do not see how smithing a sword is sexual in anyway. You better go see a doctor before you start seeing dancing dicks in your room….

        Reply
      8. Chloe

        You don’t finish the game… there’s no end.. And I really don’t understand How the game promotes homosexuality anyway! I’m mean .. you must of played it.. re you gay now? and what’s wrong with being gay anyway!?

        Reply
      9. ROFL

        i bet you were craving manrubs! Your probably the most closed minded person i have ever heard of. So afraid of everything that you blatantly ignore any other train of thought that doesn’t involve bashing the brains of every “christian” you talk to. You give your religion a bad name. Skyrim is NOT satanic and DOES NOT teach your children how to perform homosexual acts. Please get out of your little bubble called “life” and start living like a normal person. any responsible parent will check the rating of the game, which is “M” for mature content.

        Reply
      10. Austin

        I think you know absolutely nothing about the High Fantasy Genre, or even anything about the other Elder Scroll games. Nor do you know anything about magic, fantasy or real. May God forgive your ignorance. I think the truth is you have homosexual thoughts and want to take it out on others rather than searching for help. God bless, and may Christ make you a better example of him than what you have displayed.

        Reply
      11. Mitch B

        I find it extremely disturbing how much of an evil demeanour the contributors on this site portray. Viewing many of your Facebook pages, I can conclude that most if not all of you are racist, not to mention some of the most ignorant, discriminating individuals America has to offer.

        Reply
      12. Andrew

        Good job checking your facts on this article, not. This game is not made by Blizzard, nor does it take place in Stormwind. Maybe you should actually play the game not watch the trailer next time.

        Reply
      13. St Judas

        Tyson… you would clearly know. As evidenced by your comprehensive, if somewhat illiterate, review of the game that goes ALL THE WAY up the back passage of the game’s conclusion.

        You dirty boy you…

        ps. LOVE the faked up stats! How many of your alter-ego personalities did you have to poll to come up with that bunch of crap?

        Reply
      14. Kaulana

        Dude, are you fucking retarded? This is why people hate America, because dipshit right-wing christians post this kind of crap, and are dead serious about it. How could you honestly get this kind of feeling about the game? you you like getting your as ravaged? do you like shoving your tongue into other mens’ asses? Sure as hell seems like it. You are the only person in the world that gets this kind of feeling from ANYTHING. Even gay people would think you’re fucking stupid.

        Tyson, do the world a favor and go publicly light yourself on fire please.

        Reply
    2. Christ4U

      I remember a guy who like Norse mythology and his name was Adolf Hilter! He was a German Nazi in the old war. Just because it’s older than the bible doesn’t mean it’s good for you, we shouldn’t be teaching this PAGAN FILTH to our children. We should burn very one one of these “fantasy novels” and rid ourselves of this evil for good AMEN. There aint gonna be an end to this depravity until we find ourselves a final solution to this “fantasy” problem.

      AND I NEVER BEEN RAPED BY NO BLACK MAN pervert, god bless you.

      Reply
      1. Akhil

        So because Adolf Hitler liked norse mythology its bad? You know he was Christian, right? Using your logic, Christianity is bad! Norse myths are fun to read. That doesn’t mean you have believe them. I thought god was supposed to teach to love everyone, even gay people or any other “ODD people”. Also, I’m Hindu. Got anything to say about that? Dude, most christians are cool. But there are some like you and the author of this article are seriously fucked up.

        Reply
    3. Tojin

      this is a satirical website my friend

      surely the phrases “ass assassination” and “sin milk” must have tipped you off to this

      Reply
  3. Captain Obvious

    Well, it’s almost acceptable for this sites standards, but it took a while to make and is littered with really, really easily noticeable typos. Also, the graphs are just lazy. You should have made up “testimonials” instead.

    6/10

    Reply
  4. Nicholas Tadmor

    I am glad that you covered the dangers of the do Dovahkiin name and skyrim name. I was not comfortable dealing with those issues in my review. Great review once again! Solid journalism.

    Reply
    1. Satanic Ass Demon

      I can’t stop laughing at all you tools.

      Went and watched Eddie Izzard the other night (comedian, dresses in drag, rags on god etc), and I’m not going to lie here, I should of paid you guys the dosh, this is pure comedy gold…

      Reply
      1. Cassidy Pen

        We’ll thank you to please stop mocking our holy site with your dismissive joking. The Chris†Wire Ministry will be ridiculed at the peril of your eternal soul.

        Reply
        1. Robert

          Your site lends itself to mockery quite easily. I find it quite funny that you’re telling people that the whole reason they don’t have ice cubes is because their male children are pushing it into the neighborhood men’s asses. No other reason huh? What if they don’t have children? Live alone? Live out where there’s no body close? Your stupidity obviously knows no bounds. Last time I checked and didn’t have any ice cubes, it was because I turned the icemaker off. People like you make me ashamed to call myself a Christian because you make all of us look very bad. Now go find that brain of yours.

          Reply
          1. Cassidy Pen

            I’m sure that it is easy to assume that because your icemaker was turned off, you were missing ice. Did you make sure that you knew where your teenaged children were at the time?
            I think not!
            I’ll thank you for your apology in advance and rejoice when you realize that Chis†Wire is looking out for you and your children because we stop the spin right here.

          2. Robert

            @Cassidy Pen

            Well seeing how I don’t have teenage children, I’m quite sure it wasn’t them. I thank you for showing your ignorance once again.

    2. Dicklover5000

      Yes because solid journalism has a plethora of grammatical errors and has a lack of facts. You must be one of those brainwashed retards that think that everything on the internet is true.

      Reply
    3. Umustbekiddings

      SOLID!? What part of this is SOLID journalism?
      The facts are wrong;
      “Right off the bat, the gay supporting software company Blizzard”
      No, it’s not Blizzard who has made this game, you stupid fuck.
      Obviously this guy hasn’t even touched this game, since all the facts are wrong.
      “Once they player has finish killing all the people in Skyrim” I mean seriously, what the f is this? KILLING ALL THE PEOPLE, no, you get arrested for killing all the people.

      Fuck Christianity, fuck you all stupid believers, you don’t deserve the love of the God, you deserve Hell and condemn.

      Reply
  5. Carmilla

    Seriously? this site makes me ashamed to have any kind of religion. Y’all are nothing but a bunch of judgmental, hypocritical bastards that thinks everything will turn a child gay. fuck you, and this site. Rot in hell.

    and just to piss you fuckers off. GAY PRIDE!!

    Reply
  6. Sil

    You have to ruin video games now? You’re simply exploiting small, random details to benefit you. And by benefit, I of course mean reinforce the stereotype that gives us Christians a bad name.

    Love is love, and a video game is a video game.

    (Wow, just wait till this guy reads fanfiction or goes on tumblr)

    Reply
  7. Jesusfreak981234

    Tyson Bowers III …but if this is gay…how is UFC undespuited, a game which you seem to enjoy according to your face book, not gay? Or rather, how does it not induce gay tendancies? I mean…you play as half naked mean who roll around on the ground and grapple each other…that seems kinda gay dude. I mean, it’s cool if you’re gay, Jesus said to love and respect everyone.

    Reply
    1. Tyson Bowers III

      I have them as liked, due to a article I wrong about how the UFC is teaching boys to be fecal loving homos. It is called research.

      Reply
      1. GodDOESNTexist

        All of these reference’s to God, Homosexuality, and Kids.

        Sounds like someone is looking for some 10 year old buns for their 50 year old meat, if you know what I mean?

        Can’t get married but it’s ok to butt-fuck little boys.

        Reply
        1. justaguylaughinghisassoff

          oh god, this is to funny, these people(of this website) really dont understand shit do they? if something isnt about “Jesus” or “God” then its flaming homosexual bullshit that will get you sent straight to “Hell”. Notice the quotations. Its because of people like this website that i blame Religion for about 90% of the worlds problems.

          Reply
      2. @Tyson

        Tyson, just to comment on those few references to games and sport turning people into homosexuals, I think you must be the homo in this instance, bwahahahahahahahaha… Especially since everything is a sexual reference in this article. Do you enjoy touching them little boys or something?!?!?!?! Get a life, grow up and take your shitty articles about the games that effect us as human beings out of your thought patterns because you clearly have no fucking idea as to how much games don’t actually effect us or make us “gay”. I’m a straight guy, who loves his gf very much and it doesn’t do anything to me, clearly you must enjoy the idea of being a homo.

        Now that we have gathered that you love the idea of wanting to be a princess, how’s about you go and please yourself. Bible bashers such as yourself, are the people our parents warned us about.

        Reply
  8. PDiddy

    Thank you for the pie charts. That explains why I shove something up my butt after a long session of Skyrim.

    I can’t stop laughing. This is comedy gold.

    Reply
  9. Pingback: Skyrim teaching your kids Rimjob and other "techniques"? - ggFTW

  10. Marfle

    *Right off the bat, the gay supporting software company Blizzard, shows the player images ….. *

    Blizzard doesn’t make Skyrim. Moron.

    Reply
      1. o_O

        It was made here. Wasn’t that hard to find…. dumbass

        Bethesda Softworks LLC
        a ZeniMax Media company
        1370 Piccard Drive, Suite 120
        Rockville, MD 20850

        Reply
          1. IhateThisSite

            So sinful, that this site (logically) shouldn’t exist.
            Do you think maybe they employ monkeys to do the typing for them so they don’t end up partying with satan on Google… hmm I wonder

  11. LadyWithABrain

    This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Good job showing the world that you are an incredibly stupid individual who thinks about butt sex more than any normal human being should.

    /clap

    By the way, your entire post is loaded with inaccurate information. One quick example, Blizzard is the company who makes World of Warcraft and other such games. BETHESDA is the company who created The Elder Scrolls series.

    If you are going to bash a game that you’ve probably never even done a single bit of research on, at least get a few of the facts straight.

    Reply
      1. Mr tea

        Ah! Now what can you atheist homos have to say to that?!
        Blizzard owns bethesda and hollywood and chinese fortune cookies companies!
        Only through hard journalistic research can you know this!

        Reply
  12. Gordon Freeman

    i wasn’t bothered by the game, but after reading this review, I’m so getting it. i wanted to be gay, like my son but wasn’t sure how. i tried hanging round in gay club toilets, but everyone else seemed more experienced than me and I felt out of my depth. this “Skyrimmers” game is the way forward! Thanks CHRistwire. i’ll let you know how i get on.

    Reply
  13. Gerza71

    What you think you are? I don’t know I going to laugh at this so called article or punch in the face. These sort of articles that you put out, make me be put off being Christian. You lot believe this bloke is typing the truth are blind and short sighted. This article is trash.

    For you information Skyrim is the fifth game of The Elder Scrolls game which been going since 1994. Here is proof http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Main_Page. Also Skyrim is a country in a continent of Tamriel. The other four games in The Elder Scroll games in order is Arena 1994, Daggerfall 1996, Morrowind 2002 and Oblivion 2006.

    Next thing this game is not MMORPG first person shooter. Its a single player role player game that use swords shield, MAGIC, blunts and killing . Before you put bullshit out why not have a interview with Todd Howard. He is a boss of the company who made the game. BTW it not Blizzard its Bethesda. Get your facts right next time.

    Reply
    1. Bruce Danus

      Either learn proper American, or stop typing with one hand on your “Sin Scepter”. None of what you typed was able to be read by white Christian Males, therefore it is unintelligible.

      Reply
      1. Sin Scepter

        American is not a language, and after reading this article, you people have no right to criticize someone’s grammar.

        Reply
      2. Anon

        ENGLISH, not American… You look really stupid when you don’t know what language you speak… I suppose not many Americans do though.

        Reply
          1. dante204

            if you honestly believe that this so called “global language” will be renamed “American” then your country really is just as stupid and arrogant as the rest of the world thinks you are.

            but keep the bullshit coming, it’s always good for a laugh XD

          2. Robert

            Wow, you are quite the idiot. Show me an article from CNN or other news source that proves that your right. Oh you say that you can’t? Well of course you can’t because you’re just making stuff up.

          3. Draco

            You’re an idiot. Oh, and it’s verifiably true!

            Let me just write a quick article on my opinion, publish it to my personal blog, and voila! See, I have a link that says so!

            Just because you can publish something doesn’t mean it’s a fact.

            This site makes me LOL. Oh, and makes me glad I’m not christian anymore. Who’d want to worship a god that promotes ignorant fucks like you?

    2. Brool Story Co.

      You had me at blunt…Wanna smoke one with me? Plenty to go around on God’s green, herb filled wonderfull world.

      Reply
  14. meg

    Hahahaha…good laugh, good laugh. This article is so ridiculous and hilarious….wait…you…mean…this…0_o Are you saying someone ACTUALLY believes what they wrote is true? You mean this isn’t a joke?

    Reply
  15. Mewdolf Kitler

    Reading this article has turned me into a homosexual and will turn your children into homosexuals as well. Reader beware.

    Reply
  16. Satanic Ass Demon

    Dear God.

    So your telling me that you wouldn’t be happy about my wood elf whom I created in the image of our lord, Jesus Christ. Then proceeded to have him marry a male Orc, and allow him to both cook Jesus’ food and clean Jesus’ “spear”.

    So all this arcticle says is christian extremists are just as bigger dickheads and alarmist fucksticks as all other extremist sects are..

    Honestly get a life you white trash biblebashing fuck stains….

    Reply
  17. Ace

    Why is it no one can take a joke anymore?
    Gotta start with the religious insults over it too.
    All this ignorance is making me ashamed to be agnostic.
    Seriously, if you couldn’t tell after the first paragraph it was a joke, you need to take an English class.

    Reply
    1. TheMan

      Its not a joke though, an official petition has been started by the author of this to get the game banned.

      If by joke your referring to the whole idea of a christian religion then i 100% agree with you.

      Reply
  18. Leon

    You are wrong brother!!, i am a Christian, and you just showed me why god send me to this planet, a will destroy every one of you fake Christian, you are using kids!!!!! to make a point, you are sick, we are not here to judge , the bible will is very clear on that, i am sick of you guys giving us a bad name, there is a fine line between believing and judging. god once told me that, we have to share our table with our enemy, because in the end they are the same as us fighting for what they believe in,

    Warn all you judging Christian buddies, the real Christians are here and ready to fight you.

    Reply
    1. Ad Hominem

      LEON! JOIN ME BROTHER! I HAVE STARTED THE QUEST!

      The quest to murder the writers on this website.

      The method of death is now determined to be to shove a disk containing Skyrim down the throat of the heretic. I make no joke, that I no longer care about my life. I will find and kill the writers for this website.

      TICK TICK TICK.

      Reply
  19. GaySatanicSkyrimPlayer

    So…. If I leave myself as a normal human and choose the path of a knight.. No magic… just martial combat. full heavy armor. no enchanted weapons. just normal steel armor. It must have homosexual understones to it? Even when you can get married in the game and have a family? It means that somehow somewhere this game turns me gay. Ok.. I will now admit I am a gay sexual deviant terrorist who loves to corrupt children and teach them black magic. Also person who created this review. STORMWIND IS IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT BY AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COMPANY
    ACTIVISION BLIZZARD IS NOT THE SAME AS BETHESDA… Goddamn religion is truly the blight on humanity

    Reply
  20. BBQGAD

    Tyson doesn’t like the game cause the little boys in it keep running away from him when he trys to get them into his house.

    Reply
  21. CtrlAltSpam

    Well, if this guy played it and gave this a review stating that if you play this game you’ll basically turn gay or crave gay sex…then…does that mean he wants to have gay sex with men?

    Just saying 😛

    Reply
    1. CtrlAltSpam

      Since he’s stating it to be true, then obviously he wants to, right?

      …I think he’s just looking for a way to confess his gayness xD

      Reply
  22. Master Baster

    The only gay thing about Skyrim is that it allowed you to play it. As a Christian, and I mean a true Christian and not a narrow minded, extremist fanatic, deep in several dimensions of his own tomfoolish idiocy and ignorance, I am more disgusted with this absurd garbage than I would be with having penis thrown at me. maybe I’m confusing the same God I know with the fictional one you speak of.

    Also, I want to know, are you an avid supporter of Westborough Baptist Church? You seem to spout the same ignorance they do.

    Reply
    1. Jewis87

      To be honest with you, the description you gave of an “untrue christian” is what christianity is all about. Have even you read the bible?

      Reply
      1. Damn, Kid

        Even I’ve read a couple pages of the Bible and I can tell you that nowhere in it does it condemn people or tell anyone to hate anyone.

        Reply
        1. Murray Baconfists

          well actually yes it does:

          “If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives.” (Leviticus 20:13 NAB)

          but that’s from the crazy old-testament bit that all the clever christians have just kinda started to ignore.

          Reply
    2. Jinx

      I loled at the “Are you an avid supporter of Westborough Baptist Church” comment. Man, I am also a Christian, but you know what, in a way I hate to even be associated in a religion with a group of so call Christians like those. When I tell people I am a Christian, I make sure they know I DO NOT support that group.

      Reply
  23. Frank Watermelon

    I hope this “god” you speak of shoves a cold banana up your “demon hole”. You homophobia disgrace of a human being. This is why i’m not a christian!!!!

    Reply
  24. Riyu

    Oh man. After playing Skyrim, there is nothing like have hot, tender sex with another man.
    Seriously? First, Bethesda makes this game, not Blizzard. Second, you kill demons and necromancers and other things,as well as people who commit crimes. Yes the option is there if you want to go down the path of evil, as i’m sure Mr. Bowers did “in the name of research.”
    Next, where in this game is anything that implies being gay AT ALL? You guys must have dragon fisted your sewer spout so far to come up with this.
    Lastly, Mr. Bowers, you seriously need to take a grammer class, as there were several mistakes in both spelling, and use of wording in this article, showing that you are in fact, NOT a journalist.

    Reply
  25. Satan

    SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL SATAN IS GOOD SATAN IS MY PAL

    Reply
  26. Dicklover5000

    This site is living proof that there might be no “God”, i mean for real. What “God” in their right mind would praise someone to fabricate false facts to cause unrest in the community over a game that does not do what the preachers are saying. Last time i checked, lying was sinful. Thank you for showing that a “Man of God” is actually a worshiper of Satan you hypocritical heathens.

    Reply
  27. jesusloveseveryone

    How dare you all make fun of Christians like that! Don’t you have any shame? Christians are persecuted far too much in America, we are probably the most persecuted people on the planet. Every day I see atheist scum like you infringe on my religious rights while Christians do nothing of the sort to anyone. You are all going to burn in hell!

    Reply
    1. Riyu

      Okay first, who is infringing on your rights? I see no one doing anything of the sort unless you are referring to the author of this article.
      Second, I am a christian. Its really sad to see how anti-gay this article is when the bible says God loves EVERYONE. EVERYONE ON EARTH, GOD LOVES. Being gay is a sin JUST LIKE LYING AND BEING A FALSE PROPHET. Which is exactly what this article is. So as far as im concerned, this article is just as bad as being gay (no offense meant to the gays, honestly. I support gay marriage)

      Reply
      1. jesusloveseveryone

        You are not a real christian if you support gay marriage. Gay people are an abomination in God’s eyes, it’s in the Bible clear as day. How can you not see the threat homosexuality poses to our society? It threatens to undermine our entire social fabric. We give homosexuals “equal rights” as they call them our society will degrade into anarchy. It is a sick and twisted lifestyle much like atheism. They both spit in the face of Jesus Christ. That is why they must be punished, both in this life and the next. As for how my religious rights are being violated, they are violated every day. Every day both myself and my family have the liberal atheist homosexual agenda crammed down our throats. I have to explain to my children half of what they learn in school is a lie and that science is man rebelling against his creator. Do you know how confusing that is for a child, to be led astray from the lord every day at school and having to be set straight once they got home. I have to stand by and watch as these homosexuals try to corrupt my children and lead them into their perverted, amoral lifestyle. We Christians need to rise up and take back our country from the atheist scum. We need to build a truly Christian nation, by force if needed.

        Reply
        1. MdR

          I agree absolutely! Why would we dare send our children into an education system that we renounce so fully? I know that they are learning nothing, and that I could teach them more myself, but I too continually send my children to school each and every day with the hope that they will inspire the other children to reveal the lies of their oppressive teachers who are nothing more than pawns of the faggot agenda that is the current political administration. I hope that by doing this, my children will cause a riot at the school, and these heathens will understand that their godlessness will only cause chaos! The only way for our country to be returned to be great again is for it to return to God, the one true god who created the cosmos in six days with his own hands, not through billions of years of tinkering!

          Reply
        2. Grabawhip Suckad*ck

          Judge ye lest ye not be judged. What happened to the golden rule? Should I bash your head in because you are committing sins due to your religious fanaticism? Have you not read the Bible? Because I have. Every sin no matter how small or big is equally as bad. You should pray tonight for forgiveness, because you have sinned. Oh….are you forgetting that even homosexuals and atheists who pray for forgiveness on their death bed are going to heaven? Don’t you just adore your religion!

          Reply
        3. Akhil

          Dude, Christians are NOT persecuted. If you want to see persecuted people, look at jews. People like you are gonna burn in hell.

          Reply
        4. AgentOsama

          You, good sir, are a dumbfuck. For one, why would god give us science if he did not intend for us to study it? Im a Christian, but I believe everything has a reason. Also, the bible does say God loves everyone. BTW, it’s Jesus the Christ. Just to be a grammar nazi.

          Reply
        5. jesusloveseveryonehater

          Wow, you’re an idiot jesusloveseveryone. It is people like you who need to get a grip on modern society and realise that we need to accept everyone for who they are and why they are and understanding why, rather than being so SMALL MINDED – such as yourself – and ignoring that people are going to be different and that is what makes us HUMAN.

          Religion has caused as much death as the mosquito. Over thousands of years your Christianity has killed people. For example, for land to ‘crusade’, the extremists – just like in other religions – have killed, e.g the KKK, killing black people just because of their skin colour. Or those – such as yourself – persecuting OTHER HUMANS – for choosing a different sexuality to your own. Now what we really need to do is build a global OPEN MINDED nation, and not by force, because all that will lead to is being like you, a inept human being who can’t see past his own nose for trying.

          The next time you try to uphold your religion, don’t base it on old, small minded pathetic ways. This is why your religion dies out. Just like Islam. The extremists of Islam are giving the whole of Islam a bad name, making people not want to follow it anymore.

          Got to say, if I was christian and read your comment, I’d ditch it in a moment.

          Disgusting.

          Reply
          1. jesusloveseveryone

            The only small minded one is you. You who have rejected the one true savior. If you were really smart you would know that yes some religions have cause much unjust death, like Islam and Judaism but Christianity is a religion of peace and if killing is done in its name it is righteous because it is in the name of the true savior. Christianity will never die, it will only grow stronger, and soon it will dominate all life on the planet!

        6. TheMan

          “We need to build a truly Christian nation, by force if needed.”

          Ya that sounds about right, Christians thinking there religion is the one true belief and there willing to shut anyone down who says its not.

          I’m sure baby jesus would be all about trying to rule the world with an iron fist

          Reply
        7. wowthisguy

          As someone who used to identify as a Christian, I must say you are the kind of person that made me realize that I didn’t want to believe in something that created such vile people as you. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christians, but I abhor the ignorant bigots that claim that everyone who doesn’t believe is a Satanist. I’ve read the bible cover-to-cover 3 times now and not once did it say one man’s sin is greater than the other. So you lying and coveting is just as bad as someone being gay. Furthermore, I will agree that Christians have been persecuted, but to be fair they’re like the least persecuted group in history. Don’t condemn everyone in the world just because you think you’re right. Jesus Christ, a great man in his time, taught compassion, and patience, and understanding, and you’re spouting off nonsense that’s the opposite of your belief structure. And God and JC would be ashamed of countries murdering and pillaging in their names. It’s embarrassing, and disgusting. Also I find it extremely ironic that you’re name is jesusloveseveryone, yet you show none of the love that your God shows you. You ignorant, pompous, bigoted, asshole. Also, if you’re not OK with the school system or country the way it is, get out of the country and teach your kids yourself. I hardly think it’s fair to call educators gay because they teach evolution. And on that note, not all liberals are gay either. I’m extremely socially liberal, but I’m not gay at all. So to add insult to injury I say this: Jesus was a Jew; in order for us people, the all-knowing God’s creation, to have the free will the Bible says we have, he either has to not know what we’ll do, or not care what we do. and if He can’t be a contradiction, he can’t care; and finally this; God claims to be all good, all powerful, and all knowing. but we live in a world where only 2 can be truly possible. If he knows all of the evil in the world, either he chooses not to change it, which isn’t good, or he is incapable of changing it, which isn’t all powerful. If he has the power to change all the evils, then he mustn’t know of all of it, which crosses out the all knowing, or he chooses not to change it. And lastly, If he is in fact all good, he musn’t have knowledge of all the evils in the world to be able to change them, or he doesn’t have the power to do so…thanks for your time.

          P.S.
          You can’t claim to be a religion of peace if you want to take of a country by force. A country whose founding fathers were comprised of mostly deists. And if you’re too uneducated to know what that means, it’s someone who believes that there is a creator, but that creator neither pays attention or cares about what we do on earth. I think it;s apparent that they had morals and standards regardless of their religious beliefs or lack thereof.

          Reply
        8. Some1random

          Oh my….
          You are soo right…
          I canot belive what they are teching in schools
          these days…. but 1 thing is shure…
          reading this coment is making me soo horny…
          Ohhh i want to shove my dick soo far up your ass that you can’t walk for a week.. 😉
          Hope you feel the same jesusloveseveryone beacuse i want to fuck you so hard <3

          Reply
        9. Eagle Scout King

          See, all the pastors I’ve talked to can find no evidence of homosexuality being a sin in the bible. I’m sick of hearing about Sodom and Gamora. See, if read Genesis 18, the bible actually says they were destroyed for their in-hospitality to his neighbors. Leviticus was considered a code of conduct, because in the times of the bible, people only lived to be about fifty, so if you sleep with a man, than that’s a member of society that you no longer have. So it was considered unclean and wrong. In addition, Christianity as a religion, is the most violent, two faced religion. Look at the crusades…the Christian religion crammed its values down the throats of Muslims, Jews, Gypsy peoples and others. If they refused to convert, they raped the women, than killed them, the children and the men. All for the acquisition of land for the Church. In addition, despite the fact that not every single person in America is a Christian, others are forced to follow its beliefs. In the grand scheme of things, Jesus preached love. Jesus died for the sins of others. No man, has the right to determine what sin is besides God himself. Anyone who tries to determine sin is saying that they are God, and they are committing the greatest sin, by turning away from the true message of Jesus Christ. Brought to you by an Eagle Scout.

          Reply
        10. ElwoodFenris

          im not atheist but everyone has a right to believe in what they want, and if some people choose not to believe then you cant start insulting them, there are other religions out there that have different gods are they wrong too?
          so if that person cant be christian for supporting gay marriage then you cant be a proper christian for condeming those who dont have the same beliefs.

          Reply
    2. GamesareFun M'kay?

      I thought the ‘Most persecuted’? that title goes to the Jew’s I thought.

      Just what I’ve been taught…

      PS – Hell is wehre the fun people will be waiting.
      Whoops

      (Im a Christian – re-educated by science = don’t hate me – your not allowed)

      Reply
    3. Dont pile your religion on me

      ok so from what i’m to believe you think christians are more persecuted than say… jews?…. from what i see the jews have had a really bad run in the world, and do you know something being atheist is a better way to live my life i personally think… i did the whole christian thing and personally it sucks… by your logic your god is all forgiving so it wouldnt matter if i dedicated my life to him or not… because of A: if he’s not there i’ve not wasted my life by not doing things i wanted to do and B: if he is there he would forgive me as i live my life for others… also tell me… where abouts in the bible does it say that homosexual relationships are forbidden? everyone in this world has a right to pursue happiness regardless of age, sexual orientation, skin colour, race, religion etc… so why would you want to stop people being happy? are you that devout a christian that your into the whole religious warfare idiocy which plagues our modern age? or is it because your still living in the dark ages where people handed down judgement themselves for absolutely no reasons what so ever… (an example would be the salem witch hunts) by the way were there any proven witches at that point? your country should remember it well seeing as you’ve only been around 200+ years…

      Reply
      1. jesusloveseveryone

        First of all the bible says homosexuality is immoral in Leviticus 18:22 “Homosexual acts are an abomination to God” and Leviticus 20:13 “If a man has sex with another man, kill them both.” Also the jews were persecuted but they have a homeland now (Israel). Christians have no such homeland. Also I agree that everyone deserves to live a happy life, as long as they accept Christ as their personal savior. If they do not then they are spitting in the face of God and must be punished. God wants us to build his kingdom here on earth so we may be better prepared for paradise. You sir have turned your back on Christ and you will atone or you will burn in eternal agony. When the Christian revolution comes all of you will pay for what you have said and done that went against God. You will convert or you will be dealt divine justice!

        Reply
        1. bearfoot

          The bible also says, in the very same book you quote, that mixing of crops and fabrics are a sin.

          So do you wear polyester?

          But I get it, your “sin” is OK because you do it, right?

          Reply
    4. The atheist one

      “christians do nothing of that sort to anyone”. CRUSADES. HOLOCAUST. WAR ON TERROR. ALL atrocious things committed in the name of jesus christ.

      YOU LEAVE US ALONE AND STOP PUSHING THE BIBLE IN SECULAR EDUCATION, AND WELL STOP TELLING YOU WHAT WE THING OF YOU RELIGION!!!!!!!

      Reply
    5. Buddah

      God doesn’t exist, if he did, he would except people for who they are and what he made them into, but unfortunately he doesn’t, which tells me god is a made up conspiracy made by faggots who are afraid of who they really are. You ma’am, are just another one of those faggots, so If I were you, I would get off the internet and rethink who you really are, and what “Religion” you should really follow. By the way, the whole God “Hating” homosexual thing was back in the old testament, if you read, it specifically says not to follow the old testament anymore, because those were Moses laws. God made his own laws for us to follow, so that makes you, ma’am, a hypocrite. See you in “hell” mother fucker.

      Reply
  28. Pingback: SKYRIM....THE DEATHWATCH by ZooL - Page 107 - TribalWar Forums

    1. Christian Intellectual

      Don’t listen to this demon ! he is the king of lies and deceit. Christwire exposed his homogay conspiracy and he is angry.

      Reply
      1. lucifer

        well i guess u called my number (666) u god damn goose of a harlot. I’ll expose your bare ass to the end of my foot. how is that for a skyrim job?? You know nothing of jesus!!!

        Reply
      1. Lucifer Grey (no t the lucifer above)

        i realize this is a parady website but these real chistian extremists in the comments are pissing me off

        Reply
    1. Monocle Cat

      “homogayness”? Are you serious?!
      I find uneducated and hatefull people like you absolute terrifying but reading your posts is still hilarious.

      Reply
    2. Cassidy Pen

      You have the journalists @ Chris†Wire to thank for recognizing your near brush with sin. God bless you, C.I. for your honest witness.

      Reply
  29. Jesse S

    Screw this website. Anyone who has actually played the game knows this whole article is a lie. Lying is a sin, and you’ll go to hell for it. Anyone who believes this ridiculousness obviously is highly gullible (believes anything they hear) and has never actually seen the game. This entire website can go to hell for all I care for trying to spoil and terminate such a great game as this one.

    Nothing like Killing dragons, demons, help neighbors, and killing the occasional serial killer and stray mage. This game rules, and the ONLY homosexual thing about this game is that you can marry a man AS a man. You can’t even have sex.

    Anyone who has a brain will actually research this on their own with an open mind. Please do that, and give me hope in humanity again.

    Peace out – Friendly Neighborhood Atheist.

    Reply
  30. Sarah Williams

    Is this for real??
    I just snorted in absolute laughter at this article. I’m hoping its a joke but you never know these days.
    Skyrim is a bloody damn good game, and guess what? i’m still straight as anything…nothing going to change that.
    In regards to religion…..Pagans were here before christianity, should i be burned at the stake like the witches?
    Such silly narrowmindedness…..if there is a god i’m sure he’s facepalming right now.
    I’ll stick to my world of open mindedness and peace thanks.

    Reply
  31. Disgruntled Reader

    You’re a fucking idiot – plain and simple. You should be ashamed of yourself for writing such bullshit and bringing religion into it. The world is a poorer place because cunts like you exist. Retard.

    Reply
  32. Aaron L

    I am reading this laughing at the author the whole time. PLEASE! tell me this is a joke because anyone who believes this is.. wait… HOW DOES THE AUTHOR KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT “RIM JOBS?” THE AUTHOR IS A GAY!!!!!! Anyway you do know any ten year old looking for skyrim on google has a chance of finding this disgusting website right?

    Reply
  33. Meshia

    I personally support people who are gay. They, like everything else, are God’s creations. God loves all, and God forgives all, so even if being gay is a sin, which it really isn’t, then it’s forgiven, and no one is burning in hell. That said, let people be people, the Lord gave us the freedom to make our own decisions and so long as we place faith in Him, the way to heaven shall be open to us. So it is written, so it shall be. By the way, I’m a Christian, and I have “I am the Messiah” tattooed on my arm. We’ll see who’s right and wrong when the time of Judgment arises.

    Reply
  34. HZ

    I used to be a faithful Christian and an avid gamer but now that I have found out that my favourite game is actually about demonic homosexual sex with dragons (and also that it was made by blizzard and not the glorious Bethesda) I am forced to reconsider my position.

    So I would like to announce to the world that I have decided to become an ice spear wielding satanic homosexual so that I can keep playing this game.

    Lots of Love HZ

    P.S. why no mention of the lesbian under tone? I mean there’s a entire race of pussy (cats) getting it on in this game!

    Reply
  35. Anon

    First off, Skyrim isn’t an MMO. Nor is it an FPS, nor is it made by Blizzard…… thats as far as i got before I couldn’t stop myself laughing so hard I couldn’t read any further.

    Oh and you made a typo in the second paragraph, try proof reading next time.

    Reply
    1. Anon

      I finally managed to stop laughing enough to read more, seriously you are what is wrong with the world Mr Author (and I use that term loosely).

      Christ preached tolerance and faith and while I do not believe he was the son of god, I can at least get on board with some of his message. You sir, have no idea what Christ was about and have no understanding of tolerance and faith. You are a bigot, a fraud and a terrible writer.

      If the rapture ever comes, which frankly it isn’t, you will be left here to burn while myself and all my friends who have spent our lives having pre marital sex (and some of us with members of our own sex) and being tolerant of others will be lifted up to heaven and spend our time laughing at you.

      The Universe is 13.7 billion years old, life on Earth is 4 billion years old, mammals have been here over 100 millions years and there have always been gay animals or atleast animals that engage in sex with their own gender. humans have been having homosexual sex for 50 thousand years and your god was invented 3 thousand or so years ago…. the simple fact is homosexuality has been around longer than your god and will be around long after your god is just a footnote in Human history.

      Enjoy your post life, a short damnation as nothing but worm food before your body decomposes and your soul blinks out of existence the moment you die… just like the rest of us. I had an imaginary friend once, but I was 8….. it is time you grew up

      Reply
      1. dantheman

        I dont know whats funnier, you believing that this article is serious or you writing a novel to argue with an article and website that is satirical in nature.

        Reply
  36. Ed

    Oh man, this should be a TV show, would be famous, but probably Christianity would lose 99% of it’s followers…
    I wonder, which thing would mess up kids more, reading these kind of articles or completing Skyrim…

    Reply
  37. Legion2190

    So… I’m confused. Is this supposed to be a joke? Cause if it is, I like your style. If not, then I just lost all faith for humanity.

    Reply
  38. blagojex

    If you think skyrim is gay, try getting your hands on a thing called “The Bible”. I mean, just look at the fag enabling creators lingo:
    B-boys
    I-internal
    B-barely
    L-legal
    E-ejaculation
    Faggotry at it’s finest.

    Reply
  39. Captain Bright

    I think it speaks for the level of insanity the Fundamentalist fringe has reached that while I’m pretty sure that this is a parody, there’s still part of me that thinks otherwise.

    Also, gay friend of mine freaking loves this game. Now we know why…

    Reply
  40. John

    Dear everyone,
    I’m a Christian and I am honestly ashamed of this article. First of all, if you make a heavy claim such as this, you should know what you’re talking about. The company “blizzard” is the creator of world of Warcraft, and is not associated in any way with Skyrim or the Elder Scrolls series. Also, you don’t start out as a terrorist. You are a prisoner whom nobody knows anything about, and you don’t even know about the dragons.

    On top of that, I’ve yet to see a pentagram. I’m the arch-Mage, meaning I’m in charge of all of Skyrim’s magic, and I don’t see anything evil about it. There’s boning about the game that forces you to do bad things. And by the way, that acrostic is a reaching, pathetic attempt.

    Sincerely, the heterosexual Christian who will stay that way despite hundreds of hours of Skyrim.

    Reply
  41. Caleb

    Wow. That was a great article, sir. I really have to rethink about things now.
    I think that tonight I’m going to get a cheap, $20.00 man-whore and spend the night skyrimming and dragon fisting until the love is gone for good.

    Reply
    1. LadyWithABrain

      After browsing the rest of this site, I somehow doubt it is being defaced. Either the whole thing is a joke or these people are as fucked up as those Westboro Baptist Church nutjobs…. All of the other stories are just as bad.

      Reply
  42. Drew

    Just to add to my comment above. I don’t know *any* religious people, let alone ones of this magnitude of ignorance and naivety that use (let alone, KNOW) phrases like “taint tugging”, backdoor feasting”, and “meat banana”.

    While it’s good for a laugh, it’s quite obviously a joke.

    Reply
  43. Pingback: Skyrim teaching your kids about homosexuality. « Squares' Circle

  44. Dustin

    WOW I just played skyrim the other day and amazingly I did not lick anyone’s ass nor did I have a homo-erotic gender bending adventure. I guess I am not playing right

    Reply
  45. Pingback: Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform “Rim Jobs”? | PC Gaming! – Unit Lost

  46. Skyrimmer

    This game is very dangerous. After playing as a Nord who used a two-handed daedric (the pagan deities in Skyrim), I couldn’t have stopped myself from performing a multitude of homo-erotic sexual acts on my boyfriend, including (but not limited to): fellatio, anilingus, and anal intercourse…

    This game is very hazardous devout Christians, including myself.

    By the way, does anyone know if I can become a werewolf after denying the option once joining the Companions? I have heard that it might improve my ability to fellate.

    Reply
    1. Kev

      You can choose to become one later if you deny them, you can also become one by finding a werewolf somewhere in the world and fighting it to contract the disease.

      Reply
  47. Kev

    “SKYRIM LINGO: DOVAHKIIN – Is the supposed citizens of Skyrim, but is a code word that means”

    Dovahkiin is actually dragon language for Dragonborn, someone born with the soul of a dragon. And you don’t start off as a terrorist but simply a person who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. And the Stormcloaks aren’t terrorists… they’re the natives of the land. If anything the Imperials are the terrorists. This review is clearly a fail because the person hasn’t even played the game. 😛

    Reply
    1. Kev

      Forgot to add this but if defending your homeland makes you a terrorist, anyone who defends their homeland is a terrorist? Confusing….

      Reply
  48. Jeremiah

    Amen, Tyson. It is a testiment to the maleviolent sin which pollutes these Skyriders that they come to Christwire and attempt to mislead us god fearing Americans by proclaiming the article (and website) to be a hoax. These “games” poison the minds of children, even prompting the thought of lewd homosexual activities in the mere act of inserting the games “cartidge” which penetrates the sega games machine — only then to have satans seed ejaculated into their eyes when filht such as this “game” is presented to them on screen. Others might proclaim that the article is “funny” as they have no children to speak of, since god made sure that homosexual could not reproduce and further taint humanity with their hateful demon sex acts. The nitpikcing between the names Bethesda and Blizzard (the name bethesda is aramaic for “house of mercy”, a clever disguise for such a vile industry) is simply a ruse to distract from the real issue, the danger of these lewd sex-filled dragon orgy simulators.

    Dr. Jeremiah Hakeswill

    Reply
  49. Dirk Fuckwit

    yummy, there’s nothing like munching on a good dick after a couple of hours of skyrimming

    keep up the good work bro (Y)

    Reply
  50. Pingback: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim 11.11.2011 HUOM! Ei spoilereita ilman spoilertageja! - Sivu 28

  51. Johnsonite

    Ha ha ha. You religious nutjobs are hilarious. Crazy, crazy people.

    Sadly religion is just an excuse. Be it for harming others, or just trying to make up in some way for your shortcomings as a human being.
    After reading this article, in the case of Tyson Bowers III, I’d say the religion excuse here is the shame he feels for his own homosexuality. You should just accept the way you are.

    Reply
    1. BBQGAD

      Well maybe just the Christians all the other religions seem fine they dont try to force there crap on people like Christians.

      Reply
  52. primalPhoot

    heathens don’t know or don’t take the time or are too distracting with homogay to google wiki in-formations about this sanctified and holy website. They are too busy playing with their joysticks to think of doing such a thing

    Reply
  53. Richard Kelly

    I address this to those that run this website and to those that would drag a fantasy game into a homophobic religious debate that it clearly has nothing to do with………..YOU PEOPLE WITH YOU WEIRD RELIGIOUS FANATICISM ARE WASTING VALUABLE OXYGEN AND IT WOULD BE IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE HUMAN RACE IF YOU WOULD STOP PROCREATING, how any creatures with such little intelligence can function is beyond me and if you through some horrible cosmic joke are evidence of a anthropomorphic creator (as apposed to our beautiful universe) then he/she/it is either a sadist or a retard…..that is all!

    Reply
    1. Simon

      “how any creatures with such little intelligence can function is beyond me”

      Yes, it amazes me that you were able to use a keyboard.

      Reply
  54. Taly Waly

    I just have to say that this was probably the funniest thing I have read all day.Honestly, tears are spilled down my cheeks. Thank you SO much for this article! :’D

    Reply
  55. cathLICK priest the 1st

    great review! really loving the SOLID facts, you should do one on the PERILS of sending your son to Catholic school!

    God loves watching you in the shower little boys!

    Reply
    1. Monocle Cat

      You are concidering a hatefull fool for a mighty position and so you are also insulting the german sith imerator, we already have as the Pope.
      Just sayin’

      Reply
  56. d

    Hey jude, don’t make it bad.

    Also, You’re killing dragons. If anything, you’re in a sense trying to defeat the daemons in skyrim to make it better.

    Reply
    1. TheBearJew

      Skyrim doesn’t state anywhere that dragons were or are “demons” or even evil. If anything, the Daedra were “evil” gods, and even that’s debatable, since there is no clear black and white morality in skyrim, all factions are along the grey, with questionable motives.

      Reply
  57. Christwire is gay

    You know you bunch of Jesus freak , Christian scumbags , this arcticle is probably promoting gayness , rather than stopping it .

    Reply
  58. Ashe

    Holy shit this guy must be crazy. I’m Christian and you don’t see me turning gay from Skyrim. Also at the start of the game you are just trying to cross the border not over throw your government. XD This guy needs a life. I think the guy who wrote this is gay and wants to hide it :)

    Reply
  59. harley

    Literally cried with laughter, not only does this guy have no clue what he’s talking about – but he’s also a pretty terrible christian from the looks of things.
    massive, massive lols.

    Reply
  60. FUCK ALL YOUR MUMS

    FUCK ALL YOURS MUMS YOU DIRTY ALLAH LOVING CUNTS. YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF VIRGINS. youre all a bunch of cheesechild poorjeans legbeard virginturbo beardleg mouthshirt wolfderp hoverhand buttchild fatsock fatmale childpoor nerdleg sockneck manchild cheesemale nerdman fagbeta neckfag virginshirt lordherp turbowhite fuckhover buttfag wolflord cheesefuck neckderp lordneck fathurt shirtman fagpoor poorderp jeanswhite hoverfag buttjeans herpfuck poorhand derpbutt legjeans derpfat handbeta fatnerd manbeard fatbeard betanerd betashirt sperghurt hurtchees. you ugly fucking bitch cunt whore motherfucker dickwad fuckwit shit head fuck you and your family after i take my dick outa your mums ass im coming for you and your little sister cunt, i will eat your tits off you son of a bitch fuck you

    Reply
  61. Grabawhip Suckad*ck

    ermmmmmm at first I kept seeing this is satircal…tongue-in-cheek bs…in the end I decided to check out the author’s fb page just to see what was there. He only has 2 games he likes….and one is Elder Scrolls (which, obviously includes skyrim…..)

    which makes me regret my harsh comments, well maybe not…because some idiots have no clue he is actually making FUN of this site, and the people who believe all this is real.

    Reply
  62. God

    hello, this is God. uhm im a homosexual, and do adore the game skyrim because of all its gay details. and the man who wrote this can suck my dick, i really hope he gets raped by huge cocks.. and u dont have worry, as i normally say, ur not gay until u sparkle, and one last thing. this goes out to the one who wrote this article: ” FUCK YOU! u must be RETARDED”

    -Sincerely God, Jesus and the HS(Holy Spirit)

    Reply
  63. todos locos

    MMORPG first person shooters

    wow, first line and you have proved your ignorance. It´s the joke about christians, conceiteds and ignorants.

    Reply
  64. Daniel

    my favorite race is Nord. Tall, strong, rough-looking and built men… my anus is horny with all these sexual desires.

    Reply
  65. Logical Thinking Person

    To whoever wrote this article and anyone who supports it.

    For so-called “Christians” you people are liars and perverts. Only a perverted mind would be able to create such an assumption over something as petty as the video game Skyrim. Statements like this are disgusting and shameful, the graphs that were shown are not credible, and there is nothing as vulgar as a “rim job” or any other sexual suggestion hidden within the game. It is because of opinions like this that have led our society into the immoral and corrupt state that it is today.

    Reply
    1. Christ4U

      You ought to take a look in the mirror mister. You ate nothing but an apologist for these satanists perverting our god fearing children. Only a perverted mind would support exposing this filth to CHILDREN. There is nothing petty about pushing evil like GAY and WITCHCRAFT through these video drugs. I know a guy who played that Wolr of Witchcraft and he ended up falling in love with a COW!!, when he goes to meet her she tirns out turns out to be a MAN! It was ADAM AND EVE in the garden not ADAM AND STEVE and you all gotta remember that!!?!

      I don’t know what a “rim-job” is but I know that I don’t want to know and god wouldn’t want me to know neither. You gay lovers make me sick, there is only one man in my life (no homo) an his name is JESUS CHRIST!

      Reply
  66. Kneezus

    I am torn about this site.

    I have yet to see one statement made in this article that accurately describes what Skyrim actually is, or depicts in game.

    Yet, I see zealots posting in these comments, claiming defamation, when others have called it a hoax.

    Either way, this site is one of many reasons organized religion should be outlawed. Most new world Christian views are borderline fanaticism. There are some exceptions that cross that line, places like the Westboro Baptist Church and this site. (If it honestly, isn’t a hoax.) I’m quite surprised that a rogue group of Christians haven’t blown up a National Landmark in the name of God. Protesting funerals of hard working Americans and fallen Soldiers, or just simply posting libel on the internet seems to be the line.

    The fact is, Christianity has come to stand for intolerance, lies, and greed.

    Harold Camping took thousands of peoples money to pay for a false campaign. The money that was taken, will not be returned. Greed and lies.

    The Westboro Baptist Church continues to bring grief to families across the nation by protesting funerals of people who had the mettle to take action or, just protesting Gay rights. Lies and Intolerance.

    Then…we have this site, from which all I have seen, once again, lies and intolerance. (Unless it’s a hoax, then I am seriously cracking up, it’s a great read, if taken out of the crazy fanatical context.)

    Some groups of Christians just need to understand where the line is.

    To “jesusloveseveryone,”

    You complain because you have to explain to your children that, Science, which has yielded results and truths, is a lie….but Religion which has yielded no results and no visible proof is truth? You just ASSUME, everyday you live has been given to you by God, with no proof, nothing but blind faith. I’m confused on your reasoning and it’s a shame that your children will have to grow up with the same narrow-minded views you have.

    Once again, if this site is actually a hoax, I retract everything written above and just lmfao.

    Reply
  67. GusGus1215

    “demon whack their sin staff”
    “a mass dragon orgy with his fellow homosexual warriors”
    “Wizards at Waverly Place and Sabrina The Teenage Witch”
    “how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations.”
    “freezing the anal caverns of other men in the neighborhood”

    I’m sorry, but what the hell am I reading?

    Reply
  68. Robert Fagot

    Growing up in middle school and high school I always had a problem taking a shower with the other boys.
    Many of the boys in high school would walk around the locker room with an erection. Rubbing it against the smaller guy’s and bragging about how big they were. My penis was very small about 1” with out an erection. In the locker room the guys would always make fun of me a tell me I was more like a girl. I realize it now that many of those guys were most likely gay. A few of the guys next to me used to come over a pinch my penis and when I got and erection about 3” would push me around the locker room and making sure everyone would see me. Once they pushed me outside in front of some girls and I was so ashamed not only did I not have en erection but it was almost an completely inside my body less then an inch and some of the girls thought it was so funny and did in fact make fun of me. A few girls were teasing me about my small penis and I had an erection at the time and they talked me into showing it to them.
    That turned out to be cool because they thought it was small but a cute erection and three of them touched and played with it right outside the boys locker room!
    One of the asshole guys onetime made me touch his erection in the locker room when no one else was around. We were in there shower and he made me stroke him with soap. He made me stand there as he put soap on my body then he rubbed my cock with soap and I got an erection. He soaped my ass and stuck his finger in it. My eyes started tearing up and I told him to leave me alone but he said he would pull his finger out and stick his cock in. I begged him to leave me alone and said other guys could come in the locker room at anytime and what would happen if they saw him. He then said I had a choice he would stick it in my ass, I could suck his cock or he would kick my ass and still do one or the other. He was so much bigger then me so I decided to have him pull his finger out and fuck me rather then suck him. He already had a lot of soap in my as and he slid his cock all the way in my ass which made me cry in pain but before he could start pumping a teacher came in and he quickly pulled it out and I even faster got out of that locker room and never took a shower unless there were lots of guys in there. I am now a bisexual man and I have learned to love seeing guys in the locker room and it’s always fun to see the younger guys walking around with an erection that they have no control over. I never grew much larger then 3” hard but there are a lot of guys that seem to appreciate it in the men’s locker room and unlike the early years I enjoy showing it and sharing it and the once in a while that I have sex in the guys locker room it’s always fun and exciting and not a nightmare like in high school, now it’s all fun.

    Reply
  69. Savedin2012

    Thank you for warning about this horrible game, I was tempted to buy after several “friends” were raving about how much of a fun game it was, but this exposes the evil it truly is.

    Reply
  70. That Guy

    The irony here is astounding.

    The biggest idiots on this site are the majority of the people commenting on the ‘article’

    Reply
  71. Mav

    You guys really need to stop Christfagging and let people live their lives, not the lives you want them to live. Its a video game, so why dont you stop trying to revive the “video games encourage bad behavior” thing and pull your boyfriends icy spear out of your ass, trim your fingernails, and bleach your tongue. Kay? Kay.

    Reply
    1. Mav

      Ok, so theres these things called teenagers? And theyre kinda perverted, and are the main marketing audience for these games. That is whats called an Easter Egg, something that was thrown in for comedic effect. Yes, its two dudes, that makes it funnier to the more perverted of us, doesn’t necesarily mean Skyrim has a gay agenda. More importantly, your metaphors were pretty in depth man. You might wanna go to straight camp and fix that.

      Reply
    2. OddAtheist

      Lol, that image is just of two dead bodies PLACED onto each like that. Which means whoever was playing killed them and posed them together like that.

      I must say bravo, I can never quite pose bodies how I want them to

      Reply
    3. your mama

      next time dont kill two people on top of eachother or make sure to note that dead people can still be moved into piles like that

      Reply
  72. Hador Temple

    Tyson Bowers, you are fucking retarded open up your mind, and find out that words have meanings and you clearly do not know what they are.

    Reply
  73. D

    … wow, you are amazingly mentally deficient and I’m surprised that you continue to do the task of breathing, eating and typing inane tripe to post on the Internet. I do hope you feel proud of yourself, because not a single person with a brain will read more than the first paragraph.

    For one, there’s no ‘secret code’ to Skyrim. It’s a video game, entertainment. There are no undertones, at least nothing more subtle than, ‘you are a legendary hero, spoken of in a fable. Go do quests and level up and get stuff done.’

    How about that the game freely advertises heterosexual marriages? Slaying the dragons, a common biblical enemy? Promotes morally just choices, like freeing a prisoner of a crime he didn’t commit or donating resources to a fledgling town?

    See, you did exactly zero research as seems to be your wont, considering how common it is to find no people defending you in these lovely little comments and even more doing exactly what I’m doing. I’m only reading this because a friend linked it to me as a moment of hilarity… and he was right, this is easily the most hilarious thing I’ve seen on the Internet.

    Reply
    1. Simon

      It’s sad, you seem like an intelligent enough person, but couldn’t see that this website is clearly a satirical one. I wonder who is worse: the people who this website is a fairly accurate (although slightly exaggerated) representation of, or the people who take it at face value — and proceed to attack and abuse the author, on his poor research skills, poor spelling (all of which is intentional), and then rest on their high horse — feeling they have outwitted and outsmarted the dumb religioso with their rebuttal. In saying that, I have noticed that the more I play Skyrim, the less and less I seem to find my wife attractive. Hmm…

      Reply
  74. Neeko

    you people are fucking stupid shoving your bible humping lectures down kids throats.
    YOU
    ARE
    STUPID
    athiest’s ftw
    go cram your bible in noahs “sewage pipe”

    Reply
  75. Voice

    Also this game has no fucking homosexual subliminal messages. your just a dumb ass who thinks everything about videogames is “satanic” well you know what Tyson Bowers i hope you get gang banged by a bunch of Black guys while they play skyrim. your making a bunch of lies. and some of these dumb asses believe you. BURN-IN-HELL-YOU-FUCKING-ASSHOLE

    thank you,
    Voice

    Reply
  76. Pingback: Anonymous

  77. Daniel

    I was skyrimming with Jesus the other day and he totally produced sin milk and flung it directly into my face. We then talked about how great skyrim is.

    People with serious comments, this is not a serious article. This is not a serious website. This is seriously hilarious, however.

    Reply
  78. Daniel

    It’s funny, the people calling Tyson Bowers a retard, stupid, etc. When he has cleverly managed to get exaclty what he wanted from this article…

    Your reactions. Win.

    Reply
  79. Jizzus

    OH MY GOD GAAAHHHHH JESUS FUCKING CRIST oh my fucking god cunt shit hole! I am laughing so hard! BLIZZARD! HA! oh my god how do you guys come up with this bullshit? fucken a this is golden shit right here nigger damn! Lol you bitches should all come over here and worship Allah! what fucking iderts im ne sersli i cnt blive this…this is why im muslim lol you guys are fucking crazy in yor cunt you fat niggers!
    sincerely – the muslims

    Reply
  80. Reclusiarch Mikelus

    Now, lets get this straight, I play RPG games, I study what you will define as “magic”, and I never attend church or anything similar.

    However, I still dont know what a rimjob is? all of my playing Skyrim, all I have learnt is how to interact with an A.I. (thats artificial intelligence for anyone who does not know) what needs to be done to slay a dragon, how to steal anything thats in the game and kill anything that moves.

    So Tyson, as someone who seems to know so much about this, can you please enlighten me as to what a rimjob is? and then detail what a Skyrimjob would entail? After that, I will be able to give you a clear and definitive answer as to whether or not Skyrim is teaching me this.

    While you are in the process of that, I would also like to know what homosexuality has to do with any of this.

    Reply
      1. bjshnog

        Well, I for one, have read the article. There are extremely obvious fake stats there. THIS GAME DOES NOT HAVE RIMJOBS!!! IT HAS JOBS AND THE GAME IS CALLED “SKYRIM”!!! SKYRIM IS AN ADVENTURE RPG, NOT A “RIMJOB” GAME!!! WHAT THE FUCK??!! YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD!!! SERIOUSLY!!! I WOULD PAY $1,000,000 TO HAVE THIS SITE TAKEN DOWN AND YOU PUT IN JAIL FOR SLANDER!!! AND DOVAHKIIN?! REALLY?! HOW THE FUCK COULD IT BE THAT??!! YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED THIS GAME, THEREFORE YOUR POINT IS TOTALLY INVALID!!! GO FUCK YOURSELF.

        Reply
      2. your mama

        OH LOOK WHO’S TALKING!!! the guy who did little to no research! blizzard has nothing to do with the game, ogre’s have nothing to do with the city stormwind, DUMBASS

        Reply
  81. OhReally

    It should read, Christwire – Puppet Masters, Pushing our beliefs on the young and naive to create a World in our own image that’s easier to rule over.

    Reply
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  83. Satanist

    This is awesome: I thought that Skyrim was just another boring “MMORPGFPS” now that I know how evil it truly is: I’ll be sure to pick up copies for myself and my gay-indoctrinated children on the way home.

    Reply
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  85. Reclusiarch Mikelus

    No no, I read some of it. However, I am looking for an amount of clarification on exactly how to do this. You gave a rather general description of it, though I am unable to see how these would work. Please teach me your ways, oh great knowledgeable one.

    Reply
  86. Firenter

    Wow, I’m not sure if this man is serious or if it is a joke. Next time do your research because after a few paragraphs I could already see that you hadn’t even played the game or researched anything about what you have written here. For instance you mention Blizzard, which in no way in connected to this game, it was created by Bethesda Softworks. I skipped the rest of the article and stopped a few times when I saw those weird things that made no sense at all…

    Reply
  87. Atheist69

    This is brilliant! Where did you get the information from for those pie charts?? I’ll bet it was from your sick and twisted mind. You disgust me, this is why gay teenages feel the need to kill themselves. It’s pricks like you who spawn hate. YOU are the sick FUCK who is close to Satan. You teach that God loves everyone, so why preach this hate. You clearly haven’t played the game, as your “article” is full of blatant errors. I hope you no there is no heaven and that when you die you will just stop existing. Seems like the world will be far better off without dickheads like you in it!

    Reply
  88. ALehandro

    The graphs were amazing.

    Another good review Christian Wire, I’ll be sure to spread word of this review and warn other parents the implications this game could have for kids everywhere.

    Reply
  89. ROFLMAO

    Hilarious,

    I do so like to read about your opinion on the effect of the mature mods for Skyrims predecessor Oblivion. Without doubt Skyrim will be heavily modified by the community into a gay super heaven where you wil be able to do a skyrimjob and backdoor feast a dragon.

    I myself though heavily prefer the female better boddy, moving breasts & skimpy armor mods.

    Reply
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  91. Pingback: » Skyrim Is Turning Your Kids Gay Fucked Up Games

  92. Shann

    not only is this just ridiculous, but terribly uninformed, illogical, and poorly written.

    if you have enough internet to write such a silly thing, you at least have enough to spell check, maybe even find a thesaurus.

    also, if you’re thinking that much about homosexuality after a simple video game, wouldn’t that most logically mean that you had the obsession with gay sex?

    Reply
  93. Thomas Kingsrød

    This must be the dumbest article and the fakest piece of statistics i have seen in my entire 24 year old life.
    Making fancy piecharts doesnt make it reality.
    I am sorry to break these news for you.
    Christianity can be a possitive thing.
    You are not helping.

    Reply
  94. Dylan

    Wow, first reaction to this. Just wow, Tyson… what ever your name is I really don’t care. This article is a complete laughing play ground. I laughed the whole time I read this article because it is so narrow minded. I couldn’t even finish it because I almost wet myself from reading this. I play Skyrim, and the reason it’s called that is because it takes place in a very mountainous region. Also it takes place at a time when people still believed that the sky was the limit and above that was the heavens. I’ve played this games for a couple of weeks, also I’ve played Oblivion and Morrowind (the two games that came before Skyrim) and guess what… if I could look you in the eyes I would walk up to you, stare down your eyes into that empty head of yours and tell you,”I’m still strait you jackass!” I mean really come on, if your old enough to remember when they tried making comic books illegal… yeah comics with Batman, super man, wonder women, bla bla bla. At first they were afraid they were too violent. Christians said the same thing about games. Well guess what, thousands upon thousands of people play violent video games and you don’t see them committing mass murders. Another thing to point out, most suicides are caused because gays have to much pressure and hatred from people JUST LIKE YOU! Congratulations, you just helped with a mass fucking murder, you stupid prick!

    Reply
  95. Dovahkiin

    I’m not quite sure where to begin with this. If I listed the names of every idiot in the comment section, I’d probably go over the character limit for making a post.

    Spoiler alert: This article, like every single other article on this site, is a joke. You morons saying crap like “omg ur so dumm datz not wut skyrim bout” and “omg dis y i m athieest b/cuz ppl like dis guy”- honestly, all of you need to do the human race a favor and eliminate yourselves from the gene pool. Try to come up with a really creative way to do it- then you might get a Darwin award. That’ll probably be the only significant accomplishment of your entire life.

    Reply
  96. biblebasher

    Skyrim isn’t online? So it can be a MMORPGFPS and plus there are no guns in it so it can’t be a FPS either and incase no one can read that is massive multiplayer online role playing game (first person shooter) and btw tyson ya mum just died in a car crash I just went ahead and lol’ed but thought you’d like to know:) hey guys…. How’s my ‘ american';)

    Reply
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  98. Jinx

    I’m curious; is this a joke? I mean seriously, do you even have any understanding of video games at all? First off, do you know what MMORPG stands for? This might help http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massively_multiplayer_online_role-playing_game
    Second, who and how many people did you actually get these surveys from? When I play Skyrim, I never even would have thought anything about what you mentioned in you so called article. Seriously, if you want people to actually believe what you are saying, DO REAL RESEARCH. EVEN IF these stats are real, it is hard for me to believe you actually talked with people at all. If you really want to give your religion a good name, do a little work.
    Last, I’m a christian who finds this very offensive. You flaunt your benightedness as if you are proud of it, like you are making a difference, but you know what, you are actually giving Christians a bad name. Go back to stuff you can actually understand and leave the gaming world to those that actually have an understanding of what is going on.

    Reply
  99. Alex Thorton

    This guy must be a literal psychopath or something. I own Skyrim, have beat it, etc. All of this is false, when the game was based off of norse mythology before the bible was even written. Stupid guy.

    Reply
    1. Joseph Arthur

      No man, you just haven’t realised it yet. I bet you’ve been fucking loads of guys in your sleep due to the subliminal messages.

      Reply
  100. Curious

    Cite your sources. This goes for all your editors. I’m getting tired of having to think that parents in the world are reading this and believing it because they are ignorant to the subject matter and either swallow it whole or aren’t provided with sources to check your claims. No, Skyrim is not for children. The BOX of the game will tell you that much. The ESRB has a rating system that will very clearly tell you what themes you can expect within the game. (http://www.esrb.org/ratings/ratings_guide.jsp , for reference).

    Rather than slamming a game with a serious of false and unfounded claims, write an article detailing how a parent may avoid buying such games for their children. Tell them how to conduct research on the games utilizing LEGITIMATE, RELIABLE SOURCES. Provide them with website links to get facts, and then let them form their opinion.

    If you’re a responsible parents reading this, please take the time to conduct some research for the sake of your children. Don’t deprive them of fun, imaginative experiences. However, also do your research and know which games have subject matter than your child should not be witnessing.

    Reply
    1. Stephenson Billings

      Could you be any more bossy and obnoxious? This is not your place to throw out demands at your elders. This article is a respectful and thorough piece of journalism. Just because you disagree with the message, don’t slander it. You obviously have a vested interest in promoting perversion and sin through video games. Are you one of the creators or an addicted player? I think it’s important that you come clean about your bias.

      Reply
      1. pahaha!

        i am niether gamer nor creater-technology fails me. there for i cant be biased on the topic. I agree this whole page is ridiculous. you’re making christians look stupid, and your the reason people stereotype them

        Reply
      2. your mama

        YOU SIR are a idiot. site your sources and you get a respectful article, and use real charts, not bullshit like what the fuckface made on his

        Reply
      3. TheMan

        “This article is a respectful and thorough piece of journalism”

        Thats funnier then the article itself. If it was a thorough piece of journalism it would have its facts straight. The game is not made by Blizzard its made by bethesda and as for this part…

        Once the player has decided if they want to be a female wood fairy or an black ogre from Stormwind

        None of those things exist in the game, theres no ogres or wood fairies.

        So to call this “journalism” is a slap in the face to all the true journalists of the world. This is just another Christian dictator with his ass in the air looking for something to complain about hoping to get 5 minutes in front of the news cameras.

        Reply
  101. Ell

    Excellent article. Skyrim was definitely the turning point. It gave me the confidence to admit to myself that I really love when my male friends have their way with my ass.

    Reply
  102. WTF

    You guys seriously make Christians sound not only stupid, but also make us look like fanatics that will try and find evil in everything.

    Reply
  103. Pip Pip

    LMAO, this article was great. I could swear that while reading it was not real. If it is however, the person who wrote it is another false prophet and should probably not be allowed to publish anything on anyone else’s website for any reason lol. I’m not even going to give this douche a moment more of my time. XD

    Reply
  104. Teiruzu

    Lawl, the people on here that actually believe this is serious are almost as funny as the article.

    This is stuff of God! Gotta show this around, brilliant article.

    Reply
  105. Jay clericus

    Picked this up from a facebook link, got skyrim a few weeks back, it is a great game.
    Single player, stress and sex free :)
    Then along come the new religion aka the christians who will find sexual slants on everything :(

    Was not aware that could have sex with other races, find it more fun as an orc to kill them and then eat them, thanks for the tip guys, will have to explore the game thinking as a christian (shudders) with sex everywhere even if it is a figment of mine and their imagination :)

    Am personally amazed that the christians know so much about arse rimming that they want to share their knowledge about how to do it. Suspect they love the taste of brown and not want to share it ?

    Reply
  106. Pingback: Rimjobs in the Sky || Patently Queer

  107. Pingback: games games games - Skyrim Is Teaching Your Kids ‘Homo Erotic Sex Manoeuvres’

  108. Phantom

    Umm… Dovahkiin is the name of the character… not the NPC’s… It means “Dragonborn”, basically making them a chosen hero by birth. And actually, if you really want to get into the semantics of the game; Your character is a crusader fighting against the demons of the past, an evil dragon named Alduin. Alduin is called the “World-Eater” because it is said that in this world he is the bringer of the end times. And it’s up to your character, the last of the true Dovahkiin to save the world from Alduin.

    Wow that sounds evil. Better keep the kiddies way from selfless heros fighting to save others. I mean we don’t want them to have /morals/ do we?

    lmao.

    Reply
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  110. Pingback: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Die Saga setzt sich fort! - Seite 30

  111. Mike

    Sir, my hat is off to you. Never, in all my days of witnessing the utter depths of human thinking as evidenced on the internet, have I come across as fundamental a nadir as the one I have forced myself to read today. Kudos! I thought for a moment this article was a joke, but then I realised that no-one can write comedy this balls-to-the-wall ridiculous. If you do not mind I will print this article out, frame it, and bury it in a time capsule, so future generations can see why it is mankind eventually abandoned religion.

    PS, love the graphs. Did you take them from your computer’s secret stash of gay pornography you keep for ‘research’ purposes? Your zealous preoccupation with rimming tends to indicate it may be so.

    Reply
    1. Mike

      Oh man. I take it back (now that I got the joke). Best comedy ever. You guys are just SO indistinguishable from the loony fringe, it’s brilliant. I take everything back. Your comedy is henceforth my only god. Keep up the good work Christwire.

      Reply
  112. Pingback: Article links for tonight’s show | Everything But Sports

  113. pahaha!

    I hope you realise not even people who are already homosexual look into any game that way. by noticing it more it seems that you are denying the fact that you-yourself is gay, you are provided this “shield” to hide from the fact that no one can be perfect and you think you have failed because of that. youve taken the bible and made up your own version to suite you so this way you can believe your a saint when everyone else is a sinner. the bible also says your not allowed to talk to a woman on her period-good luck with that. and the statistics-most people will put those answers-THEY’RE JOKING! and I’m bisexual, and it wasnt the water (i dont drink tap water i have germ issues) and it wasnt the games, it was the fact i appreciate the creations of the world-be you believe it from god or evolution. grow a pair and stop pushing your twisted beliefs on others-FYI the pagans created your christmas.

    Reply
  114. M

    Ahaha. Ok. I am a Catholic and i play skyrim. I aplogise on the behalf of any catholics that think as i do that skyrim is a good game. The silly author has gotten i would say 85% of his information wrong, for example skyrim is a RPG, in most circumstances the player was simply traveling across the boarder before they were captured and mistaken for a terrorist and the worst “act” in the game is pudhing a button which gives you the option for a series of digitely renderd pixals to move across your screen. Skyrim is a good adult game, do not listen to this uninformed person.

    Reply
  115. Andrew

    Wow I hadn’t realized Blizzard made Skyrim; in fact I could have sworn it was Bethesda but who am I to question the wisdom of christwire.

    Reply
  116. salty

    I stopped reading after the Second Paragraph, Third Sentence, when the author who OBVIOUSLY didn’t play the game, claimed Blizzard as the Developer. When, if you bothered to even START the game, you get to an un-skippable “Bethesda” logo for a good solid 5 seconds.

    Kudos if ucwutididthar.

    Reply
  117. Mr.Chips

    “OMG”. Do you see the irony? Are you fktards going to make fun out of League of Legends to because of their sexistic “lines”? Dude, go shave, get a haircut and get a fkin job… This is the worst crap i’ve ever seen. Extremists, children raping son of a bitch!.. Srsly, wtf is this? I dont care if “God” or “Satan” exist but this is just Bullshit… If you cant handle the game’s then you are a Satanic, Rapist, Homosexual and… Crap i ran out of words for you Tyson… You “christian” and your “CHRISTIAN mob” of Satanic children rapists, Your bullshit about “God is in all”, Does that really mean that you can put your “Demonic Staff” in kids “Sewer Spout”? Do something important instead of being a So called “Holy man”, “Man of Faith” or “Man of God”. Do something important about your life like… Kill yourselves so the children won’t be scarred for life… Or you can be an ordinary guy that doesn’t care what people choose to be or not to be. And btw: Fkin NooB do something about your life its just sad…

    Reply
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  119. your mama

    1, Blizzard has no offiliation, with the game skyrim. 2, you are a human in the game and cannot enter the fame World of Warcraft as an orgre from ORGRIMAR not Stormwind, stormwind is the human city in the game not ogre, ogre’s do not have anything to do with WoW either. and for fucks sakes ITS FREEDOM let gays do what they want! sorry to tell you Christians but god will not send you too hell for being gay. the slang that you use for the gay moves is also not real, same with the moves. get a life, this game is rated M for a reason you know? playing games like Skyrim RELEASES stress. you claim skyrim involves dragon orgy but it does not it involves killing a dragon with a sword not shoving eggs up his ass. you sir clearly like to shove frozen peices of shit up your ass you dumbfuck.

    Reply
    1. jubnik

      hey i whole heartedly agree with this, skyrim by BLIZZARD entertainment is hurting us all whereas the bethesda version is heaven on earth

      Reply
  120. Pingback: Computer/videospiele - Seite 281

  121. Dalton

    Seriously? This is just pathetic. First off all of what you have said is fake, and second people like you is the reason I do not worship god because your god thinks of everyone as equals and all the same. Your god won’t hate someone for the choice of homosexuality. People like you should go to a shrink, or a mental instutue.

    Reply
  122. Sammy

    How can a Game make you gay? God made the man to hes own image. then in that case god would be gay? and he isnt even real.

    Im playing Skyrim and i perfom straight sex with my Girlfriend that i’ve been engaged to for the last year and half. Instead of provocin gamers that are the future for our world wouldnt it be better to support them? Cause a video game stimulates the brain in a good way cause of all problematic thinking.

    *sorry for the bad english*

    Hail Satan from sweden!

    Reply
  123. dartigen

    So…Skyrim was made by Blizzard? Wow, I didn’t know Bethesda sold the rights to the Elder Scrolls series! /sarcasm

    Not sure if epic fail attempt at a parody of most Christian sites that would actually spew this sort of bullshit, or just epic fail full stop.

    Reply
  124. Jam3s58

    Bahahaha. This post is going to offend so many Christan’s. ATTENTION: All gays, plug your manholes and beware the cross bearing children with a psychotic gleam in their eyes. They will be coming for you and bringing back the witch hunts soon. If you don’t believe and follow that awful book they all seem to love that was written by a bunch of obese old men looking for powers centuries ago then they will be coming….they always….come….from Skyrimjobs.

    Reply
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  126. Johnny

    From Wikipedia:

    “Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is utterly impossible to parody a Creationist in such a way that someone won’t mistake [it] for the genuine article.”
    -Nathan Poe

    Reply
  127. Isaac

     1st, no where in the bible does it say being a homosexual is a sin and will remove you from the book of life. it does say in Leviticus that being gay is detestable, that is really the only mention. 2nd I would like to point out John 3:16. This is for those who believe the word detestable means sin. 3rd, matthew 7:1, ” judge not, lest the be judges yourself”. You are judging these people. So be prepared to be judged at the book of life. 4th, in the Lords teaching, he yells us the last 6 commandments mean “love thy neighbor” which means love everyone. Unfortunately you are not doing. You and the staff and many members are bigots. You are the hypocritical Christian that gives the religion a bad name. You have tried to rise about and teach the word if God and be a disciple, but you do not know His word or the things you teach. 

    Reply
  128. Pingback: Apparently Skyrim's affecting peoples sexuality ?

  129. TheMan

    This is the most unreal thing i’ve ever read. Seriously, if you get all this from playing this game then i’d say subconciously your gay. Like with the ink blot tests psychologists use, if you see gay pictures chances are your gay.

    Really though whats next? Hey i got an idea, I seen a dog walk past my house today and I could see his penis, when are you going to start the petition to have dogs banned from the world for there lewd and sexual behavior and criminalize everyone who’s ever seen one?

    Reply
  130. Pingback: Press Start!: Homoerotic Rimjobs, Lightsabers and Christmas Moms. « OMEGA-LEVEL

  131. LEARN TO DO RESEARCH!

    ok, so reading all the comments, you mocked the writer but you never explained why he is a total bull-sh** liar.

    lets start:
    “then the world of MMORPG first person shooters”
    for those who are to dumb to do research its a rpg.
    “caught plotting to destroy the golden empire by using dragons”
    or you got caught trying to cross the boarder?
    the gay supporting software company Blizzard”
    bethesda made this game, not blizzard.
    “spend the next 400 hours robbing people, killing villagers, crafting sexual items, fornicate with elves and other Harry Potter style animals”
    I dont know what game you played, skyrim you dont any of that after killing villagers.
    “mass dragon orgy with his fellow homosexual warriors he meets on his way and all take turns impregnating the dragon with homosexual dragon eggs.”
    When does this happen? I havent see a sexual reference at all during my play through. are you making things up?
    “make sure your child knows that by playing with this friend will go against God and would send his soul to the fire pits of Hell.”
    Where in the bible were we told that video games will send you to hell?
    “What Gay Thing is This Gaming Teaching Kids”
    I’m not going to quote everything, just the title, because everything below that is just wrong.

    “stats”
    I would love to see where you got your stats from to make these bar graphs.

    From what I can read from this artical, you sir a self hating homosexual who wants to impose your hate of everything onto other people because you cant handle the fact you are a homosexual. Next time you try bashing ANYTHING, make sure you have all the facts, don’t MAKEUP stats, and keep a your bashing to things that are actually something that is factual not bull that you made up to look hard core christian, not a homosexual.

    ps: i hope this was informing to for you, you gay-bashing closet case.

    Reply
  132. Roxxman

    Thank you Tyson Bowers III, i we’re about to download skyrim illegally and thank god.. you saved me in time, by now i would probably be dragonfisting and have released the spirits of death and gayness upon the golden empire.

    Reply
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  135. bob sut

    not only is this guy a religious liberal moron, but his facts aren’t straight- blizzard doesn’t make skyrim. plus the pie graphs are total bullshit. 99% would try gay sex after playing? and DOVAHKIIN as a secret lingo? the fuck

    Reply
    1. tom taylor

      not only is this a joke, but all the views in this article would make them very conservative, and not at all liberal haha. this is the exact opposite of liberal views.

      Reply
    1. Robert

      I’m afraid to inform you that you’re wrong. There’s dumber articles written on this site. Careful though, I hear that the side effects of being exposed to stupidity of this magnitude can kill brain cells.

      Reply
  136. Larry Sinwafflesburge

    HAHA! Already one sentence in and this is winding up to be the most hilarious, uneducated, closed-minded piece of shit article I’ve read in a loooooooong time~ Is this really what you Bible huggers do? Go around trying to figure out how you can hate everyone else and bash everything? You do everything your pastor says just because he’s said he’s right? Sheep.

    Reply
  137. Fragiters

    After reading this, I have to say:

    Bethesda (NOT BLIZZARD), really put their heart and SOUL into this masterpiece of a game. The atmosphere is just amazing and I feel like I’m really there.

    This actually makes me play the game morally. I have only killed in self defense. If I had committed any crimes, i turned myself in.

    But by all means, I know this is just a simulation on my fine computer. I’m not running around outside in the real world yelling FUS ROH DAH (unless I’m cracking jokes with my friends).

    And after reading this and other things around here,

    If I didn’t want to become gay (I’m bisexual because I’m open minded). I would have to read the same book, and talk to a wall before i eat, sleep, heck do anything.

    I guess i should’ve talked to me lamp before i typed this. Oh well.

    Oh and one more thing, if Skyrim could run on a Playstation 1 I would be thrown onto another plane of mind blowing awesomeness.

    This was written by a 14 year old.

    Reply
  138. Nix

    Come on, christians. Get a brain, seriously.

    Oh, and some small details: Skyrim is not from Blizzard, but from Bethesda, Blizzard had nothing to do with it. Skyrim is not a MMORPG, because it’s single player. Hero is not a captured terrorist trying to bring the empire down with help of dragons, in fact, it is said only that the hero was caught trying to get over the borders, nothing else.

    …and you should really stop being homophobic.

    Reply
    1. BlackBeltBullshitterBaby

      I like how you told a group of people, because of a satirical site which pokes fun at its extremists, to get a brain. Did I mention it’s satirical?

      Reply
  139. Anon

    Is this a joke? I hope it is, if not this guy has to search his own sexuality if he’s getting gay thoughts from a video game like skyrim.

    Reply
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  141. Tyson Bowers loves gay sex

    You suck at writing. Also, you need to learn to use spell check and maybe brush up on grammar.

    p.s. God isn’t real.
    Tyson is clearly confused about his own sexual orientation.
    And why don’t you leave the judging up to God, as the bible says. You’re a bigger sinner than anyone here dude.

    Reply
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  143. proud to be an athiest

    Tyson Bowers III i have this feeling that you really need to come out of the closet since you seem to know so much about rim jobs and anal fisting do you honestly think kids are seriously taking that from a video game fuck no the only thing they are thinking of while playing the game is to kill everything. No one ever wakes up and decides they are going to be gay cuz of what they played on a video game. You honestly know way to much about homoerotic to be straight maybe the game turned you on but i doubt it did anyone else. Oh and if im going to hell (which doesnt exsist because god and the devil are a figmint of imagination) for playing a video game then good as long as you arent going to be there!!!! You are seriously a dumbass you needs to go think about what is really important about religon!!! i may not be religous but i do know it teaches you to love and respect everyone no mater sex race or SEXUALITY!!!! Jesus loved everyone and respected everyone and who are you to be judging anyone on what there sexual prefernce is People like you make me sick espically to know that you are preaching to others and trying to say its the word of God. I hope you one day relize that God and the bible were only created to teach love not hate and start accepting people for who they are not on their race sexual preference or gender you sick fuck!!!

    Reply
    1. Emosexual Duck

      Woah Calm yo’ tits! It’s just a fake website! Seriously, if I were you, I’d start going along with it like I do. E.g, I play oblivion so I must be a female homosexual sinner. See! Sounds a lot better than feeding these trolls!

      Reply
  144. Daniel

    You immediately make your article lose any credibility it had right at the start, this game is not even made by Blizzard. You should probably actually do some research first…

    That is all.

    Reply
  145. Satan's Minion

    This is funny.. i fell off my chair.. You clowns are so obsessed with avoiding what is “sin” I think you crave it… bwahaaha

    Reply
  146. Dan .R

    Wow I’m a teenager and I’m suprized how paranoid Christians are about homosexuality esspecially in games . Let am first say the elder scrolls : sky rim , is not gay anything could be gay if you think about it . For example: ice cream ,bananas, ice pops, hotdogs, sports, to name a few . Sky rim is a adventure rpg but it really matters in point of view please this website sounds like it should be in the dark ages . I’m a christian and love god trust me I don’t think anyone from my scool

    Reply
  147. Dan .R

    Wow I’m a teenager and I’m suprized how paranoid Christians are about homosexuality esspecially in games . Let am first say the elder scrolls : sky rim , is not gay anything could be gay if you think about it . For example: ice cream ,bananas, ice pops, hotdogs, sports, to name a few . Sky rim is a adventure rpg but it really matters in point of view please this website sounds like it should be in the dark ages . I’m a christian and love and believe in god but subject like these are looked at too biased and negatively by the Christian community we live in the 21st century lets act like it :) ps. I really enjoy this site

    Reply
  148. Dovakiner

    Funny.
    When 1 person has a imaginary friend, he is insane.
    When thousands of people have a imaginary friend, it’s a religion…

    People like you give REAL christians a bad name.And there’s also one more thing I didn’t really understand:You said that playing this game makes you gay, and you played it, and(I assume) you’re not gay, so this article is pretty much contradicting itself.Nice job, Bible Thumper…

    Reply
  149. Anti christ

    Ha i like how you dont explain the connections between satan and gays xD haha stupid “believers” and how is it you know so much gay slang and gay sex possitions? Fuckin fag i bet you would skyrim that bitch god if you could ha fag

    Reply
  150. Black Ginger

    I feel gay now…. wtf… never play this game. Im seriously it makes you want to fuck man :( fuck dis… now ima go get some man prostitutes… bye

    Reply
  151. Vair'Jo

    This is completely ignoramus and asinine and insulting to me on so many levels… not the least of which is the fact I know more about Skyrim then a lot of people not to mention my other knowledge.

    Also that which was called a pentagram is from the skill menu and pretty much the starts. Which is also what divides the calender in game and acknowledges the Bible and bares some resemblance to the Mazzaroth but I’m sure going further into detail would go over the head of most people who hasn’t spent time to study Hebrew text and astronomy.

    Genesis 1:14
    14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years

    Furthermore I’m amused they didn’t bother to attack the dragons/dragon-born aspect instead of making up a massive bucket of toss. Which, I’m sure someone looking to attack the game from a Christian standpoint would, had they tried to get somewhere in the game rather then murdering random people and stacking corpses in the same way a giggling prepubescent teenager would.

    I also love how Proverbs 18:21 can be applied to the game, particularly in shouts and the power of words (mentioned repeatedly in the bible) “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

    From the contents of the article and what I know about skyrim I have to say, God hates YOU author as I’m reminded of a little passage in Proverbs….

    Proverbs 6:16-19
    16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
    17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
    18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
    19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

    Also because I’m not in the mood and won’t spend the time necessary to form a detailed argument or explain the fine details to fools, I’m going to go the easy way on this one since it’s such a tempting target… all you ‘God hates gays’ people, shouldn’t you be out stoning people? (Read Deuteronomy 22:13-29) According to several renown research institutes your not doing your job.

    Or maybe you should just be working to get slavery brought back?

    Leviticus 25:45-46

    45 Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.
    46 And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour.

    With that I’m going. Take it for what it’s worth or not. I honestly couldn’t care less because fools despise wisdom and instruction.

    Peace, Tolerance, Truth.

    Reply
  152. Vair'Jo

    Well my mate who linked me this just cross-linked me to the wikioedia article on this site. Of course I responded in a typical intellectual rage without spending time to research.

    Bravo, I admit defeat. -.-

    Reply
  153. No

    I am a Christian, and this is, hands on, the stupidest publication I’ve ever read on the world wide web. Also, get your facts straight when you review something.

    How can you expect to be taken seriously?

    May the Lord illuminate you. You’re lost.

    Reply
  154. BEARserker

    This article made my day, I seriously never had so much fun reading such bullshit on a “christian” fanatics page. Please go ahead and keep entertaining the world with your most hilarious ideas and thoughts :-)

    Gay greetings from Germany

    Reply
  155. I Lol'ed

    Is this site a joke?!?!?! I mean please say yes, because I can’t stop laughing after an article like this. You have seriously gotta be fucking around here. You people are comics in your own way and I dunno if we are supposed to take you seriously after something as ridiculous as this.

    Reply
  156. HardCoreGamer

    ok, i’ve been reading articles around this ”web-site” for the past two days, and i’m thinking to myself that i must be crazy for doing that because it is actually hurting me physically to see the amount of CRAP being written here. it is not insane, it is beyond comprehension for anyone with the IQ of at least 40. the end of the world will not come as a result of nuclear war, it will come as a result of freedom of speech for idiots like this. i sincerely pity your children, provided you have any, because i fail to see how would any self-respecting woman allow you to come within 2 miles of her.
    and for the end, i would like to ask: ”what are you using and where can i buy it?”, because this article is obviously result of heavy-duty drug abuse. or it’s just severe brain damage, i can’t decide!
    heavy metal lover and hard core gamer from croatia

    Reply
  157. Pingback: Christwire.org’s Review of Skyrim | Skyrimming: The Explorer's Guide to the World of Elder Scrolls: Skyrim

  158. d.s.

    the person with the sickest mind in this thread, is the person who made it.
    (has to be, at least i know i´m not christian and my mind is not full with the gross shit the autor sees everywhere (have you perhaps tried lsd in youth? you know it can have side effects many years later?)

    little cut from text:
    “This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.”

    (i am very very sorry for your apparent braindamage, just wanted to say…)

    to be honest, thinking things like that when seing a game like skyrim can only meen…
    1. you are stupid
    2. you are a lier
    (guess that meens yur not going to heaven, me thinks thats funny)
    3. you are retarded
    4. you have really sick thoughts
    5. have a doctor check your brain, sometimes braincancer make see things not actually happening.

    you call yourself cristian?
    funny, wouldn´t have thought so, because im missing the part where you are supposed to accept everybody as they are, for you are a loving caring christian.

    ps: IF you decide to lie in your articles (or is it really the pure dumbness of yours?) then at leats keep it to a level that some pseudo-christian-weirdos (you know, the ones that make this site and like reading it) might believe and not a pile of dumbsit that anybody sees as such, your being counter-productive to your own cause. but i guess i´m being to hard on you, my mother had the decency to teach me not to hate others just because they are different. but i´ll be generous and do it just for you, because you simply deserve it: fuck off with your lies!

    but maybe nobody ever (truly) loved you, would explain your attitude 😉

    Reply
  159. Lucien Lachance

    We praise our Unholy Matron. From her shadowed womb we were born, from her breast we suckle malice and pain. She loves her children, you see your path is clear. We also have Five Tenets, which are so much better then your Ten Commandments. The Five Tenets are as follows: Tenet 1: Never dishonor the Night Mother. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis. Tenet 2: Never betray the Dark Brotherhood or its secrets. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis. Tenet 3: Never disobey or refuse to carry out an order from a Dark Brotherhood superior. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis. Tenet 4: Never steal the possessions of a Dark Brother or Dark Sister. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis. Tenet 5: Never kill a Dark Brother or Dark Sister. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis.
    All Hail Sithis and the Night Mother!

    Reply
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  162. Bobert

    I am a straight, white, God fearing, American, Church going man. If this is what the world has come to argue about i fear for my children’s future. My daughter owns ‘Skyrim’ and I find nothing about it to be “homosexual” and even if it were quote on quote homosexual why is that an issue? Did Jesus not say treat every man as you yourself would like to be treated? I have read both the old and the new Testiments and no where that is obvious to myself or the members of my church, does it mention that gay persons should be attacked for their sexuality. All men were created equal, God made people gay you cannot change it it is part of who you are. God will not be pleased with your efforts. Mr. Tyson Bowers

    Reply
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  165. Penumbra

    Tyson Bowers, meet the dark side of the donkey. I believe you’ve already met.[img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o1VMWzwFspU/TCJF_ZOS-[/img]

    Reply
  166. Penumbra

    [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o1VMWzwFspU/TCJF_ZOS-uI/AAAAAAAAAAY/czxDqP5BhpM/S748/donkey.jpg[/img]
    Poor pc can’t work for five seconds.

    Reply
  167. Pingback: Do Fringe Religious Nuts want all copies of Skyrim burned? Or is it all just a Big Joke?

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  169. notachristian

    Where do you get these pie charts from? At least get real data instead of just making it up. Might make you seem more legitimate. And thats just a big might.

    Reply
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  172. starna4

    commenting as i read this bs. yes, there is definatly gay ppl and sex toys in skyrim. maybe if you actually played the game, which u obviously havent cuz u have everything about this game wrong, i would respect your opinion. ur the perverted freak for seeing someone jacking off when they cast a spell. is everyone tht isnt a white conservative christian male a gay perverted freak to u? show me once in this game where dragons have sex. please. yes, technology is frome the devil and anyone tht uses it will send u to hell. thts y u have a website, dumbass. as to your horrible attempt at an acrostic poem, how long did u spend using ur extensive knowlage of perverted society to craft tht complete fairytale. as to all of your “sex terms” tht you obviously made yourself, i think tht speaks more to your state of mind then the game makers. also, fake stats mean nothing. your utterly retarded and need help

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  174. theunpromisedone2

    LMFAO… NIGGA IS YOU SERIOUS?!??!

    [img]http://dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/131941428316.jpg[/img][img][IMG]http://partner-ad.photobucket.com/albums/ee270/Asriel16Asi/My%20Little%20Pony%20Friendship%20is%20Magic/RDs%20Castle%20in%20the%20Sky/Rainbow-Dash-Laughter.png[/IMG][/img][img]http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/278/5/8/rainbow_dash_laughing_avatar_by_delta105-d4bx4ae.png[/img]

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  175. theunpromisedone2

    Looks like I failed to correctly post one of the images in my original post. No matter. I think you get what I’m saying… This shit just HAS to be a troll site. All of it is just a bunch of troll nonsense that’s taking the piss out of religion. SURELY people this mentally retarded can’t possibly exist and genuinely believe this type of crazy shit.

    You CAN’T be serious, because I’m literally laughing my ass off as we speak. Oh wait, you ARE?

    [img]http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/240/4/2/oh_wait__by_irainbowdash-d483mcq.png[/img]

    Reply
    1. Deadmoose

      sat·ire
         [sat-ahyuhr]
      noun
      1.
      the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
      2.
      a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
      3.
      a literary genre comprising such compositions.

      Reply
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  177. ElwoodFenris

    wow someone doesnt like skyrim much do they XD.
    its just a game so dont go on about it being evil and all that bullshit, cos according to some christians every little thing you do is a sin, so this is why i dont do religions -_-

    Reply
  178. Ad Hominem

    I know the site is satire. That makes the writers on this site even more evil than if they actually believed this shit. For this, I am going to murder them.

    Reply
  179. Ditzy Doo

    I think my daughter, Dinky, played this over a classmate’s house (maybe Scootaloo) in Cherilee’s class, and she’s fine. I don’t think it would promote the kinds of things Lyra and BonBon do… wait I wasn’t supposed to mention that [**Echoes in the Distance from Pinkie Pie** “FOREVER”]

    Reply
  180. Second son of God

    Tyson, Once again you have proven that you are a closet gay. For someone that knows so much about about skyrim, sounds like you made it. This does explain how you and your buddys (Stevie, Jack, Susan, Mike, Blanche, ect) are so into molesting little boys and farms animals (Stevies -Rabbits are gay).

    Reply
  181. Pingback: YOU NEED TO STOP PLAYING SKYRIM NOW! IT'S MAKING YOU GAY! - the_atm: Blog - IGN

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  184. PenisKing

    My favorite mission is when me and Alduin conjured hundred of Daedra to have a huge gay orgy before we went to go kill every child in Whiterun. 😀

    Reply

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