Is Your Wife Buying “Anal Juice” at the Grocery Store?

The American housewife has been slowly drifting from their male house master for the past 40 plus years. There was once a time when the woman understood her role as a keeper of the house and as a nurturer to the children. Now you have women who are waiting till their late 30’s to marry and most defy God by not partaking in the blood pack of giving birth to off spring. This defiant pre-teen behavior is due to the outrageous antics from such liberal television shows like Pregnant in Heels, The Housewives of New Jersey, 16 and Pregnant, GLEE, Dr. Oz, Rainbow Bright, Mob Wives and other pro-feminism, anti-Christian/American programs.

These shows are teaching women to pursue false dreams of financial independence and leading them down the path of frivolous self worth. What is more shocking is that the increase of female anal sex has been on the incline since 1978 and this is directly a result of liberal media brainwashing. Females are tricking their husbands into a sinful form of brown ring sex acts to make sure there is no chance of pregnancy.

Let us take a look at a chart to see the astounding numbers:

These numbers would make any follower of Jesus cry in their pillows at night. You will notice that during the Reagen and Bush years, the numbers are very low due to the high moral values we had in American under each of those great presidents. Look at how high it shot up when Mao Bama come to office.

So how are women tricking their husbands and how are they getting the tools to do so? Just turn on your TV or look at the millions of band widths of internet sites that promote the insertion of male probes into the woman’s exit portal. You also have government programs that sale “anal juice” at your wive’s local gourmet grocery store at low welfare prices. Notice how the “anal juice” has been discounted to 0%? That is your hard earned tax dollars going to promote sinful waste.

When was the last time you looked at the receipts of your wive’s shopping habits? Have you ever seen any odd items on there, only to hear you wife say that it is just a computer mix up? Remember, men don’t have the time to deal with such feeble tasks, so we entrust our women to make sure they are buying and stocking up with the proper household items.

Has you wive’s rear end every had a slick oily touch, along with the smell of wild cherry or peppermint during marital bed time duties? This is because she has lubed up her defcon 10, deification zone to have you accidentally split into her neighboring hole. Once in, you will be overcome with Satan’s pleasure urges and will be on the path to killing American values.

This new age of women also know, that if their mate gets use to the feel and sent of anus, they are have a higher likelihood of turning to the gay side of sex.

It is a sad day when the male overlord is forced to check the grocery list, before his wife takes the car he bought her and is off to the drug store to pick up a bottle of Satan laced “anal juice”. It is our duty as men to protect the sanctity of God’s bidding and if that means we need to be like Santa and check this list twice, then so be it.

Here are a few more shocking items that unwatched housewives have been purchasing:

78 thoughts on “Is Your Wife Buying “Anal Juice” at the Grocery Store?

  1. Susan B. Xenu

    Well I do have to say that Batman Sperm does go well in a fruit smoothie. It brings a nice saltiness to it, the white sperm I would expect to be rather bland.

    1. Susan B. Xenu

      I…uh…mean, why that’s disgusting! I’ll never shop Target again!

      Dirty homo agenda confusing me!

  2. Apple Pie

    Uhhhh….. This is a joke correct?

    I find your salacious descriptions totally at odds with your opinion. It’s really quite disturbing, at first I thought it was a parody from “The Onion.” Possibly you need to get some professional help or talk to your pastor.

      1. Apple Pie

        I think not! You of all people should know better then and guide Christian homemakers to not shop at such stores. I am thrifty and faithful by shopping at Aldi, and the Dolly Madison day old outlet, and occasionally take day old bread that would have been given to a shelter to lazy homeless people from Panera to feed the 9 Arrows of my Quiver. Never, have I run across such horrors as you describe.

  3. kim

    Is this a joke? Please tell me this article is a joke. Please. I can’t completely lose my faith in humanity today.

    1. Mainiac58

      Solid work. Hmph…anyone who has the slightest knowledge of a computer and Excel could come up with a chart. Good thing for Tyson, huh? Otherwise how could he manipulate the totals to such profoundly outrageous results? Do you have sources that you can cite for those….”facts”, we’ll call them? Why not. You do. Proof, man. Proof. GIVE ME PROOF!!! I LOVE facts. :)

  4. J. Policky

    Where did he get the shopping reciepts? He needs to account for his shopping habits before writing this “article”

  5. Claire

    “Now you have women who are waiting till their late 30′s to marry and most defy God by not partaking in the blood pack of giving birth to off spring.”

    Yeah, it’s called having the right to pursue a career instead of popping out kids. If you don’t like that, move to Saudi Arabia.

    “These shows are teaching women to pursue false dreams of financial independence”

    Man the life boats!

    “What is more shocking is that the increase of female anal sex has been on the incline since 1978″

    An increase has been on the incline, eh?

    Oh, and the x and y axes on that “graph” are labeled wrong.

  6. Blanche Beecham


    Please point out to the Sunday Prayboy club that the last receipt from Target also had an “Adult Poncho” which is desperate housewife speak for “I’m fornicating with Jesus the gardener”. I know these things from my intense Internet searchings.

    The outdoor cording is troublesome if she also purchased duct tape, plastic sheeting and a large hunting knife.

    Kind regards,

  7. Angela

    This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read in my life. “These shows are teaching women to pursue false dreams of financial independence and leading them down the path of frivolous self worth.” I am a 22 year old female who owns her own graphic design company and a Bridal magazine with only an associate degree. So these “false dreams financial independence” is false. As far as woman waiting later in life to get pregnant… WE are smart to want our children to come into a life after we are financially stable and have a nice home for them to live in and go to a nice school and have the things they want and need. If I’m not mistaken, my great grandparents, my grandparents and my own mother got pregnant before even graduating high school or college and they at times barley could make ends meet and the stories of grandparents “we shared 2 cans of beans between the five of us” sickens me. They as well had their children wear hammy downs and had to share rooms and beds. I am in the process of building my own home and getting my bachelors degree before I have a child. By then they will have their own room, their own NEW clothes, a nice clean house, and full course meals every night. I find this the CORRECT way to raise your kids. Woman these days are making sure they are financially stable, have a good man and have a nice home and are financially stable before bringing a child into this world. If they have to prevent it somehow and its by anal sex… who cares? That is their sex life not yours. If you want to have 19 kids go ahead. I’m sure your all for the new tv show 20 kids and counting. You would probably want all of us to be like that. Ridiculous!

    1. Tyson Bowers III

      Sounds like daddy gave you a nice trust fund to do all these things. You sound like the typical “Sweet 16″ rich kid.

      1. L.N

        Someone’s mad that people are more successful that him. Granted a bum is more successful than you, but that’s beside the point.

      2. Angela

        Actually- my father is dead and I had no trust fund. I worked my ass off in high school and got my school paid for and went to college and made something of myself. The difference between my generation is we went to college. To many people your age are 8th grade drop outs so they could tend to the harvests. My generation graduates and goes to college to become business owners. It looks like my generation will be cleaning up the mess your generation has created for our country… PATHETIC!

      3. Angela

        I really think you busted your wife or girlfriend having anal sex with a dildo or something you felt left out!

      4. TrollyMcTroll

        Stop looking at dicks all day, and start doing some real pastor work. You don’t deserve to call yourself a pastor, you barely seem to know anything about god… Poser!

      5. Linda

        Mr. Tyson,
        I do have to state my humble opinion and I will do so without being brash or disrespectful.
        I am a woman, I am a nurse, and I am a devout Catholic. Born and raised to respect my religion my family and my God. However, the disrespect shown to other patrons that have generously come out to this website wish that you respect their opinions because they respect yours. Our country is based on the ability of freedom of speech and such. I find your opinion valid but bias based on the lack true substantial evidence and sources of said evidence. Who conducted your studies? Was this person of reliability or was this something you made up so that your journalism would look legit? I see this artical full of bias opinion and lacking anything scientific that makes this article solid. It is misleading.
        Let me give you a hand in something that might make this more true. You know God punishes liars and sends them to the fiery pits of Damnation for lying. You don’t know a whole lot about women’s sex lives, instead you want them to be oppressed, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen cooking or cleaning, because in so many words this knuckle-dragging concept of where women should be died a long time ago. Woman instead are determining their self worth not by the man she married but by the capabilities that she has to survive without a man. This to me sounds sexist. God made Adam and Eve, not so that Adam could dominate the relationship, but made Eve as Adam’s equal, as his partner.
        The woman that you told that she was a “trust fund baby”, is working alongside a man like God intended her to. I think that she has a valid point and she backed up her argument. You, on the other hand, are stuck in the “The Cleaver’s” 1950’s lack of rights. Sorry but it is 2011, its called evolution. God created us so that we could evolve and self sustain.

        please be advised that you are only condemning yourself.



      6. Laura

        Oh for cryin’ out loud, Tyson, go fuck yourself! Why can’t women be successful? Was your wife’s dream spending her life being chained to a bed post with a chain long enough for her to get to the kitchen and bathroom and being forever pregnant? I’m sure it wasn’t. She probably wanted any of her future kids to be taken care of and put money away from her paycheck so they didn’t grow up crammed into a filthy apartment on skid row if her husband ever left her.

    2. Stephen Bowling

      Angela it sounds like you are a successful woman, but the Lord has taught us that anal penetration is against Gods holiest scriptures. This is why the homogays are spreading it: they do the devil’s work!

      The gay agenda is to breed us out. I can see they already have begun to brainwash you. What is wrong with having 19 or 20 children? They are all children of God are they not?

      The Lord said ‘Go forth and multiply’. He did not mean arabs or coloured folk.

      Please don’t succumb to the homogay anal fetishist conspiracy. Stop drinking the anal juice and white sperm now and make a visit to your local pastor to repent. Don’t let only having an associate degree hold you back from the real joys of womanhood: bearing children, obeying your husband and letting Jesus enter you deeply.

      Yours in Christ,

      Stephen Bowling.

      1. Angela

        Real joys of womanhood- obeying your husband? What is this 1920’s? I don’t OBEY anyone- I do as I please. No man is above a woman and if you think that your wife should “obey” you maybe she should divorce your crazy ass. We are in a new Millennium. I believe in God, but all this jesus hoopla makes me sick. “Let Jesus enter you deeply” -vomit!

      2. Laura

        If you can support 19 or 20 children, then by all means, go ahead. Who cares if all the children you bore are children of God? There are also children who were born into this world to mothers who could not take care of them. Those children are also children of God whose mother was just unable to care for them properly and gave them up in hopes that someone would give them a good life and love them just as much.

        How is having an Associate’s degree holding anyone back? She only stated that she has an Associate’s degree and is already successful, she just wants to build a better home for her future children before she has them. If the woman doesn’t want to have children right now, then she doesn’t have to. Women aren’t viewed as the lesser of the two sexes, although on this site I’m beginning to wonder what brainwashing cult you’ve all joined. Women do not have to OBEY they’re husbands, as there are laws now that punish him if harm is done to the woman for not “obeying” him. Women should be treated as equals. God may have made Adam first, but you obviously didn’t read the part where God tells Adam that Eve was formed from his (Adam’s) rib so that they may stand side-by-side as equals.

  8. Holly Lewya

    God is a mighty good God! Praise his name for bringing attention to the never ending tendencies of women to eat from the forbidden fruit. Indeed, the apple did not fall far from Eve’s tree for anyone with a vagina.

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      1. Mainiac58

        That’s right. You tell ’em, Mr. Intellectual. (Very weak comeback, by the way. Kind of like “No, you are”.)


  10. Dontjudge

    It is obvious that the writer of this article is not intelligent enough to know that you cannot buy “white sperm” at Target!

    Think for yourselves people.

  11. Rev. Bob Jenkins III

    My family loves juice. The juice on that receipt was free. We are on a budget. Can you please tell me what store this was from?

  12. Christian Intellectual

    This is why we should not allow our innocent pure Christian white women to have godless depraved illegal mexican female friends.

    1. Mainiac58

      …and BANG!!! There it is again.

      “godless depraved illegal mexican”

      RACIST!!! You folks reeaally need to proof read before you hit “submit”. Either that or eliminate “I’m not a racist” from your vocabulary.

      …and a white supremacist at that.

      “innocent pure Christian ‘white’ women”

      All that in one post alone. Man, have I got some catching up to do. 😉

      1. Christian Intellectual

        I am NOT a racist !!!

        Those are FACTS it is not my fault that the mexicants are depraved, corrupt, godless, crimnals.

          1. Christian Intellectual

            Thanks for the support brother August.

            When liberals can’t win an argument they always accuse their opponent of Racism.

          2. NewYorker21

            Actually she/he/it is racist

            Racist- Definition
            a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
            a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
            hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

            I believe you fall into the third category and if these are facts please produce a link to these facts or you are just lying.

        1. L.N

          Blanket statements about other races? Check.
          Claim that only your race is the one worth a damn? Check.
          Use religion as an excuse to glorify your hatred for other cultures? Check.
          Claim that other races are terrible due to a class-system contrived by your own false information and beliefs? Check.

          Yeah, you’re a racist.

          1. August Weisz


            White Christian males are a minority and should be protected as such except for the fact that we realize that asking for protection is like admitting we are handicapped. We will never use the ”race card”.

        2. Claire

          WAAAAAA! I’m Christian Intellectual, I think I should be able to say whatever I want about whoever I want without having to be labeled racist or take any responsibility for what I say! WAAAAAAA! Mommy, I made boom boom in my pants, come wipe my ass for me! WAAAAAAAA!

          1. Bruce Danus

            Claire, you are nearly 21 years old, so nobody should need to help you with your bowel movements anymore as you stated.

            “WAAAAAAA! Mommy, I made boom boom in my pants, come wipe my ass for me! WAAAAAAAA!”

          2. Mainiac58

            Gotta give Bruce credit, Claire. He did an EXCELLENT job of pulling juuust what he needed out a post and ignoring the rest. I’ve seen it used over and over here. “Take just what you need and no more.” How very…..conservative of you, Bruce.

        3. windrider2

          Mexicans are “depraved, corrupt, godless criminals”. That is the very epitome of racism: stereotyping an entire class of people by race based upon personal PERCEPTIONS of a few. I’m betting that, in general, Mexicans go to church more often than American so-called Christians.

          I live in a small urban mobile home park where at least half the residents are Hispanic, mostly Mexican. They are hard working, industrious, they help their neighbors, keep their property looking nice, their children are polite and well-mannered and nearly all go to Church on Sunday. Depraved? Corrupt? Godless? Far from it. That is your own racist perception and you cannot call it anything else. To do so is to lie, and isn’t that a sin, Mr. Christian?

          1. Bruce Danus

            Mexicans living in trailer parks is the exact reason that God usually only destroys them with his Tornadoes intended to remove heathens from the Earth. I would move quickly if you are surrounded by them. I agree however that Mexicans are good at keeping a yard looking nice. I have 3, all legal citizens however(possibly the only 3 legal ones in my state), working on my yard daily. They do good work, and paying them in Taco Bell to keep their family feed is a great deal for all of us involved.

        4. Mainiac58

          So, which side of your face did each of those statements come from?

          How can you say this…

          “I am NOT a racist !!!”

          …follow it with this…

          “Those are FACTS it is not my fault that the mexicants are depraved, corrupt, godless, crimnals.”

          …and expect us to NOT go back to this?

          “I am NOT a racist !!!”

          “Reverse racism”? There’s nothing to reverse, Mr. Weisz. How can you reverse something that is quoted verbatim and then called a “fact”? Eeexactly. You can’t. Nice try though. Valiant effort.

          1. August Weisz

            Reverse racism to me and many other people is:
            Favoritism or preferential treatment given to or demanded by a group because of their perceived shortcomings as a people.

            Or according to the internets: is discrimination against members of a dominant or majority group, or in favor of members of a minority or historically disadvantaged group.

            Also Maniac58, do you have anything to contribute to society or do you just not like what others have to contribute?

          2. NewYorker21

            “Reverse racism to me and many other people is:
            Favoritism or preferential treatment given to or demanded by a group because of their perceived shortcomings as a people. ”

            Yes you know the hispanic people and black people I work with love being called names and considered godless or what was it corrupt? Yes, yes they love it so much they can hardly hold in their excitement.. (this is sarcasm you hopefully realize that but then your responses tend to cherry pick your agenda)

          3. NewYorker21

            Actually one has a bachelors degree in business and marketing that he earned at NYU the other is currently studying to become an accountant at a SUNY in new york at this very moment.

            And me well I also have a bachelors from NYU for business administration.

            So again nice cherry picking of my statement for your racist agenda

            Also I gotta say smooth move going with the degrading question, Me personally I would of stuck to facts and real answers you know the good old fashion honorable way.

          4. L.N

            Yes August, because as we all know, nonwhite people are forever doomed to fail, no matter how hard they try, because the lord demands that they’re not equal to his white children.

        5. Linda

          so you’re into white supremacy then? i bet you anything that mexicans, arabs, jews, bhuddist, hindus, and above all afrocan americans go to church more then you do and they spend moretime praying to God then you do. I bet they even spend more time believing in the good things done by God and the scripture more then you. you hide behind hatred and biggotry. and you call yourself a God fearing Christian? Sorry, but i think you are going to Hell just like the writer of this artical.

    1. Mainiac58

      That is TOO funny!! I have to admit that I didn’t notice that, Cody. Nice catch.

      Okay, which one of your members had this receipt? C’mon. There’s help for your liquor soaked mind.

    2. NewYorker21

      mmmmmm fried PB & J random assorted cheap and moderate liquors and Wings sounds like he had himself a good night.

      /Burst at seams laughing, catching breath

      Ok ok sad part is if you do the math that is a little more then 1/2 the price listed kinda makes you wonder what the other half had on it if he is willing to show us his drinking habits~

  13. Mainiac58

    Whoa there, Mr. Weisz. Let’s take this a small step at a time, so I don’t get too far ahead of you. 😀

    “Reverse racism to me and many other people is:
    Favoritism or preferential treatment given to or demanded by a group because of their perceived shortcomings as a people.”

    …and where did you get this…..definition? If you wanted to take the literal definition, reverse racism would actually be the opposite: supporting a race as equal to another. I like that definition much better. Now of THAT I AM guilty.

    “Or according to the internets: is discrimination against members of a dominant or majority group, or in favor of members of a minority or historically disadvantaged group.”

    (Psst…there’s no “s” on internet. There’s only ONE. Just thought I’d clear that up first.) Do you believe EVERYTHING you read on the internet? I don’t. Especially when it’s not put into any other dictionary except the “Urban Dictionary”. (Which, I might add, is for “made-up” city words that people want to know the meaning of.)

    “Also Maniac58, do you have anything to contribute to society or do you just not like what others have to contribute?”

    Oh yes, I have plenty to contribute. 😀 …and NO, I don’t like what YOU have to contribute or anyone else who twists facts to suit their….”agenda”.

  14. waldo

    You christians are so narrowminded it hurts. Wake up and throw your “good book” in the recycling. It’s not doing you any good. Only making you seem like retarded children who can’t think for themselves. “We need a book to tell us how to behave and act” NO YOU FUCKING DON’T!!! THINK FOR YOURSELVES!!!!

  15. JC

    How stupid are these articles? lol – its extremely hilarious what you people are saying – I say we burn you and all who think like you – such an abomination to humanity!!!

  16. Lily

    You should be ashamed of yourself! These ‘receipts’ are completely fake, i have seen them on a number of websites. You people call yourself Christians? God would be ashamed! Making such harsh uneducated judgements against your fellow man.


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