Proof Popeye Was a Sugar Covered Homosexual

Without the properly trained eye to find all the underlining homosexual threats in today’s pop culture, one can find themselves being mental rape by pornographic imagery of liberal laced propaganda. Good thing the Godly folks here at Christwire have been trained to sniff out such threats and expose them to the masses.

Just like any terrorist attack, the best way to deflect any causalities to be to prepared and I have prepared a outline about how Popeye has been used since the 1930’s to instill homosexuality inside the minds of young children.

Did you know the word “Popeye” is actually a homosexual term used by back alley male gang bang boys? The word “Popeye” refers to the act of when a “Bear” male takes his flesh sword to anally sin dock a virgin homosexual or also known as a “Twink”. You see the gays referred to the anus as the “Pleasure Eye” or “Eye” and a the act of taking ones “Eye” virginity is called “Popping”. So Popeye’s name alone is teaching you kids to go out and have their anus popped by some burly man in the back alley of a disco club in San Fagcisco.

The second part of his name is “The Sailor Man” and we all know gays have fantasies of sailor men docking port and than docking into their rear port or poop deck. The sailor man is a iconic figure in the gay chosen lifestyle and this cartoon is trying to make your child want to become that saucy man of sea bound gay desires.

Homosexual Wrestling
Brutus is the most common name in the homosexual world and that is the same name of the man that Popeye was rear naked choking on a daily basis. Whether it is in the UFC or in the gays bedroom, they all use wrestling as a form of foreplay. This shirtless form of ass grab allows them to rub up on each other in a violent way, while their twiddle rompus’ mash together until they become aroused by Satanic pleasure thoughts. Remember, gays get turned on by torture and violence and there is nothing that works up a homosexual’s twisted appetite than a rough body slam before a raw musky tug and rub.

Besides the fighting, Popeye and his slave master Brutus, always seemed to be dressed up in different costumes each episode and we all know that the gays can’t pass up a game of dress up followed by a gluttonous rounds of performing mouth sex acts on each other. You can also tell that Popeye is the soft chested twink in the relationship, while Brutus is the full bearded bear.

Does Drugs
It is a known fact that 95% of homosexuals have a drug problem and Popeye was no different. Ever notice that Popeye couldn’t go anywhere without his drug pipe? This is because Popeye was constantly smoking on a rainbow concoction of muscle relaxers and ecstasy, which filled his blood stream with Satan himself.

On top of his black street drug addiction, Popeye was always a fan of Spinach. Yes, I know spinach is not harmful and is actually great for the body, but not if the spinach was actually steroids in a can. You see, Popeye was smart and knew he couldn’t just walk around with needles in hand, so he would lace his vegetables with liquid steroids. When he felt like making a scene, like most homosexuals like to do, Popeye would pop a can Lucifer adrenaline and started to pick fights with random people.

What kind of message is it to children, when their favorite cartoon is walking around like a Los Angeles drug whore and picking fights with people for no reason whatsoever.

Overly Muscular
Homosexuals are also obsessed with fitness. No, not because it is good for you, but for the fact they need to be health to fight off all the gay sicknesses that fill their bodies. Popeye was no different and he tried to hide his illness from his friends by bulking up. He knew if he looked healthy than his friends wouldn’t have to worry about his medical condition.

Popeye’s most famous part of his body was his forearms. Now we all know that to get forearms that size, one must spend many hours giving out free demon whacking sessions to ever fairy body in town. These arms show the fact that Popeye was what is known as a “fluffer” in the gay porn world.

His Best Friends are a Fag Hag and a Hipster
If the reasons above are not enough to convince you of Popeye’s homosexual tendancies, than maybe the fact that just like all homosexuals, they have two best friends. One being a unactractive fag hag and a over weight and depressed hipster.

Olive Oyl was what you call a “bread” or a female that a homosexual uses to cover up their gay lifestyle. You notice that every time Olive Oly and Popeye kiss, he has a look of pre-vomit on his face. Just the thought of touching a female turns his gay little stomach into knots.

Whimpy is Popeyes emosexual buddy who he has around him to make him feel better about his gay self. You see, gays hate the fact that they turned their back onto God and decided to like a lifestyle of sexual sin, so they make friends with someone who is a lesser person than them to make themselves feel better. Ever notice that all emosexuals and hipsters have gay friends? Well, now you know why!

44 thoughts on “Proof Popeye Was a Sugar Covered Homosexual

      1. Satan Verified Account

        Susan, want to bend over for me again sweet thang 😉
        I’m hard for you baby, lets get in my bed and have some fun <3

        1. Neoconstipated

          Satan is not one of the site administrators.

          They’ve been notified of thisfalsified account and are going to soon put a stop to your trollish horseplay.

  1. Athiest Smith

    You people are sick. And NOT christian at all. If you were a true Christian, you would realize that God loves ANYone AND EVERYone. Weather they believe in him or not. Weather they are homosexual or straight. IT DOESN’T MATTER. You are all just nobody’s trying to be reconized as a somebody. But you are low-life cock sniffers. So rot in fucking hell, you mother fucking ass-wipes. And guess what? I just swore dumbasses. (:<

    1. mildredpierce

      don’t you understand that this is a spoof blog. they aren’t being serious…its vulgar, yes but its also extremely sarcastic and pretty humerous

  2. Ice Van Winkle

    This is an amazing expose on the threat that his undercover homosexual cartoon represents to the USA, and especially its military. It is no secret that homosexuality reared its ugly head in the US during WWII, the same time that the Popeyed cartoon start influencing the prepubescent minds of the greatest generation.

  3. Stormie Manson

    Popeye was gay? Jeeze, Tyson. Come out of the closet already. Just because Popeye makes you hot doesn’t mean that HE is the one who is gay.

        1. Neoconstipated

          Correct. Repent now and crumble up some bacon into that Spinach. Mix insome cheese and you got yourself somthin thatll stick to your ribs.

          1. Doctor_Stitches

            I ain’t like wimpy, my Friend doesn’t need someone to make himself feel better, he knows he FABULOUS!

  4. Chris

    You guys want to hear something waaaay more interesting and capable of affecting the world then this website? There is a dark blue string on my pillow that I might cut and singe so my pillow doesn’t fall apart.

  5. Doctor_Stitches

    Silly Bunny, I have a homosexual friend, and he’s nothing like how you describing dear Popeye.
    I think your just looking to hard into things. I watched Popeye when I was much younger, and I always saw him as a image of manliness, and still do.

    1. Neoconstipated

      Popeyes is the homogay. You’re like Wimpy. DDo you hang around the local cafe and beg for someone to buy you a hamburger and pay them Tuesday?

  6. JinKC

    I was in the gay lifestyle for 22 years and have honestly never seen a bigger pile of garbage than this article. I don’t know how or where you came up with this stuff, but it’s pretty outrageous. It’s no wonder the secular world thinks the church is full of a bunch of wackos.

  7. Str8 Soldierboi 4Christ

    When growing up I became afflicted with the demon of homosexual desire when I left the guidance of the Lord and his church and entered a disgusting world of shirtless dancing, Lady Gaga music, open-minded thinking and days hypnotized by the sinful lures of the Logo channel. It all started when I was costume designer for the annual church drama and they told me I could only use the Dollar Store for my supplies because they had credit there. What kind of theatre is that? Just tawdry and that youth minister directing the play just had no sense of fashion at all. Who would wear shoes like that?

    So I threw my hands up in the air and screamed that I quit. And ran out of the church in tears, vowing never to return. This opened me up to the influence of Satan. Even a straight American male like me can fall victim. I love women so much that I vowed never to disrespect their honor with sexual advances or anything that might lead up to that until we were legally married. But the perverted sounds of Justin Timberlake and that Sexy Back song penetrated my godly heterosexual armor and planted its seed deep within me as I watched Timberlake move his body in that heathen taunting and teasing my rock solid Christian manhood as if we were in a sword fight. ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIER!

    I became obsessed with the male form as disgusting as that sounds. I found myself, although totally straight, possessed by a demon who forced me to look at other guys, staring at their arms, their legs, chests, it was NOT me who was, but demon inside. The devil made me crave for images of chiseled abs, muscular back, rear ends that had that special… well, praise God I’ve been freed from that bondage!

    How you ask? In a night of sheer desperation I was going to one of those Hollyweird Secular Movie Theaters and watch one of their pornographic films starring one of Satan’s agents who only live to turn males into out-of-control homosexual deviants. “Actors” like Ashton Kutcher, Brad Pitt, etc. Posing as real men, the temptors use their extremely attractive faces, bedroom eyes, kissable lips and Greek god bodies to lure unsuspected straight men like me into the sin of homo bondage. But in the parking lot I was approached by a tall muscular stranger with the face of an angel. He was a Christian pastor who made it his life work to drive the homosexuality out of young men.

    I began to spend all my free time in intense private sessions with pastor where he explored every facet of stimulated me to perversion. It’s no always easy. You can’t just pray the gay away. I learned from Pastor that it also takes many hours of hands on attention. By anointing his palms with oils, he gave many Christian massages to me so I could learn to develop a healthy relationship with another straight man. He took me to the seediest dens of homo debauchery, showing me how disgusting they are. We visited glory holes, adult theaters, cruising spots, tea rooms, sex clubs, orgy houses, sex shops all so I could study the devil’s work in its native environment. And Pastor said that whenever I need to be reminded of how awful this sexual wanton world is I should revisit those places. Even if I need to several times a week.

    He used behavioral therapy, making me watch gay pornography while he whipped my bare back with a belt so I would associate pain with the gay. Sometimes we would have tests where all the young men would prove their rejection of the homosexual urge by standing face to face and breathing into each others mouths wearing nothing but underwear for long periods without become aroused by those dirty lustful gay thoughts. If he noticed an erection he would punish us by making us do it over and over. And even take our underwear and socks from us as a penalty.

    I thank the Lord for Pastor releasing me from those sinful thoughts and reaffirming for all that I am a straight man all the way! Hallelujah! I still must go to see Pastor a couple of times a week because once the devil has the key to the back door, he might slip back in and open your Pandora box wide an insert sinful desires. But Pastor said as long as I resist homosexuality and engage in healthy Christian male bonding with other straight males it is possible to release those sick lustful urges and God commands that these releases of Christian brotherhood happen as often as possible. Praise the Lord! Being a straight heterosexual Christian male is the path to righteousness and salvation!

    1. Mihangel apYrs


      I expect another facet of his Christian therapy was to hold you close in a straight manly way so that you could feel his muscles rippling as your face was buried securely in his manly chest to protect you from impure thoughts

      1. Str8 Soldierboi 4Christ

        Exactly. It’s difficult for the Secularist Marxist-Leninist Liberal world to understand because many of the Pastor’s methods seem controversial and flawed to them. That’s because the sinful heathens seem to think that everything has to be based on such preposterous ideas as “critical thinking”, “objectivity”, “common sense”, “rationality”, “reason”, “logic” and the most dangerous and evil lie – SCIENCE! These are all just inventions of the devil to spread his untruths and corrupt God-fearing christians into thinking for themselves instead following the one and only PATH – Christian Faith. God says be not of this world and its facts, for that was the sin of Eve. Reject all facts and put your faith blindly in the Lord’s Word as God speaks through clergy who believe in the infallibility of the never-changing Holy Bible.

        So when homosexual oppressors start questioning us we realize their advances and Satanic agenda. Pastor says that homosexual demons are able to enter us because we have never experienced true masculine love between two men. Real heterosexual male physical contact, not the satanic bacchanalia of perverted horny lust seekers taking their dope and smoking amphetamines while they dance to the high priestess of homosexual blasphemy – that songstress Madonna and her gyrating back up dancers.

        No, real men reject the perverted sexual touch for good Christian touch. The more laying on of hands and grinding masculine bodies together the more the gay demon flees from the friction of Divine Light like fairies in the night. And if more men had practiced their Christian love on each other then we could eradicate homosexuality. Pastor took me to a Christian retreat and we shared one sleeping bag and other than some slight motion (all at morally acceptable levels) it was not gay at all. In fact I look forward to repeating it again and again until the gay is GONE! Hallelujah Accept Christ and let him wash away all your sin in the blood of the lamb and become a born again virgin in Christ!!!!!!!!!

    2. Ed

      `When growing up I became afflicted with the demon of homosexual desire when I left the guidance of the Lord and his church and entered a disgusting world of shirtless dancing, Lady Gaga music, open-minded thinking and days hypnotized by the sinful lures of the Logo channel.

      How old are you… 20? Sorry to say… you have a lot more growing up to do…

  8. Mugsy

    Ahhhh, you christian nutjobs are so great! Too weak to accept your mortality, too weak to find your own meaning. These hilarious articles you post to denounce the things that go against your “big book of answers.” Truly great!
    But I wonder…
    So what is it that fuels your insane homophobia? Maybe it’s compassion. Trying to save these poor gay souls from eternal damnation.

    That sounds kinda nice.

    But, It’s not that, is it?
    It’s fear, right? People who go against the book of answers are a living insult to you. They may not directly challenge your ideals, they may just simply exist. But through their life of ‘sin’ you see them as denying your god. Implying that you are wrong, that your life based on scripture is without any meaning. And if your scripture is meaningless, then, what of your death? No heaven? Suddenly, you’re forced to acknowledge your finite existance, your loved ones finite existance,
    and you are absolutely terrified.

    How dare they destroy your certainty, your life of knowing all the answers!

    to roughly quote yoda:
    Your fear begats anger, which in turn begats hate, which will eventually spawn acts of violence. And, best of all, you end up becoming a sinner yourself. Such lovely irony.

    You guys are so great!

    someone who is tired of your collective bullshit.

  9. Gay_lover

    Whom ever made this Blog is completely fucked in the head… especially the one about Foster the people i mean come on the meaning isn’t any better but it is just talking about shooting people for the Converse. Wow i hope not all Cristina’s are like you


Leave a Reply