Proof That Nothing Good Comes From Masturbation

Masturbation lead to this man being robbed and having his dog killed from magic mushrooms that he most likely purchased from a hippie drug dealer. Instead of demon whacking his skin twinkie, he could of been watching a light comedy or brain teasing game show and his hands would of not be preoccupied and would of been able to fight off the intruder and save his dog from organic drug death!

Forcing ones penis to drip ooze of sinfully created devil DNA, is not natural and it is not something God would want you doing during your free time. To avoid such temptation, once should talk up a crafting hobby to widdle the time away. Thin about it, a wholesome American hobby isn’t sinful, it is productive, you learn a noble skill and your chances of being robbed and having your pet murdered are lowered.

Masturbation is gaining popularity

Here are some shocking articles about what type of criminal activity can accrue when one has become a chronic masturbator.

Brazilian boy, 16, dies after masturbating 42 times without stopping

Man kills mum when she finds him masturbating

Trucker flips his rig after masturbating while driving

Preparation and education is key when confronting someone with a disease. They came become violent and enraged with self hate and lash out at you in a physical manner.

36 thoughts on “Proof That Nothing Good Comes From Masturbation

  1. Bruce Danus

    I think that the “Reddators” are causing this self “M-ing”” catastrophe. Kids now don’t understand the sins they commit while doing the “M” dance. They think it is just fun, but they don’t realize that they could be charged with rape for using another human’s image as their “release” tool. I worry for our youth.

    1. L.N

      Find me someone who’s been charged with rape when they were masturbating.

      You want to say that shit can happen, then back it up with proof. Either someone who’s actually been arrested for rape when they just masturbated, or how legally that works.

      What’s that? You’re gonna rely on bullshit and lies? How typical of you Prissy.

  2. L.N

    “Instead of demon whacking his skin twinkie, he could of been watching a light comedy or brain teasing game show and his hands would of not be preoccupied and would of been able to fight off the intruder and save his dog from organic drug death!”

    And, you know, got shot and killed in the process. Since the other guy had a gun. Not exactly a whole helluva lot that you can do when you’re caught off guard by someone with a gun.

  3. Cassidy Pen

    Iwish the perverts that flood the comments section wouldn’t go in to so much detail about their personal self-gratification habits.

    None of us need to know when a deviant is squeezing and long-stroking his hardening skin snake until it bursts or playing tip-tease and knuckle plunge with her moistened finger box.

    1. Tonestar

      Well what you supposed to do its train yourself through masturbation. Your too old now and I’m sure your dick doesn’t work anymore but what you should of been doing since you were a kid was masturbation training. You get really close to climax then you stop or force the orgasm away. It’s not easy and your going to have to do it multiple times every time you jerk it. The reason for this is because it trains you to last longer in bed. I’m sure your a five minute man (or less when it’s been awhile) but you could of been satisfying your woman since day one. Too bad you’ve never satisfied her and she’s faked every orgasm you think you gave her. I’m sure the black guy that does her used my strategy though.

    2. Cassidy Pen

      You need to be educated in the role of women in Christian Procreation. This website can be referenced for it has shined a true light of God upon many couples in their search for a holy and rewarding sexual life experience.

      Your dissertation comes from your fleshlight experience and other pornographic masturbation websites and it’s abhorrent to all that is decent and has no place here.

  4. Tonestar

    This came up on Reddit hours ago which leads me to believe that this Tyson fellow is the biggest troll of us all. Well done my friend. Well done.

  5. Ice Van Winkle

    Masterbation weakens a mans strength, that is why men cannot masterbate standing up. Like cryptonite before superman, this poor soul was unable to fight off his invader like any proud Christian would.

    Also, I have to wonder what race the attacker was.

          1. Cassidy Pen

            The only creatures I’ve ever seen with eyes that glow in the dark are cats and women. You’re not going to try and tell me you’re a cat, are you? That would be ridiculous.

      1. Ice Van Winkle

        Claire, in this case I will defer to your undeniable expertise in porn movies. Perhaps the snuff actors that you spend countless hours watching can do this feet fueled by the dark fury of their acts, but decent Christian men cannot do this.

        1. Claire

          I only watch amateur porn, that is, videos of real couples (boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives, boyfriends/boyfriends) engaging in sexual intercourse in front of a camcorder. That way there’s none of the obnoxious crap that goes along with professional porn like loads of makeup, fake tits, ridiculously large penises, stilettos, and fake orgasms.

        2. Kait

          I’ve seen my boyfriend masturbating standing up countless times. And he defiantly has never been in any sort of porn film.


    Wow. “M-ing” (<< wtf?) Can be addicting because if feels good. It can prevent prostate cancer for men, but does not make you weak. You won't go to hell for sins. You can repent and stuff. God saved the world through Jesus for all of your sins. If they masturbate, they wont go straight to hell. If they did, more than half of the US would. Masturbation IS natural for mammals. You won't get hairy palms, wrist, eyes, or any messed up shit parents tell their children. It's not wrong in any way shape or form. If you die from it, please, don't tell me. I don't really need to know or care. And I doubt this sight it legit. You weirdos, I mean, How To Spot a Masturbator? Why should you care who masturbates? They might not have the same religion. That's not right. Oh and, YOU GUYS ARE FACKING RACIST. Nuff Said. And if you reply I won't answer. I will too busy Wanking off…


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