In the city of Satan’s lost angels, there is an event that is held each year where kids with $150 ripped up Diesel boot cut skinny jeans and Maybelline eyeliner, gather to get away from morals and engage in underage drinking, magic fuzzy pill popping and a place where they can become emo and make out with their pre-teen twink boyfriends, while juggling 6 packs of Paps Blue Ribbon down their throats.
This event is called “The Warped Tour” sponsored by the surfing company, Vans. The name comes from the fact that kids go to this event to warp their minds with illicit black market street drugs and become emo gender bending deviants. Everyone knows emos promote homosexuality, drugs, masturbation and miscarriages and that emo stands for “enter my orifice”.
There is no way to distinguish the boys from the girls at this festival, as they all look like drugged out lead singers from the 80’s who just got done having a botched sex change operation.
This festival is full of “softcore” pop music, that fills the young mind with urges to emo mosh in large mosh pits or also known as “the sex circle”. The sex circle is where the emo kids run around in a “pit” filled with sexual anger and as they pass each other, they stick there tongues down each other’s mouths until they reach a Satanic climax full of sin and cherry lip balm.
The acne infested, high pitched, prepubescent voices and same 3-chord melodies from the bands that fuel these circles of demonic enticement, have some of the most outrageous names. Take the pioneers of emo music “Sum 41″, we all know that in gay talk, that the “1” is a symbol for a sin snake and the “4” means “one all fours”. So the name actually means “Sum-one put their twiddle rompus inside me, while I’m on all fours”. Then you have bands with names like Taking It Back to Sunday, Saves the Day and Joy Electric Land, which all have sex party undertones and all have lyrics that talk about forced teen sex and gay sin docking.
The festival inside is quite the French sex show, but even before you get into the concert, you might witness large groups of kissing male friends, giving each other hyper-color hand jobs, while there friends “skank” around them in a mascara filled wet dream of drug activity.
The chances that your son is lip locked with his buddy, who goes by the name “Unique Rain Disaster”, is pretty much guaranteed. It wouldn’t be shocking to find out that your son has played a game of skin tug of war with 20 or so Satan scepters while being high at the beer garden or had partaking in a bi-sexual sex session with his new found buddies over at the Hot Topic display.
Let us not forget the amount of drugs that float around this land of man ass grabbing. Your children will be exposed to drugs that you thought only existed in “urban” neighborhoods.
The drug of choice at this festival is known as “A Mushroom” or as the kids call it “Shrooms”. The reason why this drug is so popular with this type of festival, is because it is shaped like a erected flesh sword and as discussed about above, these kids love to perform mouth sex acts with skin knobs. Once eaten, the drug sends you children into the fairytale land of Satan, where he has complete control of their actions. He bombards them with images of melting rainbows, Skittle rain drops and homo erotic sex slaves, while at the same time encouraging them to dabble in a taste of homosexual experiences.
So unless you want your son to develop a addiction for drugs and homosexuality, you need to ban them from entering not only the gates of Warped Tour, but also keep them away from the grips of L.A.