Let us get something straight, 98% of America is not a bathroom toe tapping homo gay, so why should we change our lifestyle to please a minority of dirty man hole dipping heathens? If you don’t think you can keep yourself from living the fecal stained, Satanic lifestyle, we are prepared to accept you if you can agree to ALL following demands:
1. Stop stranger fondling our youth – The fact that you gays can’t keep your drifting eyes from missile locking on some young boys sugar buns makes us sick. The fact your minds are always on pedophilia over load makes us want to burn your bodies on a stake and let God send you to the fiery gay club of Satan’s inferno. Well since stoning and burning are no longer legal, we decided being rational would be less violent. If you gays can promise not to let your wondering hands find their way into the zipper side of Johnny’s Oshgoshb’gosh overalls, we can find it in our hearts to make room for you.
2. Cancel GLEE – Out of all the homosexual sitcoms you have forced on to our Christian nation, this one needs to be shot with a silver bullet and burnt like a vampire. Enough with turning our future football stars into wannabe Lady Gaga groupies and Freddy Mercury queens. The world had doesn’t need any more anus scented mouths spouting off at their parents, begging them to join some faggy song and dance after school club.
3. No more iProducts – The death of Steve Jobs does not mean the death of Apple. This company is a capitalist’s nocturnal omission fantasy, but has the diseased filled ejaculate of the homosexual community caked all over it. Apple provides gays with advance devices to spread hate and gay propaganda across social networks like Twitter, Facebook and Grindr. If the gays agree to not use Apple products and revert to Nokia phones or change their plans to the black communities’ phone service, Boost Mobile, we will feel safer knowing they don’t have the means to push or promote viral gay stuff via Wi-fi and band widths.
4. Stop all breeding of Shih Tzu dogs – Dogs are supposed to be for protection, not as a furry accessory. If you’re going to own a dog is must be over 55 pounds and not have some Communist name attached to it.
5. Close all GAP, Diesel, American Appearl, Tommy Hilfiger and Urban Outfitter stores – The tight penile area jeans have to go, along with your pre-faded logo tees and puka shell necklaces. If you want to change the world into a place where you are accepted as normal humans, you need to close your clothing stores that feed not only your homo fashion tastes, but also brainwashes our children into thinking that wearing couture denim jackets and pants that say “Juicy” on them are decent items of clothing to wear. Your storese have slutified our daughters and prissy fisted the young boys of America. Once you shut these stores down, we will turn them into Walk-marts, Costcos and Big 5s.
6. Cancel Burning Man, Coachella and Electric Daisy Carnival – All your drug parties and orgy festivals must be canceled at once. No longer will you be able to attend a yearly festival where you and your limp wristed buddies can go and shove copious amounts of ecstasy up each other’s sewer holes and have hours of meaningless interracial gay sex. This will also bring down STD cases and lower the drugs imported into the USA by Mexican drug gangs.
7. Change political status to Republican – Do it, accept it, allow yourself to walk the proper path.
8. Cancel BRAVO and change it to HETERO, the Christian Heterosexual Network – Having an all gay network is purely insane and shows that you people are the ones who don’t accept diversity. As a sign of respect, we request you fire the silver daddy, Andy Cohen and cancel all the fag hag programs this network hosts. Let us spread words of love instead of words of hate and make this channel a 24/7 Christian channel, hosted by Kurt Cameron. We can have shows like, The Housewives of Pastors, Millionaire Church Maker, The Amy Grant Project and Bethlehem Ever After. Now those types of shows make me want to say “Bravo!”
9. Change your rainbow flag – You’re gay, you can be creative with this one. The only rules you have to follow is that it can’t be anything that looks homo. This means no images of bunnies, poodles, Justin Bieber or anything you would see on Lady Gaga’s body. Try using strong lines of primary colors or maybe have a white flag signaling that you are surrendering your gayness.
10. No more Gay sex – Seriously, it is gross. Worshiping the taint of another man is gut wrenching and no one wants to know about the New Mexico Silver Salsa Saddle move that you and your Cuban boyfriend did last night. To the fish slit dabblers, no one wants to know about your collection of plastic penile torpedoes that you violently ram into your tied down dyke slave. Enough with the unnatural fake act of breeding.
Let us see what members of The Fellowship want gays to do to receive their acceptance.
“Stop bullying Christians.”
“Stop giving my fanny up and down looks when I wear jeans.”
“I think they are just silly and so I would ask them to stop being silly.”
And your fake people are back. YAY for fake people. Again, if you used real people, we might take you more seriously, but you refuse to do ant actual research, so I refuse to actually read the article.
Yeah, if you’re going to make fake people, at least make their faces slightly normal looking. I could make a better fake face out of magazine clippings and elmer’s glue.
Let me get something straight, 98% of America is not a racist, homophobic christwire asshole, so why should we change our lifestyle to please a minority of uneducated fake Christians with sticks up their butts?
Also, you posted the first paragraph twice. Jesus smiles everytime you proofread!
I see the HTML posted twice. Thank you for the note.
No, the HTML didn’t post twice. The text posted twice. HTML is a programing language for the web. Learn your nerd before you start speaking. Especially in the land of the nerd, the internet.
Programmers everywhere just died a little inside.
Sorry I don’t understand Myspace talk and how band widths work.
If you don’t understand something, research it on the internet first. Then you can use the language of the Web.
MySpace is a website that is terribly in the need of metaphorical euthinization. So MySpace talk is quite non-existent.
That’s why it posted twice – cause you cant tell the different between html and text. *facepalms*
So does ktulu! And the flying spaghetti monster!
Yay Cthulhu and FSM
I bet they don’t know about the pastafarians. I like their heaven. Just be constantly buzzed lol
Totally. I can never remember, is it buzzed and stoned all the time? Or just buzzed?
Just buzzed lol
Still it would be kick ass!
Yep, it would be
HMM you are From France aren’t you ?
where in alberta? I spent a lot of time there when I was younger. Its a beautiful place (some of it)
10 very reasonable requests. And once again I agree with Margot.
You really like to paint targets on your face don’t you?
everday a paraspriting you people never stop.
Tyson, do everyone a favor and die in a fire. The amount of stupid and hatred you have for humanity is insane. You think EVERYONE who isn’t a conservative is gay, so piss off.
And we would accept Christians if they where not so stupid and think the world is still flat.
Then explain all the cold hard facts on this page!
Tyson, what you are doing is blaming all gay people for what specific clothes designers decide to do with clothing. Shih Tzu can still be a word from China that doesn’t relate to communism.
Ok, I have seriously given up on the world. You are all sick. Not the homosexual people, do you think they CHOSE to be bullied like that? To be hated by thousands of people, because you are all too fucking ignorant to UNDERSTAND that you don’t fall in love with the gender BUT the person. See? There’s a difference. And for your information, Glee has taught me many GREAT things, and the show is awesome. If you read the bible well then you will see SHAVING is a sin, calling names is a sin, what you do by the way, because “fag” is a term of abuse. Do you want to stop people being who they are?
I will say it one more time:
People. Don’t. Fall. In. Love. With. The Gender. But. The. PERSON!
Some people are gay, get over it.
I can’t even think of words to accurately describe how awful this article is. You didn’t do any research. Those aren’t real people. The only real minority is the sexist and homophobic morons on this website. You aren’t true Christians. You just claim to be Christian so you won’t burn in hell, but the truth is you are.
I think this calls for a Constitutional Convention! Great read, Ty!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. Everyone should be accepted in society no matter what their sexuhal orientation is. Furthermore glee is a great show that many kids around the WORLD relate too. Ever since glee has started gay teens and youth have decreased in suicide rate. Being gay does not prevent you from having a normal life. What do dogs have anything to do with being gay anyway. Plenty of heterosexual people have them so what is the difference if homosexuals have them. It’s not just gays that dress them up either. It’s rich women who pride themselves in making their dogs look just as glamorous as they do. What has this world come to where people are judged simply by the gender the prefer. You are supposed to judge s person on their character and personality. I have many gay friends and you know what they are some of the best people I have ever met. God WILL NOT judge you on your sexual preference, but on how you live your life now. How you treat other people. Singling out homosexuals is not a way of showing that you are even halfway worth of being admitted into the kingdom of God. Personally I am not of any religious denomination because I don’t see the point. As long as you live a good life and treat people the way YOU want to be treated I’d say thats a pretty damn good life to live. SO SCREW ALL OF YOU THAT AGREE WITH THIS ILEDUCATED HOMOPHOBE !!
I would like to say that first off…I can guarantee that you have met hundreds of gays and lesbians and never knew. Second… Where did you get this number of 2 percent of the US is gay. Last statistics done by census was more around 20 percent. Three…these concert events that you list are not listed as gay events. They are music festivals with great music. Four….Designers of clothing don’t care what gay men want, they make and create the fashion for the masses. Gay men just happen to care about how they look. Five…just because dogs are small doesnt mean they are not dogs. Not so ancient Mexico created the Chihuahua as food stock and then they went big as pets for women. They are definitely under 55 lbs. So is my Australian Shepard, Weimerunner mix. I could just keep going with this but honestly I dont feel its worth my time.
“Stop stranger fondling our youth” I don’t do this anyway, so that’s clear.
“Cancel GLEE” I don’t watch this show, so that’s clear.
“No more iProducts.” All I have is an iPod, which I use to listen to music. My repitoire does include banks such as Plus One and Casting Crowns, which you may recognize as Christian. Or maybe you won’t, it doesn’t matter.
“Stop all breeding of Shih Tzu dogs” I’d prefer a large dog such as a German Shepheard or a Husky.
“Close all GAP, Diesel, American Appearl, Tommy Hilfiger and Urban Outfitter stores” Yes, I agree. These places charge way too much for the exact same thing you can get at Wal-Mart.
“Cancel Burning Man, Coachella and Electric Daisy Carnival” I’ve never been to these, and doubt I can ever go due to monetary and transportation issues. But beyond that, I just don’t want to go.
“Change political status to Republican” Sure, I’ll change my status to Republican. I’ll still vote how I want.
“Cancel BRAVO and change it to HETERO, the Christian Heterosexual Network” I don’t watch TV much, as I’ve said, so this is a useless demand.
“Change your rainbow flag” The rainbow has been the universal symbol for homosexuality for years, and recently is has broadened to include gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals, questioning (you have no idea what you are), pansexuals, and many other very creative identities that I can’t recall right now. My girlfriend told them to me once, but they escape me.
“No more Gay sex” Homosexuality isn’t always about sex. After my girlfriend’s family moved several counties away to live with her stepdad, she and I communicated only via the internet and phone for two and a half years. Which, if you can’t follow, means that there was no sex on either of our parts.
You are a very STUPID and IGNORANT man, Tyson. Do you think that the gays chose to be gay? They didn’t. It’s something they’re born with, like straight people being born straight. They can’t control it. There are actually a lot that commit suicide every year because they can’t accept their sexality. It’s sad, really. Just like the crap that you write.
I noticed that you wrote something about canceling Bravo and changing it to ‘Hetero’. After that, you said (and I quote)”Let us spread words of love instead of words of hate”. And yet you contridict that by writing this artical. The fact that you don’t agree with being gay doesn’t mean that you have to write this insulting trash about them. We were ALL made in the image of God. He is the one that determined what our sexuality would be. He loves us unconditionally and tells us to come just as we are. Remember this next time you plan to write something that bashes people you don’t even know.
To any gay/bisexual people that read this artical and were offended, just remember that you are BEAUTIFUL in God’s eyes
I’m beautiful in my way because God makes no mistakes.
What the hell is wrong with you??
I’m bisexual meaning I love men just like a straight women would but I also love women just the way a lesbian would, But God loves me either way. Just as my family & friends do.
Glee? I don’t see how that is promating homosexuality. Guess what? I don’t “stranger fondle your youth” either. And you even mentioning that makes you sound stupider than you already do. Also, please tell me what a person’s political status should have to do with this.
God loves me no matter what sexuality I am. Transgender, Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Pansexaul, He loves me still. I guarandamntee that he isn’t having a single problem with it. It never once says in the bible that it is wrong for a man to love a man or for a women to love a women. But it’s pretty positive that it’s wrong to JUDGE & be HATEFUl, which is exactly what you people are doing.
I am loved. I am cared for. You can meet millions of gays without even knowing. Hell, you could be friends with some.
I didn’t choose to be homosexual, but you chose to be a fucking homophobe.
STOP BEING YOURSELF&BECOME THE WAY SOCIETY WANT YOU TO!
I’m sorry, I don’t know when you became God.. God makes us, us. If you have a problem, deal with it.
I’m fed up with this christwire shit. Concidering, There is only one God, no one sent you to judge.
What gets me is it’s people like us, the bold forward-movers, who initially decided what society consisted of. Without those who spoke their minds, we’d still be cavemen most likely.
And they keep forgetting Matthew 1-5.
“Judge not, that ye be not judged.For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
this is the most woefully, disgusting, pathetic, piece of ignorance i have had the displeasure of reading. please go educate yourself and pull your head our of your asshole. do the world a favor never speak or write anything ever again
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! (AGAIN!) Okay I’m Pan-Sexual And so that means your Gender Blind. Okay. So what your saying in this Ignorant article is that we All have to be like you? ._.
The best part is the fake people. Their bizarre, photoshopped, artificial faces are so delightful to giggle at. Thank you Christwire for creating three of the most surreal looking people for me to chuckle to.
his website just HAS to be fake omuhgawd
Kudos on figuring that out. The people that dont realize its all a joke keep this website entertaining though.
Thank you for the enlightening article Tyson. This should be the sort of thing we see in newspapers. Keep up the good work.