If you are like me you don’t pay attention to channels like Mtv, TMZ or Nickelodeon, so it would be no surprise not to know what or why the book “50 Shades of Grey” is such a international phenomena. Until last night I didn’t even know what the book was about until I went to my local book store, grabbed a copy and opened it up. I was wondering why the clerk at the store gave me a look like I was some kind of freak, but understood right when I opened up the book and read the first two lines which read “Within no time, I could feel the shitty creamy load seeping from my puckered brown eye and all over my fishy flaps. Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his slut slayer shoved deeper into my soft tight anus.” After vomiting in my mouth due to the vile content I just read, I reopened the book and decided to share some of the things this book has to offer to our country.
Below is content that is highly explicit.
“With my sugared almond now much like that bathroom door in The Shining, he thought it was time to start sliding my soft tight anus. Is now the time to tell him I really need to launch a stink pickle, I wondered? The feeling of his cock custard flowing down my throat got my shrimp sap flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. My cake hole was so full of sperminator and cock snot, the baby gravy was draining down my chin and onto my chesticles. The hammering of my shit winker was so vigorous, he soon found his family jewels joining his trouser bowser deep in my turd-herder. I awoke the next morning with my cock holster still leaching. I thought it was over but his slut slayer had other ideas.”
“Now, I’ve seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his thrill drill made my tuna tunnel tears salivate like a broken coffee maker. My gashtray was trembling like Vanessa Feltz’s diesel-powered vibrator. When he removed his one-eyed milkman from my brown mile, he was pleasantly surprised to see a sewer trout staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to chow down on the stink pickle off his long-dong silver. After having my oyster ditch thrusted, he then proceeded to hammer my marmite motorway. The unrelenting orgasms from his cunt plunger hammering my herring hole made me come so hard, I began sweating like a fat slag in a disco.”
“He munched on my furburger, even though I’d been up on bricks for the best part of a week. There was baby gravy salivating from his brie baton and I was wetter than a well diggers arse. We were ready for more. The feeling of his steamin’ semen haemorrhaging down my throat got my tuna tunnel tears flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. When he removed his eight inches of throbbing pink jesus from my cocoa channel, he was pleasantly surprised to see a Mr. Hanky staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to gobble the stink pickle off his bald-headed yogurt slinger. The hammering makes me spit my minge mucus all over his clunger.”
“Inserting a cucumber into my clearing in the woods got me spraying fallopian fish stock faster than greased shit off a shiny shovel. I awoke the next morning with my hatchet wound still dribbling. I thought it was over but his womb raider had other ideas. The unrelenting orgasms from his cheese-crusted cock pounding my clearing in the woods made me come so hard, I began sweating like a pregnant nun. I can’t wait to gobble the cock snot from his sperminator. The plowing makes me squirt my minge mucus all over his veiny quim prod.”
The content of this book is abhorrent filth, and so repetitive with her vile metaphors. Its almost as if she traveled forwards and backwards in internet time to use the 50 Shades of Grey Generator to compensate for her lack of imagination and literary prowess. Shame on E L James. The hussy.
WOW! This has got to be the best April Fools prank every. No, I’m not talking about the fact that none of these passages are from the book. I’m talking about the fact that a youth leader can write such vivid and dirty passages out of his own mind. No one that is as pure as this bio says could write those passages unless he lived them or reads real smut in his own time. But wouldn’t that make him kind of two-faced? I don’t know. I was directed to this page by a friend so you can all be sheep and listen to this pervert man as i move on with my life, just Like Mrs James. In fact give her more bad press and have her books sell more copies. I will not be clicking either of the notify buttons so don’t bother replying to me.
None of that was in the book WHICH I READ AND DEFINITELY FAPPED TO so please get better at lying