4 Satanic and Blood Sex Driven Things Your Daughter Will Do at Coachella

Coachella is a sin den of drug induced anal penetration and other fecal worship games. It is also the place your daughter will most likely lose her virginity. No longer is prom the number one offender of deflowering young moist camel hump, now the crown belongs to the strawberry sex scented hands of Coachella.

1. Mouth Sex Addiction
Be sure to know while at Coachella, your daughter on average will have given out a minimum of thirty to thirty six demonic acts of mouth sex to sweat covered boys and chances are some of them might be of mixed race. While under copious amounts of Bugs Bunny Mexican Rainbox Droppers, your princess will be controlled by Satan’s urge to violate flesh weasels with oral ticklings of pleasure.

2. Beer Garden Abortions (sponsored by Dyson)
Due to that fact your daughter will have been impregnated by multiple males during her whore filled weekend,, she knows she can’t return to daddy full of strange fetus’. Not to worry, the Beer Gardens have a mobile abortion clinic to vacuum out any evidence of pre-martial creation of life. This will allow your daughter to stuff her fish cave with all the DNA rifles she can find without any worries of being cut off. Each abortion is posted on Coachella’s tumblr account and hash tagged with #thatsucks, #destroyedbydyson, #reversedpregnancy and #coachellaspbabyboom.

3. Lesbian Worship
Clam dabbling is a praised contact sport at Coachella and be sure your daughter will be a gladiator in this tongue twacking fighting hopes of reaching a demonic climatic release, as large groups of men cheer her on while they group demon whack their sin staffs. While your daughter is deeply marinated in fish sin, young men will be releasing their DNA onto her body as a Satanic symbol of approval. Satan enjoys a cheerful masturbatory group and he will bless your daughter will a fiery soul for her involvement. Pray she does NOT develop the “Homosexual Cough” from these actions.

4. Ecstasy Heroin Anal Docking Orgies
You can’t spell Coachella without the words “Fecal Fisting”. After being exposed to “H” snorting, your daughter will easily find herself partaking in reverse deification play at one of the many anal docking tents at Coachella. Once inside the tent she will be given shots of ecstasy laced vodka shooters to relax her Harlem tunnel to allow passage of sin snakes to enter her in the most unholy of ways.

3 thoughts on “4 Satanic and Blood Sex Driven Things Your Daughter Will Do at Coachella

  1. Not goth, just quiet

    Man some of this may be true but what was that about the “mixed races” thing? Is that a bad thing? I happen to be Italian and German and take offense to that, most of the people in this country are mixed races, even if they don’t know it. You are too I would bet. So next time, try thinking before you post your constant crap. Mmk?

  2. vin

    lol jackass nobody can “be impregnated by multiple males..” this garbage is to scare people into buying christian books

  3. Ass Alien

    There’s no way this shit is serious. This website has made me laugh my ass of for the past hour and a half.


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