I had the rare opportunity to sit down with Herman “Pizza Man” Cain last night and had a nice one on one conversation over the internet band width chat program “Sky-pe”. I knew I had limited time talking to the future GOP candidate, so I wanted to get down to business and ask him the questions that all Christian America wanted answered.
Mr. Cain, first of all thank you so much for taking your time away from making pizzas and traveling the world promoting freedom. I would like to start off with asking you your feelings on the anti-American protesters who are illegally occupying Wall Street.
“I be telling ya’ll, dis Wall Street biznit, is all a bucket full of white and whinny little rich kids!” – Herman “Pizza Man” Cain
Do you find it odd that these rebels against freedom use capitalist technology to spread their limp wristed movement?
“I does believe yous can’t be on your digital textie machines, while being a crazy protester against dah lovely c to the a.p.i.t.a.l.i.s.m.” – Herman “Pizza Man” Cain
What will Herman Cain do for America? and what has he done already?
“Listen here now brotha, I be Herman Cain. I write books. I 999 all up in your biznit and I promise to put the CAN in American.” – Herman “Pizza Man” Cain
As a black man, what do you have to say to the racist left wing?
“I’m here to save the GOP baby. I’m Superman and those libs be all up acting like Lex Luthor” – Herman “Pizza Man” Cain
What is your feeling on homosexuals?
“Herman Cain is here not here to tell the little sissys of the world to stop living in dah devil’s garden, but I do be here to say, that they needs to stop doing up all their nasty sex biznit in front of ours childrens. It nasty. Nasty nasty. “ – Herman “Pizza Man” Cain
What the occupy Wall Street whiners think about Herman Cain.
“He be all like “Ahhh” and I be all like “Rawr”.”
“I just Tweeted on my iPhone that I don’t like capitalism and Herman Cain.”
“He only got famous because he is super black.”