Christwire Handbook Available For Pre-Order


A national media sensation, takes righteousness beyond the bounds of reason. You can’t argue the truth. If God didn’t send tornadoes to warn blacks about rap music, who did? If your husband isn’t a closet gay, he must secretly be Chinese. Don’t send your son to college unless you want to expose him to the dangers of vajazzling. This is no joke, folks. ChristWire is here to save the world from falling into the hands of sanity.


112 thoughts on “Christwire Handbook Available For Pre-Order

    1. Alison Manson

      In the words of this god guy u so dearly love he worte in ur book of holy text that once saved always saved. U lie to ur god by selling a book of lies!

      In this book it teaches children how to hate all others , except for the white idiots who think they run this place. Basicly it’s a “how to” guide to be a white supremasist or a Nazi.

        1. Alison Manson

          Ah and I missed u I’m actually in the Vatican city right now u know where the Christian catholic people with actually sanity well some, :/ anyways I’m glad to stand at ur side and remind these idiots that they are wrong.

          1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Lol. Hey, message me on fb next time u get the chance. and one of my friends want you to text him…? idk why.

    1. L.N

      I can. Lots and lots of misspellings, made up words, homophobia, sexism, racism, xenophobia, and over-all making a mockery of what actual Christians do, and making them look like even bigger nutcases.

      Honestly these people are big enough whores that I’m not surprised that they’re making a book. If it makes them money, they’d suck a dick and say it’s not gay.

      1. Antichrist

        The Christian Churches don’t make enough money off of the Pagan based rituals of donation nor the Bible these days? We Satanists call your kind Psychic Vampires! You use children to collect money for donations and such, take some for your pocket and then thrive off more! You Christians are distasteful! Your hypocrisy here is greed.

          1. Antichrist

            Oh, fantastic I think if you order the Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey you will be enlightened as well. He is my real role model on life!

          2. Antichrist

            Satanists do not sacrifice babies! They do not sacrifice animals, Christian propaganda spread lies to make you fear the idea of Satanism. Read the Satanic Bible yourself to see for yourself.

          3. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Hey, I probably would, Antichrist. But ya see, christian household… Exorcism… yeah. not happening. And sorry for stereotyping. It’s just, never met a satanist before. Haha. I hope you’ll forgive me.

          4. Antichrist

            Christian Instinctual, you assume what you hear from the churches. You people are the true evil of mankind, I will read you out parts of the Satanic Bible myself.

            “Under NO circumstances would a Satanist sacrifice any animal or baby! For centuries,
            propagandists of the right-hand path have been prattling over the supposed sacrifices of small
            children and voluptuous maidens at the hands of diabolists. It would be thought that anyone
            reading or hearing of these heinous accounts would immediately question their authenticity, taking
            into consideration the biased sources of the stories. On the contrary, as with all “holy” lies which
            are accepted without reservation, this assumed modus operandi of the Satanists persists to this

          5. Antichrist

            BOOK OF
            1. “Love one another” it has been said is the supreme law, but what power made it so? Upon
            what rational authority does the gospel of love rest? Why should I not hate mine enemies –
            if I “love” them does that not place me at their mercy?
            2. Is it natural for enemies to do good unto each other – and WHAT IS GOOD?
            3. Can the torn and bloody victim “love” the blood-splashed jaws that rend him limb from
            4. Are we not all predatory animals by instinct? If humans ceased wholly from preying upon
            each other, could they continue to exist?
            5. Is not “lust and carnal desire” a more truthful term to describe “love” when applied to the
            continuance of the race? Is not the “love” of the fawning scriptures simply a euphemism
            for sexual activity, or was the “great teacher” a glorifier of eunuchs?
            6. Love your enemies and do good to them that hate and use you – is this not the despicable
            philosophy of the spaniel that rolls upon its back when kicked?
            7. Hate your enemies with a whole heart, and if a man smite you on one cheek, SMASH him
            on the other!; smite him hip and thigh, for self-preservation is the highest law!
            8. He who turns the other cheek is a cowardly dog!
            9. Give blow for blow, scorn for scorn, doom for doom – with compound interest liberally
            added thereunto! Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, aye four-fold, a hundred-fold! Make
            yourself a Terror to your adversary, and when he goeth his way, he will possess much
            additional wisdom to ruminate over. Thus shall you make yourself respected in all the
            walks of life, and your spirit – your immortal spirit – shall live, not in an intangible
            paradise, but in the brains and sinews of those whose respect you have gained”

          6. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Well, at least you don’t hide the violence unlike some… And from what you’ve posted is not hypocritical…

          7. Antichrist

            Anyone who thinks of Satan as evil should consider all the men, women, children, and animals
            who have died because it was “God’s will”. Certainly a person grieving the untimely loss of a
            loved one whould much rather have their loved one with them than in God’s hands! Instead, they
            are unctuously consoled by their clergyman who says, “It was God’s will, my dear”; or “He is in
            God’s hands now, my son.” Such phrases have been a convenient way for religionists to condone
            or excuse the mercilessness of God. But if God is in complete control and as benign as he is
            supposed to be, why does He allow these things to happen? Too long have religionists been
            falling back on their bibles and rulebooks to prove or disprove, justify, condemn, or interpret.
            The Satanist realizes that man, and the action and reaction of the universe, is responsible for
            everything, and doesn’t mislead himself into thinking that someone cares. No longer will we sit
            back and accept “fate” without doing anything about it, just because it says so in Chapter such and
            such, Psalm so and so – and that’s that! The Satanist knows that praying does absolutely no good –
            in fact, it actually lessens the chance of success, for the devoutly religious too often sit back
            complacently and pray for a situation which, if they were to do something about it on their own,
            could be accomplished much quicker!
            The Satanist shuns terms such as “hope” and “prayer” as they are indicative of apprehension. If we
            hope and pray for something to come about, we will not act in a positive way which will make it
            happen. The Satanist, realizing that anything he gets is of his own doing, takes command of the
            situation instead of praying to God for it to happen. Positive thinking and positive action add up
            to results.
            Just as the

          8. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            THANK YOU! Gosh. Even when i was a ‘believer’ I didn’t think he was evil! Honestly, I think god is the evil one, to be honest. How many have died in Satan’s name compared to the Million’s who have died in God’s?

          9. Antichrist

            “THE seven deadly sins of the Christian Church are: greed, pride, envy, anger,
            gluttony, lust, and sloth. Satanism advocates indulging in each of these “sins” as they
            all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification.
            A Satanist knows there is nothing wrong with being greedy, as it only means that he
            wants more than he already has. Envy means to look with favor upon the possessions
            of others, and to be desirous of obtaining similar things for oneself. Envy and greed
            are the motivating forces of ambition – and without ambition, very little of any
            importance would be accomplished.
            Gluttony is simply eating more than you need to keep yourself alive. When you have overeaten to
            the point of obesity, another sin – pride – will motivate you to regain an appearance that will
            renew your self-respect.
            Anyone who buys an article of clothing for a purpose other than covering his body and protecting
            it from the elements is guilty of pride. Satanists often encounter scoffers who maintain that labels
            are not necessary. It must be pointed out to these destroyers of labels that one or many articles
            they themselves are wearing are not wearing are not necessary to keep them warm. There is not a
            person on this earth who is completely devoid of ornamentation. The Satanist points out that any
            ornamentation of the scoffer’s body shows that he, too, is guilty of pride. Regardless of how
            verbose the cynic may be in his intellectual description of how free he is, he is still wearing the
            elements of pride.
            Being reluctant to get up in the morning is to be guilty of sloth, and if you lie in bed long enough
            you may find yourself commiting yet another sin – lust. To have the faintest stirring of sexual
            desire is to be guilty of lust. In order to insure the propagation of humanity, nature made lust the
            second most powerful instinct, the first being self-preservation. Realizing this, the Christian
            Church made fornication the “Original Sin”. In this way they made sure no one would escape sin.
            Your very state of being is as a result of sin – the Original sin!
            The strongest instinct in every living thing is self-preservation, which brings us to the last of the
            seven deadly sins – anger. Is it not our instinct for self-preservation that is aroused when someone
            harms us, when we become angry enough to protect ourselves from further attack? A Satanist
            practices the motto, “If a man smite thee on one cheek, smash him on the other!” Let no wrong
            go unredressed. Be as a lion in the path – be dangerous even in defeat!
            Since man’s natural instincts lead him to sin, all men are sinners; and all sinners go to hell. If
            everyone goes to hell, then you will meet all your friends there. Heaven must be populated with
            some rather strange creatures if all they lived for was to go to a place where they can strum harps
            for eternity.”

          10. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            I like you… Not like that, lol. But you’re kinda cool. Not at all how we are lead to believe satanists are…

          11. Antichrist

            That is because the Christians want people to believe that we are truly evil and we do things worse than we actually do. The only thing I don’t do in Satanism is it’s rituals for the destruction ones are quite dangerous. Indeed though The Churches try to turn us to god and enslave us and bring forth restriction to our natural instincts even though we do it constantly anyways!

          12. Antichrist

            Oh but I hope you know I am a homosexual, it would not work my dear, I indulge my self with sexual acts with men! You are such a humorous woman, is that even all you have to say to the Antichrist?

          13. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            Neo, my heart belongs to another. But me and Antichrist could become friends. He’s cool.

        1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

          You heard about that guy that donated over a million dollars in winning lotto tickets right? The church said “we don’t approve of the means, but a gift is a gift.”

          1. Antichrist

            “Every fund raising
            organization, be it a charitable foundation, community council, religious or fraternal association,
            etc., carefully selects a person who is adept at making others feel guilty for its chairman or
            coordinator. It is the job of this chairman to intimidate us into opening first our hearts, and then
            our wallets, to the recipient of their “good will” – never mentioning that, in many cases, their time
            is not unselfishly donated, but that they are drawing a fat salary for their “noble deeds.” They are
            masters at playing upon the sympathy and consideration of responsible people. How often we see
            little children who have been sent forth by these self-righteous Fagins to painlessly extract
            donations from the kindly. Who can resist the innocent charm of a child?
            There are, of course, people who are not happy unless they are giving, but many of us do not fit
            into this category. Unfortunately, we are often put upon to do things we do not genuinely feel
            should be required of us. A conscientious person finds it very difficult to decide between
            voluntary and imposed charity. He wants to do what is right and just, and finds it perplexing
            trying to decide exactly who he should help and what degree of aid should rightfully be expected
            of him.”

          1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            *cough* bargain *cough* jeez, I really need to get this cough checked. And yeah, definitely.

    2. Matthew Smith

      is this all a joke? because i realised it said this in the desription : “ChristWire is here to save the world from falling into the hands of sanity.”

    1. Antichrist

      Similar problems happened when the Satanic Bible was up for sell in the 1900s, but that also helped the flow of money to go through Christian Churches.

      1. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren


        1. Reverend Joseph Filigree

          I am the REVEREND Joseph Filigree.

          You obviously have issues with attachment and possibly even the denial of concern from a father figure. It is apparent to me that your anger and small brain preclude you from having meaningful relationships with other people, let alone God. I will ask my flock to pray for your salvation, but I highly doubt that anything will happen. Do not blame my flock from this, but understand that an extreme lack of intelligence and a putrid heart are difficult for even the most pure of spirit to convert.

          It is a shame that you probably won’t understand what I have written to you as the words have multiple syllables in them.

          I PRAY FOR YOU!!! (that will most likely come across, but probably be met with anger from the devil monkey heart)

          –The Rev.

          1. Antichrist

            I laugh at you and spit on your words Reverend! Call me an ape, but your worse than an animal yourself! God slave you be, you listen to a deity who condemns any who do not exactly agree with you! When you say you pray for me I will laugh and reject your words for they only mean you hate me! It’s the Christian way of saying it!

          2. Antichrist

            We Satanists do not use prayers, they are just whiny cries from you for a deity to send destruction to those you hate! We Satanists bring forth the destruction ourselves! We need no prayer don’t you see?!

          3. Reverend Joseph Filigree

            To the follower of Howard Stanton Levay,

            Those prayers were for; TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren and Shannon.

            Your ego maniacal silliness interferes with the small level of intellect that is cause for much concern among the people that care for your dilapidated heart and matching body odor.

            Please tell your parents that you are typing on the internet as they would be proud of your progress.

            I will also pray for you Howard Stanton Levay follower as it is obvious you felt left out and rejected again. (probably what drove you to follow an organ playing novella writer)

            –The Rev.

          4. Antichrist

            His name was Anton Szandor LaVey. And no I do not consider this ‘silly’ I consider it the truth for I see past your deception. God is a deity that destroys his non-followers am I right? Of course I am, that’s why you fear him. Your parents past down this fear into your heart as a child and you will do the same to many more slave! I believe there is no hell, in fact it says that in the Satanic Bible! If you don’t believe me, read it yourself! You Christians represent the true evil in this world, we Satanists beleive you should indulge in your sins for they are natural!

          5. Reverend Joseph Filigree

            Follower of the Silly Man,

            His name was HOWARD STANTON LEVAY. He changed his name to sound more mysterious. He stole the general theme of Alaister Crowleys doctrine because he was born with an ugly face and extreme lack of coordination. When he went to Alaisters goofy church called the “order of thelema” he was rejected by even the satanic whores of that church. He propagated his plagiarized form of satanism by playing his organ in san francisco and convincing a bunch of boob’s that he slept with Marilyn Monroe.

            As a Warrior of God, I must know when to spot a true fiend of satan…. You are a mindless parrot.

            –The Rev.

          6. Antichrist

            Ah, so you do admit, you have gone as far to look into the Satanic bible! You are truly the silly one! You might as well read it! And when he changed his name it was for the better, he was the true philosopher who sought through your lies! Read the Satanic Bible, in fact make an article about what you learned. I read it myself! And I shall pass its wisdom onward!

          7. TokioHotel.BOTDF.Lauren

            No. James the Rev Sullivan was a heck of a better man than you! You can call yourself a reverend, but THE Rev will forever be a better man than you. I don’t want your prayers. You force them on us, and we don’t need them. I don’t need them. Go and rape some little boys.

          8. Matthew Smith

            “I will ask my flock to pray for your salvation, but I highly doubt that anything will happen.” how dare you. You call yourself a leader of a church? you dont have any faith in god

        2. Antichrist

          You make me laugh abomination, Wikipedia i snot resourceful in any way, you can alter it if you wanted to right now!

          1. Anthony

            Reverend, I like your preaching! Please tell me what church it is you preach at? I would like to attend your services!

          1. the atheist one

            this is my ENTERTAINMENT. this is where atheists come when we need a good laugh. You rascist craptards are so clueless. I havent laughed this hard in 20 years since i came on this website.Man, you truly are idiots

          2. the atheist one

            Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians Stupid christians

          3. the atheist one

            no, its a testoment to the fact that you and the rest of the extremist christians, are annoying little shits

          4. the atheist one

            i was born a christian. In my adolescence, i gave up on that bronze age suspicion. Speaking man to man, i advise you to do the same. It all a load of bull-crap meant to control the population

      1. Too Much Laughter To Contain

        I am going to purchase a copy of this book as well. Sounds like a good read. Being part Wiccan, I try to keep my eyes open for a good opportunity, even if it only yields tear jerking, side splitting laughter. 😉

    1. the atheist one

      “all musilms are terrorists’ christwire
      “All canadians shall go to hell” christwire
      “England is a secular and unholy land that will burn in hell and all english are whores and pedophiles” christwire
      “All chinese are scary people who plan to dominate the world” christwire
      Need anymore evidence to get through your thick scull?

        1. Shannon

          Wow wrinkle you really can’t see what right infront of your face. You are racist, sexist, and homophobic. I also see paranoia in there and delusions. Also alot of hate.

        2. the atheist one

          you know, wrinkle. Thats a fitting name. If there truly is a god in this world, the VERY LEAST he can do for humanity is make your face A LOT less ugly

        3. The Atheist

          Have I told anyone that I am Canadian? Have I also told anyone that there is not an afterlife? You wanna know what happens when you die? Your existence ceases, nobody gives a fuck besides a select 6 or 7 people who were related, and you don’t go to a better place because it ends there. Your gone.

  1. DON'T CLICK THIS!!!!!!!

    So the new end of the world date is October 21 2011, you guy’s are going a little slow don’t you think i mean i saw this guy on youtube saying he’ll make sure you get saved for only the low low cost of $439.

  2. DON'T CLICK THIS!!!!!!!

    “This book is as powerful as mine” -God

    So your saying god wrote a book? last i saw some human made it and also are you now saying you are all knowing as this god you talk so much about that seems like something he would not be too happy about. Well not that you will replay i seem to have this thing about getting no replays when the true is really out.

    1. Matthew Smith

      the bible is the book of god, it was writen by god through a shitload of people. personally, i dont really like the old testament just the new because that is the part that matters. i do agree with the part that god wouldnt agree lol, its exteremely hypocritical to put up on the site


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