RIFT – The Vagina Like Portal Game

Rift is a multiple player shooter game, that allows children to create fantasy anime monsters that go around doing quests and hunting down evil spawns. Players will group up and doing raidings of dungeons in hopes to collect cool weapons and armor outfits.

This games seems very sage at first glance. There is no blood of gore and the violence is fairly cartoony and it’s graphics are not realistic at all, so the child player has a easier understanding that this isn’t a real life world they are playing in.

The one problem I have with this game is, that there are things called “Rifts” that open up randomly across the RPG land. These openings look innocent with their glowing colors, making the players want to get close to it and see what is inside. But just like the Eve’s vagina, it is a trap by demons from another world. Players find these digital vaginas by using their quest map and once open they are bombarded with images of purple, green, blue and orange baby holes, pulsating and whispering to the children to come play.

Each Rift spews out vile monsters, that plague the land and invade cities. Some of the creatures that come out of the “RIFT” are gayer then a 3 dollar bill, shoved up a man’s anus at a gay pride parade in San Fagsico. It is as if the game is promoting that fake that female sin treats are awesome and that they should engage with them. The only way to close the hole is for players to team up (like an orgy) and beat the hole with large weapons, until is has had enough and explodes, raining down lovely gifts to each player.

What this is teaching our kids is, that it is ok to get drunk call over a few friends and gang rape or have orgies with the local hussies. It is sad that we allow our children to play with such tentacle porn styled video games. I’m even afraid that the children playing this game are self sexing themselves while they stare at these graphic vaggies and fantasy about they day they can be sucked up in female sex sin.

45 thoughts on “RIFT – The Vagina Like Portal Game

  1. MeAwesome (August)

    What ever happened to kids going outside? I bet there is a direct correlation to kids staying indoors and gayness.

    Reply
    1. RD

      Really? Really?

      There isn’t, by the way.

      RIFT is a game that is similar to World of Warcraft. That’s all.

      Reply
      1. randum

        RD your profile pic should say HOMOGAY CHILD

        you are a confused queer

        do all “girls” know every bit of info about nerd computer games?

        Reply
        1. RD

          Not all girls know everything about computer or video games. Not all boys know everything about computer or video games, either. I, however, am a young woman who enjoys video games, reading, and other stereotypically “nerdy” activities. I also happen to be attracted to other girls. I’m not “confused” about anything. I simply don’t like penises and am not attracted to men.

          “Homogay” translates, quite literally, to “same happy”. That makes no sense whatsoever.

          Reply
          1. RD

            Except that I don’t believe in hell, or any deity. I’m agnostic, with more of a lean towards paganism than any silly monotheistic religion like Christianity.

            Besides that, why would Satan want to punish people for doing what he wanted? Seems awfully counterproductive to me.

  2. Tyson Bowers IIIClaire Post author

    What do you want to bet that Tyson sees a lemon in the grocery store and shrieks: “Vagina, vagina! It’s a demon vagina!”

    Reply
  3. Jazze

    “Rift is a multiple player shooter game”

    so how often do you bring you swords to the shooting range?
    i may be old fashioned but i prefer to use guns when i shoot over swords.

    “so the child player has a easier understanding that this isn’t a real life world they are playing in.”

    and we need this because the children of christian parents are so fucking retardet at seeing that difrence

    “The only way to close the hole is for players to team up (like an orgy)”

    or like playing football…. or going to church. you know the usual horrible indecent acts you should be horribly maimed for doing.

    “What this is teaching our kids is, that it is ok to get drunk call over a few friends and gang rape or have orgies with the local hussies”

    well if you wanna se the world ending around you you just have to interprit everything you see in the most despicabel way posible. but a child is not going to do that. i dare you to find me one child make them play this game and have the ffect you described on them.

    P.S the third photo is from world of warcraft and is entirely unrelated despite you refering to the picture in the text. i guess research is only for suckers?

    Reply
  4. Paul

    Yet again Tyson puts a WoW image in an article not about WoW. And this time the game in question doesn’t even have the word “craft” in it.

    Reply
  5. MeAwesome

    Tyson Bowers III, this is the most inaccurate article i have ever seen! Those aren’t Demon vaginas, there angel vaginas! Really Tyson, i think your getting to old to be writting about game’s, that or you jacked off to those tentacles and came in your eye! It’s obvious that the white glow is heaven, and the only way there is through a giant, holy vagina.

    Reply
  6. TheDevil

    If someone reads this and actually believes it, then it’s better for you not to come. We wouldn’t want your types in our world anyway.

    Horribly inaccurate, and horribly written. I would think it was a joke, but the rest of this site looks to be of the same quality. Go get an education.

    Reply
  7. Tyson Bowers IIIClaire Post author

    “You may think you’re happy now, but when Satan sizzle you up in hell it’s going to be one nasty fish dinner.”

    So not only are you calling her or certain parts of her body “fish” but you’re also calling her “nasty”. Why isn’t MeAwesome jumping all over this for its hate content? Oh that’s right, because you assholes can say the most vile, hateful things imaginable and it’s perfectly fine in his book.

    Reply
    1. MeAwesome (August)

      “So not only are you calling her or certain parts of her body “fish” but you’re also calling her “nasty”. Why isn’t MeAwesome jumping all over this for its hate content?”

      Well… I am not a fan of fish. Especially foul smelling fish. So why would I object. You are the one who assumed he was talking about flaps.
      Likewise I assume that you agree with this statement because you did not “jump all over this”
      “To cure the cat, f*ck it while slitting its throat then f*ck the slit!”

      You sicken me Claire with your inaction.

      Reply
      1. Tyson Bowers IIIClaire Post author

        “You are the one who assumed he was talking about flaps.”

        You mean vaginas? Why else would he use the word “fish” if he wasn’t referring to the old incorrect belief that vaginas give off a fish-like odor?

        “Likewise I assume that you agree with this statement because you did not “jump all over this””

        The person who wrote that was obviously not being serious. If I suspected that they may have been serious I would have requested that RD did up their IP address and report them to the ASPCA.

        Reply
        1. MeAwesome (August)

          Ok, because they were kidding its ok? So now you get to decide who is serious and who is not?

          And please don’t make fun of my spelling anymore. I don’t care, but seeing your mistakes makes you look silly.

          And I’m sure RD could find someone’s IP address off a post. That’s the silliest thing you have said in a long while.

          Reply
          1. RD

            Oh, it’s remarkably easy to find someone’s IP address from a post. That’s how most forums work, and is why it is possible to ban someone from a site or forum based on their IP address. It just takes a bit of work, that’s all. Otherwise, it’s remarkably easy.

            Claire has hardly any “mistakes” in her posts. You and the other “authors” on this site, however, have so many major errors in your spelling and grammar that it is difficult to believe that any of you actually passed your high school English classes.

          2. Tyson Bowers IIIClaire Post author

            To be honest, I merely glanced at that comment and then ignored it, as I was too focused on responding to that fuckwad Adam.

            “And please don’t make fun of my spelling anymore. I don’t care, but seeing your mistakes makes you look silly.”

            What, so I accidentally write “did” instead of “dig” and all of a sudden I’m just the queen of errors? You seem to have at least one very obvious mistake in each of your posts.

          3. MeAwesome (August)

            Ok RD what is my IP then? My Korean tech support kid tells me that it’s not so easy.

            Here is what he is telling me:

            If the web site tracks my IP, and they probably do, it is stored in their logs and not available to the public. Someone could “Hack” into their site to retrieve this data, bur this site appears to be using wordpress which might have its faults but is fairly secure. Also the average user uses DHCP which gives them a different IP as variables change. So to cross reference that you would need to also “hack” into the isp’s database. The ISP’s database would probably then only give you a customer number and a second “hack” would be needed to be done so you can cross-reference the data.

            Now the owners of the site could do step one fairly easy.

          4. luke skywalker

            you should get your head bashed in2 a bloody pulp with a copy of rift or swtor

  8. MeAwesome (August)

    “What, so I accidentally write “did” instead of “dig” and all of a sudden I’m just the queen of errors? You seem to have at least one very obvious mistake in each of your posts.”

    I’m quick posting on the internet, not writing a formal letter. I don’t care about spelling errors, neither should you.

    Reply
    1. RD

      “I’m quick posting on the internet, not writing a formal letter. I don’t care about spelling errors, neither should you.”

      I expect to see impeccable spelling and grammar (or close to it) in the writing submitted as “articles” on the internet. Many people expect this. “Quick posts” or not, you should be able to use basic grammar and spelling without such grievous errors.

      Reply
      1. MeAwesome (August)

        Oh RD, like you read my stuff anyway. And stop trying to make yourself sound like Sarah Palin.

        Reply
        1. Tyson Bowers IIIClaire Post author

          “And stop trying to make yourself sound like Sarah Palin.”

          She’s trying to make herself sound like a complete and total moron? Why would an intelligent person such as RD want to do that?

          Reply
    2. Tylerpandabubble

      Its because of people like you that i hate religion! Go fuck your sister it is basically what the bible tells you to do.

      Reply
  9. Tyson Bowers IIIClaire Post author

    “My Korean tech support kid tells me that it’s not so easy.”

    Why are you listening to him? For all you know, he could be involved in the “Asian Sun” project.

    Reply
    1. Tyson Bowers IIIAugust Weisz Post author

      He’s pretty smart. You never know what he could be capable of. But I think he’s up and up. South Koreans hate the Red Chinese and the Japanese. About their only ally in the region is real China.

      Did you get my IP yet? After all… it’s easy, right?

      Reply
  10. DemonVaginaLover

    PRAISE OR CONDEMN, LOLOLOLOL.

    Bunch of psychos. Thanks for the Demon Vagina comment, I’m gonna laugh about that for days on end.

    Reply
  11. Millennium

    The south korea hate japanese and chiense … did you smoke something wrong today or what ?

    korea never been at war with japan or china

    Reply
  12. Wally

    All i can say is WTF. Whoever wrote this is turning a simple game into some sort of weird sexual act. rape? orgy? seriously dude get a life

    Reply
  13. clickboy

    What kind of FAG writes this shit anyways? oh right some one that was touched as a child by his dad and his uncle at the same time.

    Reply
  14. Lawlirl

    LOL n00b! Over the actual Rift map, you put a map of the maelstrom which is world of warcraft. Fucking newb. L2p

    Reply
  15. YouNoAwesome

    AWWWW HECK!…Found this from a random search for retailers that sell the RIFT game, which, image three is not part of by the way. And as an outsider to Bible Bangin…Reading this feed of awesomeness reminds me of the recorded interviews of the HEAVEN’S GATE family!!! LOL…I Feel another mass suicide comin on! Yeee Hawww, Praise Allah, Buddah, Mary Mag.., Jesus, Morgan Freeman, SATAN!!! Or Who the Fluck ever you wanna praise! Ha! lol, Definetely got a kick out of this feed! – Married, Male – 33, Father of 4 A students, Non Devil, Angel, God, Demon Fanatic…Just a caring generous human being who lives life treating people the way i would like to be treated! Reality Check ITS JUST ANOTHER HOBBY! like carving small animals or baseball, or reading a book…pew pew games…lol…wow still amused…

    Reply
  16. reason

    “I’m even afraid that the children playing this game are self sexing themselves while they stare at these graphic vaggies and fantasy about they day they can be sucked up in female sex sin.”

    The Reason you’re afraid of that is because You are tempted to “selfsex”(haha srsly?) yourself to a beam of light in a video game. This should concern you deeply, as it indicates severe mental instability.

    Also, you have the spelling skills of a child, which makes it very difficult to take you seriously.

    Reply
  17. trololtinb

    wow. Just because you have fked up views of this game and wierd sexual fantasies about tentacle rape and flower-looking-vaginas does not mean that every kid or adult playing this game will end up with the same crazy homo-erotic secret fantasy of yours.

    I bet you can find inuendos in every single game that you put your hands on, including tetris. But if we dare say that Jesus was banging a whore (hello there magdalene) I’m sure you’ll come up with a “valid argument” pulled right out of your ass, just like these so called “articles”.

    As an actual gaing journalist looking at the positive side of gaming, which clearly outways your ass-pulled so called negatives, I sincerely and deeply wish for you to burn in that hell of yours.

    Reply
  18. Juggalo

    I think the funniest thing is that it says “praise” and “condemn”. I am pretty sure that praising anything other than god is idolization. And I am pretty sure God is the only one who can “condemn” anything. And don’t try to post back because it will only show how idiodic you are

    Reply
    1. Absolution.... but not for you

      Your choice of screen name is a clear indication to any thinking man that, if your understanding of the GOOD WORD is anything akin to your taste in music, any words that ejaculate from your fingers and splatter over your keyboard in a climax of internet stupidity are not worth the soiled paper I used to clean my defecation region this morning.

      Reply
  19. Satins spawn

    OMG >..< Om my satin? dude you sound gay the dude who wrote this shit my my you sir ARE GAY. your comments about girls come outa the dudes ass ? ya ok or mayb does you dad beat you still? did you get raped? awe you no get pussy ? try it its intoxicating

    Sex Drugs Rock and roll speed weed birth Control Lives a bitch then you die so Fuck the world and lets get HIGH!

    __________________________________________________________
    YOU SIR ARE GAY !

    Reply

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