We have noticed a lot of vulgar usage of the word “penis” on our site and social websites and would ask if you could please use one of the following Christian friendly words below instead. Also, please refer to our “vagina” article, so you can educate yourself on proper vaginal terms.
- Satan scepter
- God’s pinky finger
- Twiddle rompus
- Twaddle stick
- Flesh sword
- Rod of life
- DNA rifle
- Colorado spitting viper
- Master dangle
- Tadpole torpedo
- Life muscle
- Fleshy Roman spear
- Sin stick
- Johnson’s little fishing buddy
- Love lure
- Dwaddle vein
- Zulu chucking spear (this is for black people)
- Sin snake
- Squirt dart
- Malt-worm
- Puking flesh weasel
- Unmuzzled wagtail
- Beefy apple-Johnny
- Moses’ staff
- Pommel horse
- Fat-kidney bean
- God’s harpoon
- Tickle dangus
- Danish dizzy eye
- Henry’s knob
- Temptation wand
- Mister Thomas
- Roman pike
- Baker’s rolling pin
- Satan’s shovel
- Micheal’s short arm
- Secret lollipop
- Trap-stick
- Demon capped hankle (for non-circumcised males)
- Magic tobacco pipe
- Pan’s flute
- Cupid’s arrow
- Vaginal plug
- Venus ruler
- Oozing whistle
- Meat banana
- Gobble missile
- Tangy tart trombone
- City slicker
- Musky man candy
- Drizzle spout
Please add your own in the comments below
Negative = negative connotation
Positive = positive connotation
? = neither or unknown
Words for penis:
Satan scepter – negative
God’s pinky finger – positive
Twiddle rompus – ?
Twaddle stick – ?
Flesh sword – positive
Rod of life – positive
DNA rifle – ?
Colorado spitting viper – ?
Master dangle – ?
Tadpole torpedo – positive
Life muscle – positive
Fleshy Roman spear – positive
Sin stick – negative
Johnson’s little fishing buddy – ?
Love lure – positive
Dwaddle vein – ?
Zulu chucking spear (this is for black people) – positive
Sin snake – negative
Squirt dart – ?
Malt-worm – ?
Puking flesh weasel – negative
Unmuzzled wagtail – negative
Beefy apple-Johnny – ?
Moses’ staff – positive
Pommel horse – positive
Fat-kidney bean – ?
God’s harpoon – positive
Tickle dangus – ?
Danish dizzy eye – ?
Henry’s knob – ?
Temptation wand – ?
Mister Thomas – positive?
Roman pike – positive
Baker’s rolling pin – ?
Satan’s shovel – negative
Micheal’s short arm – ?
Secret lollipop – ?
Trap-stick – negative
Demon capped hankle (for non-circumcised males) – negative
Magic tobacco pipe – positive
Pan’s flute – positive
Cupid’s arrow – positive
Vaginal plug – ?
Venus ruler – positive
Oozing whistle – ?
Meat banana – ?
Gobble missile – positive?
Tangy tart trombone – positive?
City slicker – positive
Musky man candy – ?
Drizzle spout – ?
Words for vagina:
Puff Pillow – ?
Fish Cave – negative
Baby Door – ?
Eve’s Tunnel – ?
Satan’s Doorbell (Clitoral muscle) – negative
Reverse Blowhole – negative
Skin Wand Scarf – ?
Egg Crate – negative
Bullet Wound – negative
Sin Flower – negative
Moist Camel Hump – ?
Harpy Nest – negative
Canker Blossom – negative
Silk Barnacle – positive/negative?
Flap Dragon – ?
Clapper Claw – ?
Birth Cavern – ?
Flesh Wrap – ?
DNA Catcher – ?
Frothy Creek – ?
Satan’s Trap – negative
Sin Muscle – negative
Folded Flesh Leaf – ?
Harpoon Target – ?
Slurpin’ Salmon – negative
Devil’s Fun Slide – negative
Ovary Hallway – ?
Whispering Eye – ?
Secret Fish Forest – negative
Cat in The Hat – ?
Sin Sliver – negative
Devil Sponge – negative
Baby Portal – ?
Warm Potato – ?
Snake Trap – negative
Blood Sewer – negative
Twaddle Dandy – ?
Magic Crepe – ?
Satan’s Rose Bud – negative
Clack-dish – ?
Neighbor of Anus – negative
Pink Jello Box – ?
Rank Weasel – negative
Stripped Monkey – ?
Front Business – ?
Man’s Gift – negative
Wizard Sleeve – ?
The Liquid Slip – ?
Fleshy Fault Line – ?
Pink Velveeta Shell – ?
The Pubic Pub – ?
Tally:
Penis:
Negative: 8
Positive: 20
?: 23
Vagina:
Negative: 22
Positive: 1
?: 29
The vagina seems to have far more negative connotations associated with it than does the penis. Likewise the vagina has far less positive connotations associated with it than does the penis.
Why is this?
Easy, Tyson hates women and thinks the female body is disgusting, while practically worshiping the male form. However, he feels extreme guilt in being hard-gay so occasionally he’ll say that organs given to us by God are evil.
The penis is more honest and less devious than the vagina with whatever is concealed inside it. And we know the story about Eve and temptation, Original Sin (coming from a vagina) and so on.
Yet the penis is so often used to hurt women and children. During wartime, in the past and present, penises have caused almost as much damage as swords and guns.
Agreed. Admit that you like penis, Tyson Bowers III.
This coming from a guy who wears lipstick.
Claire if that were true we would have dropped 2 tons of American penis on the Chinese to teach them a lesson instead of a Nuclear Bomb
Remember that one time we nuked the Chinese? Me neither. Because it never happened. Go read a history book. Preferably one not written 1,000s of years ago.
you would like 2 tons of penis dropped on you, wouldn’t you?
How much more uneducated can your community achieve?! Grow up and learn from real historians instead of a book that was written by multiple men who manipulated the tale and origins so much it is not even the original story any longer.
I beg to differ. If anything, men are known to be more promiscuous than women. If a penis is known as a “Temptation Wand” and a “Love Lure”, wouldn’t male genitalia be considered evil more than womens’ genitalia?
As if Claires opinion carries any scientific weight!
I’d believe Claire over you any day. All you’re capable of doing is spouting out hate and lies.
Do your opinions carry any scientific weight?
Claire has way too much time on her hands.
its a JOKE!
Satan scepter
God’s pinky finger
So a dick is an instrument of both God and the Devil, while the vagina is an instrument only of the devil. Fuck, at least we can pick sides!
Christwire, thank you for another excellent article! However, one of these names included a derivative of the ungodly word for one’s sin flower, so I think you should change that one.
Thanks again,
Mary. <3
Like I said before, let’s all grow up and use proper words like Penis and Vagina.
You forgot “Tower Of Babel”, “beelzebub’s bailiwick” and “Saint Peter”
PTL!
The other night when I pulled my Twaddle stick out of my girls Canker Blossom, I had Dna all over my DNA Rifle so I went to the bathroom and washed my Flesh sword off in the sink.
I walked back in and she worked on my Colorado spitting viper until it was ready for round 2. She took my Rod of life like a pro. That girl knows how to work a Master dangle!
Sounds like you got yourself a “keeper”.
Wait is this for real? If it is then why on earth is there a circumcised penis picture when Christians are commanded to be INTACT!. I am amazed and appalled all at once.
The Penis. If it’s not evil, why did they get H. R. Geiger to design it?
Zulu checking spear? Why is overt racism considered ‘Christian friendly?”
Your ignorance bothers me.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
…
Nope, still funny.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
Your ignorance bothers me more.
Can’t we all just be ashamed of our genitals?
When Gods blessed me with such a big willy, you can’t help but not be ashamed.
This is the most ignorant thing I’ve ever seen. It gives Christianity a bad name and rates right up there with Mama Duggar being pregnant with her 20th baby!!!!
If you are talking about a penis, call it a penis. Its only appropriate if you are using it in an inappropriate way. Grow up.
*inappropriate
Why are the anatomically correct names for the penis and vagina not Christian friendly? Have we digressed so much in religion that 10 grade biology is inappropriate to Christians. Get a real cause Tyson. Maybe if we taught our youth the proper terminology and values it might do more good than thinking up ludicrous names for anatomy that already have perfectly unvulgar names.
Tyson “Boner” Bowers lll (stands for 3″ penis)
If you read this you’re gay, sorry I don’t make the rules
Tyson Bowers III has a weak dick
Unhomo me daddy Bowers!