If you’re like me, your heart flutters at the thought of a gay bash. There is nothing like a good ol’ fashion gay bash to get out the stress that has been building up over the long work week. Not only does it allow you to release some steam with others, but it’s healthy for a group of males to gather looking for some fun and show off their alpha male dominate strengths and to share an event based on their beliefs and values.
Back in my early years, a gay bash was a weekly even where all my college buddies would get together and walk the streets looking for some kind of ruckus to be a part of. Nowadays, you can’t even say the word “gay bash” without some liberal getting all uptight. Maybe it is due to the fact that the homosexual movement has hi-jacked the work “gay” into something that refers to two men inserting their syphilis pole into each other’s fairy portal. A gay bash use to be a gathering of friends who were just looking to have a “gay ol’ time” or to have a “happy (the real meaning of gay) party or bash”.
Gay Bashing How To
Now that our streets are no longer staff to walk around at night due to the large increase of non-American raced people. A gay bash should be hosted at your house.
Who to Invite and Who Not to Invite
- Make sure to invite no more than one colored friend, this will be a great way to show your other buddies how diverse and accepting you are of people from sinful bloodlines.
- Even if your homosexual neighbor gets wind of your party, make sure he knows that he is not allowed at your gay bash. Bringing a gay to a gay bash will send your friends homosexual support messages and this can ruin valuable friendships.
- Women, the only women at this party should be the wives who prepare the food and decorations. They also should stay inside the kitchen unless they come out to serve drinks and finger foods.
- Make sure to enroll you children at a weekend Bible camp. Kids only get in the way of manly type gatherings and can but a sense of stress onto your guests. If no Bible study is being offered on that day, send them to your wive’s mothers or ground them to their room.
How to Decorate
First of all, your wife is in charge of this duty. Tell your wife that she better not embarrass you with poor cooking and interior design skills.
- Make sure you don’t serve anything that could be mistaken for a penis. Cucumbers, carrots, hotdogs and celery sticks are a no no. Men don’t want to be seen with other men shoving chlorophyll filled penile sticks in their mouths while other men are around.
- You wife needs to make sure to remove any of her knick knacks. This will be seen as a sign of weakness.
- The room that is holding the event should be heavily decorated in leather chairs or sofas, bowls full of potato chips and dip, a cigar box, big screen TV and don’t forget the painting or photo of both Jesus and Ronald Reagan hanging on the northern wall. If you wife complains and says that these things are two heavy, let her know their is around 15 other wives on the block that can come over and help.
Content is key to a party and no party can go off without a hitch if conversation is dull. If your find the party has a silent spot, just stick to the basics:
- Illegals Mexicans.
- Blacks and welfare.
- Obama’s real birth place.
- How gays are stalking our children.
- Ronald Reagan.
- Child punishment techniques.
- Wife punishment techniques.
One of my personal favorites. What you do here is take a piece of paper and try and draw a different kind of Latino from a different state in Mexico. For example, you could draw a gorilla looking communist with a cigar and your buddies would try and guess that it is Fidel Castro or another acceptable answer would be “Cuban”. Another one would be drawing a hole with American paid for ropes pulling up clumsy miners and your friends would guess ‘Chilean”.
This game is also good for family night. Your kids learn about the many different types of tortilla tossers and your wife will feel like she got some type of worldly education that she can gossip about at next weeks scrapbook club.
Ever wondered what Heaven was like? Well let us take a trip with our minds to the pearly gated kingdom. In this game, you have you friend close his eyes and he pretends he is in Heaven for 7 Minutes. This game not only connects you closer to God, but also can turn into great conversation after each player is finished.
If I could spend 7 minutes in heaven, I would personally ask where we can find Obama’s real birth certificate and also try and ask if anyone knows the cure for gay.
Nothing like a group of male friends partaking in a game of “circle jerk”. If you’ve never played this game, you are missing out on a lot of laughs!
In this game, you and your friends sit around in a circle and one by one say some of the things you’ve said to your wife when she messes up. If the other players have said the same thing, they raise their hands, if they haven’t they don’t and they get to yell “Jerk!”.
This game makes men realize that they are not alone when it comes to their clumsy and feeble minded female sub-partner.
What a wonderful idea! I think I’ll throw a gay bash this weekend!
Oh no! Boner alert! Keep it in ur pants boy. No one wants to se ur baby carrot or 2 I threw a gay bash and now Tom and Danny are married. In south Texas this is called a machismo kinda living where the dude flants around saying they run things and all that jazz but in the end if the lady says no and u try to beat her like u morons like to do she I’ll fucking kick ur ass with a 9 mm at thier side! And this is why I love women! In south Texas is u have ur wife’s kinick knacks that just means that she spends timefixing and cleaning the house and u show ur lbe by saying ” wow babe that painting looks great there the guys are coming over so is it ok if we crash here” that would be a yes and food wise, down here, what mama makes u eat cuz is not then fuck u get the fuck out of the house and don’tcome back till u appriciate what she does for u! She can find a real man or better yet she would call me up! That right!
DONT CLICK!!!! ANOTHER ONE OF CLAIRE’S TROJAN MALWARES!
A YouTube link that you commented on before is a trojan link, right.
By the way, did you get around to enrolling yourself back into elementary school yet? You certainly lack the intelligence of an adult.
Claire, is that your voice? You have a very lovely voice. You should sing. I think my church has an opening in the choir.
OH NO susan click the link she must be infected with that virus bowers said it was oh noes!!!!
Wow, racism, homophobia, child abuse, spouse abuse, and sexism in one blog post. Good job! I hope you drown in your own piss.
Hatemongering and urine fetish in one comment.
Tim, we DON’T need to know what the hell you jerk off to! Keep that to yourself!
LN I have not been on christwire as often lately as I would like as I have been drawn into my facebook family, instead of my christwire family. But, I have been told many disturbing things about what you have been posting lately. I can see from this comment that it is all true.
Why do you debase yourself by lowing your comments to this level? Do you honestly think you are gaining anyone’s respect by writing “I hope you drown in your own piss.”
You should be ashamed. Your parents should be ashamed. Your friends should be ashamed, and I am ashamed for you and them. I do not know you but I think your better than this.
I’m not the one who’s in a cult that’s dedicated to the hatred of humanity. I’m not the one who goes around saying that ‘colored people are sinful’. I’m not the one who believes that women should only be in the kitchen. I’m not the one who hates people simply because they’re different. That’s all on you guys, especially Tyson, who flat-out stated these things here.
Funnily enough L.N, neither are they. They’re just pretending.
LN You ARE in a cult of hatred. You never post anything positive on here. You always post negative comments. When ever anyone writes a story about flowers and puppy dogs you saw NOTING! You wait until there is an article with something you disagree with and then you BLOW IT UP!! You never have ANYTHING useful or insightful to say.
you know some guy once said on the radio “extrmists in christianity dont know their own religion we all sin and being christion does not clear you of your sins” (id say his name but i didn’t catch it)
Thank you for sharing that pointless comment
only half pointless basicly the guy was saying if you believe you are free of sin just for being a christian you don’t know your own religion because it says you have to prey for forgiveness and such
Tyson you amaze me, I didn’t think you could sink any lower that you already had, but you proved me wrong.
I acknowledge your cry for help.
That was not a cry for help, can you like not read right or something?
He can’t spell properly so the answer’s probably yes.
I was geared up to disapprove if this was actually about organizing violent acts against homosexuals, but I was pleasantly surprised.
Why would you disapprove to anything written on this site ever? It’s 100% satire after all.
I wish everyone would get this site was satire! Or maybe not, because the only thing funnier than the articles is the ensuing outraged comments. People are STUPID. Which is what this site clearly points out…and pretty obviously its intent.
Right? By satirizing the viewpoints of stupid people, it also attracts stupid people to the site who don’t get that it’s satire. It’s kind of brilliant in a way. It’s like a big foam finger with the word “stupid” at it, and it shows you where to point.
If only people could learn how to use google if they’re unable to think for themselves.
ALTOGETHER NOW…let’s google..”Is Chtistwire satire?” Oh, the people who run this site are laughing their asses off at the idiocy of people that believe this is real. And good for them; I’d be doing the same thing if I’d been brilliant enough to dream up the next best thing to the Onion.
Too bad too. I would love to start up a counter troll with uber-liberal viewpoints or something but it would fall flat. The idea has been taken, it’s too late.
Ah, but you see! Just because I disapprove of it does not mean that I would endeavor to censor it. Or attempt to persuade its authors of their evildoings.
I believe I explained to you earlier that there are limits of good taste. However the opinion about where those limits are vary from individual from individual. Just because I disapprove of it doesn’t mean I’m going to embark on a crusade to stop it. It’s supposed to be funny, so if I don’t find it funny I’ll just walk away from it.
GOM I am so glad that you are starting to understand better what our community is all about.
he does. satire.
Yes, yes! I used to hold gay bashes all the time back when I was young. The term has been re-appropriated to mean planned attacks on gays, which I think is pretty anti-Christian. Our favorite topics were the incompetence of President Carter, how annoying second wave feminism was, and patriotic movies. I remember we always used to conclude our sessions by smoking a cigar while listening to “God Bless America” in solemn silence. Ah, those days … gotta organize another one.
feminism is a bitch, isn’t it? damn us women for being independent and successful and ambitious. i understand how it undermines man’s egos. you must all feel like jackasses now that we’re your boss instead of the lonely housewife cooking and cleaning and tending to the offspring.
Yes Hank the days of yesterday were classic, I am afraid that we will never return to those wonderful simple days.
that’s interesting, coming from someone whose last name is the same as a major figure in…gasp… Scientology! methinks susan = fuel to satire fire. totally awesome.
WHO ARE YOU? and why is your picture that of a black man’s woman’s rump?
Who am I? Hmm, that’s for me to know and you probably never to find out. A Christian, of course! Oh, and white men love that rump. Trust me.
As a former adult actor namaste, I must say I find your sin curves highly acceptable. Erm … forgive me, Satan got the better of me there for a second.
Why is there so much hate on this page? Mr. Bowers wrote a very nice article about throwing a nice fancy shindig and everybody is getting up in arms and offended and attacking each other.
This saddens me.
When I first joined this site I was all hell fire and brimstone. But we had a short lived peace after My “what is an emosexual” article. I miss that peace.
Lets all bury the hatchet and agree that we love Christ and try to come together in his name. I have reached out to a few members of what I call the Anti-Christwires and am hoping to work on lasting relationships.
So that’s your excuse for trying to friend me again? Be honest Susan, why do you really want to my friend?
You are a part of our online christian community and I think it is time that we got to know each other better.
I do not wish to have an adversarial relationship with you and the other anti-christwires anymore.
It is easy to call each other s stupid whorelot or a mean old woman when you do not actually know each other. I think if we get to know one another better we will find that we have more in common and will attack each other less.
I did see that somehow we have a mutual friend, I have no clue how that happened.
will you be my friend shannon?
I swear if you say one out of line thing on my page you will be deleted and blocked so fast you won’t know what to think! Deal?
sure Shannon, some goes for mine no obscene Claire language
Hey I haven’t used foul language lately
You can only be anti-christwire if you’re actually christian.
Were you the idiot child that went to the puppet show as a child and told your friend next to you “thats not real” like you were a brilliant mastermind that was so high on himself that you had to scream you own stupidity?
Why don’t you shut up, sit back, and enjoy the show instead of telling everyone what a moron you are.
That goes for GOM as well.
Oh, please Susan. Respectfully, anyone who gets the joke will read these and already know. As for those who don’t, they tend to ignore this stuff because they’re stupid, or because they’re so self-absorbed they’d rather believe this was legit to validate their own narrow-minded views about Christianity and religion. It makes life simpler when you have a clear villain to target.
um, puppets aren’t real. nor do i “own” stupidity. although i sure wish i did, because i would promptly banish it.
you guys are fun. a barrel of laughs indeed! bravo.
I think the old white lady is trying to tell you to shut the fuck up cause you are ruining it. Dumb ass honkeys, always fucking shit. Can’t have nothing nice around here for you bitches.
The cutest cat in the world:
Claire I think you know about my feelings on cats, but I suppose I can see why you like that little creature. But why are you trying to boost your youtube views?
Who said I was trying to boost my youtube views? I just enjoy spamming this site with adorable videos of one of my cats.
Claire I love your white pussy, I would like to see more of it.
Charlie is awesome!
Thank you, namaste!
and there we go! as we see above, businessman hank is white. and also obviously an ex-porn star. regardless, my lustful bottom is indeed verified as acceptable by a caucasian. i knew it all along, but i needed solid proof…aside from all the rampant anonymous sex i have with countless white men.
Hmmm … maybe the industry wasn’t so bad after all. I’ll have to think things over and have a talk with God. First question: if fornicating is so bad, why did you make booties so scrumptious?
indeed. that would be the first thing i’d ask him! i’m sure he’d forgive you for your wanton thoughts about my corseted curves and allow you to return to the debauchery that is the adult industry. as long as you asked him nicely. and showed him a picture of my bootie, of course.
You’re making Jesus cry right now, Hank.
Well, Susan it could be that this is another trial I must overcome, or it could be the beginning of a beautiful era of rediscovery! Time will tell.
i’ll go with the latter! forgiveness for ALL! just ask and you have your cake and eat it too. or eat…nevermind.
Mmmmmm BABY! LOOK at dat fine ass.
Listen to this woman, she is going to be greeting Jesus in person soon, and you want her saying nice things about you to the big man up stairs.
wait…i thought god was the big man? am i meeting jesus or god? or both? don’t worry, i’ll put in a good word for all of you at my time of reckoning for creating and maintaining the most brilliant website. EVER.
So you’re saying Susan’s going to die soon? Sweet!
Why do you think I am trying to make peace wit you? Dumb whorelot!
Can we delete that? I didn’t mean to make my health issues public yet.
Claire! I’m shocked at you. No more dancing on the graves of the righteous, we saw enough of you mocking the dead with the whole Amy Winehouse incident.
And if the Jesus you know is crying over my brief temptation to fondle a beautifully shaped booty, he is a weak Jesus. The Jesus I know slaps you in the face when you’re about to give in to sin and tells you stop being a bitch! Because God is strong!
oh, fornication is no sin. otherwise we wouldn’t fit like dirty puzzle pieces and i wouldn’t have been granted such a delicious fondable rump. praise be!
What a beautiful article about male Christian fellowship!
I personally do not allow my children’s mother to buy curtains with frills on it, or decorate with cutsie animal themed nick-nacks, since I would not want to look like I let a woman run my house.
After we are spent from the “circle jerk”, I find reading our favorite verses from the bible to each other can help us get the energy back up for a full night of Christian fun.
ice, ice baby…dum dum da dum dum…sorry, your nick is just too easy to decode. purposefully, i’m sure, robert, i mean ice van winkle. you’re white – do you have lustful wanton thoughts about my bootie too? or is that just hank?
I think you are what they call a “temptress”
oh, you know it. and then some.
I was a few sentences into the article before I realized the negative use of the word “bash”. I thought they were using it like “party”. As in, let’s throw a gay party.
Gay bashing is NOT ok!
My husband loved to get the guys over to play a rousing game of Bung Hole. I never liked to play as it hurt my wrist. But it involves throwing a bean bag into a hole.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU PEOPLE ARE RIDICULOUS. You will definitely get yours in hell. You are not in the name of God, clearly.
“never liked” -this implies you played. Bet’cha liked that sack huh? Enjoy getting OOOOVVEVEERRRRR NINEEE THOUSSAAANDDD in hell.
this is supposed to be a christian site ? how sad is that, seems like Christianity has taken a steep decline, if christians behave like this then why would Jesus WANT to come back? you guys sit there talking about hey lets sin all we want when we can just ask for forgivness and everything will be super duper, well let me tell you something, you can truly be forgivin for your sins when in your heart you know your gonna commit the same sins again willingly, thats not faith and in my opinion its blasphemy i”m no fanatic or anything but it dont work like that, it would be the same if a child kept apologizing for spilling juice on the carpet and as soon as you cleaned it up he would do it again. you guys need to recognize that in the end only Jesus says who stays above and who falls below and if you continue to treat each other like this and associate the Good lords name in this filth over someones fake butt picture then you guys are right with the lord at all, read your bibles and get right with the lord, you guys make me ashamed to be a christian.
Whoa, thats some epic reasoning of.. reason, you got there my friend. I applaud you.
Personally, I’m prefer throwing Conservative Christian Bashes.
I will take this article seriously when you learn proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Actually, I probably still won’t take it seriously. It’s like hearing a 2nd grader talk when they just learned a curse word or a hateful phrase. I feel sorry for you people because you are filled with nothing else but hate. You should really grow up and learn a thing or two from diverse peoples. People may actually take you and your writing seriously then. This isn’t writing, it is propaganda. It reminds me so much of Hitler and I am sure you will absolutely adore that comparison. Accept people for who they are. Every one should be treated equally.
Do you actually know what a “Circle Jerk” is? Maybe you should Google it.
Please read through your article before you submit your next one. Not only were there plenty of grammatical errors in this article, but your mother should have aborted you.
Is this article pure sarcasm? Or is this “writer” literally the opposite of intelligent? It seems to be a parody article–much like this site could be a parody site.
Either this writer is a complete closet case or…he is a complete closet case.
I am at a loss.
I can assure you that this fine Christian article is written in truth and instruction.
As is Anton LaVey’s Satanic Bible! I would love to see you all do an article on that! Do it! I dare you! Better yet read what it has on the inside!
If you want to write an article then please go for it. I’ve seen a bit of liberal trash pass through the editors of Christwire and get published on this site. Just make it well writen and as interesting as the normal Christwire standards are, and don’t espect us to do your work for you. This is not communist Cuba.
There is nothing more annoying than a liberal Wiccan who tries to get by on their government school grammar. Step it up!
This site has got to be a joke. Either that, or the most evil cult.
this isn’t a homosexual bash at all? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A CIRCLE JERK IS??? dumb piece of shit
You be trolling.
It saddens me to read such slander from a fellow Christian. It saddens me that one of God’s children can be so narrow minded that he thinks it is his place to judge and to delve out punishments instead of God’s place. I pray for you.
U don’t know how fucking wet I got from reading the sub titles like circle jerk and 7 minuets in heaven! Wow that brings back memories
You’re a sexist and racist! Yes, I’m talking to you, Tyson! Women are just as strong and powerful as men, they aren’t all housewives that worship their pathetic husbands! You must make your wife kiss the ground you walk on, worship you, and bathe you from head to toe! You, sir, are going to Hell and I’ll see you there because I will be on Satan’s throne!