Lollapalooza – A Festival of Frolicking Hipsters and Drug Filled Lollipops

What is a Lollapalooza?

Lollapalooza is an annual hipped hopped and devil metal music festival that showcases popular Satanically drugged influenced music acts that your children hear on the radio. Every year, thousands of welfare living Hipsters from New York, Seattle, San Francisco, Miami and Lincoln, Nebraska come and celebrate all things unholy and 1986.

Lollapalooza has featured a demonic range of no talent having artist such as 30 Seconds to Mars, New Founded Glory Hole, Lady Gaga, Foster the People and other hipster, raver and straight edged acid pop punk bands. Party goers might even be fed death lullabies of fast BPM jungle list, drummed and based DJs like DJ Diesel Boy or even worse, a live performance by one of those hooker harlot Disney Channel female singers.

Lollapalooza was invented in 1995 by Chains Addiction singer Perry Followill as a tour for his band to team up with other bands to spread their message of non-marital sex and drugs. Lollapalooza continued until 1997, until it was shut down by the FBI for explicit public sodomy acts and then repurchased by the creators of Coachella Festival, Golden Voice in 2003. Since 2003 the festival has been in a downward spiral and until 2009, low ticket sells threatened a full shut down until they promoters added “pay for play” sex tents and “liquid rooms” to the event.

What Does Its Name Means?

Lolla – Early 20th century shows that the term Lolla refers to a large lollipop.
pal – Partnered or paired with.
ooza – Oozing amounts of drugs

So what this festival’s name means is a festival that celebrates illegal drug use and distributes drug filled lollipop that will send your kids on a trip to fairy tale candy land, while playing hop scotch with rainbow colored dragon midgets and satanic unicorns.

Who Goes to Lollapalooza?

Besides every sexual fueled hipster and $3 suburban, tube top wearing floozy? Try every 40 something year old who is trying to relive his early 20’s by hoping to find your daughter passed out by the porta potties in hopes to get a “sneak a snake” thrill, while your daughter lies drugged out in a pool of vomit and urine.

What Goes on at Lollapalooza?

Did you know that Mexican drug cartels make 25% of the heroin sales quota at Lollapalooza alone? So be sure that if your son wears fake glasses and hipster styled capri pants, he is most likely engaging in south of the border drug highs and dancing the mariachi two step with Satan.

Since the beginning of Lollapalooza, drug cartels have been hired to fill up lollipops with Mexican street heroin or “Liquid H Bomb” and then sold to child at the festival for $4.95. These drug candies are sold to cloud the mind’s of your kids so the event vendors can then bombard your children with sex marinated offers and other drugs like the popular raver, “anal ecstasy” or “frosted dipped X gumdrops”.

Lines waiting for "pay to play"Sex
Once under the influence of devil music and Mexican lollipops, your children will most likely be tempted to take a peak into a “pay for play” tent. These tents all have different sex fetish themes that range from “Bear and Twink SMDB”, “Deep Devil Back Scuttling” or even “Around the World Analigus”. All these are gay style sex shops that lure children into the gay lifestyle.

When your son or daughter has found which sexual forte they feel pressured into, they are made to pay $40 a “pop” to experience 5 minutes of pure homo erotic play. Once finished they come out abused and confused, just the way the gays like them.

If you allow your kids to go, they will come back fabulously drenched in sinful drug use and gay.

When and Where is it?

This year it is being held in the liberal king’s hometown, no not Jakarta, Indonesia, but Chicago, IL and it is during the Pagan holiday, Lammas.

Lammas, also called “The Weekend of Sex”, celebrates the Celtic sex god. So not only are your kids having sex with homosexuals and lick down drug filled candy, but they are also praying to a Pagan god who encourages anal and clitoral play.


39 thoughts on “Lollapalooza – A Festival of Frolicking Hipsters and Drug Filled Lollipops

  1. Dan Williams

    You really need to stop making types of music past tense. “Hipped Hopped” and “Drummed and Bassed”… just shows ignorance.

    As far as if this festival does contain a lot of sex, drugs, and rape, I’m sadly sure it does.
    But you may, as much as you like, chose to dislike types of music, I dislike country, but I wouldn’t say that they have no talent. 30 Seconds to Mars is an amazing band, and is talented. If they were not talented, they wouldn’t be famous. Well….I suppose lately that is harder to say with the advance in Auto-Tune, and synthetic music, and so many stock song writers and the performers don’t write their music, especially among the hip-hop genre. But groups like 30 Seconds to Mars that write their own music, and play their own instruments do have talent.

    Open your mind, my friend. Seek a larger world. Only then will you know how to love the world and bring the world to knowing Christ. Which is our purpose.

      1. Sherlock

        what does that matter? whites and africans interbreed here too, and so do whites and mexicans. but Irish and French interbreed too, is that wrong? No. Jesus said it didn’t matter. Little things like that aren’t going to prevent someone from being saved. However, things like misrepresenting Christ? maybe.

        1. August Weisz

          Yes, interbreeding with the Irish is wrong, they are barely human. The French? I’m opposed to it personally, but I don’t think the fellowship is opposed to it as a doctrine.

  2. L.N


    You can’t spell at all. I mean, the rest of your bullshit is par for the course for being an old man who hates the modern world where black people aren’t slaves and marrying or dating white people and that women have rights and that homosexuals are finally able to be married, but that sentence seems to have set a new one for you. Really? You chose the word ‘spell’ instead of ‘have’? You even put it in big, bold, red so it’s not like you can say ‘oh, I meant for it to be have’ since it was staring right at you in the face.

    Did you say you had a college education? Because I’m willing to bet that you did the impossible and failed Special Ed.

      1. L.N

        You’re thinking in reverse jackass, the only letter that “Lollapalooza” and “Satan” have in common is the letter ‘a’. YOU are thinking that you can spell “Lollapalooza” with the letters ‘s’, ‘t’, and ‘n’. Now tell me, who’s the idiot? Apparently you’re so incredibly retarded that you’d still insist it’s me, even though you’re the one who can’t even spell the word he just typed up half a dozen times.

          1. L.N

            I can understand it, the fact is you can’t spell. You can’t even try to say you were being ‘fancy’, because if you were, you would have used a different word altogether. You DO realize the whole point of using “You can spell X without Y” sentences is some funny thing connection between two words due to the letters in them. Any time it isn’t that, it’s being used in the wrong way.

            So congratulations, you fail twice over!

          2. Tyson Bowers III

            L.N., even when you know you are wrong about something you try to change the argument.


            Where is the misspelling here?

          3. L.N

            Oh wow, I thought you were just trying to be fancy and I was just mocking you for your poor choice of words, you honestly do believe that Lollapalooza is spelled with the same letters as Satan.

            My god, you really ARE retarded.

          4. L.N

            Really? You’re calling ME dumb. You’re the one who actually insists that Lollapalooza has the letters ‘s’, ‘t’, and ‘n’, and don’t even say that you were trying to be fancy with your sentence, because you flat-out admitted that you (and I mean YOU specifically) spell lollapalooza with the same letters as Satan.

            Apparently that goat kicked you a few too many times in the head as you violated it.

          5. L.N

            I never said that you retard, I said that you think lollapalooza is spelled with the same letters.

    1. Tyson Bowers III

      We are talking about the one in Chicago. Shannon, I hope you are not planning on attending. I feel it would only hurt you.

  3. RequiredMyAss

    Aside from the obvious bullshit in this article, it’s laced with so much incorrect information. Not that I expected someone so hateful, and quick to spread lies to be intelligent.

  4. Aaron

    I have been to Lollapalooza 4 times. I saw no heroin being done by anyone at any time ever. Heroin is something that is extremely uncommon among music festivals, especially a music festival that’s in an urban setting. I don’t think Jesus would approve in your manipulation of fact in order to push a hate filled agenda in his name. If you were truly Christ-like you would be positive and loving. Remember, he who is without sin cast the first stone. Your place is not to judge, that is God’s job.

    1. this guy

      I most definitely agree, I doubt he’ll respond though, much more interested in spreading his lies rather than confronting some sort of truth.

  5. Davidpalooza

    i thought the meaning of the word was “one that is extraordinarily impressive” or something like that.. but dictionaries can be wrong (?).. i think it’s funny that my parents who are, in my opinion very conservative, read this article and thought it was over exaggerated … they laughed at the statistics of a girl getting raped in a trunk of a HONDA xD….. i mean.. is that all they drive there?

  6. Davidpalooza

    OH I HATE YOU!!! i should have done research first.. i fell for the fkin joke!! … hahahahahha good one XD

  7. Thom Yorke

    If anyone wants to come by my vajazzling booth, it’ll be next to Buckingham Fountain. Fun for the whole family!

      1. namaste

        Thanks for being here Thom Yorke! You’re awesome. Solo or with Radiohead. Especially awesome for having a vajazzling booth. I can help out with that if you want. I love sparkling vajazzes.

  8. this guy

    Ummm…deer mr. bullshit regrettably…your statement (if there ever was any valid point) has been completely destroyed on your extreme immaturity displayed on this reply section. You clearly have never attended such an event, and if you really were, as they say, “intelligent” you would be open and accepting of different cultures and art forms.

    as for my immature response: you have no soul, you are an intolerable partially racist prick, and well, I hope as many people attend good ‘ol Lollapalooza as god will allow.

  9. this guy

    The mexican drug cartel makes 25% of its sales at lallapalooza alone…..and your writing this from your rich white baptist household that lies in an area that would know what of the drug cartels? I have hereby dubbed you a moron. Before lying to thousands of people online..wwjd

  10. robert

    I can’t explain how INSULTING this article is… really, 25% of their sales comes from Lollapalooza alone? and you’re getting this information from where? please let the mexaican police know so they can gather more information to stop them! Also you call them “mexican lollipops”.. do you how RACIST this is? did you know that most of the drugs come from south america(which do not include mexico) and europe? mexico is only a selling point. I’m not the religious type but believe me, I know these articles are way beyond christianism. These articles are insulting, racist, obviously fake, filled with hate, and immature.

  11. I'dblowjesus

    I wish I got raped in the trunk of a Honda.. Have you ever seen the hatchback on a Daytona?
    My neck was sore for weeks!

  12. I'dblowjesus

    I remember it like it was yesterday.. I had just plugged two Spanish lollies right up the brown and was leaving my favorite (now defunct) bargain sex tent, the whizz&wash, to go see radiohead. When all of a sudden, who do I run into? Thom frigging Yorke! Love ‘ya thommy. The introduction was short as he hit me in the head with what I believe to be a frying pan, or perhaps a large heroin spoon. Next thing I know I’m waking up behind a dodge daytona, britchesless, with a gaping whole where I sit! I immediately searched for my lollieplugs to no avail. What a waste of ten dollars… Well, the dual moral of this story is if my sphincter were a cervix, my bowels a uterus, and prostate a set of ovaries, Thom and I would have a beautiful child together named Dayton. And if you’re going to get raped at lollapalooza, ask for a suburban or a H3 or something roomy.

  13. Peter

    This article is so unbelievably inaccurate it is scary. Any if these are God’s soldiers they are devil in disguise. So weird that these websites even exist. Not to mention the grammar is horrible.

  14. Nick

    i noticed the same thing in another “article” of yours but your facts seem to be nonexistent i did some research and i didn’t find any statistic for the charts you show. also when i was at this event i didn’t see any of these pay to play things that your showing in the chart it just seems like you trying to lie to the people that read this and are so closed-minded and naive enough to believe it when this people need to step out side and travel the world a bit and experince the things and thoughts of other people and see how they have lived without the influence of your god for thousands of years (this last statment had nothing to do with the “article” so sorry about that)

  15. Heil Christler!!

    At least it’s better than burning man, where the heathen desert tribes burn Christian missionaries alive! Or that Rothbury abomination, when I was abducted by a band of satan followers, given a drug called “ecstasy” which makes everything feel amazing, taken to a holiday inn and forced into hours of unprotected sex with multiple attractive females.. I’d never been so horrified in my life!


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