Let us get something straight, 98% of America is not a bathroom toe tapping homo gay, so why should we change our lifestyle to please a minority of dirty man hole dipping heathens? If you don’t think you can keep yourself from living the fecal stained, Satanic lifestyle, we are prepared to accept you if you can agree to ALL following demands:
1. Stop stranger fondling our youth – The fact that you gays can’t keep your drifting eyes from missile locking on some young boys sugar buns makes us sick. The fact your minds are always on pedophilia over load makes us want to burn your bodies on a stake and let God send you to the fiery gay club of Satan’s inferno. Well since stoning and burning are no longer legal, we decided being rational would be less violent. If you gays can promise not to let your wondering hands find their way into the zipper side of Johnny’s Oshgoshb’gosh overalls, we can find it in our hearts to make room for you.
2. Cancel GLEE – Out of all the homosexual sitcoms you have forced on to our Christian nation, this one needs to be shot with a silver bullet and burnt like a vampire. Enough with turning our future football stars into wannabe Lady Gaga groupies and Freddy Mercury queens. The world had doesn’t need any more anus scented mouths spouting off at their parents, begging them to join some faggy song and dance after school club.
3. No more iProducts – The death of Steve Jobs does not mean the death of Apple. This company is a capitalist’s nocturnal omission fantasy, but has the diseased filled ejaculate of the homosexual community caked all over it. Apple provides gays with advance devices to spread hate and gay propaganda across social networks like Twitter, Facebook and Grindr. If the gays agree to not use Apple products and revert to Nokia phones or change their plans to the black communities’ phone service, Boost Mobile, we will feel safer knowing they don’t have the means to push or promote viral gay stuff via Wi-fi and band widths.
4. Stop all breeding of Shih Tzu dogs – Dogs are supposed to be for protection, not as a furry accessory. If you’re going to own a dog is must be over 55 pounds and not have some Communist name attached to it.
5. Close all GAP, Diesel, American Appearl, Tommy Hilfiger and Urban Outfitter stores – The tight penile area jeans have to go, along with your pre-faded logo tees and puka shell necklaces. If you want to change the world into a place where you are accepted as normal humans, you need to close your clothing stores that feed not only your homo fashion tastes, but also brainwashes our children into thinking that wearing couture denim jackets and pants that say “Juicy” on them are decent items of clothing to wear. Your storese have slutified our daughters and prissy fisted the young boys of America. Once you shut these stores down, we will turn them into Walk-marts, Costcos and Big 5s.
6. Cancel Burning Man, Coachella and Electric Daisy Carnival – All your drug parties and orgy festivals must be canceled at once. No longer will you be able to attend a yearly festival where you and your limp wristed buddies can go and shove copious amounts of ecstasy up each other’s sewer holes and have hours of meaningless interracial gay sex. This will also bring down STD cases and lower the drugs imported into the USA by Mexican drug gangs.
7. Change political status to Republican – Do it, accept it, allow yourself to walk the proper path.
8. Cancel BRAVO and change it to HETERO, the Christian Heterosexual Network – Having an all gay network is purely insane and shows that you people are the ones who don’t accept diversity. As a sign of respect, we request you fire the silver daddy, Andy Cohen and cancel all the fag hag programs this network hosts. Let us spread words of love instead of words of hate and make this channel a 24/7 Christian channel, hosted by Kurt Cameron. We can have shows like, The Housewives of Pastors, Millionaire Church Maker, The Amy Grant Project and Bethlehem Ever After. Now those types of shows make me want to say “Bravo!”
9. Change your rainbow flag – You’re gay, you can be creative with this one. The only rules you have to follow is that it can’t be anything that looks homo. This means no images of bunnies, poodles, Justin Bieber or anything you would see on Lady Gaga’s body. Try using strong lines of primary colors or maybe have a white flag signaling that you are surrendering your gayness.
10. No more Gay sex – Seriously, it is gross. Worshiping the taint of another man is gut wrenching and no one wants to know about the New Mexico Silver Salsa Saddle move that you and your Cuban boyfriend did last night. To the fish slit dabblers, no one wants to know about your collection of plastic penile torpedoes that you violently ram into your tied down dyke slave. Enough with the unnatural fake act of breeding.
Let us see what members of The Fellowship want gays to do to receive their acceptance.
“Stop bullying Christians.”
“Stop giving my fanny up and down looks when I wear jeans.”
“I think they are just silly and so I would ask them to stop being silly.”