Bonnaroo – A Festival of Heroin, Gay Sin Docking, Mud Orgies and Black Magic

Bonnaroo is more dangerous than the disease infested Coachella, Satanic Big 4 and the ass cowboy festival, Stagecoach all wrapped together in a deadly $1 taco. It is also held on the SAME day as Satan’s birthday. Coincidence, nothing evil is a coincidence. It is planned. Your children are buying golden tickets to Satan’s chocolate sin factory.

What is Bonnaroo?
It is a annual rave festival held in Tennessee and does nothing but allow kids to do smoke the magic pot, snort heroin, partake in black magic rituals, have sex with strangers and epose kids to the dangerous homosexual lifestyle.

What Does the Word Bonnaroo Mean?
It is black talk for “a really good time” and we all know what “a really good time” means to hipper hopped stars. It usually involves cracked coke canes, murder and white $3 French prostitutes.

This word also has a underground meaning once you break it down. Let’s take “Bonn” for example and it actually turns into the word “Bone”. We all know gays use this word to describe the action of when they are fecal fisting their Cuban cabana boy at their sex bath house parties. Now let’s look at Roo, “Roo” is short for “Kangaroo”. So put the full true message together and you get “Bone a Kangaroo”.

How sick are these rave promoters to want to teach kids that raping a kangaroo is cool? I understand maybe in a Godless African country this might be acceptable, but this is the US of A!

What Goes on at Bonnaroo?
Mud sex orgies

How would you feel knowing your daughter is exposing her milk sacs and baby door while covered in styptic waste? How would you like if she was performing mouth sex on random groups of strangers? We this is what she will be doing if you allow her to attended Bonnaroo. Every year they make a mud pit, so people can hide their faces and make it feel like no one will know who they are and then engage in stranger stroking and torpedo suction slurping. They might have already given out 10 mouth sex acts to strangers from the parking lot to the concert’s entrance.

Mud also means sewerhole sex in the underground, drug gang, gay realm. M.U.D. means Manhole Unit Docking or also know in the Christian world as “male to male sin docking”. Just remember that your young boys might be drugged and forced into a rainbow drugged mind state, while large groups of gay men take turns raping his innocents and ravaging his soul via their waste shoot

Drug light shows

Kids at Bonnaroo like to shove ecstasy up their rectums, so they can get a “rear end raver high” and enjoy the famous light shows. How great is it knowing that our children are walking around will pills of Satanic joy up their twinkie holes, gazing at colored light beams, while doing make out sessions or even worse, pre-martial sex.

The light show usually keeps the same colors, green, red and purple. Each color has its own hypnotic black magic agenda. The green is to subliminally addict your children to pot smoking antics and also teaches you children to donate their money to the democratic party. Red is to make them supporters of late term abortions. Also remember Satan’s favorite color is red. The purple is obvious. It is to push the homogay agenda onto your children and to make sure they all accept the sexual choices of the attention whores we call “Homosexuals”.

Heroin drug snorting

Satan loves a cheerful “H” snorter and Bonnaroo is a haven for the “H”. It has been said that over 97% of attendees will partake in a magic joy ride down the “H” railway. But did you know that Heroin is the leading cause to unprotected sex during the summer time? We are basically leading out children into the gates of a concentration camp of sin and sex. With each snort of Satan’s pixie dust, or children’s souls get closer to Satan’s acid baths.

Male to male entry sex fondling

You can’t have a raping and pillaging festival without pirates and this festival is full of sugar plummed fairy butt pirates in search of untouched, plump male booty. For every one homosexual at Bonnaroo, there is 11 cases of forced male entry into another mans brown muscle.

What Music is Played at Bonnaroo?

Have you ever heard of Arcade Fire, The Black Keys, The White Buffalo, Stephen Stills or even Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside? Of course not, no one has, unless you’re a kleptomaniac pot smoking sex slave! These are all names of street drugs. They just put these “band” names on the flyer so parents think their kids are actually going to a music concert. What it really is, is a menu to let kids know what type of Satan sugar they can purchase once they get to the festival of drug gluttony.

Who Goes to Bonnaroo?

Homogays, Wiccans, washed out rock stars, drug dealers, lose slut whores, blacks, people from Wiscon”sin” and every other type of social deviant you can image.

358 thoughts on “Bonnaroo – A Festival of Heroin, Gay Sin Docking, Mud Orgies and Black Magic

  1. Blanche Beecham


    This all sounds very native. BON-A-ROO. It is like a lonely howl from a hungry, albeit very filthy, wolf.

    I have not heard of these anus drugs used as recreational enhancers. I suppose crack pipe fires were a problem in past gatherings and surely they didn’t light them before insertion. I do hope if you send a tent team of Jedi to the festival they take some holy water enemas to hand out.

    Amazing eye opener.

    Praise be,

    1. Tom Maltese

      Blanche, I bet you douche with baking powder. Only the cool kids use anus drugs, thats the only way I like that shit. Im crazy like that, you should party with me someone babe. One night with me and ill have you snorkin rocks off a horses taint.

    2. sack junkie


      I love your use of graphs. Seems like you really did in depth research on anal raping and anal drug taking. And the grammar and spelling are perfect, you must have went to a really elite school. And you definitely did your research on the band names being street names for drugs. Some of these bands have even went as far as writing entire albums of music to cover the fact that they are really just a drug name. Type in The Black Keys on YouTube just to see how far these “street names” went to hide their true identities.

      By the way, didn’t I see footage somewhere of you at Bonnaroo last year toungue fucking a mule anus? That was great undercover field research for this article. Gotta love a reporter that goes to those extents.

      1. Goat

        That was my ass you saw Tyson tongue fucking. That was my first time there, and from then on i still sigh thinking of it. Can’t get enough tongue and cock!

      2. Pepper

        Stephen Stills is a drug ? Well then give me some Graham Nash David Crosby and Neil Young. I get so high I go duck hunting with a rake…LoL

      3. Jes

        I’m a Christian and I’ve gone so many times. Never have I experienced ANY of this nonsense.. Boooo on this article and it’s author.

        1. Little Lauren

          It’s obviously tongue-in-cheek and I find it to be Hil-Arious and “I’m not alone (I’m just blue…”).

    3. PArty in my bum bum

      Hey Tyson, my name is the devil, good to finally meet you. I’ve been watching you for some time. Scared? you should be. It will only be a matter of time before your sons and daughters are lying and seeking out of the rooms at night to party and take all the wonderful drugs in the world. Hope your ready to fork up some money for therapy and rehab. Not just once mind you, your family is of the weak blood and they will relapse over and over and over.
      you don’t have daughters or sons? hmm seems like god saw fit to make you infertile so you don’t get any funny ideas of reproducing on this world, smartest thing that man has done in a while.

      Anyways just know that if you do have any they will be in my good hands and I will make sure I don’t see them too soon.

      Party on little man

    4. Thomas McGee

      OK, clearly none of you know what you are talking about. This article is a joke and if you really think that Bonnaroo is a haven for sex, drugs, and satanic rituals then you are extremely nieve. Your descriptive use of words in this article is elementary and your excel graphs are not fooling anyone. A little research may help your case on your next article. It sounds to me like you need to experience Bonnaroo for yourself, then you may have the right to post an article. Judgement is for those weak in faith.

      1. Rev. Custer

        Yet another unbeliever qualifying his self-righteousness by asking God-fearing Christians to lay our anus on the line for gay rape in order to understand gay rape and finally be qualified to talk about it.

        Who are you fooling, kid? I’ve been ministering for over 30 years, I don’t fall for unsaved heathens’ tricks so easily. Nice try, but try again. The Sword and Shield of the Lord is with me.

        1. God

          Is this a joke? I worked security at bonnaroo, and I saw may things happening but none of what is described in the above article. There is no mud at bonnaroo by the way, it is entirely too dry for that sort of thing. There are no orgies or people putting crack in their butthole. The drugs we confiscated were pot (according to Christians this was a gift from God like all the other plants), mushrooms (also given to us by God), and prescription pills (the stuff you Christians has been force feeding your children).
          Wake up and open your eyes.

          1. Barry Seal

            this is not a joke.if u work security there,then you are part of the problem.maybe you’ve been “butt chugging” too much “psychedelic mushroom tea”.no mud at bonnaroo?…obviously you have to turned a blind eye to all the gay anal sex that created all the mud in the first place.liar!pray for God’s forgiveness.why can’y u work security at a place without sin,like a bank? i’m praying for you.

          2. Jen

            Actually, in 2004 there was a huge rain storm and it did get really muddy… I lost 2 pairs of shoes in the mud and made everyone who rode with me when we left the festival, throw their shoes out and buy new ones when we got to the next town… But there was definitely no orgies or anything that this author speaks of happening! Not that I saw and I went for a few years in a row…

        2. Jenna

          This article is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read in my life. If this man is not joking and actually thinks this is how things are, I am eternally fearful of you and people like you. What the hell are you thinking? Anal rape and insertion of drugs into the anus?.. really what music is about…… You’re right. HAHAHAHAHA this really is way too far fetched and idiotic of an article to take seriously. Whoever rev. custer is is lacking some serious brains. He probably waits for jesus to think for him and learn for him… Rev., don’t wait for jesus to think for you and learn for you, he’s obviously mentally challenged and passing it to you through his magical lightening bolts from his shit stained throne in the clouds.

          1. rararay

            Jenna, Sarcasm lately? Or ever? You should know that this is a humorous compilation of a number of fundamentalist accusations against Bonnaroo, and Tyson is indeed a fictional person. God bless you. You should read sometime. Its very enlightening.

        3. Truth teller

          why is it that all of you so called Christians are always focused on gay butt sex and usually it is you motherfuckers that are being prosecuted for touching little unsuspecting boys? you should be damn ashamed you KKK in sheep’s clothing stop hating so much you are going to hell for passing judgement you are hiding behind Jesus you “Behind Door Dick Takers” just come out of the closet or go kill yourself PLEASE it’s okay we won’t judge you!

        4. Robert Baker

          What can you say then about all the Catholic priests that have raped young boys for centuries?

          Everyones first mistake is the belief that Satan even exists. Yes, I know the opposite is usually preached but in reality forcing belief of “satan” or simply believing in satan actually gives this false entity more power than putting no belief towards it. Believe in only one God and stop giving this other thing so much credit.

          By the way I went to college for biblical studies and have read more versions of the bible than most people have. This includes versions before King James and all the other FALSELY EDITED editions which are nothing short of blasphemy.

          Also stop acting as if other perfectly legit religions are lesser than yours. AND FOR GODS SAKE STOP SPREADING SO MUCH HATE IN THE NAME OF RELIGION!

      2. Cinci Paul

        First of all i think this must be a complete joke, or who ever wrote this article is crazy. Just got back from bonnaroo 11, and many of the performers openly spoke of their love of the lord. Im saw people smoking the demon herb, and they were all very nice and cool. I didnt see any homosexual people having sex. I didnt even see any guys or girls kissing or anything like that. Bonnaroo was awesome, i would describe it as a musical carnival. It was to phrase the word a very good time.

      3. Barry Seal

        yet another unbeliever that can’t spell the word “naive”.you are most likely a proponent of “butt chugging” and “mouth sex”.Repent and save yr soul.hope to see u in heaven.god bless.

        1. Chels

          Barry! I would love to invite you to Bonnaroo with me and my 20 friends that go every year. We are going to share the love of “butt chugging” and “mouth sex”. This is the only reason we go! We chose to skip all the spectacular music and once in a life time experiences to spend our time fucking each other in the ear and sticking x as far up our ass as we can. After all, that’s the only reason anyone goes right? sure hope to see you there! :)


      you’ve never heard of them because they don’t exist. and if you send a tent of “jedi’s” (what is up with that?) i will walk up to all of them and blow pot smoke in there faces, so maybe they will just calm down, laugh and have cheese burger. also. the sticks in there asses might fall out.


      1. Cor. 13

        Who Is Yesha’yahu referring to in the prophesy written in verses 52-53? Also DANIEL spoke of Messiah coming before the destruction of the second temple? How would they both so accurately discribe Our Messiah Yeshua (Jesus) if not revealed to them by Adonai? They are your major prophets! If they are lying then you might as well throw out your bible. Who are they speaking of then? Please I Am open to youR reply. I am not scholar but I have been reading HIS Testaments. I am speaking with love and the utmost respect of Gd chosen people.

  2. Christian Intellectual

    Great investigative report, brother Tyson.

    These “festivals” are getting more and more sinister every day. Satan and his minions are using events like “Bonnaroo” to attack the morality of our great Christian nation.

    Why is this immoral festival legal ? Is our fascist dictator Hussein Obama behind this satanic african homogay rape orgy?.

    I will pray for the safety of all the innocent white children that attend this satanic ambush.

    1. Jesus's Stepfather

      Do you even kno the meaning of the word “fascist” , you hypocrite hippy acid-dropper. read the mission statement of this website you fucking fascist’s. You ppl dont kno what freedom is. You should all be forced to live together in a church and have orgies in the blood of Christ.

    2. goat

      Are you trying to imply that Jesus was white? Oh, and shove some x up your rectum, might brighten up your day.

      1. Christian Intellectual

        Revelation 1:14

        “His head and hairs white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes as a flame of fire;”

        1. John Matesanz

          maybe Jesus looked Middle Eastern and Hebrew …. just a historical hunch …. and as an uneducated, uncultured American, what would I know ….. but they all look middle eastern and Jewish over there in that part of the world …..

        2. Reread it and learn

          maybe you should reread it and go through some history. he lived in the middle east dumbass. i’m a firm christ follower, but this article is stupid, yet you are just as bad. he was of middle eastern decent, very much not white. and the version that you’re reading and claiming it says he was white was incidentally translated quite imperfectly by white men in england under king james. you claim the passeage states that he was white, yet it says he has white hair only and eyes of fire. “head and hairs” means the hair on his head and his beard, his skin is not mentioned because he was not a white man. sounds more to me like the passage depicted him bathed in the Lord’s holy light. now shut the fuck up and stop trying to use our faith to hide behind so you may act ignorant and pass your own judgement on others. may God have mercy on you and all others who presume to use his name in vain by saying you’re following his word when you’re presuming things yourself. THAT’S RIGHT SAYING GODDAMNIT ISN’T THE ONLY WAY OF USING THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN, USING HIS NAME TO SAY YOU FOLLOW HIM WHILE ON IN YOU’RE OWN TWISTED PATH IS EVEN WORSE YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH. I only wish you were truly an intellectual so that you would not have been another person giving us true Christians a bad name you dumb piece of hypocritical shit

        3. net troll

          obviously the good christian brothers are trying to say that jesus is a white american albino christian, and not the pacifist jewish exile from palastine that he really, was if he existed at all.

    3. Rev. Custer

      Brother Tyson, please bring the faithful’s attention to Lolapalooza, yet another gay-rape drug party that was popularly used as a platform to promote Devil music from bands whose names euphemisms for things worse than drugs

      – “Pearl Jam” (semen)
      – “Soundgarden” (a gay orgy full of wailing men)
      – “Mother Love Bone” (an incestuous reference to sexual relations with one’s mother)
      – “Green River” (drug name)
      – “Temple of the Dog” (self-explanatory!)
      – “Mudhoney” (Lesbian mud-wrestling surrounded by ejaculating penises)

      The list goes on and on!

      Perhaps you can expose Lilith Fair in a later article as well!

      1. el diablo

        you “preachers” should spend less time looking up these so called gay, drug and other supposed double inuendo band names and spend more time living under a rock… like my nigga J sus once told some nigga to write in some book… dont judge others…. biatch

      2. Reality Check

        For starters, Pearl Jam is named that because the lead singer had an Aunt Pearl who had a hobby of making various jam’s. What you need to realize is that a fair amount of bands go for names that have a nice ring to them when said. Nobody wants to buy an album from a band with a terrible name. Second, the popularity of these bands is what causes their band name to later have a separate meaning because of people who twist it. Jesus wasn’t white and even if he were what in the hell gives you the right to condemn others? Jesus said “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” since when is mere human free of sin? You aren’t. So before you go off on your high horse, READ THE BIBLE. You people may me sick of being a christian because all you do is preach up on your pulpits instead of actually caring about people. Jesus ate with the sinners, he walked with them, he CARED for them. He even went so far as to FORGIVE THEM. If you actually tried to be like Jesus then you wouldn’t be condemning everyone and everything, you would actually be trying to help people like the poor. Help someone who WANTS your so called “SAVING” instead of forcing it on people. In the bible Jesus won people over by how understanding and compassionate he was. NOT BY BEING A TREMENDOUS JUDGMENTAL DOUCHEBAG!

      3. youllgostr8tohell


      4. Dan T

        Oy, seriously? Could you please at least ATTEMPT being factual with your comments? I mean, the original post is hilarious and all, don’t get me wrong…but did you even try to find the real story behind these bands’ names? Or did your sole correct reference get you all excited and homoerotic for the rest of them?

        Pearl Jam is, indeed, a reference to semen. Of course, you never mention that they were originally named Mookie Blaylock, after the basketball player. Only after concerns over copyright issues did they change their name.

        Soundgarden is a reference to yard items that make noise when wind blows through them. It is NOT an orgy of gay men wailing. Where on earth did you even come up with that one? Project much?

        Green RIver was named after the serial killer at large when the band was being formed.

        Mudhoney was named after a movie of the same name.

        Temple of the Dog is a reference to a lyrical line in a song by the then-defunct band Mother Love Bone.

        Mother Love Bone’s name was completely random.

        Seriously. Please get your facts straight, instead of just looking stupid.

      5. Jenna

        Ahem….. I have been to many of these festivals. I have never EVER heard or seen any anal drug insertions, gay rape, non-consensual sexual activity. Everyone loves each other because that is the way it should be. People share every bit of their belongings, hug everyone they meet and see, and get along better than any church congregation I’ve ever been a part of. People should be able to enjoy music and good times meeting new people and making friends. That’s what god would want. Not some hating bible thumpers living in a time thousands of years ago where crusaders “for god” believed in killing people because it was “the right thing to do”. In a time when people were very uneducated and acted as heathens. Evolve people, or you will die in “eternal hell fire”… that is what jesus really meant when preaching to people. He would definitely attend a festival like Bonnaroo and would have himself a good ole time.

    4. Betterpersonthenthesechristians

      Sounds like you need to read your bible more because I don’t think Jesus ever put down anyone regardless of race. Did you ever let your kids get exposed to “Jesus loves the little children” because that would not be the right message according to your ignorant words. Regardless of your faith, you are going to hell because you are the worst, uncompassionate, and ignorant christian I have ever met. Obama is not straight out of Africa. We all, INCLUDING YOU, have African ancestors. Go to college, and not some naive christian school that doesn’t expose you to interesting and intelligent open people.

    5. FUCK YOU

      you are fucking satanic fuck face…what about the blacks, indians, mexicans and all gods other children. he did create all of us right? or did your choir boy raping “brothers” lie to me about that too. maybe you should read the bible.

    6. YouRAnIdiot

      The only thing more sinister and immoral is your obtuse, ignorant, and redneck view.
      The only thing you should pray for is that someone actually musters the courage to be in your disgusting presence.

      Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an a-hole.

        1. TysonBlowerz

          Tyson Bowers sent me an email asking me to send pictures of my unclothed anus! what going on here?! Is this christwire some kind of satanic gay rape dating site?

          f*ck you.

        2. Doog

          WOW you are fucking stupid.

          It clearly says You R An Idiot. You’re is a contraction for you are. R is short for are.

          You’re an ignorant fuck

          1. Reread it and learn

            thank you for understanding grammar. he is an ignorant fuck, obviously since he yet again tried to correct someone’s grammar and was wrong in trying to correct yours. and look i even knew not to put an apostrophe in the word “yours”

          2. net troll

            there is a wonderful book you should read for correct grammer it is called “eats, shoots and leaves” tyson, what do you make of this book i would be very interested to find out.

            luv da net troll

        3. Music over Love


          Where did you get your numbers from? Did you take a poll your self? How can your predict 15,000 + Anal induced pill poppings?

          1. If someone is going to altar their state of mind and they want to take a drug they should take it up their anus. Why do doctors give children and old people their medicine up their rear? So it will get into the body quicker.

          2. Your numbers are not real. You have no valid predictions. I have been to Bonnaroo (Bone-a-Kangaroo) 5 years now. Yes honestly there are some very wild nights / days at Bone a Kangaroo. It’s all about the music.

          Just because you feel that Drugs / Homosexuality / Premarital sex is wrong doesn’t mean you can put such a negative connotation on the whole event. The musical artists that are performing would not give you one moment of your time after reading your article. Which leads me to my next point.

          You think you are so high and mighty above everyone in this earth because you can define some slang terms that you believe about bands and their names? Yes there are some bands that may name their self after some slutty pig in the mud. But half of the band names you described are 100 percent wrong. You are truly not a fan!

          My last issue is your relationship with god. You are not a judge in court, and you are not the ultimate judge. When you stand in front of Jesus someday and you act as jesus’s right hand man? He won’t appreciate you taking on his role. Men and women were killed for Blasphemous acts in biblical days. You may know that because you read the bible so much though!

          Ask God what your role is. Don’t paint your own role. I’m packing up for Bonnaroo right this instant. I’m going to have a great weekend in Manchester as to all of my friends and I.

          You will never stop what is going to happen int his world. Read the bible more. The end times will consist of the worst times you will ever see. The world will only get worse.

          Please Don’t judge sir.

          Please don’t give parents a reason to take their kids dreams away.

          Please don’t touch little boys when you get them in your church van with candy.

          And please, come to Bonnaroo and see what it’s really like.

          1. JBean

            Bonnaroo is full of loving people who are not cursed by wicked judgement like you Tyson!

    7. Beautiful Black Woman

      Shut the fuck up! Ya’ll make all Christian’s look horrible and racist! If I ever figure out where you stay it’s gone be on like world war 2. Now go curl up with you bible and molest the little children in the back of the church at Sunday school, since your soooo HOLY kind is alway’s the only person on Nancy grace raping children. p.s. hopefully you guy’s got great government assistance cause your the dumbest people I’ve ever read about. Now have a wonderful day and see you later in the future on NANCY GRACE/swift justice.

    8. Dakota

      You should not call yourself a Christian, because i don’t know a single Christian that would pray for the safety of one particular race.

      I am going to Bonnaroo this year, and when i get back i will give you detailed accounts on all the drugs, satanic worshiping, sex, & everything else.

      It’s almost as if SOMEONE just wants to bash on kids wanting to go to a fucking music festival.

      This festival is NOT immoral, you my friend, are just an ignorant shitdick. Thank You.

    9. court

      your an idiot. festivals are for fun, friends and beer. and maybe some pot.. but when was the last time someone who was high beat there wife? no someone is high drive 10 miles under the speed limit and it only endangering a bag of cheetos.

      this website is such bullshit. no one gets raped at bonnaroo and it has nothing to do with the devil its a festival where people have fun.. or do you not remember what that is?

    10. Peter

      So you don’t care about any other kids except the white ones, huh?

      You guys are so far from being christian, it’s totally ridiculous.

      Oh, and I think you ran out of God’s words a long time ago.

      You should check in with your fellow “christian”, Harold Camping. The Rapture is coming!

    11. Bill Phelps

      This article is full of lies! I attended Bonnaroo several years and have good friends that go every year. Sure, there are drugs there, as there are in all societies, but talk of “Mouth sex”, gay rape and butt drugs? really? I have high morals and they didn’t suddenly leave me when I entered the gate. This article is full of unsubstatiated false data. If you are going to report, make it truthful. The festival is amazingly pieceful and full of good christians as well. Why is this an immoral festival? And then you mention “Innocent white children” so you’re a racists? How is this christian-like?

    12. Colin

      To “Christian Intellectual”.. you are by no means intellectual.. your a blind, racist, ignorant FOOL…!

    13. Mrs. Cook

      Who the fuck do you ppl think you are?? The black keys for God damn sakes rocks out in my car daily. If you were Christian then why do you judge people?? The story is fucking bull shit. We all do what we want. My higher power put music here for a reason. So quit playing your religious shit. Umm they have a Christian stage too

      1. notgettingajoke

        TBIII has obviously never read the crucible…

        those that believe the hate speech that these ‘good people’ are spewing are too far below for correction. please let them be ‘taken by their god’ without the slightest amount of attention, as they do not deserve it.

  3. Bonvolio Demanche

    Wow. You really are scary, you guys. Just the whites? Come on, you know you want to pray for them all! Go on. You can do it.

    Repeat after me.

    “God bless every living person, black or white.”

    See, the best bit is, your subconscious read that aloud, and everyone knows that prayers count even if you don’t say them out loud.

    1. Brian

      When your talking about people that go there, why did you have to point out blacks? Do you think there might be Chinese, Japenese,or Indians in the group somewhere?Thought this was a religous article…YOU ARE A RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so you don’t pray for people that are not your race?

  4. Reverend Putty

    I see Hell’s Harlot: Grace Jones will be there. She’ll probably be strutting around in one of those sinfully short skirts showing off her lasciviously long legs and luring both men and women alike into the lust filled, drug fueled, mud pits of moral abandon!


      1. Reverend Putty

        No I happen to just have a post high school education (Pat Robertson University)…

        BTW-I meant Grace POTTER not Grace Jones.

        1. Sunny D

          I’d follow GracE Potter ANYWHERE! And really, Pat Robertson University? What’s the matter, couldn’t get into the University of Phoenix Online?

    1. Treefrog

      Ooooh, seems like someone has a crush on Grace Jones’s mini-skirts and sexy legs! Better go repent for jacking off. 😛

  5. Frank Rizzo

    This can’t be a serious article right? Holy shit hahahahahahahahahaha. How the fuck do you get stats on how likely a girl is to have anal sex? This is fantastic, oh and hey, God doesn’t exist, stop wasting your time you disgusting fucks.

  6. The Hipstercrite

    This is really compelling data friends but I can’t sleep at night not knowing what the chance is that my son will engage in a mouth sex act. What am I to do?

    Praise Christ

      1. The Hipstercrite

        Is this really prudent with all the homosexuals in the military?

        Praise you TB3 and Praise Him

        1. Blanche Beecham

          We fired the homosexual Arabic translators, that is why the Bush administration couldn’t get the courier’s name and find bin Laden.

          We can’t have gays in the military, dolt.

      2. JesusFreak42784

        From what i hear from my friends who went to military school, mouth sex acts happen everyday and so do homogay orgies. That’s what happens when you put a bunch of hormone raging young men in a communal shower completely naked and devoid of female interaction.

          1. Balls Mahoney

            Really? Im pretty sure that all of the priests who commited such acts as rape on little boys all had Jesus in their life.

      3. JesusFreak42784

        From what i hear from my friends who went to military school, mouth sex acts happen everyday and so do homogay orgies. That’s what happens when you put a bunch of hormone raging young men in a communal shower completely naked and devoid of female interaction. Butt sex is what happens!

  7. Really?

    I hope this is a joke. As a STRONG and rather conservative CHRISTIAN I’ve been to Bonnarroo TWICE and several other similar shows. I love them.

    The music is fantastic, the people are actually incredibly friendly, and there are plenty of opportunities to witness, but mostly its an excuse to relax and enjoy some very talented musicians.

    Now of course, there is quite a collection of things there that I don’t agree with – perhaps a higher concentration than other areas in life. But this gay sex thing is off the reservation. Yes, there are some things there that are clearly evil. There are also lots of things clearly BEAUTIFUL in interesting art, cultures, etc.

    Christ didn’t command us to live on our own, he commanded us to live in the world. He went straight to the lost souls. He hung out with the lowest of the low, and he showed them compassion, impersonal love, and how to come to know our Lord and savior.

    This article is shameful and a perfect example of why so many people that NEED the word of God will never HEAR it because they see Christians exactly as you have stupidly portrayed yourself here. Would someone REALLY be ready to listen to the gospel if you had first just FALSELY trashed everything about them? This is blasphemy, this is judgmental, and it is completely, utterly USELESS and a terrible example of how to live as a Christian.

    This is a major problem with many Christians today, and a primary reason that lost people won’t hear the messages they need to hear, because “Christians” sit on their pompous white clouds casting judgement and threats of damnation freely around, and GROSSLY mis categorize the rest of the world. I ask you, how can you effectively carry the message of Christ to a world you don’t even understand????

    Sure, there are drugs, there are fringe things, and yes – I imagine a gay or two. I have never seen ANYTHING that showed the people at this or other shows to be any less or more unusual than anywhere else in society. That’s right – never saw any gay sex, wasn’t force-ably raped, wasn’t flirted with ONE time, and everyone I ran into were very nice warm, carrying people. We cooked food and broke bread together, we shared things we had and needed to make it by those few hot days in the sun. I actually was incredibly impressed by the general warmness and friendliness of everyone there – it was 100k instant friends, and I got PLENTY of very openly accepted opportunities to share my faith, and fantastic debate with folks BECAUSE I didn’t judge them. Know what I heard? “Wow, I wish more Christians were like you, most just judge and accuse and beat their bibles over your head like that somehow gets the message across.” I don’t know how many might have been led to the Lord, but seeds were planted.

    Oh, I met PLEEENNNTTTYYY of good Christians there as well. I got into a fantastic debate with a Krishna that really challenged his thinking.

    Oh, and about the mud – it’s a farm. In Tennessee, where it rains CONSTANTLY. There is a lot of mud. It was HILARIOUS. I think we could all do sometimes with getting in touch with the carefree kids we once were, playing in the mud. If you never experienced something like that, I feel sorry for you in that mud (and fun) are God’s creations as well.

    Sorry, but I frankly must say to you and anyone else that subscribes to this meaningless and counterproductive dribble, stop. At least for once in your life THINK for yourself, don’t condemn and blame, and listen for the voice of the Holy Spirit telling you where to go, and challenging your very contrary to the Word of God limitations that leave you unfit for His purpose.

      1. Really?

        Then I feel sorry for you, because if “you post a devil’s response” is the extent of your logical and reasoning abilities, you have far larger issues at hand.

        You can’t defeat reality with one-liner’s. Go to a college – a Christian college even, and take classes on logic, philosophy, etc – learn how to think, learn how to argue, pray for wisdom and the conviction to recognize truth from the ministry of the Holy Spirit. You will be surprised at what you can do.

      2. Gods Own

        I am glad I am no longer deluded by the Christian lies, Jesus was a Jew..why aren’t you..oh because you cling to something new..a delusion manufactured by you. Bonnaroo is a gathering of people enjoying life, some choose to do drugs, some choose to have sex. Sinful behaviors yes, but no more sinful than spreading lies to push your fantasy, or religion as you call it. 5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

    1. Rick

      Dear ‘Really?’
      If you only imagine a gay or two (a gay… really?), go ahead and imagine a hundred or two. We’re like cockroaches that way.

      1. Really?

        LOL… I have NO problem with who you are or choose to be. It is your choice. I have very close friends from all walks of life. We know we don’t share the same beliefs, and there are areas we don’t talk about – but there is a lot of common ground.

        Even Martin Luther said, “I would rather vote for a smart Turk than a dumb Christian.” If you read a discriminating remark in what I said, please accept my apologies. I was actually pointing out the fallacy in the arguments posited by this article and those that support it – that they wildly throw labels and one-liners responses and act like that is reason and logic.

        I’d be happy to number you or anyone else with a mutual respect for humanity and someone that is willing to have open discourse and discussion on any number of topics. We don’t have to agree on all.

    2. Satan Spawn

      I know, I know. I shouldn’t give it away… but… @Really… you realize this is satire, right?

    3. Treefrog

      If there were more Christians like you, I may have stuck with the whole joke I grew up with for a year or two longer. That’s a compliment, because my parents were bigoted fanatics who stifled any curiosity or freedom I tried to develop and called it rebellion even after I moved out at the age of 21. Not the way to encourage a child to ‘continue to grow in the LORD’ or whatever. Obviously, they hung out with the same sort of ‘Christians’ as the man who wrote this hilarious article. Thanks for being a voice of reason. :)

    4. RILLY DOE??

      you: reads this article & thinks, “really?! this guy’s GOT to be kidding… right?”

      me: reads your sincere defense of bonnaroo and thinks, “really?! this guy’s GOT to be kidding… right?”

      tony clifton: reads andy kaufmann’s obituary and thinks, “really?! this guy’s GOT to be kidding… right?”

      so in case you were wondering what the differences between me, you, and tony clifton were… if you were not wondering that, please disregard with my humblest apology.

  8. Really?

    Holy crap – that picture with the guys in mud and the naked girl is DOCTORED people! Fabrication of evidence is as much a LIE as telling a LIE outright. Shameful.

  9. Somebody Say Columbo

    I’d like to point out that the rapture is taking place on May 21st of this year, so nary ye worry. And for Christ’s sake, work on that grammar!

    Twenty three skidoo, ya fraidy cats!

    1. Tyson Bowers III

      Not my fault your liberal schools don’t teach you proper Grammar. Also, it could mean you’re a devil worshiper and Satan is blocking you from being able to read our message properly.

          1. fatheyzeus

            No, you spelled it “s-a-t-a-n”. It’s “s-a-n-i-t-y”. Sanity is blocking us from being able to understand your message correctly.

      1. Treefrog

        Or maybe the school that you went to spent too much time filing your head with worthless crap like this and not enough time teaching you the necessities of education. ^_^

  10. Someone

    What makes you think it’s doctored? Or have you never been to Bonnaroo? When the Satanic drum circles start up, women’s clothes disappear quickly!

      1. Someone

        Tyson, are you going to be leading drum circles again at Bonnaroo again this year? Yours were some of the most popular, you know. You have a fan base.

          1. Tom Maltese

            Tyson you sold me some of the best butt hash I’ve ever smoked in my life. when you first entered my asshole I knew at that moment that bonnaroo was best gay mud orgy festival I’ve ever been. see you again soon lova boy

          2. Goathead

            sure you have been there i saw you. and stop talking about me you know nothing of me or how i work. i dont make people do things they choose to i just ask them. signed yours truly the devil.

          3. Tysons gay lover

            Tyson and i stuck so much of satans drugs up our butts together at bonnaroo…. we were docking all night and missed the whole fest. he told me how he loves when a guy shits on his face then fucks him in the ass… very sensual man…. i love you tyson

    1. Really?

      Because of what I do professionally for a living I can spot it a mile away. Apparently none of you have ever been anywhere else in the world, either – live in the world, your tasks ordained by God to be lights unto the world will never be fulfilled with such self-righteous grandstanding, judgement, and condemnation.

      I find it amazing someone says that was a “devil’s defense” when the message was to stop the practices of self-righteousness and condemnation (judge not lest ye be judged?) and get off your pompous butts and take Christs message of salvation to those that need it. Some day should we reconcile our differences when the Lord calls us home, I look forward to the discussion we will have in Heaven. I pray for you that believe this way that you would actually use that thinkbox that God gave you, read the scripture, LEARN how to properly interpret it, and do f it is a devil’s defense to challenge believers to stop their self righteous judgemental behavior and to take Christ’s message of redemption and salvation to those that need it the most, then what in some actual good in God’s service.

      You will never preach to anyone but the choir with these self aggrandizing behaviors. READ the New Testament, a bunch of it is Paul’s criticisms of the early church and practices just as blasphemous as what is being posited here.

      You will never do any good service for the Lord, and all your works shall be counted as dust when called to account for them if this is the best you have to offer.

    2. Really?

      You sound no better than the woman hating bastions of false truth that try and shroud women in carpets in the Muslim world.

      God created woman and made her beautiful. She is his creation, one to be respected, appreciated, and admired – and a gift to the man deserving of her.

      To look down at a woman because she is naked is another form of self-righteous condemnation – it is God alone’s position to judge. Our job is to love and extend the grace of God in everything that we do, always being prepared to give a defense for the HOPE that is within us.

      Your messages are dark, doom, and dire. Who among the lost will be saved when you are completely and totally unapproachable?

      I look forward to having this discussion with those of you that are Christians in heaven… Please, find me.

        1. JesusLover

          Rev. Custer, Mr. Tyson Person, et all: I pray for you all. “Really” is the only person with any sense on this board. May God have mercy on your judgmental souls.

        2. Gods Own

          Only fools focus on the end when no man knows when it is coming, live life and stop lying its a sin!

  11. Popanator

    In that first pic it looks like that guy is covered in poopies!! MMMmm….. I would rub poopies off of each guy and lick the corn out of their shit!

      1. Really?

        I rest my case. If you think that this kind of talk will ever EVER win someone to Christ, you are more of an idiot than you prove yourself to be.

        Fools words. “Brother” Tyson, shame on you. It is God’s responsibility to judge, but Christians still need to be able to discern truth from evil. Your words are *pure* evil, contrary to everything the Word of God is about.

        1. sack junkie

          if you think that popanator’s comment was serious than you both need to take yourselves less seriously. By the way Tyson, has anyone ever told you that you kind of look like the devil in that picture?

      2. Really?

        Goof – Satan is not the keeper of hell, it is his place of condemnation where he will be cast with the others who reject God’s truth.

          1. JBean

            in the Bible it say some who are certain in this lifetime that they will walk in heaven will not be there and some whom you may not expect to see will be there! This I think is one of those cases. you are doing more harm to God’s almighty name than any good! Please, as a Christian do NOT speak of God or Jesus anymore Rev. Custer or Tyson. You do not seem to know Jesus and have shown more sin in this article than any “Good Advice.” And by the way… God gave all his children freedom of choice! DUH!

  12. WhatTheWhat

    Is this website real? I mean, seriously. This is a totally legit question. Is this supposed to be satirical? Seriously. I really hope this is whole site is a joke, because… seriously????

    1. Stacy Mobacy

      Sorry to say but these ppl really think they are preaching the word of God…. They just need serious medication. Life is funny though. All of their children are secretly gay behind their backs and hate their parents, lol. Irony is how God shows his humor in crazy ppl’s lives who promote hate like this website.

        1. Really?

          This is a serious question, I would honestly like to know: What is your doctrinal statement? How are you “saved?”

        2. abs

          Some preacher you are… God doesn’t condemn. He loves everyone just the same even with their faults. He wouldn’t tell people to burn.

          1. Rev. Custer

            That’s what the pagans and unsaved would like you to believe, so that you will not turn to the Lord God, Jesus Christ, for salvation.

      1. hillary pokrywka

        well said buddy! i seriously cant beleieve the hate ang ignorance on this webpage, it shoudnt be legal to write articles that have NO TRUTH WHATSOEVER in them. this article is complete bullshit and u crazypeople (Tyson)have no idea what u are talking about.iseriously feel bad for the people who believe this and the people that run this site haha. i thought jesus was about love not hate!

  13. Really?

    Tyson, you are a preacher, really? I would love to hear your credentials and what makes you fit to preach the Word of God. Please enlighten us.

      1. Chuck

        Have you ever been? No. No you haven’t. I have and I’m a conservative christian. And none of this happens haha.

        1. Rev. Custer

          By “Christian” do you mean you’re Catholic, because it makes sense that way. Idolater.

          1. Roman Catholic

            So are you damning all Catholics to hell as well?

            And I felt that this Johnathan Edwards-esqe mis-guided screaming was bad enough.

            I pray God will give you the clarity and patience necessary in your life to realize the harm you are causing with these blasphemous words. It’s this sort of hate that makes me embarrassed to call myself a Christian, and associate with people such as yourselves.

            This must be a Westboro Baptist Church outlet, because that is the only group capable of such hate and enmity.

          2. LoveisFREE

            I am apalled by this website and the comments lefton it. “Really?” is the only person who has made any kind of sense. I am a Christian and I will be attending Bonnaroo in 24hours, Bonnaroo is supposed to be about peace and love. It is a place to share with people, to listen and to be heard. As christians we are called to love and speak in love. There is nothing in this article that is remotely close to loving people in any way at all. I have only read messages of comdemnation and preaching of hellfire. There are people who have commented who are obviously strong christians, and instead of embracing them as your brothers and sisters in Christ, you condemn them to hell and call them Idolaters. It is because of “christians” like yourself dear Rev. Custer that non-beleivers shy away from faith.Reading your comments made my stomach turn. At every moment in life we are given the choice to love and share the joy we have in Christ and you would clearly like to sit alone on your throne of righteousness and sling messages of hate. I hope at some point you stop judging and choose to act and react in LOVE. “The greatest of these is love”.

  14. Really?

    His proctologist just called, they just found his head. To even make reference to heroin is lunacy here. While there may have been some there (1-2), if you knew anything at ALL about drug and drug culture, you would know that the primary drug is pot, and heroin is largely out of “style.” Ecstasy “up the butt” is an urban myth.

    There are even fringe elements in the drug war, too. First step to waging warfare (spiritual or otherwise), know your enemy. You epic fail every instance. I’m a very strong Christian with strong faith, and largely conservative. I also happen to have a keen knowledge of “the enemy” and what we need to do to meet them on their terms. I’d be happy to talk to you any time. Ultimately, you have the right “heart” in this, but all the wrong techniques and a very skewed perspective on doctrine. I’m no preacher and I see that very clearly.

    At this, case closed. I hope someone sees and reads what is here and sees both of us for who and what they are, and they get true conviction of spirit. If Christian and to your line of skewed thinking, hopefully they will see that the grace of God is what provides salvation. If they are unbelievers, hopefully you haven’t poisoned them further. God knows. I look forward to continuing this discussion once all truth is revealed some day in heaven – assuming of course you are actually a Christian – people with these skewed of beliefs frequently misinterpret salvation as well. I pray for those that think they are saved but have fallen for bastardizations of truth like this. I feel very sorry for those that will have to come to terms with their failure to believe what God told us to do to earn salvation.

    Good night, God bless…

  15. fatheyzeus

    That was the funniest thing I’ve read all day! Thanks, Tyson. One question: how is it you know more about being gay and gay slang than most gay people? Just curious.

    Hint: You don’t need to warn straight people about the horrors of being gay, because heterosexual people don’t want to have sex with people of the same gender. Pretty straight forward, really.

  16. Leah

    Please either learn how to read and write or hire a copy editor. And a fact-checker, while you’re at it.

        1. JBean

          HEY AUGUST!!! I’m a Conservative all the way. I think you need to call Mark Lavin and have him knock some sense into your retarded head! Please do not claim to be a conservative! You give us all a bad name! ROCK ON BONNAROO and watch out for the crazies on the outside of the festival!

  17. Paul

    This site has to be a joke right. Not gay but , someone (you know) who has a site against gays, have way way too much time on there hands. Do i think this will be posted NO, but really. The header image looks like you guys are way TOO clse so. How about fighting something Americans care about, and post something about you guys not bombing us.


    REALLY, PEOPLE NEED TO GET OFF THE INTERNET AND TEACH THEIR KIDS RIGHT. (Oh yeah and the guy in the banner blew me last night in the alley).

  19. Marc

    Tyson Bowers, you are a fucking idiot. This article is a gross exaggeration of a festival that celebrates music and other fine arts. You are an ignorant bastard. I loathe people like you for their closed minds and damning ways. When you look in the mirror, do you see a good and righteous man? I doubt it. You’re moral compass is severely skewed, and if you think that people who celebrate choices they have made on their own free will (the same free will that the Lord grants all human beings) shall be damned to eternal fire, I will pray for your soul. Indeed, you are a hideous manifestation of an ultra-conservative false prophet who preys on fear. You are more guilty than any of those who participate in this festival.

      1. Rococo

        I agree with Marc in that your article was written without taste. The way you worded things was very offensive. You could have been more “text book” instead of putting things in such gross terms.

    1. Jimmy Z

      He has exaggerated nothing. We are all guilty of doing these things at the festival. We can’t help but participate in the hedonism and roll in the mud. The drugs and rape are what make the music so great.

    1. Bruce Danus

      You crazy homogays have the strangest fetishes. Why would anyone wish to have another human eat their diarrhea? You are sick and need God in your life.

      1. Rhy Kno



  20. Strider

    WOW! Bonnaroo sounds awsome. I’m gonna have to go this year, Thank you for your support. I’ll get your good word out to all that I can.

    Praise to the roo gods.

  21. Jimmy Z

    I’ve been to Bonnaroo 8 years straight and this is exactly what goes on down there. Thank you, for laying out the truth for everyone to see here. Sometimes, the seedy facts are hard to swallow. Sometimes, they are too big to take in.

    1. Ice Van Winkle

      Jimmy, thank you for sharing. These dangerous recruiting festivals clearly lead to homosexuality, but did you know that they can also lead to flag-burning, feminism, and Islam?

      1. Rev. Custer

        Good Lord in Heaven.. is there no end to the sin festival that is Bonnaroo??

        I can see the connection to Islam there because they’re cavorting in the mud like Mahomet and his camel jockeys, but how does it lead to flag-burning..

      2. Dakota

        Feminism? What then fuck is wrong feminism? Enlighten us, please?

        Also, if you don’t like homosexuality so much, do not take part.

        I have no idea who you are, or why you weren’t blessed, and shown love as a child (obviously you weren’t, or you wouldn’t have so much hate in your heart.) Im praying for you.

  22. In the name of White Jesus and All Great White Men that Came There After

    Tyson your pretty obsessed with male assholes. Thats pretty weird. Sounds like someone is really into sodomy of their own kids. I bet thats what you do too, you sick fuck. It sounds like Bonaroo is going to be an awesome time according to your article. Im meeting up with Obama and Biden, and we are going to praise Satan and give money to the Democratic party. But before we get to the festival grounds, were gonna get sucked off 10 times before i get there.

    Your such a dipshit Tyson. I cannot believe stupid people like you are allowed to breathe in America. By reading this article, your retardedness set me back a few years in my development.

    You give Christians a bad name, and i dont know what bible you read, because every person is worthy of God’s blessing.

    With that said, please do the world a favor and kill yourself. It would be a better place. Just apologize to your kids or parents, and tell them im sorry for being worthless.

  23. Satan

    My plans are finally underway for bonnaroo this year there will be plenty of butthole hash too smoke ill be handing out nails and crucifixes, everyone should collect my tears tho cause its the most fire lsd youll ever take…. that “christian” tyson is my personal butthole sex slave so much so that he shits pancakes now that is solid opium…. praise all gods of all faiths and all humanity and fuck all of you for judging someone cause your all retarded and your slowing down our society as a whole and no america is NOT a christian nation there is something called the first amendment fuck heads freedom of religion….. no religion is right we are all right together so go get your priests dick out of your ass and actually read the bible like an intelligent person and think for youself not what others before you have told you to think. Peace out im about to sacrifice a chicken and fuck your virgin daughters… peace and love
    love your dark lord satan

  24. Marc

    Tyson, you never addressed the “free will” issue. Certainly it isn’t Communist to believe in free will, is it? Do you aspire to be like those great evangelists who have come before you?

    If so, I bet you love the preaching of Ted Haggard. You know, the former president of the National Association of Evangelicals. He had to resign because was regularly visiting a male prostitute who also provided him with meth. Word is out that Teddy-meth has started a new church. You should check it out. I bet y’all can discuss all sorts of things including your battle with being a closet homosexual. Don’t worry though, if you feel down I bet your evangelical brother can provide you with some uppers.

  25. Doogles

    I wasn’t gonna go this year but all this sounds absolutely wonderful. I hope all your daughters “make mouth sex” with me in the M.U.D. during a “drug light show” while im practicing “black magic” with some “homogays”… shouldnt your ministry be passing out aids to africa?

  26. The Lord

    Whos down with G-O-D!?!?! Yea you know me. Tyson thank you for preaching the truth. These hippies are truly Satan praising maniacs.

    All these kids going to see that Sound Tribe Sector 9. Thats just a code name to get in Satan’s spaceship. Its just like a Star Wars movie, except everbody is rolling on that MDMA and tripping nuts on that LSD with nothing but wookies, robots, and other space creatures,blowing down on that demonic Satan sugar with Bill Maher and Obama.

    And whats with this Widepsread Panic? Everybody is tootin that cocaine and drinking Jack Daniels? What in my name is their singer even saying up there?

    And then you got this Bassnectar. It looks like cousin It from the Addams Family is making robots and transformers partake in brutal rape of humans. What in my name is a Basshead anyway? Its probably some codename those E tripping teenies give to others filled up with that Nitrous Oxide.

    Yes indeed Bonaroo is full of evil black magic. Thank you for preaching the truth Tyson.

    You stupid fuckstick.

  27. jish

    what an ass you are or are you just trying to be funny?
    you certainly have some pretty exotic fantasy’s and colorful language for a “christian” who is so against these things.
    you clearly have never been to these events or are truly delusional. i’ve been going to festys for years and have never encountered ANY of the mud orgies man rapes or otherwise. it’s called being high and playing like a free loving child in the mud. man rapes happen in jail asshole not festivals where groups of naive teenage friends go together as a unit to party JUST LIKE THEY WOULD AT COLLAGE PARTIES. MAYBE IT’S THE COLLAGES YOU IDIOT. your perverted perspective is majorly skewed either from to much tv or other personal trama. …defiantly a decadent place, but nothing like your delusions/lies suggest. maybe you should actually go there before you make up ridiculous lies “in the name of god” which is SATANS WORK.

    LIES are LIES


    1. e-van

      oH NOES, now the homo-gay happens at collage parties. Whatever next? Will Satan’s minions infiltrate the decoupage parties? Or, is it too late?

  28. Jason

    is this a joke? is any of this real? Cause after 4 Bonnaroo’s, this is the most hilarious thing i’ve ever read in my entire life. I would never, snort heroine, practice black magic, or have sex with dudes. I wouldn’t judge anyone who does because Jesus and every other religion says not to but i guess that’s beside the point, and assuming that this is actually real, and not the most hilarious piece of style writing i’ve ever read.

  29. Shablagoo

    Rev. Tyson, we should take a journey, you and I, to the magical lands of Wakarusa. There we will blast off on some DMT and ask God face to face how he feels about this whole situation.

  30. The Devil's Best Friend

    What a fucking joke.. Take that bible of yours and shove it right up your ass :) Fuckin’ homo yourself I bet.. So believing in god gives you the right to make up shit, put down others, and think you won’t be in hell?

    You’ll be in hell having the devil hold you down and put MDMA tablets and hits of acid in YOUR ASS! GET READY BUDDY!

  31. JesusFreak42784

    As a Homogay from Wiscon”sin” I have never snorted heroin or participated in black magic rituals, and ever exposed children to things they have not already been exposed to by their relatives (which i guess really isn’t saying much). I’ve also never heard of a Hipper Hopped star or cracked coke canes (though that sounds interesting though of no use to me since they have a crack in them). Also there are no kangaroos in Africa (at least not wild ones) so really they concern should rest on the aboriginal people of Australia who actually might be able to get close enough to a Kangaroo to rape it and fall in love. I must admit, you have opened my eyes to a whole new world that I’ve never known existed and am now curious as to where I can sign up. And i’m telling all my friends and I’M TAKING MY KIDS WITH ME.

    1. Neoconstipated

      I’ll bet you’re part of the WisconSIN Homosexual/labor Complex that s trying to undermine that faithful servant of the Lord, Gov. Scott Walker.
      Pray for Gov Walker.
      He is guided by God’s Divine Will. He proposes modest adjustments to the labor fabric but you lieberals won’t allow it. Who wants positive budget surpluses and jobs trickling down to all? Not WisconSIN’s homogay/labor complex.
      I should have wrote “…trickling down to all that choose to work.” Get a job, liberals, not carry signs and besmirch a true Christ Witness like the Honorable Scott Walker.

      1. JesusFreak42784

        I’m familiar with Gov. Walker. I met up with him at the wayside of hwy 51 and sucked him off in the bathroom for $300. It was hush money.

      2. Rhy Kno

        separation of church and state….you probably think black people are inferior as well. you need to get a life and realize that “IF” god is real and he is the way everyone says he is, he wants us to be happy…he made us the way he wanted to and thats how we turned out…you obviously went down the less intelligent assembly line when you were “CREATED”

        1. Tyson Bowers III

          “Separation of church and state”? Are you gunna say this is in the constitution? Please learn before you open you mouth.

          1. JBean

            God does not like people that are cruel, racist and who speak for him. There is one God and you are not him. Please think before you open your mouth because you are polluting the Almighty’s name!

  32. Cory

    Great job driving people away from Christianity. You obviously have a keen sense of how to “spread the word”. You should probably try to open your mind a little bit and consider both sides of everything before making hasty assumptions about something that you have never experienced.

  33. I'mAwesome

    hahaha! wow! You are either a satirical genius or the biggest idiot on the planet! Either way this article has to be the funniest thing I have EVER read in my entire life! I really really hope that people don’t take this seriously, this could be dangerous to people who have been brainwashed into believing whatever the Church tells them. Hope to see some of you at Bonnaroo this year! Cant wait to give oral sex to strangers and bang a Kangaroo in the mud!

  34. Ens


    I truely love Jesus, but I hate him being depicted as a longhaired hippy in a gay kind of robe. I’d love to update alot of imagery, so Jesus with be depited with a crewcut and a nice three piece suit.

  35. truth

    Tyson, it doesn’t seem like you can voice you opinion on something you have never been to, or never will go to. I live 10 minutes down the road from Manchester, TN which is where Bonaroo is held. Yeah, there is drug activity going on, but seriously where is that not happening. Bonaroo may have some “lost” people, but Christian extremists like you go about reaching people in a terrible way. People like you say everyone at Bonaroo will “burn in hell like Jerry Garcia and Jimi Hendrix” which is definately not going to help. Nobody is going to welcome you with comments like that. If you want to help people do things like the Church I grew up in. They go to Bonaroo and hand out water, and if the people will listen they tell them their message, but they don’t say you’re everyone is going to burn in hell and because they attend some music festival. And for you to come up with the statistics listed above is absolutely ridiculous, and kind of funny actually. Nobody is having mud orgies and ass raping people, sounds more like some sick fantasy you have to me. You’re probably like one of those “Holy” Catholic priests who get turned on by young boys, and just can’t get that out of your twisted head. Peace.

  36. ronman

    woooo mr. tyson i bet you smoke DMT and fuck alien bitches in hyper space. let em gyrate on that thing going at light speed. awhhhh yea!


    The fuck? Is this article serious? I’ve been to Bonnaroo, and stand as a saved CHRISTIAN, and I have never participated, or seen any of these acts mentioned above. What a bunch of holier-than-thou bullshit. Get off of your high throne and realize that the only way to appeal to other people in terms of religion is to show them love and compassion, as I believe God shows us all, no matter our faults. Bonnaroo is just a festival. That is it. Such as Walmart is a grocery store. Do you see ‘blasphemy’ occurring in there, too? I’m sure you do, but I’m also sure your head is shoved too far up your own asshole to acknowledge it so you find other things to hark about.

    WOO ROO ’11! Who’s with me!?

      1. revs butt boy

        Hey rev why did you never call me after you fucked me in the ass? you came so hard i kept it inside for hours

  38. Pingback: if this isn’t a quadruple facepalm read! | 100% free

  39. Staci

    awwwwwwww yeah im from wiscon”sin”!!!!!!!!!!! i love the black keys they are some of the best drugs around. i plan on smoking a lot of magical pot (it is indeed magical, you are correct on that one) and being a crazy slut whore :) :) :)

    1. Reverend Putty

      You would have to be stoned to enjoy “The Black Keys”, is it considered trendy now to really suck on guitar? Dirty, unwashed neo-hippies have no concept of quality music and I could create a better drum sound with oil drums, cookware and paint buckets.

      1. JBean

        that is your opinion of music and God gave people free will to choose. I would rather have a hippie living next to me than you. You have clearly estranged morals and I bet you would burn a cross in my yard. Crazies!

  40. Dick Sorbet

    My wife has a Hello Kitty tat that covers her whole fig entrance, and when I’m all the way up inside her, it looks like Hello Kitty has a fuckin’ beard. Other than that, I believe your report is father from the whole “suspended disbelief” thing – than my whole Hello Kitty tale. Stick to keepin’ to yourself kid. 😉

  41. Jesus is Dead

    Jesus is the greatest lie ever told. You can’t prove he even walked the earth. Just because you have a book that says he did, well I guess it must You spend your whole life dedicated to a belief that isn’t even true. Talk about wasted time. Seriously, Adam and Eve must of had pet dinosaurs. Buddhisim is where it’s at. We love everyone, even the close minded so called christians. It’s a shame that you self proclaimed Christians can’t seem to practice what you preach. The good news is that there are fewer and fewer people turning to the church and starting to actually live there life the way it was meant to be. Life is short so have as much fun as you can before you go. Maybe one day you will get a clue

    1. JBean

      I completely agree! Here is another Christian that attended Bonnaroo right here. I had a wonderful time. No sex. No drugs. No anus anything. Great music, great people. I think you are turning more people away from whatever it is that you are trying to push than any good. God would be ashamed of your rude, indecent and uneducated (CLEARLY) rants.

  42. thereisnogod

    I don’t think I have ever read a more poorly written propaganda piece. Clearly, the data is made up as there is no way to actually measure the factors you are presenting. The fact that you want to inflate the 2011 statistics as much as you are doing makes you and all that you do a sham. Really, grow up.

  43. John Matesanz

    First on the agenda, your grammar is atrocious, your spelling is poor (your word editor doesn’t have spell check in this day and age?) and your information is so poorly researched that any human capable of frontal lobe functions would have to ask them selves, “really?”. Your form a “Christianity” does religion a GRAVE disservice. People like you killed Jesus. You might as well be a Muslim extremist.
    I’ll leave milk and cookies out 8 days from now.

  44. thinker

    um…really?? really?? this has to be a joke. are there seriously people out there that are this dumb? i hope you are just really good at staying in character Tyson. if there are really people out there that think like this, i think i may have just lost all faith in the human race. this is why i pray for an asteroid, or some crazy world-wide cataclysm. so that people like you, Tyson, will be washed away with the rest of the trash.

  45. trey dey

    ok a haven for drugs… MOST ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY… as for the gay sex and constant orgies, well theres about just as much of that going on in any of your churches at any given time envolving catholic priests and little boys under the age of 10 as there is at bonnaroo… oh yeah and by the way you fucking embesel… its called BONNAROO because it was founded my the BONNER family who to this very day still own the property of where it is held… so i sugest for one that you do some research before you speak on anything, and for two if you do decide to attend yourself… dont get caught… the BONNER family reserves the right to kick the ever livin shit outta you and charge you with trespassing if they damn well please

  46. YouShouldBeAshamed

    So what you’re saying is that God messed up and made Gay people? But aren’t you the same people that tells the world God is infallible and makes NO mistakes? Which one is it? He either made Gay people and wants you to accept them, or God can make mistakes and is no better than any human walking the earth.

    Also, you should be ashamed of how you’re representing Christianity. This religion has come a long way from its origins as a passive cult way back when Jesus of Nazareth walked this earth. Now it’s grown from a cult of just 12 apostles to over 2 billion followers and you still can’t get it right. Especially with all those greedy men changing the bible when they feel they need to protect their own interests and slapping Jesus or the name of God onto some proverb. Nice work there. So glad your cult became so successful. It seems more appropriate to say that you’re raping your own religion by dominating and oppressing everyone that isn’t a white male.

    And lastly, spell check, grammar check, and an editor to proofread your work before you publish it to the internet is your friend. Highly recommended, indeed. Cause if your own words don’t make you look like an unintelligent ass, that will.

    God Bless.

  47. A3rdpast4

    Ha. hahaha.ha, i can’t stop laughing.Who gave this guy the right to judge others he don’t even know? on that note, who does this guy think he is? does this guy deserved to even be heard? or even acknowledged?.. i see god still makes Idiots

  48. MT

    Message to the author: You are a mother fucking idiot. Way to exploit a harmless, PEACEFUL, music festival. Your lack of good judgment makes you the devil. Hahahahahaaha.


  49. Abs

    I have to say that I had no idea that kangaroos were indigenous to Africa. Get your facts right, you ranting idiot. There are so many more things wrong with this article that I could point out, but I don’t want to spend a half hour correcting your pathetic opinion essay.

  50. Amy

    “Cracked Coke Cane” ??? Obviously the author of this article has no knowledge of his subject matter whatsoever. In my opinion, you cannot criticize what you do not completely understand. Ignorance is a sad scary thing… Particularly when people are so unaware of their own ignorance….

  51. Rhy Kno

    Wow maybe you should go a festival and see for yourself. if there really is all this going on i have missed it all, and thats pretty hard considering im a photographer for these events. This is exactly why religion is going to bring this world to the ground. you all just believe what ever you are told, the bible was right when is says you are all sheep. dumb and blind sheep.

  52. David Koresh

    I have seen the light, praise Christwire. No longer will I attend Bonnaroo for the homosexual gay orgies full of anal drugs?!

    Seriously who raised you? Jim Jones? Did you not drink enough of the Kool-Aid? wow, just wow.

    Articles like this are so comical to anyone who reads them, even devout christians (which I am certainly not, I’m atheist b/c of people like the author)

    a 16 year old at bonnaroo who’s snorted an 8 ball and is one doses has more sense that half of you christwire nutbags

  53. Ashley

    Personally, I am shocked at this article. There is gay rape at these festivals?! There is…dare I say it…Satanic practices??
    Even my mother, a 40-year old “god-fearing Christian” is attending Lollapalooza with me, another one of these vicious festivals. How could we have been so ignorant?
    Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to take an extra hit on the ganga weed for you. Oh, and I’ll definitely be performing plenty of “mouth sex” the entire time. The ENTIRE TIME, since there really is no such thing as “Lykke Li” or “Explosions in the Sky,” but only variations of drug names. Yeah…try to search these names on iTunes sometime. Be ENLIGHTENED! HALLELUJAH!

  54. Feel it


    1. Bruce Danus

      What manner of devil’s speak is this??? You must be one of those poor hipped hopper’s from this festival still in a gay-induced drugs haze from all the anal drug taking before the mud orgies, is this correct? If so, please head directly to the nearest emergency room to have your stomach pumped, then head to your nearest Church to have all the sin and Satan pumped out of your soul.

  55. Rococo

    You should be ashamed of yourself. Your article is full of judgement, racism, sexism, and ignorance. If you call yourself a man of God, you are a hypocrite and you do not know God at all. You are blind to your own sin.

    God hates the sin yet loves the sinner. God plainly teaches in His Word, The Bible, that no man is to judge another because only God is in position to judge (Do you remember the story of Jesus saving the prostitute from being stoned to death for her sins? You may want to reread that one). You have written this article full of judgement and hate towards people you don’t even know and on a topic you have no first hand knowledge on.

    And where are your sources to prove your statistics and graphs? Because everything you say in your article sounds so far fetched that I don’t believe it at all. I am sure that some of the things you mention go on at events like this. But not everyone who goes participates in such acts.

    And have you done any research on the bands you listed off at all???? First of all, I have never heard of a drug referred to as “arcade fire”. The band, Arcade Fire, is a phenomenal band that just won Album of the Year at the Grammy’s this year (so much for being “unheard of”). And the lead singer of the band, Win Butler, comes from a Christian background. Many of their songs have religious references and talk about the the complexities of the human heart. (Their song “Neighborhood #3 – Power Out” mentions that “the power’s out in the heart of man.” He acknowledges the darkness of humanity and wishes for “the light” to come back.)

    To sum it up, I suggest you get to know the gracious and accepting God who LOVES ALL SINNERS and learn to leave the judgement of others to God. I also suggest that before you write another article, do some research and site your sources.

    P.S. Did I mention that I am attending Bonnaroo this year? I’m also a straight young woman who loves God and is the daughter of a pastor.

    1. Rococo

      HA. Ok. So, after posting my comment I did my own research and found out that this is a satirical site. Man, you got me. I just stumbled across this article and was like “Oh good god, another psycho right winged ‘Christian’.” And jumped into argumentative debate mode. If I had known it was a joke I would have laughed and rolled my eyes, because I know people who actually think this way. It’s ridiculous. Anyway. Joke’s on me! haha

  56. lol

    your name sounds like bruised anus…everyone needs to back off this site and expecting that your thoughts will be heard by these people. they have a very strong belief in what they preach and will not have their beliefs changed by comments on here because their thought process is that all their beliefs are backed by their religion and everything that opposes what they believe can be defended by their religion and God, who they believe created these beliefs. people who comment against them clearly know that they are judgmental and need a reality check but unfortunately they will not get one anytime soon so save your breath and enjoy your free lives because we all know these people aren’t. your arguments are just feeding the flame and your hate for them is just pushing them to be more judgmental. it is unfortunate that they are so stern with their beliefs and will never accept or even consider opposition and debate because to them it is blasphemy, but there’s nothing that can be done.

    On a positive note, they are extremely obnoxious and ridiculous with their way of “spreading the word of God”, so hopefully no one is stupid enough to learn from them and instead hopefully people are just as repulsed by this as I am.

    1. Bruce Danus

      Dear lol, I would appreciate it if you refrained from making fun of my family name before going into a rant that can only be compared to something that Ted Kaczynski aka “the unabomber” could type.

  57. ameerkat

    This article seems quite harsh. I did have a bit of a chuckle when i noticed the bar graph showing the chances of a daughter giving mouth sex ….lol….where did you get these numbers? And the meaning of bonaroo being tied to sex….wow….. lets be real my friend! It is clear that you are not a fan of the festival scene but that does not mean you have the right to go around and bash and generalize. Being a festival goer myself i would say that some of these so called “crazy” people are some of the most generous, kind, open minded people you will ever meet. You say you walk with god and are holy but are wiling to put another group of people down. I wish you would have gotten your facts straight before you posted such a negative misleading article. Next time if you do not have something nice or true to say….DO NOT SAY IT!

    Thank you and have a good day sir :)

  58. Bone a Roo

    I love sarcasm!

    Tyson, you are a God among men! Thank you for helping to sell out bonnaroo this year! Without you, people might not know how much FUN we are having!

    Bruised Anus… you are pretty cool too

    For those of you thank think he is serious, no way. The entire site is a satire.

    Oh, and if you guys say I’m wrong. I will smite you! Show some sources and references to your “stats”

  59. Lee Allen Venters

    thank you so much for putting the mosst mindless in yet hillarious christian blather ive ever heard on this website? you give me an example to show to anyone what kind of people our holding the race of man back its people like you who still think you have a say in america as conservatives persucuting anybody for anything that isnt cristian your as closed minded to imply every kid shoves pills up there ass to get high. man grow up. your negating everything about a beautiful harmless festival that brings you if anything closer to god than anything you could say. have you ever thought your life was pointless. work everyday and worship and have faith in a higher being and stay in line and dont talk back and youll go to a magic happy place. i hate to say it.. but this is all fabrication of man.. to keep you in order and not think for yourself. you know why drugs are illegal? because you and you other christian nazis are making money of drug crimes. small towns and hick ass conservatives make me sick. raise your kids to think for themselves do the world a favor. when it comes down and you realise its all a sharade and you’ve been lead over the cliff…maybe then you’ll thank me.

  60. Brennon

    Go ahead and make up some crazy ass shit about bonnaroo. Your just like westboro baptist church your hated and what you say makes us do the exact opposite. So keep advertising for bonnaroo i will laugh my ass all the way to buffalo springfield so neil young can laugh with me! Fuck your religion it embarasses the very thought of religion.

    1. Reverend S. Mutt

      I will pray for you. By the way Bonnaroo is sold out. I can get some tickets for you but it will cost extra.

  61. Wow

    Wow.. I am 28/m, I used to do the drugs, have sex with people I hardly knew, I was and still am a sinner (minus the drugs and random sex). I am now saved and am completely frustrated at the fact so called “Christians” would write this. I am disappointed that we would use words and phrases we don’t understand the meaning. I am sick of self righteous “Christians” not standing up for Christ who we are supposed to represent. I think it’s degrading and selfish to post such a disgusting page of nonsense. If you had any education or any sense of discipleship, you could have written this in a much more educated and professional way. God Bless the MORON who wrote and approved this message.

  62. Martha

    I have a question…

    Is this a real website? This isn’t a joke? Please just let me know, because it seems like a parody. I would have a hard time believing that someone actually believes this/ would type things like “milk sacs and baby door” or “brown muscle” if they were trying to make a legitimate point. Rhetorically, that’s just ridiculous.


  63. CheesePuff

    This article is stupid! I’m going to bonarroo this year. I’m not gay and I don’t do crack! Im also against “sex piles”. The author of this article is crazy and just some old religious freak who is sining just as much as anyone else! Blacks! Gays! That sounds to me like it has a bit of racism. God allows us to make our own decisions, and were all aware of the consequences!
    And Kangaroo Boning?! What are you thinking? Where in the US is there a kangaroo? I’m also positive no one is raping kangaroos in Australia either! Get a life.

    1. CBurgess

      Just like many people have stated before me, this article and conversation is simply ridiculous. For the condemners and closed minded people, all this hate is absolutely unnecessary. It is people like you that are detrimental to society. I do not understand why you feel the need to be so abrasive and rude. Just because you don’t agree with what someone does, that does not mean you can bash them and commit verbal hate crimes with your words on this site.

      Now, I am sure you are just going to say that I am some satanic person whose vision is clouded with a haze of sin, but actually I am indeed a Christian — an Episcopalian to be exact (although, our tradition is similar to Catholicism, so I am quite sure you hate us anyways). I am not telling you to agree with a different set of beliefs or even asking you to attend this or any other show, I am just asking for a little bit of respect, tolerance, and educated understanding. I truly believe all we need is love. Just as Jesus tells us in John: “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples.” From the messages left on this blog and all the unjust condemnation, I don’t think you are representing Christ with a good light or even a biblically correct view.

      As far as these false band names actually representing drugs, this claim is completely absurd. I, myself, am a musician in band and a student at the University of Tennessee studying music education. I would furious to hear people saying my music is just an excuse or a way to get kids addicted or closer to drugs. Why don’t you actually try listening to some of this music and open-mindedly experience what the band is offering. Music is a beautiful thing and I cannot just sit here and let you all taint the virtue and passion of music. I’m sure you don’t really care about this fact and I am quite sure you will still claim that this music is a result of drug induced idiots. Well, why don’t you just take a look in that hymnal sitting behind the pews — kind of funny that a lot of those melodies are taken from drunken pub songs.

      In essence, all I am saying is stop all the hate. It just isn’t needed and quite frankly gives Christians a bad name. I hope you have a wonderful night and pleasant tomorrow. God bless.

      Chris B.

  64. BAM

    If you haven’t figured it out yet the Supposed Reverends and the holy-er than thou people here are Nazis.



  66. Gregg B

    Wow!! Way too extreme from both sides!! Especially the religious zealots!! It’s only rock n’ roll… but I like it!! Peace be with you all!!

  67. Gable

    This is fucking hilarious. Anyone that doesn’t realize that this WHOLE FUCKING WEBSITE is satire, is an idiot.

  68. Rev. Zell

    Congratulations, you are Fox News and Westboro Baptist rolled into one festering putty-like substance. How can you sleep at night, trying to push your stupid (and very poorly edited) garbage onto the general, god-fearing public? People like you all make me queasy. I pray for the day you (being Bruce, “Rev.” Custer, and Mr. Bowers III) go up to heaven and go before your maker. People like you make people like me sick, you ignorant, know-nothing fakes.

      1. TakenBack

        You do realize God has no sympathy for people that exude the hate they have in their hearts, such as yourself. You should be ashamed of the hateful judgement you have displayed.

  69. AM

    You, sir, are a sad, sad man–and also extrememly ignorant. May God have mercy on your narrow-minded soul.

  70. wowzerz

    Obviously these so called “men of faith” are complete jokes. Their children hate them. Lets hope and pray they dont really oversee anyone or anything for that matter. God is a loving god and dont condone what these jokers preach. People should be concerned that there are actual real idiots like this out in the world. The only good thing about them is their daughters are so fuckin freaky and do the nastiest shit in bed. So, thank you for that.

  71. Aaron

    I can personally attest from being present @ ’07/ ’10 that there was plenty of good trim, powder use, pill gobbling, and Ecstacy fueled sex.

    Horrible. Prepare for the rapture NON BELIEVERS FOR CHRIST IS YOUR LORD

  72. Righteous

    i cannot beleive you call yourself a Christian.You are a racist and homophobe.people like you give the Church a bad image in the eyes of the very people who need it most.ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD.and He still LOVES US ALL -even people like you!so remember ,when you point a finger there are three more pointing back at you brother.LET HE WHO HAS NO SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE-

  73. Brvgnrsk

    So you had to throw a blanket over all blacks as sinners. Tyson, you’re an idiot!
    Also, the way you attack gays leads us to believe you will be coming out of the closet yourself. You are in the throes of denial.

  74. Smart Guy

    So the amount of gay rape at bonnaroo excedes the total number of attendants. Wow your so smart and clever. Can you teach me to twist made up statistics into ignorant bigotry as well? I hope to judge other peoples life styles based against a work of fiction, and need a more efficient way to fabricate information. You seem like a great person to learn from!

  75. will

    lying is a sin, right? because there is no way that ANY of those graphs have any sort of truth to them (but i’d love to see a works cited, if you have one). SINNER!

  76. Colin

    Your making us (our species) look bad… I’m really having trouble feeling bad for whoever wrote this; I feel like i should because clearly you are just a very sick individual.. But then i read some of these comments and i am blown-the-fuck-away that there are others that share the same opinions. Your people are an embarrassment to our species… The fact that people like you exist is one thing, but the abundance of people like you is what depresses me. It seems like theres a concentration particularly in this country of your type of ignorance; and that is why this country is ultimately going to crumble.

  77. Mike

    OMFG are you religious fanatics a hoot! You’ll say ANYTHING to try and scare people away from things. BUT IT’S ALL A SHAM! Your religion is weaved together from multiple lies and made up fables. NOT to mention your child molesting priests who are SODOMITES! YOUR RELIGION IS CRUMBLING AND us book-reading-free-thinking folk are laughing as we watch it sink into the abyss! See Ya!

  78. Jason









  79. Christina

    Interesting take on Bonaroo….Arcade Fire, The Black Keys, etc. are actually bands, just to let you know. Also, you didn’t use spell check and you have some grammatical errors throughout this article. I’ve also never met a gay man or lesbian woman who tried to “recruit me” to their way of life, unlike the extremely conservative Christians who try to tell everyone that their way of living is the “right” way, which I don’t agree with. I say live and let live. It’s kind of like saying that since you’re an overweight balding man, which it looks like you are from the picture you have by the About the Author section, you are going to try and “recruit” everyone to become overweight and to bald. It’s something called genetics as well as choice; no one is imposing their views on your unhealthy life choices or lack of hair, I guess I am now but you get my point. In my opinion, God or whatever people call their own higher power because I think each persons take is and allowed to be different on their understanding of God, loves everyone and does not hate anyone for whatever imperfection they may have, or life style they choose to live. Again, live and let live and enjoy the ride while it lasts because it goes quick, this thing called life.

  80. Amber

    I can not believe that this guy published this article on a christian website! it is very obvious that he has repressed homosexual fantasies and is a self hating gay. i have not met a single strait guy who likes thinking and talking about licking male ass. whay a pervert and a pedobear lol

  81. mud orgy

    Jesus fucking christ you christian retards are INSANE! Bonaroo has nothing to do with fucking a kangaroo you dumbass.

  82. mud orgy

    anyone who agrees with the above charts and “facts” is just jealous cuz their childhood and teenage life was filled with wedgies and nuggies from bigger bullies.

  83. Pingback: Looks like babby Jesus is onto Vastagh and his band of Bonaroo heathens

  84. Bosco

    Tyson Bowers III As a fellow Christian I must inform you that Jesus called and told me your a Jerk.Your thoughts are very perverted you are disgusting and I am really amazed that you care so much to try to find out when Satan’s Birthday is which I doubt you know and is something as a Christian that you should not be concerned with.But by being a fictious liar you might feel pretty close to him.Better take the plank out of your eye idiot before calling others sinners and besmirching the name of my Lord Jesus.You are everything that is wrong with so-called Christians today you fail to show love to others only contempt and accusations.This is my last post on this site!For you are one of the goats it seems that will be seperated from the sheep in the end!

  85. Nexis Hexus

    Is this a satyr site? There might be alot of things going on but to put May 1st specifcally a Satanic holiday is so narrowly minded , the author might drive to work in his refrigerator.Also, since 1966, A Church of Satan has also showed far less scandal, infidelity , embezzling, larceny , than members of the christian church who serve as government representatives. The author is so fixated about anti gay slurs that he’s not much a reporter-as-journalist. A ‘raping and pillaging” is not a festival ( How Crusades of him to draw that association) Consensual pleasure is a far ways off of that.Evil lives in his heart for he sees his opportune situations and believes that speaks for all of what he doesn’t. Doesn’t sound like he should be a contributor. When he makes associations to Satan, he should consider he ‘s a weak link in Yeshua ben Yosef’s (Jesus) chain to salvation.

  86. God

    Christianity was created by some decadent and degenerated Romans as a tool of oppression, in the late Roman era, and it should be treated accordingly. It is like handcuffs to the mind and spirit and is nothing but destructive to mankind. In fact, I don’t really see Christianity as a religion. It is more like a spiritual plague, a mass psychosis, and it should first and foremost be treated as a problem to be solved by the medical science. Christianity is a diagnosis. It’s like Islam and the other Asian religions, a HIV/AIDS of the spirit and mind.

    1. wavyblue

      this is a satyr site

      The writers on this web site do not represent Christ in any way; only the misconceived notions that the world has about Christians and Christ… mainly because of so many people who are quick to call themselves “Christians” and act in ways that do not represent Christ. Christianity is about a real living love filled relationship with our creator. You can’t truly know that until you have studied it and truly experienced it. It seems ridiculous to say that grace, peace, unconditional love, forgiveness, hope, wisdom, truth, and compassion (all the things that Jesus Christ stands for and exudes) equate to a plague, to problems, to HIV/Aids of the spirit and mind- a disease which steals and destroys life.

      I’m not intending to be judgmental. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and free will. I just wanted to share my opinion as well.

      p.s. bonnaroo rules! hate i’m missing out this year

      1. God

        Spare me the bleeding heart. All those virtues you mentioned exist without Christ, Christianity, or any religion for that matter. Human beings need to evolve beyond organized religion.

        1. wavyblue

          I agree.. It is about a relationship with our creator… Relationship, not religion. Humans also need to evolve beyond something, someone bigger than themselves.

  87. Grace Goedde

    OH PLEASE! Is this article some kind of joke? I have attended Bonaroo with my CHRISTIAN PARENTS several years in a row. You are confused and the language you use in this article makes Christians out to look like a bunch of retarded, judgemental, wack-jobs!! You and people like you are the reason that Christianity gets such a bad reputation with non-believers. NEWSFLASH: There are lots of strong believers in Christ that also enjoy ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC!!! “MOUTH SEX, ANAL DRUG TAKING, AND FORCED GAY RAPE?? You have a very perverted and disgusting imagination. Try dancing, buying homemade crafts, and camping with friends and family. I had a similar time at bonaroo and CORNERSTONE CHRISTIAN MUSIC FESTIVAL. I am so ashamed that someone like you has a voice on this “issue” and is claiming to love the Lord while condeming something that you know absolutely nothing about. Have you read the Bible? Do you realize that it is a sin to judge others? That Jesus spent his time on earth with prostitutes and the lower class of society at that time? Do you think He would be proud of you for writing this disturbing inaccurate article to try to discourage people from seeing live music? I think you need to re-read the Bible and start taking a long, hard look at yourself and what kind of attitude you have and what kind of awful, untrue information you are putting out into the universe. I am seriously grossed out and disturbed by reading this. I have been to bonaroo a number of times and never have I seen any of these activaties taking place that you are speaking of. The people at bonaroo are not the ones with the problems- I will tell you that much. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!



  88. Skiff Feldspar

    How about all of the clergymen, bishops, priests, pastors, and church elders who have or are molesting defenseless children? Since we’re calling out large, diverse crowds of people and condemning them for sex acts and all maybe you could take a look in the mirror? I hate to break it to you folks at ChristWire but I think you might just be a little too busy trying to blame everything else in the world for your own unhappiness. That’s okay though because the rest of us are going to go on enjoying our lives by accepting instead of condemning. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. Have fun with that.

  89. Lawrence

    I’m going to guess, by the amount of random absurd graphs with no backing sources, the author’s stretching of words to get whatever negative meaning he can, and the use of ‘the magic pot’ that this is either a tremendous joke or someone is, simply put, overly the top wrapped up in their own little world.

    The author also probably believed the whole bit about the rapture coming, and accepted that it was a ‘spiritual rapture’ when it failed to actually come.

    I also can’t help but think the author is either a born again Neo-Con who either went to Woodstock or is in the some vein of those that thought it and the music that was played there evil and satanic.

    But then again, anyone who takes this seriously also probably denies the simple notion that the three major religions of the world (Christianity, Islam,and Judaism) are all linked to a single character by the name of Abraham and that there’s potential that all three gods (God, Allah, YHWH).

  90. Arnesto Bolingar

    Wow, you are truly bible thumping ass-humping, jaded, opinionated, religious zealots the likes of which made me leave the “Church”. You see, I grew up with assholes like you and it made me absolutely hate Christianity.
    You act and speak as though there isn’t a single person there that is not “showing milk bags or baby makers”. You polarized fools. God is about love, acceptance and forgiveness. Or is that another sect that you don’t recognize? I would be willing to bet that a fair percentage of the attendees don’t do drugs or fuck strangers. Remember who put that weed on our earth? GOD did you ignorant backwards ass sons of bitches.
    I believe in God the Father all mighty, and in Jesus Christ his only son our Lord. I also smoke pot, but I do not fuck around on my wife or molest my children or anyone else s, unlike so many “Catholic” priests so go stick your opinions in your copy of the Apocrypha I hope that you choke on your own cock while you perform auto fellatio. wait, you have no cock because you are one of those that probably has a micro penis.
    May you be judged by your hatred and distrust.
    A.B. INRI

  91. Grace

    Mr. Tyson Bowers III,
    You must have a very sick imagination to have created all of this propaganda in such graphic detail. I haven’t been to Bonnaroo myself, but know many people who have attended. Your account of what goes on there is a complete fabrication meant to shock and scare people.
    I don’t know what kind of trauma you have suffered in your life, but I pity you for what it has done to your mind. You should probably consider seeing a good psychologist rather than poisoning the minds of other weak, emotionally unstable people.
    People like you make it difficult for honest Christians to be taken seriously. Shame on you.

  92. guitardedchris

    You have no idea sir. This article seems to be more about your fantasies as a gay man instead of a factual article. They have a special seat in hell for you and those who you actually brainwash. You and Glen Beck should get together and play rumprangers or maybe reinact brokeback mountain. You are very transparent and full of ignorance, I saw pictures of your daughter in a mud pit being taken advantage of by a hulu hoop. Good luck hiding behind your religion, you are gay.

  93. Elisa Shupe

    Wow, i thought i was reading the onion for a second. The onion never made me laugh this hard though.

    I just came back from bonnaroo and let me tell you, i enjoyed every minute exposing my baby door and milk sacs. The mud orgies were AMAZING and I made sure to pop ecstasy up my ass every day. The light shows sure did persuade me towards demonic ideas and acts and I did find myself becoming a slave to sex because i smoked so much pot (the mouth sex was GREAT).

    And i saw a lot of boning of kangaroos, because you know, kangaroos are more common than squirrels in Tennessee and the masses have to fuck SOMETHING right? I now understand the name of the festival so much better.

    AND you people will be proud to know i met three different jesuses all in one weekend! I never knew there could be so much jesus in one place! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEM.

    No but really, fuck off. You are beyond ignorant and should probably seek heavy psychological help to spare people from your sick imagination and your made up names for shit that doesn’t even happen. Also, being homosexual is not wrong so give that idea up real fast. Someone else being homosexual is none of your business and if i didnt know any better you’re probably a closet case yourself. How else would you know all about these “homosexual sex acts”?

    The shows were awesome, music will be the only thing ever worth believing in.

    So go fuck yourself you imbecilic piece of shit.

  94. JS

    I am a christian who works at a christian publishing house and I find this post extremely offensive. I just returned from Bonnaroo where I had a great time listening to great music, I was even able to enjoy great Gospel music by the legendary Mavis Staples on Sunday morning, which ended in prayer. This website is nothing but a judgmental mess of unaccredited opinion. The “statistics” shown about Bonnaroo are ludicrous and ignorant. I have attended Bonnaroo for the past 5 years. I have never acted out in an obscene manner and never taken a drug while there. I have also never heard or witnessed any “Forced gay rapings”. This year 1 person died at Bonnaroo due to the extreme heat conditions. The autopsy confirmed that it was heat and heat alone. If the media will cover that, they would have definitely covered a rape incident.

    Who writes for christwire?? Is this an actual site or a joke?? Doesn’t seem to be Christlike at all. JOHN 8:7

    1. Friar Dick Bothholes - Cantor of The White Prophet Shirokuma

      I too have just returned from Bonnaroo. I took my weekly youth madrigal group to assist in the singing of praise to Our Lord, to ask his forgiveness towards the poor souls unaware of the pagan activities in which they participated. Although our group was camped outside the main site, the wailing from within pierced our ears throughout the night. No doubt each of these screams represented an act of vile waste-hole loving, or the insertion of drugs in the rear orifice. The fear on the faces of the youths in my group was too much to bear. I had to physically comfort them during the night to keep their sanity intact. Rest assured, I will be back again next year with more stalwart young men in our never-ending fight against the horrors of a liberal society.

    1. Connie

      All I can say is WTF? Learn how to write before calling yourself an author! How offensive and rude! I love the boobie shot right in the middle though. Best part of the whole article!

  95. tara

    This is possibly the worst excuse for “journalism” I have ever read. There is absolutely no way that you are an educated person. The level of hate, gross inaccuracies, and prejudice/bias disguised as fact is disturbing. As a devout Christian myself as well as an educator in religion it pains me that people like you exist! Do you really think god would want u to spread the word of hate? It’s sickening, I suggest you educate yourself in religion and tolerance. you should be ashamed of yourself!

  96. Who is the REAL sinner Tyson...I THINK YOU!

    Just got back from Bonnaroo. Had a safe, happy time. Glad NOT ONE of the things you said in your article full of lies was true. Wow, for a Christian, you lie a LOT. Isn’t that a sin or something?

    Try educating yourself about something before you write about it buddy. There’s more to this world than the Bible whether you like it or not.

  97. Katelyn

    hahaha this article is so ridiculous. Clearly the person who wrote it, has never been to Bonnaroo and has no idea what they are talking about. I just got back from Bonnaroo and let me assure you I did not have sex or perform mouth sex on a stranger. I also didn’t use any drugs or turn gay from all the purple lights. Pretty much your entire article is a whole bunch of B.S. Plus I remember them teaching us in church as a kid that its not our place to pass judgement on anyone that God will do that when the time comes. It’s people like you that will burn in hell for talking down on people that aren’t just like you and passing so much judgement about something you know nothing about. Bonnaroo was awesome this year, and I will definitely be going again next year :)

    1. Bruce Danus

      Katelyn, It appears that somebody slipped you a “roofie”. You could not have been at Bonnaroo without engaging in a mouth sex act or getting a lesbian to fondle your clamdabble. It is almost impossible, unless you are a member of the Christwire Fellowship, and have given your life over to The Lord completely.

  98. Holli

    This article HAS to be some kind of elaborate joke! We’re all supposed to be laughing, right??? Someone please tell me this is all some kind of big internet prank! NO ONE could be this delusional, could they???

  99. hillary pokrywka

    im with holli here….is this serious? i just attended bonnaroo and i can tell u it is absolutely NOTHING like this! how do u think the hundreds of people that put thier time and energy into making this festival possible would react if they heard this? is that what chirstianity is about? IGNORANCE AND HATE? my god what has this world come to.

  100. hysterically laughing

    hahahahahahahaha is this a joke? i feel like its a joke, i can’t stop laughing. you people are silly. i would write more but i have to go rape a kanaroo.

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  102. chuck chaplin

    Its not just Bonnaroo, this goes on constantly in every town in Tennessee. At least that’s what I read on the Internet.

  103. Tim Sprengelmeyer

    Wow. Is this a joke. The guy who wrote this is very ignorant and mis-informed. 97% chance your daughter will be torpedo sucking in the parking lot? You make Christians look like crazy fools.

  104. I love Christ but dislike Christians

    Do the creators of this site realize that the majority of their readers are people who look at it as a joke? Also, I think Jesus was amazing, and had some great things to say. I just think 2000 years of convolution and human agendas twisted it into something not quite true to his original message. Ever play the childhood game of telephone? The bible is like that, only instead of 10 people in a circle it was a bunch of people passing down verbal stories and then finally writing it down, and then king james had his say in it, and so on and so forth for 2000 years.

  105. BarackObama

    This may surprise you but I really hate you fucking hippies. I have to pretend to like you because you vote for me but really. Fuck you and fuck phish

  106. Lucifer

    The time of the rising tide is nigh.
    You cannot see me, for I live within all.
    You cannot hear me, for my sound is universal.
    The light I bear will blind the innocent.
    You cannot shelter your children, I am already deep inside them.
    I feast on the blood of the savior.
    God is nonexistent.
    Your faith is nothing.
    Give in or feel the pain of a thousand generations whose sin is unrequited.


  107. jesuswaswaycool

    This article made me laugh until I cried. Thank you so much for the judgements you have made and passing the love of your god through in a fucked up way. Laughter is medicine and pure love no matter what you got to say. Much apriciated. I actually saved this site in my favorites to have a good laugh when i feel down. Rock on, music festivals are people sharing love, not getting it on. don’t be scared. you should try it. May it SAVE your soul.

  108. yourafuckindouche

    what a GIANT DOUCHE BAG! you have got to be the stupidest human on the face of this earth, and you can thank god for making you that way dumbass!

  109. JBean

    I cannot believe that a man can be so racist and vulgar and then claim to be a “Christian” I just so happen to be a Christian, most importantly, a non-judging Christian because remember Tyson and any man here claiming to be a “Father” or “Reverend” (and I don’t care how long you’ve been doing it)Jesus and God are the one’s to make the Judgment’s. NOT YOU! ALSO… I have been to Bonnaroo for the last 3 years in a row and I can tell you all about the people there.
    1> They are very Kind, excepting and friendly.
    2> Yes there are drugs. No one is shoving them up their anus
    3> There are people of all races and no one see’s color.
    The list could go on and it would be all positives. I have even seen Christian Bands perform at Bonnaroo. I can honestly say that the live music, loving atmosphere and watching people share their food and sunscreen with others was appreciated by Jesus.


    I’m sure you will respond with something snarky and demeaning because “your so much better than everyone” which Jesus will tell he does not like and Satan will give you a high five.

    your Predictions are inappropriate and completely inaccurate. I will offer to even buy you a ticket to this festival so you can see it is nothing like you described it.

    This is “the U.S of A!” Yes it is… where it is sadly legal for you to write false assumptions and racist comments aloud. Wait a minute… Racist speech is considered a HATE CRIME. I’ll be sure to send the police your way. (.p.s… you seem to really like the word anus, swear words and talk about mouth sex… you should really talk to Jesus about that)

  110. The Internet is a crazy thing

    Even if this is supposed to be a joke it’s in poor taste. People tak about not discriminating or being judgmental or stereotyping but then they turn around and do just that. Even by making satire such as this people start to relate Christians as being racist, horrible bastards. It is the internet and nothing is ever taken exactly as it is meant. I am a Christian, I know many Christians, and they are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. Sure, there are bad apples here and there… I don’t think all Muslims are suicidal bastards bent on destroying everyone different from them just becuase of a few radicals. Christians do alot of good in this world, and they follow the word of a very great man. Wether anyone believs he was the son of God does not matter, what he tuagth was right. He tuaght love and compassion. And websites like this, even if they are satire, make Christians look bad.

  111. Sully

    Is this a joke? it’s kinda funny, but the humor doesn’t seem intended. I really don’t know, because this author does such a terrible job.

  112. flmike

    I would take my kids to Bonnaroo, Coachella, Wanee, Wakarusa, and the Gay Pride
    Parade before I would walk them into a christian church. I have never met a more judgmental group of people than supposed god fearing christians.

  113. hahachristwire

    …is it a wonder to anyone that the christian religion is one that is dying out? If not, articles such as this one is just another exhibit of why.

  114. Frizzlefrie13

    LMAO wow man you are one of the funniest people alive this shit is great! Really no kidding this had me rolling, what makes it even better is I’m fairly sure that you are not screwing around I mean you really feel this way. Either way keep it up makes for a good LAUGH I cant take it for anything but a sattire aimed at fanatical christians…but keep it even tho you are terrorist for Christ!

  115. Damien Blade Spring "Emosexual" Extraordinaire, Jew

    Let me ask you something. Have you ever actually been to any of the festivals that you are talking about? No? That figures.

  116. Roo

    Your ignorance and lack of research is incredibly unprofessional. Also, having poor grammar at your age and in your profession is simply unacceptable. I hope that in your next article, which I will most certainly not be reading, you correct these mistakes. As for this piece, there is more sin and injustice in your poorly written article than could be found in any music festival. You are so closed off and single-minded you can’t even see God anymore. I implore you to stop raping the idea Christianity and spreading your toxic hate like a sexually transmitted disease.

  117. Sam Mesham

    It is thought by many religious scholars that the Devil is responsible for the spelling of the English language; this is obvious. Do not castigate a person for being ignorant of the Devils wishes. Amen

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  119. Danny E. Vargas

    I usually read an informative article every morning after I get to my lab. While this was not informative at all, it was very very comical.

    Dear Tyson,
    your views about Bonnaroo are beyond naive; it is obvious that you are misinformed about Bonnaroo, and, alas, every thing you mentioned are your close-minded conjectures. That is like watching FOX and not giving the BBC or CNN a chance to provide yourself with a comparative reference for your daily news input.
    I am going to make this very short and sweet for you:



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