46 year old, Craylon Marcus sues mother over not aborting him.

Alva, KY – 46 year old Kentucky man, Craylon Marcus, has served his mother with a outrageous lawsuit claiming her selfishness to not abort him while he was a fetus has caused him years of emotional and mental abuse. Mr. Marcus’ lawyer, Brian Miller, claims post non-abortion sickness is a serious mental illness and shouldn’t be taken lightly. “Over 75 people a year in the US are diagnosed with PNAS and it is time for their rights as unwanted fetus’ to be heard. People claim it is the mother’s right to have an abortion or not, but no one is there fighting for the little one growing inside of her. No one ever asks for his opinion. It is my goal to ease my client’s suffering by punishing his mother for her lack of responsibility.” Miller stated in a news conference earlier today.

Miller plans to also filing a class action suit against Americans who do not practice anti-pregnancy sex.

Dr. Jerome Wilson and Dr. Tyres Johnson celebrating their new discovery with their wives at their congratulatory party.

So-called “amazing news” has come to the Black American community according to Dr. Jerome Wilson and Dr. Tyres Johnson. Today both doctors have claimed they have created synthetic watermelon and both claim this scientific breakthrough is what the Black American community has been desperately been waiting for. This scientific venture was funded with over $4 million dollars by grant money given to the two doctors from Boost Mobile and Kool-Aid. Even President Obama has even acknowledge this oddly proclaimed discovery by awarding the doctors by clearing their criminal records and removing their child support responsibilities. When asked why they didn’t spend their time and money looking for the cure for Sickle Cell, a virus that affects many of their members in Black America, Dr. Johnson said:

“Cause a mo’ fo’ wif dah Sickle rather be finna wif a watermelon and be chillin’ instead of having Sickle and no melon.”

Today New York City mayor, Mike Bloomberg, has announced a proposal to ban smiling in public. This is just the icing on his latest fascist conquest cake that he has been baking since taking office. First it was banning salt, next banning soda, topped off with banning PDA and now the artery clogging sugary frosting is to not allow people to smile in public just because it might offend someone who has had a bad day. After this frowning announcement, New Yorkers have dubbed the anti-American mayor with the name “Mayor Gloomdberg”.