PRIDE Week; for those who don’t follow homosexual propaganda and are not viewers of MSNBC, is a week long celebration of confused American’s choice of submitting themselves to the tragic and lonely lifestyle of that of a homosexual. The lifestyle itself has 51 shades of sickness in its complexity and why people choose to walk down this path of darkness, narcissism and self hatred is beyond me. Just like any fad, the homosexual life style is at its peak, but will soon burst its rainbow colored assortment of frail balloons and float slowly to the streets where it will be swept away into the gutters of America.

For a whole week, the government and American’s pretend to accept millions of drug induced Cher fans, who rather spend their days day-dreaming about copious amounts of unprotected sex, glamorous interracial lifestyles and frantically watch their DVR’d BRAVO shows while sipping cosmos or some kind of low calorie non-American made beer. To expose what really goes on at a PRIDE Week celebration for those unaware of its dangers, I have listed three underground gay phenomenons that fuel the week of gay infused festivities.

Gaytheists and Twinksters
These are two sub genres of gayness that have recently oozed from the dark musky cracks of the homosexual community and have been making quite a stir in social circles around the world. A Gaytheist is a bottom burrower who believes Jesus Christ was a homosexual and they group up in protest packs and try to force their asinine belief onto young children, just like how they forcefully and uncomfortably push their lifestyle choice onto America. They have even tried to petition The Vatican to agree that Jesus himself partook in gay orgy like activities with his disciples in the desert.

A Twinksters is a homosexual hipster and you can see handfuls of these stuck in the 80′s limp wristers trying to preach their liberal art degree’d minds amongst the straight attendees at PRIDE Week. Quoting movies to validate their ridiculous arguments is the typical modus operandi for these trucker cap wearing mumble anus’.

Borderline Overdoses of Rectal Drug Intake
You can’t spell PRIDE Week without the words “Drugs” and “Rectal Insertion” and be sure the drugs are delivered by the bus full directly from Mexico. It has been said that over 80,000 drugs are taken per day at PRIDE Week and 96% of those drugs are taken rectally. This is because the gay’s anal cavity has the ability to ingest large pill form objects fast than their mouth, but the speed of this process depends on whether they are a power bottom, bottom, top or verse.

Kid Photo Swapping Games
Just like Pokemon, gays need to collect as many young children as possible, but since that is illegal, they do it in a form of a card game. The game is just like the popular Majik game; players bring their deck of cards and battle each other to win new cards from their opponents. Instead of attack cards with vampires or some squirrel with lightning powers, these cards are images of children they find on the internet, print them out onto card stock and they mark the cards with what are called urge points. The urge points signify how “hot” or “how much one wants to poke the child” and each rating is verified and approved by their friends over at NAMBLA. The game is easy, players drop down their cards and the one with the highest urge points wins the hand. After winning the hand, the winner can go and pick one card that tickles their musky taint area the most out of the winning pile and add it to their deck.

New studies have been released showing that 37% of the US fish consumption is from lesbian Americans. Researchers are amazed at these findings as they believed that straight men where the kings of fish eating. This study also shows that lonely lesbian Americans don’t care if the fish is old and musky, bloody and don’t have an issue with sharing the same piece of fish with multiple lesbians at one time. Along with these findings, researchers report that only 3% of homosexual men eat fish and surveys show they are more of hot beef eating fans, like hot dogs or kielbasa and the study is lead scientists to believe that 9% of straight men lie about their love for fish products and are actually closeted haters of fish altogether.

Shocking images from NASA are being displayed across America after a galaxy in the shape of a man’s penile organ was discovered earlier this week. NASA has been plastering the artist rendition of Galaxy-1axbc7, or as major gay organizations are calling it, “Galaxy Penile” or “Galaxy Gay”. Homosexuals are already trying to claim this is solid proof that their is other forms of gay life within the universe and also proves that God creates gay things. Scientists are saying at the tip of the duel galaxy, there are millions of stars ejecting themselves out to deep space and on their way to collide with other foreign deep universe masses.  Every news station has flashed this galactic erotica onto televisions across America and I fear children maybe victims of visual molestation via this photo.

New photos of a man made island have surfaced this week. According to sources, this new structure is being created and funded by “Gays for Achievement and Growth” aka, “GAG” and will be a private resort for gay couples to vacation “gay freely”. GAG’s marketing director, Aaron Heier says, “Finally we will have a sanctuary to call our own. A place we will be able to roam freely without the annoyance of heteros. A place where we can openly listen to Cher and prance around in cut off Levis and queerishly snap our fingers in attitude”. Heier says the resort will not allow heterosexual visitors and it will be jam packed with gay themed entertainment and decor. When asked why shape the island like a man’s limp penile organ, Heier said “It is aerial advertisement. We want people in the sky to be able to look down and image themselves on a island where whispers of fantasies and magic come to life. Plus, what better way to piss off right-wing Americans than to draw a big penis on their map”.

A Chicago, IL man has a filed a lawsuit against his parents last week for birthing him as a gay man. The lawsuit claims that the plaintiff, Mason Lawler, is suing his parents for emotional damages for forcing him to live his life as a gay man. “I believe pro-choice should also give the fetus a choice if they want to live a gay lifestyle or not. Why can’t an unborn child be given the right to decide what path he or she will follow before having to be forcefully popped out onto the world?” said Mason when asked what his message was to the world.

Mason’s parents are shocked at this claim due to the fact that Mason has never came out of the closet and to this day has had the same girlfriend since high school. “He has never been into ‘faggy’ things or done anything that might be considered gay” says Mr. Lawler. “I never caught him wearing my underwear and always found his nasty magazines when cleaning his room” added his mother.

Could this just be a cry for help? No matter what the case is a $10 million dollar lawsuit has been filed and in today’s weird moral web who knows what the outcome maybe.

Minneapolis – Target today has announced their new marketing campaign to “dip into the growing homosexual population in America.” This new campaign includes a complete branding of select Target locations with a abnormally high gay population. One of the rebranding moves is to redesign the logo itself. The famous red target will now have a camel skin brown colored centered dot and the name itself will be the French word, Fağet, which when translated means, various tunnels. Along with the name rebranding, Target’s new Fağet stores will be the host of product lines geared toward the homosexual community. They also plan to change the famous Target dog with a chihuahua. They feel these subtle changes will give homosexuals a open and carefree shopping experience. Fağet’s mother stores will be in San Francisco, Palm Springs, CA, Indianapolis and Lincoln, Nebraska.

Thousand of gays came out today to announce their fight on gay marriage was a hoax and just to irritate Christians.

San Francisco, CA– Laughter is always the best medicine, unless that medicine is forcefully injected into the blood stream intentional hurt someone or a group of innocent people. Today we learned that the gay community had pulled off one of the biggest jokes in modern day history when they announced they don’t support gay marriage at all and the only reason they were pushing the movement was to irritate and annoy Christians around the world. The equal marriage moment has been called off completely, leaving many heterosexuals dumbfounded.

After hearing this, Christian leaders are scrambling to find their new crusade cause. At the moment they can still pray the gay away, try to cripple teenage abort death chambers or change course entirely and go after a new minority or lifestyle. We feel Asians maybe their next target. They have weird fetishes and have been flying under the ridicule radar since 1989.

Aaron Heier, aka “The Glory Hole Bandit”, was quoted saying on his internationally known gay talk show, HSSS.TV, “Isn’t it finally fun to be on the receiving in of an uncomfortable situation for once? After all the years of rough pounding from The Christian Right, we finally got the last laugh. Just watching them squirm was worth all the work we put in to attack them with  fake protests and lawsuits. Bravo my brave community, bravo!” Heier also stated he will be celebrating with his mob of pranksters’ victory by sipping down fruity martinis and gossiping they night away with hetero-bashing toned conversations.

Logo and marketing branding for Les and Bo’s.

The toughest decision for a butchy lesbian is not their choice of becoming gay, but the difficult feat of how to dress in the most “I don’t care what I look like for sympathy attention” manner. Buying XXXL flannels and baggy mom pants can be hard when today’s fashion outlets only carry outfits tailored to non-testicled lumberjacks. But if you are a flat top haircut wearing scissor slammer, you are in luck! Today a company by the name of Les and Bo’s has announced their line of dykey friendly fem wear and will be partnering with Target’s custom gay demographic targeted stores coming this fall to fill up the racks with oversize flannels, studded belts, Disney branded accessories, Looney Tunes stickers, scarfs and more. I’m sure men-dykes around the world today are cheering in joy knowing that Les & Bo’s will now be finally bringing “Formal Wear For Informal Women” as their slogan states.