Category Archives: News Buzz

Holiest of categories.

Kentucky Man Sues Mother For Not Aborting Him

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abortionman

46 year old, Craylon Marcus sues mother over not aborting him.

Alva, KY – 46 year old Kentucky man, Craylon Marcus, has served his mother with a outrageous lawsuit claiming her selfishness to not abort him while he was a fetus has caused him years of emotional and mental abuse. Mr. Marcus’ lawyer, Brian Miller, claims post non-abortion sickness is a serious mental illness and shouldn’t be taken lightly. “Over 75 people a year in the US are diagnosed with PNAS and it is time for their rights as unwanted fetus’ to be heard. People claim it is the mother’s right to have an abortion or not, but no one is there fighting for the little one growing inside of her. No one ever asks for his opinion. It is my goal to ease my client’s suffering by punishing his mother for her lack of responsibility.” Miller stated in a news conference earlier today.

Miller plans to also filing a class action suit against Americans who do not practice anti-pregnancy sex.

African American Scientist Invent Synthetic Watermelon

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Dr. Jerome Wilson and Dr. Tyres Johnson celebrating their new discovery with their wives at their congratulatory party.

Dr. Jerome Wilson and Dr. Tyres Johnson celebrating their new discovery with their wives at their congratulatory party.

So-called “amazing news” has come to the Black American community according to Dr. Jerome Wilson and Dr. Tyres Johnson. Today both doctors have claimed they have created synthetic watermelon and both claim this scientific breakthrough is what the Black American community has been desperately been waiting for. This scientific venture was funded with over $4 million dollars by grant money given to the two doctors from Boost Mobile and Kool-Aid. Even President Obama has even acknowledge this oddly proclaimed discovery by awarding the doctors by clearing their criminal records and removing their child support responsibilities. When asked why they didn’t spend their time and money looking for the cure for Sickle Cell, a virus that affects many of their members in Black America, Dr. Johnson said:

“Cause a mo’ fo’ wif dah Sickle rather be finna wif a watermelon and be chillin’ instead of having Sickle and no melon.”

Bloomberg to Ban Public Smiling, Says It Might Offend Those Having Bad Days

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bloomberg-300x214Today New York City mayor, Mike Bloomberg, has announced a proposal to ban smiling in public. This is just the icing on his latest fascist conquest cake that he has been baking since taking office. First it was banning salt, next banning soda, topped off with banning PDA and now the artery clogging sugary frosting is to not allow people to smile in public just because it might offend someone who has had a bad day. After this frowning announcement, New Yorkers have dubbed the anti-American mayor with the name “Mayor Gloomdberg”.

Gay Man Sues Craigslist Lover For Not “Bottoming”

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Kyle Price is suing Craiglist for allowing bogus “service” posts.

Kyle Price is suing Craiglist for allowing bogus “service” posts.

A New York City man has filed a lawsuit against the anonymous gay sex hook up giant, Craiglist and one of its posters. Kyle Price claims he responded to a Craigslist ad for “services” that included “versing”, “power bottoming”, “gerbil tickling”, “tug rubs” and “magic pony rides” on June, 26th of this year. Price states he met up with the poster and returned to his apartment in hopes of paying for the man’s posted enticements. Instead, Price was greeted with “uncomfortable domination like entry” and says he was forced to be the bottom during the whole experience. Kyle rushed home and out of embarrassment would not call the cops, but instead tried to contact Craigslist’s customer service, which he found out does not exist. After filing his lawsuit with a lawyer he found on Craigslist, he is now suing for “False advertisement”. Craigslist released a statement saying “It is truly sorry for Mr. Price’s situation, but we do not police and will not police items posted in our naughty sections.”

What is Inside 50 Shades of Grey?

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50-shades-of-grey-cover_300x400If you are like me you don’t pay attention to channels like Mtv, TMZ or Nickelodeon, so it would be no surprise not to know what or why the book “50 Shades of Grey” is such a international phenomena. Until last night I didn’t even know what the book was about until I went to my local book store, grabbed a copy and opened it up. I was wondering why the clerk at the store gave me a look like I was some kind of freak, but understood right when I opened up the book and read the first two lines which read “Within no time, I could feel the shitty creamy load seeping from my puckered brown eye and all over my fishy flaps. Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his slut slayer shoved deeper into my soft tight anus.” After vomiting in my mouth due to the vile content I just read, I reopened the book and decided to share some of the things this book has to offer to our country.

Below is content that is highly explicit.

Excerpt one:

“With my sugared almond now much like that bathroom door in The Shining, he thought it was time to start sliding my soft tight anus. Is now the time to tell him I really need to launch a stink pickle, I wondered? The feeling of his cock custard flowing down my throat got my shrimp sap flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. My cake hole was so full of sperminator and cock snot, the baby gravy was draining down my chin and onto my chesticles. The hammering of my shit winker was so vigorous, he soon found his family jewels joining his trouser bowser deep in my turd-herder. I awoke the next morning with my cock holster still leaching. I thought it was over but his slut slayer had other ideas.”

Excerpt two:

“Now, I’ve seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his thrill drill made my tuna tunnel tears salivate like a broken coffee maker. My gashtray was trembling like Vanessa Feltz’s diesel-powered vibrator. When he removed his one-eyed milkman from my brown mile, he was pleasantly surprised to see a sewer trout staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to chow down on the stink pickle off his long-dong silver. After having my oyster ditch thrusted, he then proceeded to hammer my marmite motorway. The unrelenting orgasms from his cunt plunger hammering my herring hole made me come so hard, I began sweating like a fat slag in a disco.”

Excerpt three:

“He munched on my furburger, even though I’d been up on bricks for the best part of a week. There was baby gravy salivating from his brie baton and I was wetter than a well diggers arse. We were ready for more. The feeling of his steamin’ semen haemorrhaging down my throat got my tuna tunnel tears flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. When he removed his eight inches of throbbing pink jesus from my cocoa channel, he was pleasantly surprised to see a Mr. Hanky staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to gobble the stink pickle off his bald-headed yogurt slinger. The hammering makes me spit my minge mucus all over his clunger.”

Excerpt four:

“Inserting a cucumber into my clearing in the woods got me spraying fallopian fish stock faster than greased shit off a shiny shovel. I awoke the next morning with my hatchet wound still dribbling. I thought it was over but his womb raider had other ideas. The unrelenting orgasms from his cheese-crusted cock pounding my clearing in the woods made me come so hard, I began sweating like a pregnant nun. I can’t wait to gobble the cock snot from his sperminator. The plowing makes me squirt my minge mucus all over his veiny quim prod.”

Black Friday is Racist and Needs to be Changed to White Friday

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Black Friday, what a racist and inaccurate phrase. This term makes the day sound like something horrible is going to happen, like finding out your Harvard Law niece just got knocked up by some black kid who goes to some trade school, like Mount Ida. Black Friday doesn’t have a holiday cheer tone to it, nor does it make me want to go out and spend donation money on family gifts. No, it makes me want to stay at home and watch old black face movies and have a day full of laughs.

Let us get some hard facts straight, blacks don’t spend the majority of the money on this Friday, if we were going to name it after the lowest race of shoppers, why isn’t it called Mexican Viernes? The day should be called “White Friday” and stop this lying nonsense that blacks are the reason for great deals and bargains. Not only is White Friday the proper terminology, but it also sounds a lot more joyful and pure. I think more people would go out and shop if they knew that the day of hot savings was in honor of all the cash buyers and not the layaway loaners. Just like neighborhoods, the value and community productivity goes up when it is occupied by more than 97% of whites. I think the value of shopping would go up if we make this simple change.

Yes, we might of had the White House named after all of our race’s great achievements, but that doesn’t not mean we can be knuckle waffled and not get credit for dumping the most cash into the busiest shopping day of the year. Now, if they want to name something black, name it “Black First of the Month” or “Black Monday”, because everyone is their laziest the first day back to work. So this year, let us give some proper holiday cheer to the people who make sure that corporations make a nice profit during the holiday season and rename “Black Friday” to “White Friday” or even ‘Porcelain Friday”.

Do Your Children “Fred Figglehorn”?

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Let us get to the direct point of this post. Fred Figglehorn is a fictional character created purely for homosexual tween smut films. Each episode tantalizes and tickles the taint of homosexual men across the globe in a fecal frenzy of pedophile urges. The man who plays Fred is not a 12 year old, but a 22 year old twink who runs around acting like a light footed fairy, just like a hyper homo after taking ecstasy pills up the rear tunnel muscle. Glistening with soft boyish, SkidID clear skin and lustful locks of puberty, Fred plays into every homosexuals fantasy of “Lost puppy, ignorant neighborhood kid”. His high pitch voice is auto tuned to hide his man voice and give his adult views the idea that he is a young boy.

This show is not meant for children to watch and can be highly dangerous to their heterosexuality. If your child is running around like a $4 crack whore, who has been up for 3 days, they are most likely subscribed to Fred’s adult content YouTube channel. You need to immediately click the “unsubscribe” and rid your child’s account of this filthy gutter smut. For ever view this man gets by a underage subscriber is one more dollar being sent to Satan’s bank account of Pedophile Exchange and Man Boy Union.

Besides the bombardment of homo erotic being displayed in 1080p, this show also promotes mothers taking up a drug or alcohol addiction. Fred is constantly talking about how his mother is a cock whore and how she walks the streets at night until the early morning, selling her body for cheap thrills in hopes of scoring a rock of devil dust. If America’s young girls see this lifestyle being promoted on YouTube and see that the views of each video are high, they will think they can get famous by becoming dirty French, $4 a handy street walkers.

Fred Figglehorn Name Breakdown:

Fred – Fred is by far the most common name in the homosexual world. Fred Mercury, flaming rock star gay. Fred Astaire, fancy dancing gay. Fred is also a acronym for Frequent Read End Driller.

Figgle – Figgle is a term used in the gay community to describe the jerking of their swizzle stick in a violent and hateful motion.

Horn – As in “horny” or a reference to the shape of a man’s skin twinkie.

Conclusion – Fred Figglehorn is a subliminal message for gay men to demon whack their Satan scepters in a violent act, while watching gay Fred’s videos.

Fred at a homosexual, cos-play event. Notice how happy the two ADULT homosexuals are to touch the YouTube boy toy.

Let us see what members of The Fellowship think about Fred:

Margot Shentish
"Shows like this are the direct cause for child homosexuality"		 Dwanye Miller
"I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. This show is dangerous to the heterosexual community."		 Gunther Davis
"I was able to connect to the characther, until I found out he was gay"

Nancy Grace Flashes Her Milk Meat on Dancing with the Stars

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Just look at them, look at those vilely exposed milk sacs peeking into the televisions of America, taunting young men and husbands to run in the other room and touch themselves in an unholy and violating manner. To top it all off, it is chocolate caked with a smile by Nancy Grace’s one pie too many face.

We asked a few members of the fellowship, who are DWTS fans what they thought about this horrendous display of prime time pornography.

Margot Shentish
"I blame these shows for my husband’s infidelity!"		 Dwanye Miller
"Having fat women on TV is one thing. Showing their fatty milk glands is going too far."		 Gunther Davis
"I had respect for her. She reminded me of my mother, but my mother would never show her parts to me like that."

This show needs to have its name changed to “Debauchery with the Stars”.

Michael Jackson’s Dead Body

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These photos were used as evidence in the trial against Michael Jackson’s doctor, Dr. Conrad Murray. Jackson’s doctor is convicted of involuntary manslaughter for providing and injecting Michael with a prescription drug called propofol . In the June 24 photo, you can see Michael performing one of his dance music songs during a rehearsal for his “last” tour.

Aston Kutcher and Demi Moore Invaded Television and Twitter with Pornographic Imagery

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The tale of the farm boy and big city cougar unveils a new chapter in their book of anti-American, liberal etiquette. Recently, Aston was booked to appear on the lesbian fish cave worship talk show “Ellen”, where he decided it would be a great idea to grow his hair and beard out to look like our Lord savoir and also decided to appear in the nude, baring his fleshy candy sacs. He did this to purposely mock Jesus. We both know Jesus would never appear on a clam dabbler’s television show and he for sure would not allow himself to be film in such a hardcore pornographic way. This is Kutcher’s poor attempt at homoifying God’s only begotten son and his attempt will land him on Two and a Half Satan’s, while he burns in hell.

In response to Aston’s naked Jesus appearance on the No-dick-van-DIKE show, Aston’s silicon sac’d whore demon decided to post some overly provocative images of herself as she was finishing up relieving herself from body sewer waste.

Not only did this woman of scandal take a photo of herself baring flesh, but she also posted it on Twitter for all your young children to see. I guess we don’t have to worry about porn sites or gay social sites attacking you kids with images of flesh swords and milk sacs, they can always just follow Demi and get an eye full of demonic nudity. These images are even worst than when Howard Stern posted drunk nude images of his child bride on Twitter for all to see.

So step right up American, let you kids be victims of Twitter rape. That is right, every time one of these anti-God actors post fleshy images of themselves on Twitter your children’s minds are rape with naughty thoughts and can lead them down the dark path of self “m-ing” and we all know that masturbation is a form of self rape.

Bruno Mars Arrested for Selling Coke to Justin Bieber at MTV VMA Awards

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Peter Gene Hernandez , better known by his stage name Bruno Mars, was arrested Sunday night after the Mtv VMA Awards, for selling an illegal substance to a minor. The substance in question was the common black street known as coked cane or also known as black pixie nose sprinkles. Seems Bruno wants to be a billionaire so freakin’ bad, that he will even slang dope to youngsters if need be.

From the LAPA report, Bruno was caught attempting to sale a rock of coked can to young pop star, Justin Bieber after the 2011 Mtv Video Music Awards. Around 10pm Bruno approached young Bieber and was pressuring him to purchase the drugs and even offered to give him the funny dust for free. Bieber’s security notified the LAPA once they noticed Justin being pushed by Mr. Mars. Bieber’s security tackled and punched Bruno in the right eye and then cuffed him.

Once LAPA arrived, they took Bruno into custody and then wanted to question Bieber to make a full report. It was reported Justin left the scene with his Mexican girlfriend and was last spotted at the Mtv after party.

Later a image of Justin fleeing the scene through a wall of bushes emerged. You can see the fear and terror on his face as his jumps into the bushes to hide from the rape like situation he just experienced.

It is a sad day when we allow non-American music stars attack young children with drugs.