I can remember the days of when this young man was attending Catholic school in Scottsdale, AZ and was learning about all the great things in life. One thing I never had to deal with was rowdy kids and that was because heterosexual children are 96% more likely to behave in class then a homosexual child. Back in my day there was maybe a 1% population of homosexual students. Now they is rising number and it is currently at 35.9%.

I put together a how to guide on what to do if you are cursed with the task of raising an infected child.

Before Birth
When your wife becomes pregnant, make sure to have the fetus tested for any gay genes. If your child is tested positive, then you need to talk to your wife and ask her why she engaged in female to female fish cave worshiping in college or if she had any late night orgies with bi sexual men while skipping her home ec classes. Ask her if she has ever had her sewer hole tainted by a man’s twiddle rompus or if she has shoved a plastic man torpedo up there. Sin hole play and any other of the activities listed above can infect your baby with the iGay gene.

Actions and Punishment
Since burning at the stake and beating children have been banned, I compiled a list of causes and actions on how to deal with your homo walking fetus without having the police called on you.

Tries to talk back with words that sound smart and with a lisp

Reason: Uses MAC products or is using MAC products at his friend’s house. People who use MACs think they have a higher intelligence, but that is far from true. Their pseudo intellectual attitude comes from all the blogs that MAC users write, the fake smart podcasts from their iToons, watching MAC commercials make fun of Christian business men and show that a homo hipster is way cooler, making emo music and 8-bit music playlists on their iPods and reading gay porn on their iPods. The lisp comes from mimicking the way satan hump slave christ angel speaks (avid MAC user and homosexual).

Action: Destroy all MAC products. Make your child collect any stickers, man purses and electronic devices that display the rainbow flagged apple logo on it and make them dump them into a trash can and set it on fire. This will show the child that you will not put up with his sassy talk and if they want to speak like that, they can move to San Fagisco and live on the streets like all the other poisonous rats.

Dances like a sugar plum fairy

Reason: Watches homo erotic shows like Yo! Gabba Gabba and Ellen. These shows teach children how to dance at gay disco bars and how to attract other satan scepter worshipers.

Action: Cancel any cable that you have in your house. Replace their TV with a tape player and purchase Bible stories on tape. Your child will soon learn that stories about love and heterosexuality are more entertaining then some homo hobbit looking dike dancing around to 8-bit black music.

Wears their sister’s pants or dresses

Reason: Reads GAP ads in fashion magazines. Gay men like to have their tadpole torpedo mashed into their pants as much as possible. They like to have it displayed so other rump harpooners can see what kind of meat they can shove down their throats during mouth sex acts.

Action: Remove all womens pants and dresses in the house. Replace with sweat pants. If the boy is still wearing dresses or berry smuggler pants, then prance them around a prison with men who haven’t had a lover in 10 years. This will surely scare the child out of their confused fashion sense.

Goes vegan

Reason: Gays like to stay health from their AIDS, so they only eat vegetables. They also know many vegetables are shaped like flesh crayons. Gays also like to use vegetables are sexual toys and then eat them later.

Action: Let your child know they do not have AIDS until they engage in man to man sin docking or female to female wound riding and that being a vegan is unhealthy. Let them know not eating meat with get them made fun of and beat up at school and in public by the more manly and untainted children.

Boy wears a man purse

Reason: They are watching the Homo Gay Agenda’s network “Bravo.” This station is the brainwashing center of the gays. Young males are told that man purses are fashionable and all they really are, are a place for gays to store anal rape toys, chemicals to loosen their sewer muscles, blindfolds for children and other pedo items.

Action: A good smack to the side of the head. Any boy who walks around with a homo hand bag needs to be roughed up. Challenge your son to a wrestling match and let them know they can invite their other boy friends over for a good ol’ fashion hand of God whooping.

Daughter cuts her hair short

Reason: Most likely watching the “L” word on Showtime, spending time with hippies or has gone to a party in Palm Springs.

Action: Force them to do kitchen duties for a month. This will remind them the role of a women. Not going out and hanging with the girls or drinking at a bar. Young girls need structure and that structure can be taught by making meals, cleaning and sewing.

Son gets a faux hawk

Reason: The gays most popular hair cut. Your son most likely saw this on every homo in homowood or has been watching and listening to Ryan Seacrest.

Action: Shave their head with a razor. The pure pain of doing this will make them think twice about going down to a salon instead of a barber shop, so they can make their hair look like some homo dumped devil dna in it and swirled it around. The razor is painful, but is not abuse. Giving a child a haircut is now physical at all.

Son cries like a girl

Reason: Listening to emo music or Adam Lambert.

Action: Secretly record your son crying and play it at their school during morning announcements. The humiliation that your son with go through will instantly force them to suck it up and be manly.

I hope my knowledge helps a few of you parents out there. Do remember, that it isn’t just your child’s fault, it is also your wifes.