If you are like me you don’t pay attention to channels like Mtv, TMZ or Nickelodeon, so it would be no surprise not to know what or why the book “50 Shades of Grey” is such a international phenomena. Until last night I didn’t even know what the book was about until I went to my local book store, grabbed a copy and opened it up. I was wondering why the clerk at the store gave me a look like I was some kind of freak, but understood right when I opened up the book and read the first two lines which read “Within no time, I could feel the shitty creamy load seeping from my puckered brown eye and all over my fishy flaps. Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his slut slayer shoved deeper into my soft tight anus.” After vomiting in my mouth due to the vile content I just read, I reopened the book and decided to share some of the things this book has to offer to our country.
Below is content that is highly explicit.
“With my sugared almond now much like that bathroom door in The Shining, he thought it was time to start sliding my soft tight anus. Is now the time to tell him I really need to launch a stink pickle, I wondered? The feeling of his cock custard flowing down my throat got my shrimp sap flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. My cake hole was so full of sperminator and cock snot, the baby gravy was draining down my chin and onto my chesticles. The hammering of my shit winker was so vigorous, he soon found his family jewels joining his trouser bowser deep in my turd-herder. I awoke the next morning with my cock holster still leaching. I thought it was over but his slut slayer had other ideas.”
“Now, I’ve seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his thrill drill made my tuna tunnel tears salivate like a broken coffee maker. My gashtray was trembling like Vanessa Feltz’s diesel-powered vibrator. When he removed his one-eyed milkman from my brown mile, he was pleasantly surprised to see a sewer trout staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to chow down on the stink pickle off his long-dong silver. After having my oyster ditch thrusted, he then proceeded to hammer my marmite motorway. The unrelenting orgasms from his cunt plunger hammering my herring hole made me come so hard, I began sweating like a fat slag in a disco.”
“He munched on my furburger, even though I’d been up on bricks for the best part of a week. There was baby gravy salivating from his brie baton and I was wetter than a well diggers arse. We were ready for more. The feeling of his steamin’ semen haemorrhaging down my throat got my tuna tunnel tears flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. When he removed his eight inches of throbbing pink jesus from my cocoa channel, he was pleasantly surprised to see a Mr. Hanky staring back as him. He knew I couldn’t wait to gobble the stink pickle off his bald-headed yogurt slinger. The hammering makes me spit my minge mucus all over his clunger.”
“Inserting a cucumber into my clearing in the woods got me spraying fallopian fish stock faster than greased shit off a shiny shovel. I awoke the next morning with my hatchet wound still dribbling. I thought it was over but his womb raider had other ideas. The unrelenting orgasms from his cheese-crusted cock pounding my clearing in the woods made me come so hard, I began sweating like a pregnant nun. I can’t wait to gobble the cock snot from his sperminator. The plowing makes me squirt my minge mucus all over his veiny quim prod.”
Minneapolis – Target today has announced their new marketing campaign to “dip into the growing homosexual population in America.” This new campaign includes a complete branding of select Target locations with a abnormally high gay population. One of the rebranding moves is to redesign the logo itself. The famous red target will now have a camel skin brown colored centered dot and the name itself will be the French word, Fağet, which when translated means, various tunnels. Along with the name rebranding, Target’s new Fağet stores will be the host of product lines geared toward the homosexual community. They also plan to change the famous Target dog with a chihuahua. They feel these subtle changes will give homosexuals a open and carefree shopping experience. Fağet’s mother stores will be in San Francisco, Palm Springs, CA, Indianapolis and Lincoln, Nebraska.
Georgia – A North Georgia KKK Chapter today announced they would retract their petition to “adopt a highway” after investigating the portion of the highway open for sponsorship. After a few political hoops to jump through, the KKK members were hung up on the fact that the asphalt on the Georgia stretch was black. The Klan also didn’t like the fact that the strip of highway was close to an exit that lead directly to a KFC restaurant.
“All we wanted to do is adopt a highway, but not a devil highway.”
said April Chambers, the chapter’s secretary. She also stated the chapter would be investigating any parts of the highway that uses a what is called pure white gravel, not your standard mixed color gravel. She said The Klan is only fans of “segregated” gravel.
Los Angeles, CA – In the heart of the liberal lair, it should not be anything short of shocking to see that The Government’s human life hating department announced today their new partnership with Germany’s popular vacuum system, Dyson. Having a rich history of eradicating millions of living souls, German engineering was an easy choice for Planned Parenthood when looking for a new partnership to supply its offices with weapons of mass killing. Along with outfitting all Planned Parenthood death camps with “No suction loss” equipment, Dyson has also spent $40 million dollars on a new marketing campaign to promote its product, along with promoting Planed Parenthood’s new slogan, “Using Suction To Remove Life’s Mess Ups”, across the United States and is heavily targeting high schools and middle schools of predominantly urban populations.
Thousand of gays came out today to announce their fight on gay marriage was a hoax and just to irritate Christians.
San Francisco, CA– Laughter is always the best medicine, unless that medicine is forcefully injected into the blood stream intentional hurt someone or a group of innocent people. Today we learned that the gay community had pulled off one of the biggest jokes in modern day history when they announced they don’t support gay marriage at all and the only reason they were pushing the movement was to irritate and annoy Christians around the world. The equal marriage moment has been called off completely, leaving many heterosexuals dumbfounded.
After hearing this, Christian leaders are scrambling to find their new crusade cause. At the moment they can still pray the gay away, try to cripple teenage abort death chambers or change course entirely and go after a new minority or lifestyle. We feel Asians maybe their next target. They have weird fetishes and have been flying under the ridicule radar since 1989.
Aaron Heier, aka “The Glory Hole Bandit”, was quoted saying on his internationally known gay talk show, HSSS.TV, “Isn’t it finally fun to be on the receiving in of an uncomfortable situation for once? After all the years of rough pounding from The Christian Right, we finally got the last laugh. Just watching them squirm was worth all the work we put in to attack them with fake protests and lawsuits. Bravo my brave community, bravo!” Heier also stated he will be celebrating with his mob of pranksters’ victory by sipping down fruity martinis and gossiping they night away with hetero-bashing toned conversations.
The toughest decision for a butchy lesbian is not their choice of becoming gay, but the difficult feat of how to dress in the most “I don’t care what I look like for sympathy attention” manner. Buying XXXL flannels and baggy mom pants can be hard when today’s fashion outlets only carry outfits tailored to non-testicled lumberjacks. But if you are a flat top haircut wearing scissor slammer, you are in luck! Today a company by the name of Les and Bo’s has announced their line of dykey friendly fem wear and will be partnering with Target’s custom gay demographic targeted stores coming this fall to fill up the racks with oversize flannels, studded belts, Disney branded accessories, Looney Tunes stickers, scarfs and more. I’m sure men-dykes around the world today are cheering in joy knowing that Les & Bo’s will now be finally bringing “Formal Wear For Informal Women” as their slogan states.
Screen shot from one of Mortal Kombat’s new female secretion killing moves.
Burbank, Calif. – Shocking and morbid video game news has been announced today fromNether Realm headquarters when lead developer,Nakasatu Kashimi, showcased their next installment of the popular blood and gore game series, Mortal Kombat. This game has been known over the years for its highly graphic bloodshed, homosexual subliminal content, detailed mutilation combat system and unfamily friendly vulgarity. But, today the line of American decency has been crossed. That line crossing doesn’t include new ways to decapitate or rip the spine out of your opponent, that the typical Mortal Kombat games bring. Nope, now kids will be able to finish off their challengers with clotted glob streams of murder scene red female menstruation blood. You read that correct, your children will be able to unleash red seas of female monthly mucus onto each other to the point of death and Nether Realm thinks it is “stepping up the game in video game experience.”
Westboro Baptisr Church member holds up his anti-mensuration sign in front of his house.
The infamous protest group known as Westboro Baptist Church has switched gears with its message. Normally they are campaigns against homosexual who disgrace their God by interlocking themselves in duel man love relationships and they fight hard trying to keep the gay away from public spaces. Their new message is to stop females from using mensuration pads, as they are said to be created by “Homo friendly companies and by bleeding onto these rags angers God and also for each drop of clotted blood that makes contact with these abortion pads make Satan chuckle with masturbatory pleasures“. The church claims wearing one of these feminine protectors is just as bad as having an abortion in “a back ally using a coat hanger” and women should instead bleed on themselves rather than “giving their souls to Satan”. Another odd belief is that they think these companies also go and collect used pads and send them off to science facilities to test out stem cell research. Gay talk show king, Aaron Heier says “I rather have them fighting over bloody vags than making gay people bloody”. When asked what should women use instead, The Church suggested wads of Bounty Paper Towels and Napkins. “Heck, they can sop up a quart of ketchup at a Sunday BBQ, I’m sure they can absorb a bloody egg” said on member.
The scent of demonic secretion wafts its foul odor yet again across the innocent genitals of America’s youth, trying to grip their meat bananas in the most uncomfortable homosexual manner known to man. This new veil of necormatic rape comes to us in the form of WASD keyboard pounding and with each mouse left click of molestation, brings your child closer to a lifestyle of urgefully wanting homosexually produced devil DNA inside of them and will increase the temptation of wanting taint tug their musky man candy or end up having unprotected fecal farming sex with skanky females or prancing fecal bandits. What is this new form of mind fisting you ask? Where did I go wrong as a parent you might be thinking? How did I allow my child to walk a path of utter death? Let me tell you, this hellspawn of soppy man mucus was brought into your house the day you allowed your children to engage in MMORPGing. Massive Multiple Orgy Role Playing Games are bringing the destruction of children and its latest phallic swindler is called Guild Wars 2.
Guild Wars 2 is laced with drug references, cut scenes of gay men trying to fill each other’s prairie dog holes with large battle axes, black magic witches casting sexual urge spells and mythical creatures that will for sure cause your child to want to live some sort of loser goth lifestyle.
Did you know the word “Guild” is used in the gay community to describe underground drug clubs that are frequented by dangerous sugar plummed anal fairies looking to fecal plow young children? These clubs are also where gays go to have solo jousting circle competitions. Did you also know the acronym used for Guild Wars 2 is GW2? That is the same acronym used by hot beef Harrys when they engage in a triple male prison dances. Basically even before your child installs the megabits of death binary into their computer,the game’s name is bombarding them with gay erotic undertones of reverse deification acts and possibly brainwashing them into wanting to explore themselves with a good sour cream wiggle session. The logo itself has a serpent and we all know that is the universal phallic symbol in black magic circles. If you think this is funny, please know that one person has already died from playing its beta release version.
Breaking Down The Release Date:
Guild Wars 2 is set to release 8-28-12, but did you know there was a reason for its numerical usage? Below I break down the numerical whorness of this release date. The numbers are just as dangerous as the lawn mowing Mexican Aztec calender, which tries to make people believe the new age of homosexuality will be among us in December, 2012.
8 – The number eight in 4chan talk, the talk used in MMORPG games, means two holes. Those two holes are the man’s sewer hole on top and the woman’s blood sewer below it.
28 – Again the MMORPG sign for sex holes and the number two stands for sex toy. When you put the two together it means penile injection of both holes with stiff jelly formed
This is a Tyson Bowers III certified review.
12 – Again, a man’s sin stick and the number one in-front of it means a homosexaul, which makes the penile a homosexual love lurer.
When we look at the whole date together it comes out meaning all players should openly flaunt their holes for plastic pleasure poking and be wide open and allow themselves to be filled with pearly demon sap from that of a sickly infested penile of ass assassin.
The side eyed communist game makers of Japan have ejaculated a new pornographic video game. They have ejaculated it right into the eyes of your beautiful children! They seek to tantalize youthful taints with sinful pleasures and violent tugs of weasel flesh to the point of forced climaxtic DNA release. In a nutshell, Final Fantasy XIII-2 is a homo erotic sin slit worshiping story about two lesbian lovers who are on a mission to satifify their demonic sin slits with copious amounts of mutant orgy parties and violate their pudding blowholes with battle ramming force.
Throughout the game, your child is forced to fight demonic monsters with black magic spells, while their minds are caked with homo gay imagery of twink power bottom companions engaging in ass play battles. Each battle, the monster and your child take turns casing spells, which is really the Japanese cleaver way of having the characters demon whack off each monster without parents being able to tell. They also take turns conjuring up pets from hell to cast “power spells” at the monsters. The super monsters are the symbol of lesbianism and it is teaching your son that lesbians are the power breed of the world and that boys should hide in closets and play “yanky spank” with the local gay pedophile.
What Does the Title Mean?
In the pron world, things are rated with an “X”. Since Japan’s porn industry it so marinated with musky Satanic juices, the American rating required the X to be times by 3 and at the power of 2. So the pornography equation for the rating of this game gives it its name. X x 3 power of 2 = XIII3 or the international rating of “large amounts of violent taint and vaginal exposure.”
Cover Art Analysis
Just look at it, look at the plastic phallic sex defilers they have strapped to their belts, ready to battle in a game of sinful insertions. Just the cover art alone should send off a red flag to parents and letting them know by buying this game they are sending their son or daughter down a dark path of clitoral sin play and we all know the clitoral muscle is Satan’s doorbell and by ringing it opens a gateway into your soul for him to take control of the body and mind.
FFXIII-2 PSA Posters
Please post these on your Facebook, Myspace, Friendster and Hi-5 accounts:
Coachella is a sin den of drug induced anal penetration and other fecal worship games. It is also the place your daughter will most likely lose her virginity. No longer is prom the number one offender of deflowering young moist camel hump, now the crown belongs to the strawberry sex scented hands of Coachella.
1. Mouth Sex Addiction
Be sure to know while at Coachella, your daughter on average will have given out a minimum of thirty to thirty six demonic acts of mouth sex to sweat covered boys and chances are some of them might be of mixed race. While under copious amounts of Bugs Bunny Mexican Rainbox Droppers, your princess will be controlled by Satan’s urge to violate flesh weasels with oral ticklings of pleasure.
2. Beer Garden Abortions (sponsored by Dyson)
Due to that fact your daughter will have been impregnated by multiple males during her whore filled weekend,, she knows she can’t return to daddy full of strange fetus’. Not to worry, the Beer Gardens have a mobile abortion clinic to vacuum out any evidence of pre-martial creation of life. This will allow your daughter to stuff her fish cave with all the DNA rifles she can find without any worries of being cut off. Each abortion is posted on Coachella’s tumblr account and hash tagged with #thatsucks, #destroyedbydyson, #reversedpregnancy and #coachellaspbabyboom.
3. Lesbian Worship
Clam dabbling is a praised contact sport at Coachella and be sure your daughter will be a gladiator in this tongue twacking fighting hopes of reaching a demonic climatic release, as large groups of men cheer her on while they group demon whack their sin staffs. While your daughter is deeply marinated in fish sin, young men will be releasing their DNA onto her body as a Satanic symbol of approval. Satan enjoys a cheerful masturbatory group and he will bless your daughter will a fiery soul for her involvement. Pray she does NOT develop the “Homosexual Cough” from these actions.
4. Ecstasy Heroin Anal Docking Orgies
You can’t spell Coachella without the words “Fecal Fisting”. After being exposed to “H” snorting, your daughter will easily find herself partaking in reverse deification play at one of the many anal docking tents at Coachella. Once inside the tent she will be given shots of ecstasy laced vodka shooters to relax her Harlem tunnel to allow passage of sin snakes to enter her in the most unholy of ways.
Gays are now being seen breeding pups to walk around with The Mark of Penile on their backs to let other people know that they are the property of a homo gay. Below is an image proving this new fad of gayness it popping up in liberal parts of The United States. Be assured that in the near future, gays will be branding their Cuban imported babies with birthmarks in the shape of a twiddle rompus.
Has your wife been spending a lot of time on The Internet lately? Has she all of a sudden started wearing items she ordered from stores on “etsy”? Does she now try and bake cupcakes or chicken enchilada soup? Does she frantically take photos on her cellphone when she is at the store? If so, your wife has been exposed to a high level of Internet whoreness, called “Pinterest.com“. Pinterest is a website devoted to turning obedient servant housewives into picture sharing prostitutes, who spend houses a day having fun with the girls, while you work hard to pay the house mortgage.
For hours a day, your wife is yucking it up with pools of whoring devil whores, who tickle her sin cravings with thoughts of deep sex climactic adventures. This type of activity is called “Pinning” and the more “Pinning” you do, the higher your slutness level is on this website of demonic orgasmic pleasure. “Pinning” is the equivalent of digitally “moist figuring” other members on the site, so be assured your wife has stuck her finger in multiple members by the time you arrive home from work. Also be warned, you wife is most likely dancing in the musky gayness side of Pinterest and making friendships will gay male users, who will tempt her with thoughts of leaving her kids and living a “Sex in the City” lifestyle.
Facts about Pinterest:
Women who use Pinterest are more likely to give out mouth sex acts to large lines of men in back alleys.
Women who use Pinterest try to trick their husbands into games of sexual rectal recon.
The “P” in Pinterest, stands for penis.
The average Pinterest user has been charged with child neglect, at least twice.
Women who use Pinterest are guilty of sexually rubbing their Satan’s doorbell, while their husbands are at work.
More than 80% of Pinterest users now fantasy about lesbian sex relations.
2 out of 3 Pinterest users have been fired from their jobs, do to “pinning” at work.
Women who use Pinterest are more likely to invite sin snakes into their fecal cavern.
Look at all this sinful horseplay, no wonder men have reverted to violence, it is the only way to keep their wife from digitally whoring.
Examples of what your wife is exposed to on Pinterest:
Just look at it, look at the marinated sin factory of homoness that the gays are forcing into the bellies of our children. The gays are jamming handfuls of sugar plummed anal sin down the throats of children around America with their new twaddle stick shaped candies. With these new candies the gays are training little Timmy to crave the musky man taint of the local gay who prowls around the school yard looking for a victim whose mother is late to pick them up. Gays can now sit back and fantasize about man boy love sin docking while they watch children slam back mouthfuls of twiddle rompus fruitiness. The gays can now also place their tainty rainbow brainwashing tarts into vending machines across the country and pray that Franky and the gang build a fancy to maul on fondling Freddy’s meat banana.
If you’re an Obama voting mongoloid, you might ask “What is wrong with kids buying 100 pieces of penile sugar?”. Well to you I say, how would you like your son being the local gay communities dungeon boy? Do you want you son to be the center piece of the local Pride Club’s interracial anal slam fest? I didn’t think so. Just like all liberals they “support” the gays, but would kill their child if they knew they baby boy had a knack for candy sac.
To those who support this type of activity, just know there is a stake and a tank full of gasoline with your name on it if you come into my neck of the woods.
Libraries are being attacked by liberal homo gay warriors who are trying to mob your child’s underpants with vile juices of gay erotica. Below are a few examples of the demonic smut that has entered the rear ends of libraries and it is your job as Christian Americans to search your local book hub and burn any copies of these sinfully tantalizing items if found.
Every child in America should have a hearty meal served to them at lunch as long as their parents are God fearing tax payers. If they are from a linage of people who think coyoting their way over to our great nation, the only thing they should be served is a hot plate of welfare denial with a tasty side of deportation. Now back to the worthy children. Gays have tried to sneak their fecal and tainted scented hands into the pants of young boys since their invention and will go to extreme lengths to get a chance at swindling your son into a dark lifestyle of sin filled gayness.
The newest ass assassin scheme is to feed children rectum in hopes of making them desire the taste of a sin soaked male sewer hole. Just think about it, while you think your son is taking a bite of tatter tots of digging into a sloppy Joe, they are really lapping up a mouthful of gay like ruffy that will for sure tickle their souls to crave copious amounts of manly musk.
In the photo below you can see our reports have snapped a shot of a new shipment sent to Hover Middle School.
Parents be warned! Liberals parents are using their children’s year books to push the homo gay and Atheist left winged agenda. Before purchasing this year’s year book, make sure to ask for a soft copy so that you can proof read it before purchase. It is also good to see how they place black students. If they are mashed up in the back of the book, that is a good sign of a high morally valued year book.