We hired a occupy Wall Street protester, named Brenden, to educate us on the hipster culture.
True Confessions of a Hipster – Ep.1
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Category Archives: Christwire Buzz
Sinning Lesson From Deacon Tyson Bowers III
1. Take a piece of paper and crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up, but don’t rip it.
2. Unfold the paper, smooth it out and look how scarred and dirty it is.
3. Now tell the piece of paper you are sorry and try really hard to make the paper look like it did before you abused it.
4. Notice that no matter how hard you try, you can’t undo the damage of the abuse, no matter how hard you flatten out the creased paper.
This is what homosexuality does to your spirit. No matter how hard you try to fix what you have done to your body, the scar still remain on your soul and Jesus can not forgive you for that. So before you fold and crumple your body with gay sin docking creases, remember that you can try and pretend it never happened and might be able to tell everyone you are sorry, the fact is, those marks of sin will never go away.
Obama Gets Sexual Excited When Touching a White Woman – Photo Evidence
It is no secret that the black man’s mouth waters at the sight of a porcelain skinned female. It is also no shocker to know that when a black man gets close to a white woman, the only thoughts in their mind is how they can use their black magic powers to swoon them into the bedroom and impregnate their flesh clapper and force them onto wel-fare. See, white women get more government assistance for their babies and that kind of cash just jitters the the greedy hearts of these street slanggers.
Even though Obama is our first half-black president, this horn-beast still can’t control his black sex urges and his flirt-worm when he is in close proximity of pork meat and his mind starts to be filled with milk chocolate fantasies. In the photo below you can clearly see the blackness of Obama tainting his twiddle rompus and causes his body to clinch up in uncontrolable orgasmic excitement. I guess it isn’t too hard to get the president’s whistle blowing. I mean, he does have to sleep next to RuPaul every night.
He Said, She Said TV Tries to Bash Christwire on Their Gay Erotic Podcast
Deep within the swelling LGBT city of San Diego, a cosmo sipping, anal fisting show is televised to the masses. The TV show is call He Said, She Said and is hosted by one Cher singing drag queen and one P90X using pretty boy. The draggies name is “Ophelia Later”, which refers to “her” giving out free mouth sex acts in the back alley of any DDF gay bar “she” can stumble into and Aaron, which is just the gay way of spelling Aron, the extra “r” stands for rugged.
In their episode from October 7th, Aaron and “Man Dyke”, take a copy of our book we sent them and trash it on their show. Just like good little homosexuals, they deny anything holy. They didn’t realize we sent them our book in hopes of turning their lives around. Instead, in typical gay fashion, make fun of our topics and claim it isn’t even real. WHy is it that the gay community doesn’t like gay bashing, but will for full penetration when it comes to bashing Christians?
FAST FORWARD 55 MINUTES INTO THE SHOW
Simone Battle – He Likes Boys – Proof the Gay Agenda is on the Rise
X Factor failure, Simone Battle, has released her first single within the matter of minutes after being kicked off the show. Not only does this British socialist competition smell of musky scam. How is one to believe that this girl didn’t already have a record deal and they were using the X Factor to freely promote her new song, that BLATANTLY PUSHES A HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA. Do they really think that America is dumb enough not to know that the liberal media used another piss soaked karaoke show to stealth attack our homes with homo gay dupstep twiddle wally and sin coated dilly husk?
While America was watching to see who was going home from the X Factor, the sneaky little, pro anal sin docking, Afro-Saxon slipped in the Google keyword that all tweenages of the world needed to enter, like some secret passcode, to witness her new video that clearly pushes a homo erotic message. Within seconds, millions of children have been exposed to a video the shows one afro-gay walking around West Hollywood, looking for cheap ecstasy and tight jeaned man meat to devour. The song title alone shows you how open the gay world is when it comes to brain washing your children. It is entitled “He Likes Boys” and it is a song about putting the gay lifestyle in the spotlight.
America should be angry and the black community should be appalled by Simon Cowell’s use of black women to push a gay message and using a black man as the video’s star. I’m sure if The Tapack Sugar was still around, he would load this video up with a hell fire of bullets and then ghetto slap Cowell in the face.
Black People Are Weird
Black people are weird, either they are selling rocked coked caned on urban streets or trying to impregnant white women’s canker-blossoms. If they aren’t on the streets looking for something to vandalize, black people are on YouTube wasting their government issued band widths, uploading video that prove their missing link of Homosapienism. In the video below, you will see a dating video from the popular black dating website, Babymamadating.biz, where a hippo-blackous is waving her Kentucky fried thighs to a Dubstep techno song. In the song she claims to be immune to AIDs and also announces to the world that she likes to be sin docked via her chocolate air lock. Videos like these are the reason blacks should now have websites like BlackPlanet and also not be allowed to expose our children to their behavior, by uploading this type of smut onto YouTube.
Behavoir like this is why God has given the black world a time out by infecting them with the sickle cell fungus.
We “axed” some local black folk why they think their fellow sin skinned “brufas” are so weird.
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| Malik Jefferson “We iz how it iz yo!” |
Lil Three “Slanging and banging, slag to the bang.” |
Kris Brown “Dis question here, it here shows how dah man don’t respect. Respect and you shall be respected.” |
The Gentlemen's Rant: Hipsters
I’m not one for curse word use or the use of mixed races in a film, but when you see something the needs to be shared because it spread the truth, well you just have to suck up your morals and get behind it.
In the video below, a film maker interviews local New York City residents about their feelings towards hipsters and why they think they are destroying the fabric of America. You can see the common reaction is disgust and disbelief when asked about the vile street suckers.
Gaia Online Has Grown Into a Violent Breeding Ground for Future Transgenders and Drug Users
Evil Gaia Online homo gay avatar
Right off the bat, your children are given a grieve warning before entering in the world of musky phallic scented decay. The warning on the site reads:
Founded in 2003, Gaia Online has grown into one of the biggest forum communities in the world. Today, Gaia is the best place on the web to discuss anime, games, comics, sci-fi, fantasy and anything else you can imagine. Plus, there are tons of other free features to keep Gaia members permanently amused.
“Anime, games, comics, sci-fi, fantasy and anything else you can imagine“, does this mean there are rooms were people can talk about rainbow painted homosexual monkeys that fornicate with chocolate puppies? Does this mean Freddy “Fondle Fingers” can create a world of apple-johnny grabby fingers for underage Sponge Boy fans or a GLEE fan can concoct a cesspool of anal drug taking circles, mixed with a interracial orgies for your unsupervised child to gaze upon? Does this also mean that DDF Craiglist homosexuals will be able to create worlds of sexual violence and disease and openly invite your children to come play in their dungeon of mass destruction?
Joining Gaia is free, and it only takes a few clicks. Do it!
Transgender, Gaia Online player, who has a level 45 Rancor Mage, It is being presented with the Tutti-frutti Killstreak award.
With all the gay fantasy content and anti-God anime displayed, they tempt you child to click on the sign up button by saying there is tons of games to play and it is all “Free”. This is just like the ass assassin kid lover, who buys a ice cream truck, offers children “Free” ice cream and than lures them into the back of their van for a afternoon rompus on some fresh baby bait. The click free button is the lollipop to trap you kid into world of endless sugar plummed twiddle rompus violating.
Create your own style with thousands of avatar items, from clothes and accessories to hairstyles, pets, weapons and anything else you can imagine.
Weapons?!?!? Why in the world would kids need to play dress up and play with weapons? Are they trying to create some form of cross dressing, fashion forward, vampire gay army? Also, anything I can imagine? Does this mean an Atheist could have a golden spear with Our Lord Saviors head on it? Does this mean sick and twisted 4chan users could have t-shirts of tentacle Asian naughty photos on them?
ZOMG "Pimp Avatar" orgy party.
Kids are taught to sell drugs during daily chance games, where they play a game called “ZOMG”. In this game they try to sell as many drugs to rainbow fairies and than create a “Pimp Avatar” to host a devil wizard induced, roguish beef-whipping drug orgy. Players come to the party and pay “Gaia Gold” to the pimp avatar to attend the festivities. The word “ZOMG”, stands for “Zombie Orgy Money Game” and these are the types of moral dysfunctions being planted into the minds of young Gaia members.
Kids are also tricked into doing online dating surveys, in where they put in their age, physical description and photo and in return they are granted limited time chance “uber” items. These surveys are directly sent to N.A.M.B.L.A. mailing list database, where members can scout and scour the list of players to see if any prey lives within a Meagan’s law distance away from them.
Players are also convinced to post on forums where they spend late hours talking to fickle masturbating, pedophilic international predators, who dwell in Communist Mexican states like, Cuban and Brazil. For every post the player leaves, they are rewarded with more Gaia Gold and also open up their IP addresses for these sweaty field workers to find out where they live.
The only good thing I can say about this game, is the lack of chocolate exposure.
Different Types of Gaias
Making the avatar is teaching kids how to use cosmetic surgery to mutalate themselves into a different sex and to plaster make and tattoos all over their body. Each avatar always comes out looking like something you would find in Lady Gaga’s toilet after a defecation session, with glitter sprinkled all over it. It might come out sparkly and artistic, but it still smells of homosexuality and vile demonic stench. This game screams “Turn my daughter into Chaz Bono” or “Sew up my daughter’s canker-blossom and slap a plastic twiddle dalus on her”.
Below are the most common Gaia Avatar styles.
Futuristic Sex Toy Pirate
Cross Dressing Emosexual
Hermaphroditic Reptile
Concubine Commie
Gay-sha Girl
Intergalactic Cracker Coke Canned Dealer
Cyber Sex Princess
Gaia Lingo
Avi – This is the file format that Gaia players use to record their sex adventures in Gaia Online. Other players will go around the forums and chat rooms asking for “Avi” and they get bombarded with personal messages and IM’s with bit.ly download links.
GD – General Dungeon is the part of the forum that is dedicated to sex role playing. Most thread titles are cleaver, so that a kids will curiously click on them and be sucked into a digital interracial butt busting foreplay. Some of the thread titles will be something like, “Candy Apple Cinnamon”, “Pony Rides and Magic” or even “Milk and Berries”.
Elitist – A player who voted for Obama.
PURE- Someone who plays a minimum of 20 hours a day.
Slagga/knoppa – This is a word used during “ZOMG” parties. This word is used if a user’s parent or spouse walks in the room. If the user types “Slagga” or “Knoppa” into the “ZOMG” chat window, the pimp player will know to blank out the user’s screen. It is like a safe word used when two homosexuals are torturing each other.
Gaia Leet Speaking or 13375p34k
AFAIK: Another Freak Anal Encounter Killstreak
ATM: Avatar to Mouth
AYT: A Yummy Taint
BTW: Bi-sexual to Women
HAND: Have Any Naughty Drugs
HTH: Homosexual to Homosexual
IANAL: I-ANAL (Short for I need anal)
IMHO: I’m a Homo
NHOH: New Homo Ogy Here
TAM: Tonging A Man
How would you like it if your son of daughter became the full time sex slave to a Cuban pot dealing lord, who forces them to call him “poppy”, while they perform unprotected mouth sex acts on his sin snake? Well, if you keep letting your children play these types of fantasy games, it is only a matter of time before they are hoping on South West Airlines and landing in Satan’s pony adventure of double dipped sin. If you don’t want this happening, you need to remove any band widths access to the internet from your child’s iBook Air Mac and make sure they are not able to still any neighbor’s why-fi connect. They may hate you for not being able to log onto their Satanic digital world, but remember that kids don’t understand a parent’s love until they have kids of their own. Yes, that means if you choice to deny God by not having kids, you are a sinner.
Liberals Want to Rewrite Disney Films
The liberal mind is sick and twisted. It is a Jello bowl consumed with homosexuality and Communism. Below is some artwork that is being proposed to Disney as rewrites of their most famous classics. Liberal Hollywood says they want to give the films an updated look, feel and story line.
Pornocchio
Meth-nocchio
Cinderella and Snow White’s Lesbian Fun Land of Clam Dabble
Prince DDF
Occupy Wall Street Tramp
Truth About Occupy Wall Street
Arizona, UCLA Fight: Massive Brawl Breaks Out
A massive, brawl between Arizona and UCLA football players broke out just before halftime of Thursday night’s game. This is a perfect example of why you can’t have large groups of Afro-saxons in a confined area while engaged in a physical sport. Nothing but violence comes from it.
With just two seconds left in the second quarter, a fan dressed as a referee ran on the field to confront a player who had “roofied” his sister at a Alpha Pi party the night before, confusing the players and delaying the game.
Once the Arizona players heard that one of the UCLA players had drugged one of their class mates, violence broke out. According to Larry Brown Sports, UCLA Bruins receiver Taylor Embree threw the first punch and hit Arizona Wildcat Shaquille Richardson, who returned the favor with a spear throwing like motion karate chop.
Both players were ejected and may potentially hand out further disciplinary action.
How to Spot a Occupy Wall Street Protester
What Liberal Women Can Learn From Andrea Tantaros
About Andrea Tantaros
Andrea is the daughter of an immigrant Greek family, so she knows the how the great LEGAL immigration system in America works. Due to her family following the rules of American citizenship, God blessed her family with a restaurant, where she worked as a waitress during her teenage years. In 1997 she graduated high school and attended Lehigh University and majored in Journalism and French. She knew if she wanted to be a true journalist, she would have to learn the language of the socialist and lazy enemies of the world. This is why she is also fluent in Mexican, British and Liberal Twaddle.
After college, Andrea did what most liberal woman aren’t capable of and got a high ranking job by using her wits, brains and not using women’s rights to further her career. Tantaros joined the Holy Gail of all journalism networks, Fox News, in April 2010 and currently co-hosts one of the greatest shows on cable, “The Five”, where she gives perfect skinned and plump glossy lipped truth commentary on current events.
If I didn’t commit my life to God, Andrea is the type of woman I would court.
What Liberal Women Can Learn From Andrea Tantaros
FASHION – Without fully exposing her sin treats, Princess Tantaros is able to embody class with sass. It is very important for woman to look professional when working in the man’s world and Andrea is able to mix and match proper waist size dresses and at the same time not wear something that would distract her male co-workers with thoughts of naught imagery. Men who work with liberal hussies, who dress like cheap $3 French whores, are shown to work at a 45% productivity rate, but when you put those same men with a classy Goddess like Andrea, their productivity is at full staff and capacity.
BEAUTY – Is it just me or does it seem like conservative woman have a natural glow to them? All liberal women need to wear make up. No man should ever see what these goal-less female’s truly look like without at least some foundation. When you have an angelic face like Andrea, make up is always optional. Now if libby females could take a note from “Drea Drea” and actually wash their faces after a long day of Wall Street protesting or maybe used some face cleanser to clear up their pot smoke causing zits, they might have a chance to have 1/87 of the beauty that our soft skinned angel Andrea effortlessly flaunts. But all in all, Andrea’s beauty is God given and remember God favors and gifts those who walk in his light, not denying him with Socialism.
HYGIENE – Sculpted P90X style biceps, white glistening teeth, hydrated lips, smooth Pro-active skin, lotion sopped legs and Vidal Sassoon, split end free hair. These are traits you would never use to describe a liberal fem, these are the words that echo in the Fox News hallways when they speak of Andrea. You would never hear such praises in the MSNBC coffee room, as the typical anti-God female thinks that walking around with a “Bed Head” boy hair cut and belly fat is respectable and natural. If looking like that was natural, why didn’t God make Eve a short haired dyke? He made Eve beautiful and by doing that, God was telling his children that women need to follow some basic rules of female hygiene. I bet if God sent down a photo of Eve, she would look identically like Andrea.
CAREER – Andrea didn’t get her career by performing countless mouth sex acts in the back alley of MSNBC or spreading her legs in the conference room at the HLN office. No, she used her God given brain power to work long hours to EARN her way to the top of the journalist totem pole. If liberal females could understand that they could use their mental talents instead of their vaginal talents, they might move up in the world with respect instead of sexual butt slaps.
So I leave you with this question and a song dedication:
Hillary Clinton Shows Her Racism Against Herman Cain
Like all liberals, Hillary Clinton is a pig faced racist and hates the fact that she not only works for a black man, but that the blacks are actually gaining some kind of equality in the world. It burns Hillary’s skin knowing that she has to wake up every morning and not be “Da Boss” to the black man. She hates the fact that her parties racist colors are showing and in the video below it proves that she is going around the world and making off colored black jokes about African Americans in the political world.
In the video, you can clearly hear Hillary making stereotypical blacks jokes about Herman Cain and she even states how she thinks because he is black, that his intelligence is too low to be a presidential candidate.
If Hillary had her way, Obama would be sweeping the White House floors and using a separate bathroom than her white elite liberal friends.
Adolf Hitler Was a Hipster
If hipsterism isn’t something we should worry about it in America, than why have archaeologists recently discovered a photo of Hitler fashioning himself in New York style hipster apparel? It seems that the hipstersexual movement has deep roots within the Nazi party and you can see this today by the OWS protesters trying to push their Socialism agenda. Hitler was able to rise to power via protests and it looks like history is repeating itself with these hippie hipstersexual scum. You can see the streets filled with hipster Nazis using force to get free schooling, credit cards, cars, Upper East Side apartments and lifetime supplies of American Spirits and PBR.
People say Jesus would feed the poor, this is true, but he would NOT do it by using the force of a Roman spear. So if you are a hipster, you clearly support the killing of all Jews and wish to paint the world with Fascism and have orgasmic urges just by the thought of the red communist Japanese rising up and bombing America.
LSU Football Players Decide to do Pot Instead of Win at Life
Remember the THREE Ds – DOPE DESTROYS DREAMS
According to reports by ESPN, 3 of LSU football players decided that getting high on the pot was more productive than winning a National Football Championship.
Following in the footsteps of professional players, the LSU football players have allowed a night of pot doing and partying get in the way of their own success. (I’m assuming these players are of sin skin color)
After falling a standard player drug test, reports say that all 3 lsu players have been suspended for an unspecified period of time, and the suspension will include LSU’s game with Auburn. So LSU will play the former National Championship Auburn team without the potheads Tyrann Mathieu, Tharold Simon, & Spencer Ware.
If our kids keep following the footsteps of gang banging hipped hopped artists and violent sports players, we will lose them in the musky scent of sin.
Christwire Free Halloween Cards
As I was walking though the local Wal-Greens today, I couldn’t find any Holy Halloween cards to send out to the flock this year. I went and tried KMart, Wal-Mart, Target, Costco and every other store in my area and couldn’t find one Holy Spirit influenced card. I’m sure I’m one of millions of Christians looking for a joyous card to send during the dark pagan month to send Holy happiness via a 25 cent card, so I had our graphics department make some free Halloween cards for our religious readers.
Cocinando en Pelotas – Mexicans Now Teaching Children How to Cook Naked
Mexicans are a threat to our great country, they spread plague like sickness, they decrease the value of our homes, take away thousands of jobs, increase our medical bills and also are killing the pure moral fibers of our country. If their imported pop singers like Shakira and Selena Gomez aren’t teaching our little girls how to dress like jalapeno hussies, the field worker’s wife is teaching them how to get pregnant at the age of sixteen and encourage them to pop out as many kids as possible, so they can get bigger monthly checks from the USA government. Not only are they trying to turn our little princesses into drug mules, they are now teaching them a secret Mexican fetish called “Cocinando en Pelotas“.
This fetish or in Mexican, “sustantivo”, teaches young girls to cook pastries, take photos of themselves stark naked while holding their baked yummies and upload them to Mexican social sites like Hi5 and Facebook Mexico. Once uploaded they will be bombarded with sultry comments en Español from every hairy backed Juan and Jose across the Rio Grande. Now, maybe in Mexico land it is ok to do this kind of Cocinando en Pelotas digital play, but here in America we have morals and standards. Here in America, we don’t think it is ok for our daughters to live off tax payer money and make a living working for Merry Maids.
So I will only say this once Mexico people, take your Cocinando en Pelotas and your low end lifestyle back to Salsa-topia and get the heck out of my Christian America.
Justin Bieber Gets Ninja Turtle Face Tattoo
It is a well know fact that The Teenager Mutant Ninja Turtles have spread musky whoreness across the vaginal regions of America’s sweethearts. In hopes to channel the power of The Turtles ability to turn young moralsome girls from Holy to hussie, Justin Bieber has gone out and tattooed the image of one of the green demons on his face.
Just like the reptile demon ninjas, Bieber plans on using Chinese attack secrets to stealthily infiltrate the pants of millions of American tweens and jostle their flesh door bells with demonic ticklings.
With his new tattooed inked upon his nose, he hopes that he will be able to channel the same subliminal powers are The Turtles did in the early 90’s. Let us not have another “Turtle Power” plague wash across the naughty zones of any legal American female citizens and request Justin to have this image of mass fornication be removed from his face.
Does Maroon 5 Have Moves Like Satan?
What is a Maroon 5?
Maroon 5 is a sex pop rock band from the heathen capital of the world, Los Angeles. The band started while they were in high school and was led by the now infamous, Adam Levine. Adam recruited some of his boy’s room pot smoking buddies, Jesse Carmichael, Mickey Madden, Ryan Dusick to form their first attempt of a band and called it Kara’s Flowers, which referred to the first virginity that Adam removed from a young freshman named Kara. After 1997 they re-formed the band and added another one of their drug filled orgy party buddies, James Valentine, and pursued a new form of sex pop punk under the name Maroon 5. Rising to success without any real work, it is believed that Adam Levine sold his soul to the devil and was able to turn their first released album into a mega hit.
So what does their name mean? Does it have something to do with Adam’s blood pact with Satan? Should the name strike fear into the hearts of all God fearing Americans? Yes. Remember, maroon is Satan’s favorite color and is also the color of the monthly secreting ooze that discharges from a woman’s baby door and is the same color of Satan’s favorite medical procedure, the abortion of a full of life fetus. Satan drools with pleasure when a baby is forcefully removed from the female’s incubator and goes into a masturbatory frenzy every time. So, we can gather the word “Maroon” in their name refers to the act of pre-meditated abortion and we know for a fact that the “5” means that the five members of the band support the notion that women should get pregnant, only to partake in a baby homicide to gain popularity from their family and friends via sympathy. At the same time, due to Adam’s contract with Satan, he agreed to force as many woman as possible to commit this atrocious act so Satan could collect more souls to power his fire pit of agony.
Also, let us not forget the fact they have played at every Coachella Fest and Electric Daisy Carnival, where they pollute your children with their sex fueled music, intoxicating them with thoughts of interracial sex and ecstasy use. Every time this band plays are one of the rave parties, they turn it into their own movie entitled “Night if the living Fornicators”.
Who is Adam Lavin?
This siren of Satan, is not the only pop rocker in his family. He is the brother of early 2000’s emo pop star, Avril Lavine. After seeing his sister’s failure at creating a music career, Adam gave his soul to Satan so he could become a famous rock star covered in musky sex sin and gluttonous amounts of money. In return Satan gave Adam the ability to use his voice and sex hip gyrations to swoon females into quick late night penetration games, as well granted Adam enough money to bask in until his soul is collected in 2054. This is also why Adam is the only famous member of the band. No one really knows or cares about the other band members, as they are just props in Adam’s and Satan’s plan to spread back stage sex and fetal abortions across the world. The whole band revolves around Adam, as he is the piper and his band members are the rats who follow his sweet serenade of demonic plague.
Adam’s main goal is to cause a fornication outbreak among America and infiltrator the baby crevice of every woman, by convincing women to flag their souls with an abortion status. Adam’s trick is to use his moves and harpy voice to entice women with urges to be vandalized, get pregnant and than have them void the growing life force within them. He refers to this move as a “F*** and Suck”, which means he wants the woman to have sexual acts and than have their baby sucked out of them by Satan’s hoover of death.
Besides being eye candy for homosexuals, teenage girls and spreading fetus in Planned Parenthood alleyways, Adam has teamed up with long time girlfriend and illegal alien Christina “Krispy Kreme” Aguilera, to release a new song praising his own reign of terror. The song is called “Moves Like Jagger” and talks about how he uses body pulsations and penile gyrations like Mick Jagger to tempt women into his bed of future fetal denigration.
Charts
